Savage Love Jun 22, 2016 at 4:00 am

Pups

Comments

107
Exactly. Sometimes one's "true soul" is a cruel prick.

Thing is, the best way to not treat your coworkers as sexual beings with their own bends and curves is to STOP THINKING ABOUT THEIR SEX LIVES.

It's like with homophobia, if cocks doing things you disagree with makes you angry, stop thinking at length about their cocks and mind your own personal business.

Some people actively enjoy that feeling of discomfort and self-imposed disgust, I guess?
108
@65: Really? "I get to choose the words that come out of my mouth. Demanding that I use words that I'm uncomfortable using is an asshole move, whatever the origins of my discomfort. . . . Because I am the owner of everything I say." I don't understand how a person can appear unprofessional by addressing someone by the nickname or name they've asked to be addressed by. Sure, if you're acting like Rob Schneider on SNL doing the "Richmeister, making copies" thing, you don't appear professional. But say a new employee starts, introduced as Catherine, who says, "I prefer 'Kitty.'" Would anyone honestly say/think: it's my mouth and I get to decide what comes out of it and I won't appear professional if I use that nickname, since "Kitty" sounds too childish and also might be a reference to her sex life because "kitty"="pussy." So I will only let the name "Catherine" be pronounced by my mouth.

You keep coming up with the example of someone who'd ask to be called "Princess Sparkle," and I'm going to assume that's pretty damn rare. I'm sure if you came up with an alternative like "PS," as a personal nickname, that would satisfy everyone and you wouldn't risk your comfort level too much. You also gave the example of someone insisting that you call her "Sweetie." It doesn't work that way; If "Sweetie" is being used as a form of address to anyone other than a child or a person you're intimate with (male or female), I can one hundred percent guarantee you it's a name being foisted on the (always female) recipient, without the recipient's consent and certainly not at their request.

What other uncomfortable nicknames do you envision in the workplace environment? Do you really think that someone who works in the same field as you or in the same office or has a similar workplace environment is going to demand that he be addressed as "Master Mandingo-Dick" or something? Honestly?

"Spike" is just a nickname--a pretty innocuous one. Maybe for "Simon;" maybe because as a kid, he had a prominent cowlick; maybe he's a fast-talker like Spike Lee and the name got adopted; maybe he was a star volleyball player in college and that was his move. When I hear "Spike," I don't automatically think this guy must like to pretend he's a dog. I don't think Spike, eh? He probably likes to shove metal sticks up his ass. And even if he does both those things or even if you did think those things wrongly or correctly, why would calling him "Spike"--just the word by itself--make you uncomfortable or look unprofessional?
110
Wikipedia lists 20 articles about men with the given or usual name "Spike."

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spike_(giv…

111
... and only two people with the given name "Alison."

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alison_(gi…
112
I'm old enough to remember mainstream society getting all worked up over men with long hair (aka "hippie freaks") and women wearing mini-skirts. What a scandal, simply not appropriate for the workplace! Looking backwards from 2016 it seems ludicrous, a huge tempest in a teapot. But much more recently, I've heard grumbles about large tattoos and piercings, and how they are a visual "assault" on co-workers and customers who don't consider them attractive. And now...LW and some commentators are expressing their discomfort over the use of nicknames in the workplace. NICKNAMES. What is the big deal here? Why would you consider someone else's choice for a nickname somehow less professional than your own choices in clothing, hairstyle and color, body art, jewelry - things that make you feel good about yourself and the image you project, even though they have nothing whatsoever to do with how well you actually DO YOUR JOB? Who is harmed in calling Spike by his preferred nickname, even if LW knows (or thinks he knows) the sexual context behind it?

Venn @81, YES! I was a full-boat scholarship kid at a school with a large percentage of legacy students, the country-club set as you put it. My graduating class included a Corky, Biff, Fip, Kip, Chip, Mugs, Bibbie, Su-P ("Soupy"), Muffy, and many, many more. While all of these would make excellent puppy names, the reason my classmates chose them - or more likely received them, at a very early age, from parents or siblings - was to avoid using their given names, which often spanned multiple generations. And yes, they used their nicknames throughout their professional careers, not just in social circles. I'm still trying to come up with ANY industry or client base that would object to calling someone "Spike." Corporate banking and law are about the most conservative industries I know about, and there are a lot of weird nicknames floating around their boardrooms.
113
Re corporate boardroom nicknames: these include female-sounding names for men, like "Andi," and male-sounding names for women, like "Butch." (Yes, these are real-life examples.)
114
@107. Undead. Yeah, like LW and others are going to stop letting their minds think of sexual activities at work. " That cute little number in HR, oh, I could do her."

