Savage Love

The One-Night Stand


Late @212: I'm not denying that there are some gold-digging women out there. Like some of the men out there are rapists. If you're going to jump up and down and #notallmen at my statement, then I'm going to #notallwomen about the gold-digging thing. And flap my hands in the direction of your face and slap you.

It's 2016. Most women want to have their own careers too, in case you hadn't noticed.
Late @212: "Unlike you, BDF, I actually don't mind traditional gender roles. "
Well, you certainly seem to complain that said roles give you the short end of a lot of sticks.
If you don't mind traditional gender roles, how can you possibly claim that women are being unreasonable for wanting husbands with good salaries?
I don't mind traditional gender roles. I just don't want to be stuck in them. As long as I get to do untraditional roles as well, I'm cool. It's when the walls of the box come closing in on me that I get crabby.
LateBloomer @212: That doesn't sound very scientific. Maybe you're just noticing a correlation, not a causation. Maybe when you present as a salaried due with status, you also present as very self-confident. If you felt women were attracted to your self-confidence, would you like that better? I feel that women are not just attracted to bankers, but also to drummers, marathoners, actors, social activists -- people who embrace what they love doing and demonstrate high self-confidence from excelling at that activity.
that should be "salaried dude with status," of course.

As a woman, I feel like the women assessing you are thinking, "Hmmm... a guy who looks like he'll be working almost as hard as I do! Very interesting."

Women's paid work is less-well paid than men's and they typically do much more unpaid work at home than men do. If this is a woman's well-grounded expectation of the way life works out for most people, it's not at all unreasonable for her to get very excited at the idea of a male partner who will do his share. Maybe he will bring in enough money to compensate her for the extra unpaid work she does. Or maybe he will do an exceptional amount of unpaid work in addition to his paid work - maybe even building them a house.

Some twenty-somethings are very aware of the burdens of family life and want to prepare for them. Other twenty-somethings think that being grown up means they can finally buy a cool car and have cool arm candy. Someone in the latter group will feel unappreciated if interrogated about their financial prospects by someone in the former group. But if they are in the former group themselves, they will be thrilled to meet someone with similar values who they can discuss the challenges of life with realistically.

I've often wondered if men love me or if they love my ass. It's a concern. I have a great ass. And I've noticed that recently when I've been doing certain exercises in prep for a client repair all these guys come up because my legs have slimmed up and my ass has improved... and I think, what assholes, they only like me for my ass.

Feel free to insert whatever outside indication of a person who takes care of themselves you'd like to put there. Ass, face, Maserati...

Guitar? Oh no there are studies... add a guitar to a man and his attractive quotient jumps up 25 %.

So let's back off and call a spade a spade. People find success attractive. and one can never be too rich or too thin. And money equals success. So women rate it a bit more highly on average as a characteristic versus a man. And? Men still rate it as important. Or maybe that isn't what billy Joel was singing about when he serenaded his up town girl.

I find a man in a suit attractive. Ups the quotient for me. I married a man who once liked to be a snap dresser. So does a man in uniform, cowboys, and (mmmm) a man that looks lIke he just was working hard (out, on a car, on the lawn... just working hard). Maybe I need to stop drinking at night.

OK the point is that superficial stuff rings bells. I am far more than my marvelous ass and you are more than your suit. And? Am I allowed to find you attractive because you cut a nice figure in blue jeans? What drew you to your wife that first time. This is what I meant when I waved my hands over the "lucky isn't lucky if you don't want it." Look at it from your wife's point of view. Should she call you shallow because you were drawn to her supple waist, gleaming teeth, and mad blow job skills?

It only becomes an issue when a person only selects on a certain characteristic. "I won't date-marry" him because he makes less than 6 figures or "I wnt marry her if she's over a size 6."

But to paint an entire gender as shallow because they on average value a certain characteristic more than men on average.... wow.

I want drawn to my husband's competency. Wow. Yes he makes money. But it isn't just that. He can fix cares and do carpentry and lay tile and cook and fold laundry. Is he the super bestest at everything? No, but he is competent.

I acknowledge that money is luck of the draw. I never had a specific dollar amount. But so are looks. No matter how skinny I get I am always going to have broad shoulders, a nice Jewish nose, and a round ass. And that's the way that it shakes out.

So don't drive yourself nuts and don't hold an entire gender to a standard you don't hold your own self to either. Women are as shallow/deep as men are and drawn to certain superficial characteristics as men are. We really are the same.
Grumble. Stupid phone. That's acl repair
Thanks for that, DarkHorse. That was well said.

To be honest I was looking for a scrap and I got it. I'm glad BiDanFan gave me a slap, I totally earned it.

And now I really am going to take my shitty outlook elsewhere and try to change it. Not sure how but whatever I'm doing now ain't working, so time to change my habits and come up with a better approach to life. I don't know what that's going to look like, but I'm off to find out. Love to all.

DarkHorseRising @220,

Drat. I had already spent several minutes thinking hard about what you might possibly be doing for your clients.
@DarkHorse: "Men still rate it as important. Or maybe that isn't what billy Joel was singing about when he serenaded his up town girl."

I don't think you listened closely to that song. The narrator has fallen in love with a girl who happens to be an uptown girl, not because she's an uptown girl. To the extent that her money is an issue, it's a problem: he's worried because he knows his competition can and will buy her gifts he can't match.
Why is everything suddenly about Trans people? They're a very very small community, yet every advice column, every health article, everything is about them. That said, I'm thinking the reason he (and many trannies) can't get laid is that they're neither fish nor foul. They present as men, suggesting they have penis'... yet they have vaginas... so .... they need a gay man who likes pussy? A lesbian who wants a hairy chested person with a vagina? I don't understand trannies at all, and I understand their sexual opportunities even less.