Pullout Dec 5, 2012 at 4:00 am

Congratulations on Destroying Traditional Marriage—Now Here Are Some Things You Need to Know

James Yamasaki


Love the drawing! Love it!
This is one of the finest things you've ever written, Goldy. All it needs now is a well-timed dig at Tim Eyman.
Stale premise, condescending, and smacking of bitterness--why are you ppl kissing this guy's ass?
According to census data divorce rates are at 40 year lows and are steadily dropping (even adjusted for fewer people getting married).


Divorce Rate per 1,000 population

1990 - 4.7

2000 - 4.1

2009 - 3.4

Talking of the failure of marriage as if it's just a fifty-fifty flip of a coin is not considering a slew of facts and likely a belief symptomatic as to the conditions necessary to make a marriage a pre-emptive failure in the first place.

Goldy your failed marriage is exactly that - your failure. Don't project onto an entire new batch of hopefully successful marriages.

Gawd-awful piece.
I've got a tear in my eye. This was beautiful.
"You owe it to your friends and family, especially US NORMALS. "

"You think it's easy putting aside millennia of tradition/discrimination (and let's be honest, a touch of revulsion), all for the sake of your happiness?"

Marriage equality is about more than individual happiness. It is about recognizing civil rights and that everyone is entitled to the same rights, privileges, and yes, even responsibilities. Referring to straight folks as normal (and by extension LGBT folks as abnormal) is not only hurtful and rude, but it demonstrates your prejudice.

oh good, I'm glad that straight people are telling queer people how to live their lives, I was really wondering how to feel about marriage equality
this is really funny
All this is the truth.

Also factor in splitting all your money 50/50 from the day you get married plus all the lovely legal fees. It is so much easier living together. It is so funny to see how hard you all have worked to get this passed. Half of you are going to find this was a really bad decision you made to get married. The best of wishes to the folks who's marriage are successful.
Just got married last weekend (my second and last - her first and last). Weddings are just the icing on a cake when it comes to marriage. Marriage is a pain in the ass but we do it so somebody can be a princess for a day and photographs can be taken as proof that we're husband & wife now. Gay people deserve the same damn rights as straight people. They should be able to hear their parents give toasts after having had several drinks. They should have cake shoved up their noses so they can taste it again later. And as this author has stated, they should have the honor & privaledge of receiving candle sticks, champaign flutes, KitchenAids and Cookware too. Please limit the 1st kiss to "church-toungue" and enjoy!
You know, I'm all for telling Goldy where to get off when he's being a selfish, self-pitying dipshit, but all I found in this article was humor. This was pretty funny. Good work, Goldy.
I agree...go for quality gifts..preferably that HE won't like (for when the divorce happens). HEH HEH HEH!!!
Odds are 50-50 for success of the first marriage. Odds for success of the third marriage are equivalent of hitting the exacta at the racetrack.
reminds me of the time I was at an anti-prop 8 rally in California ... a guy drove up, looked at our signs and said "hell yes!! gays should have the chance to be just as miserable as I was!"
I got a set of Henckels as a wedding gift.
@13- "Just got married last weekend (my second and last - her first and last)."

You sound like you're going to murder her.
The 50% chance of divorce trope is annoying and false. Funny article, but bullshit statistic.

My own chance of divorce is apparently 11% in the next 5 years. My husband's is 8%. Kind of a neat little tool.
Too many dicks on the dance floor.
Too many dicks on the dancefloor.
Goldy, you fucking ROCK!
Why are they so pissed off at that blender? Is it broken? Can they not both agree to a refreshing smoothie?
nothing but truth, truth, truth. Rain-on-the-parade truth, but truth nonetheless.
Almost well camouflaged. If this were sincerely a humour piece, it would have contained a call for a splashy-and-loathsome public proposal.

Henckels? Really? Better off asking for Wüsthof s.
@29 Henckels Twin is better. Fun article, Goldy!

@5 ummm... did you look at the data on the link you posted?
Yes, divorce rate per 1k 1990 = 4.7, 2009 = 3.4
but marriage rate per 1k 1990 = 9.8, 2009 = 6.8

So 4.7 / 9.8 = divorces equaled 48% of marriages in 1990
3.4 / 6.8 = divorces equaled 50% of marriages in 2009

But the Census bureau only tracks new marriages and "new" divorces each year, which could be skewed by the fact that the population age distribution is changing. A "bulge" of young people = more new marriages (so looks like fewer marriages ending in divorce, but it's not the case), a bulge of old people = lots of divorces, so it looks like people are more likely to get divorced but that's not the case.

What you really want to know is when people get divorced, how long were they married -- so are people *staying* married longer or not? And you want to track this separately for people who are divorcing for the first time vs. repeat divorces, because that might differ. Maybe first marriages aren't ending in more divorce, but the subset who divorce and remarry are doing it more... You even have to adjust for when people marry -- since they are marrying later (but also living longer), you can't look at divorce by age-of-person, but by duration-of-marriage, and even duration-of-marriage might be skewed if people start living really longer.

The Census bureau does not track any of this and those records aren't easily available -- there are some data from surveys / smaller studies at the national marriage project with this stuff. The 50% figure is basically still accurate, that's the overall chance of divorcing before one spouse dies. But it's much lower for some demographics, higher for others, indeed, the chances of a *first* marriage ending in divorce lower than 50% because the repeat-marriages-divorces boosts the overall divorce rate quite a bit.

Details at:


Of course, the slightly conservative marriage project (NOT NOM) fails to mention that due to conservatives, it's harder and harder to be wealthy and educated, so that demographic is going down.
Even if your kid's other parent doesn't stick around at all you get to have THOSE in-laws FOREVER.
Excellent piece. But please don't think all of us are naively gaga about getting hitched. I and a lot of other people worked very hard and gave a lot of money to get this done, not because we necessarily wanted to get married, but to defeat the assholes who said we shouldn't be allowed.
This posting is the God's-honest-truth. Apologies in advance to all our gay friends and relatives who will find out sooner or later
Oh Seattle, why so earnest? Why does the divorce rate equal the amount of people who get their butts in a ruffle because they have no sarcasm meter? Do you need a special font or something to let you know when someone is (gasp) poking fun, example here at the gays AND straights?

Your Norm friend
Reading these comments reminds me that so many have lost the ability to understand sarcasm and satire unless it has an innane "colon-close-parentheses" figure at the end of it.

so here you go --> :)
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