115
Lava @ 97
Why should I? I think it conveys the message in a humorous and a super cute illustration manner.
And how well wil Matilda keep waltzing once GB becomes sE?

nocute @ 66 The Matilda question was meant as a harmless joke. Apparently it was also jokeless. שבת שלום
116
Election mode is on here, both contenders are telling us it won't effect us. Yeah right, as the markets tumble.
My implication @114, is the self righteousness of the LW around someone else's sex life, when how many of his female workers has he mentally bent over a desk? Mentally imposing himself on others.
Do not judge because stones break windows. No that's not right.
Keep your eyes on the road and your hands upon the wheel.
117
@72: I Hate Screen Names: So for same-sex marriage, the answer to "why is that discomfort irrelevant" is "because the social and economic benefits of being married far outweigh whatever discomfort someone has at the abstract concept of same-sex marriage. Makes sense to anyone who isn't a homophobe.

No. Sorry, but the answer to "why is your discomfort about whom and how other people choose to love irrelevant?" is "Because it's none of your damn business; you love whom and how you want and others get to do the same."

And it's none of anyone's business or right to decide that they're going to rename someone according to what they feel comfortable saying. That's obnoxious. I see it all the time with regard to Americans deciding they don't want to have to try and pronounce "foreign" names ("Your name is Maryam? That's kind of hard to say/remember. I'm just going to call you Mary.") It's the business of the person with the name to decide what they want to be called.
118
re: "Spike"
Can we all just agree that giving yourself a nickname is pathetic?
If I rocked into work tomorrow and announced "call me ThunderCock", people would, justifiably, laugh me out of the building.
Make no mistake. He didn't change his name in a civil or religious union. He's just That Guy who invented his own nickname. We all knew That Guy in middle school. And nobody likes That Guy.
Call him 'Spike' if you want. Or possibly 'Doug', if that's his given name.
But by any name, this particular rose is an asshole is an asshole is an asshole.

The letter writer needn't fret. Just call him 'Asshole'. Like everyone else.
119
@118. Bit harsh. God, some of your work environments must be all drab and dreary. No pink hair, no shifts in identity.
120
@118: "Can we all just agree that giving yourself a nickname is pathetic?"

Your outrage over something so everyday that makes a person feel comfortable with the persons around them is he saddest and most unlikable thing.
121
@119: There's plenty of dockers worn in my current gig, but nobody getting the vapors over basic human decency like the fragile flowers in this thread.
122
I know far more dogs named Lucy than people named Lucy. Therefore, if what I've gathered here is correct, I should decline to refer to any human as Lucy, for it is a dog name and not a human name.

Am I getting this right?
123
Ditto Molly, Max, Charlie (sorry, dad), Jack, Ellie, Anna....
124
@118: How do you know someone's given themselves a nickname?
If someone said, "I go by Spike," when he was introduced as "Reginald," I wouldn't assume that he decided he wanted a sporty nickname and gave that to himself; I'd assume, if I thought about it at all, that long ago, someone had given him that nickname and it had stuck.
125
@Xilonen03: I know a lot of canine Lucys, too. Wonder why that's such a popular dog name?
126
I've been called back to active duty. Baby boy out, some birth trauma. Both good, mum has to repair.
Our first dogs name was LouLou.
She was a cocker spaniel.
127
Ms Lava - Mourning a Tory?

*****

Ms Fan - (Do I recall correctly that you wanted Scotland to stay because you needed the leftish MPs?) I hope you found the vote outcome to your liking.
128
@123: Don't forget to insult your dad through femininization and misgendering, "princess" should do.
129
Apparently the blog software sanitized away my sarcasm tags.
130
Mr Corn - I think part of the reason for the nicknames was that so many of them had numbers. I've known two Fourths and a Fifth.

Another highly characteristic trait was their tendency, when at uni, to go in for wearing very loose, rather loud shorts - usually commando.
131
Not at all Venn. David though fascinating in that English way, is implicated in this mess.
132
DOGGONE - I'm sorry that your gossipy friends told you where the nickname SPIKE came from. If you asked for these details, you inserted yourself in the mess. If they volunteered, insist that they stop telling you about your coworkers' sex lives. That seems to be TMI, hard for you to handle. Now if SPIKE brought up the nickname's origins.. then you might ask SPIKE to stop the TMI. And that would be my line.. if a coworker asked me to use their kink name, while telling me that it was their kink name, I'd feel that was mixing sex & work too much, and probably keep calling them by their given name. Anyway, I feel like the snooping advice applies here.. if you snoop, you better make sure you can handle what you find out.

KINKY - Wow, you seem really considerate. Have a cookie.

PETER - Thank you for writing your letter. Dan's response was moving. And another vote for "fuck the haters". Bigotry seems to be a mark of low IQ, or extremely low self esteem. It is not the hate speech itself that's threatening imo. Human pain can result in lashing out. That's the threat. And guns and knives etc make the threat more intense. Perhaps a bit of pity for those who can't be happy unless they believe other groups are inferior. Whose basic reasoning skills are damaged. Who know they are going down and are so messed up they feel like taking others down with them.
133
@125 nocute - I don't know, but I work in a vet hospital and we can have 3 on the census at any given time.

