After many years of being in a sexless marriage with my wife (female), I (male) started exploring more "content" online to get off to, got bored with never getting my needs met, and decided to finally meet real, warm, breathing people who liked sex, orgasms, and touch. Do what you have to do to stay sane.

After a couple of Craigslist Casual encounters with women that I felt guilty about, or felt I needed to pay for (I'm cool with that but just don't have the $$$ on a regular basis), I started gravitating to the m4m section as I'm curious about what other people like. I'd never been with a guy, and have never really felt attracted to men, but am very open with accepting people for how they identify. Until, one day a few years ago, curiosity got the cat, and I decided to message one of these guys.

I blew him in a bathroom at his work! He was definitely not attractive to me, but I really enjoyed doing it, and masturbated when I got home. I was really surprised I got so hot from the experience. Was I hot because I was being dangerous? Being naughty? I enjoyed cock? Not sure, but it opened up my eyes that the world is much more open to fun that I had been experiencing lying next to my beautiful wife who won't touch me. Since then, I've been with about a dozen guys.

I've found that I am much more a bottom, but enjoy mutual oral sex with guys. I think I've channeled my pent up sexual frustration I've had with my very sexy hot wife, and have been hooking up with guys as my outlet. Which is really fucking weird for me. Because I don't find guys attractive in a sexual way. Or do I? I rarely get erections when I am playing with men (hence why I feel more a bottom). It feels good to get fucked (I cum sometimes from it), and I get turned on when I blow a guy. But that's where it ends. I can't kiss guys, don't want to cuddle, etc...

So, my question...

I don't feel bisexual. I find women hot and guys, not so much. Except I like their hard dicks. I feel I identify as heterosexual but how can I if I just wrote, "I like their hard dicks"? And if my wife would have sex with me, I'd probably put my explorations behind me. I love her and desire her to this day. Is there a term for guys like me? Sexless, high libido guys that let down the hetero guard and start fucking guys they aren't attracted to so they can have a sex life?

Confused High Libido Guy

There is a term for guys like you: bi. You're variation on the bisexual-but-heteroamorous theme we explored a couple of years ago—let's call you bifunctional but heterosexual/amorous—but I'd say you're bisexual in theory as well as practice.

Backing up...

Think of sexual identity/orientation as a three-layer cake. The bottom layer: who you wanna do. The middle layer: who you are doing. The top layer: what you tell people, aka how you self-identify—straight, gay, lesbian, bi, asexual, etc. The more neatly aligned your layers, the less messy your cake.

Remember Ted Haggard? Used to be a big figure on the religious right, headed up the National Association of Evangelicals, was a spiritual counselor to George W. Bush. Let's take a look at Ted's layer cake: Who did Ted wanna do? Guys. Who was Ted doing? Guys (male sex workers) and gals (his wife). What did Ted tell people? He told people he was straight—and that gay people were sick and sinful perverts who were gonna go to hell for destroying the country. That man's cake was a meth.

Now let's take a look at your cake, CHLG. Who do you wanna do? Women in general, your wife in particular. Who are you doing? Men, lots of them, in all sorts of ways. What do you tell people? You tell people you're straight.

And you know what? You can continue to tell people you're straight, if you wanna/hafta keep rounding yourself down to straight. But there's no need to lie to yourself about this stuff, CHLG, or to me: you're not straight. Straight guys don't suck cocks or come when other men fuck them in their asses. Now "situational/circumstantial homosexuality" is a real thing—"sexual contact between members of the same sex due to absence of the opposite sex, e.g., military, prison, rather than desire or predisposition"—but it's not your thing. A sexless marriage is a circumstance, but it's not literally a prison. Members of the opposite sex aren't absent, just a little harder to come by/on/in, and you are definitely experiencing desire—not for men, per se, but definitely for dick.

And you know what? You're not that uncommon. Think of all the straight-identified guys out there who hire trans women sex workers. Most of those guys want dick, CHLG, just like you do, but they're not into dudes, just like you aren't. But while you're down there on your knees sucking and compartmentalizing ("Just down here for the cock, thanks!"), these other cock-hungry "straight" guys employ a workaround that gets them to a similar place ("A trans woman can give me everything I need!").

Regardless of whether you agree with me on this layer cake business—you don't have to ID as bi if you don't want to—you are having lots of sex with lots of men. So gay, straight, or bi... you better be using condoms, CHLG, and you should be on Truvada.