@128 undead - With my dad, he would either be completely unfazed or disproportionately upset by this, and the reaction is likely to change from day to day. Threat rating: Proceed with caution.
134
LavaGirl, congratulations to you and your daughter and her partner on the birth of your new grandson. You talk of "birth trauma" and the need for repair, and I hope everyone is healthy and happy in no time.
135
#2 should keep their mouth shut. Two years ago I pointed out something I saw on Instagram to an acquaintance. As a thank you, he leveraged a degree in nothing to play psychiatrist and then gaslighted me. One thing that helps me get through the day is my deep belief in karma. So today I discovered a personal BDSM site that had not been deleted before people had copied it to other places. The old me would have told them. The post-me won't say a word. Either way, don't get involved. The most rationally appearing people act in very irrational ways.
136
Mr Venn @130 - I prefer Mx to Mr if you choose to bless me with an honorific. My spouse and I are both delightfully gender-fluid, although we prefer the classical term for it: the Androgenous Ideal.

I won't venture to ask how you discovered that your college chums typically went commando underneath their designer shorts, but good for you. It may be part of the family ritual in those IV and V family dynasties.
137
Lava @126 - Congrats on your new grandchild, and best wishes for your daughter's speedy recovery!
138
Courtesy of insomnia, we bring you the following comparison of nicknames taken from this comment thread + ‘Spike,’ using the Wikipedia article scale to compare the likelihoods that an actual, socially or historically relevant person has a particular given name or nickname. Spike comes in at 9/42 of all names and 9/27 of all existing names. So it’s in the top third. Pretty good, I’d say.

78 — Eric: 78, From: 0, Boulder: 0
59 — Mary: 59, Nickerson: 0
53 — Ricardo: 53
43 — Sandi: 13, Ai: 30
30 — Marilyn: 24, Sue: 6
29 — Theodore: 29, Gorath: 0
27 — Hunter: 27, 78: 0
25 — Donny: 25, Klicious: 0

20 — SPIKE: 20

18 — Kid: 16, With: 0, Knife: 2
14 — Undead: 0, Ayn: 1, Rand: 13
12 — Gonzo: 12
07 — Jina: 7
05 — Bi: 0, Dan: 5, Fan: 0
04 — Auntie: 0, Grizelda: 4
04 — E: 4, Carpenter: 0
03 — Chi: 3, Type: 0
03 — Mythic: 0, Fox: 3
02 — Alison: 2, Cummins: 0
02 — Miss: 0, Piggy: 2
02 — She: 2, Fights: 0, Like: 0, A: 0, Girl: 0
01 — DCP: 1, 123: 0
01 — Fresh: 1
01 — Granny: 1 Orca, Smith: 0
01 — Ms: 0, Anonymous: 1
01 — Vennominon: 1 poisonous snake
01 — Venom: 0, Lash: 1
00 — Ankylosaurus: 0
00 — Atheism: 0, 420: 0
00 — Capricornius: 0
00 — CMD: 0, Wannabe: 0
00 — Dade: 0
00 — I: 0, Hate: 0, Screen: 0, Names: 0
00 — I: 0, Was: 0, No: 0, Cute: 0, Name: 0
00 — Lava: 0, Girl: 0
00 — Marmer: 0
00 — Philophile: 0
00 — Ribalding: 0, 007: 0
00 — SB: 0, 53: 0
00 — The: 0, Last: 0, Comment: 0
00 — The: 0, Wild: 0, Sow: 0
00 — Xilonen: 0, 03: 0

Cross-cultural note: for many people, the name written on their birth certificate may be a pure formality. The name they usually go by may be something completely different. While this is especially true if they have official non-dominant-culture names that are difficult for people from the dominant culture to pronounce, some places when you fill out forms they routinely ask for both your official name and your usual name because it’s expected they’ll be different.

Subcultural note: I’ve been told that in some American subcultures it’s unmanly to go by your official name. So “Daniel” is faggoty where “Dan” is suitably butch. If your subculture requires men to go by a nickname, it’s hardly fair to kick up a fuss when they choose one.
139
I am the only me! And there are a handful of people who refer to me--at least occasionally--as Xilo in real life. :D
140
Good for Ms Lava that the birth has successfully concluded.

*****

Mx Corn - They played a lot of softball, in my experience. They were also disinclined to socks.
141
Capricornius, Thank You.
Venn, yes, it is always an intense time, birthing. Not that I had to do it this time.
142
Pride Report part1- Friday night
What started as a lovely evening turned into a terrible rain into a magical night and I’m even going today again with my 100% certified organic cool friend H who agreed to be my chaperon and we had a wonderful time together. She arrived at 10 pm.

I marched for the first time ever, smiled to strangers like I never did and got quite a few in return. Some big guys stood at the entrance to the main stage and offered bear hugs. I spread my arms and the guy on the left and myself bonded momentarily.

I’ve met some old friends and made some new ones before H arrived. As it started raining I walked few blocks to my car to get an umbrella. As I reached to the car the rain was so horrific that I just sat there for over an hour and then went to a nearby bar where I sat next to M, trans woman, and T, trans men. Both are fully transitioned and passable. We freely exchanged experiences and observations. “I must admit,” said T at some pint, “I think trans women have it much harder.”

Some cis women walking by seemed to be having a great time dressing up flamboyantly, drag queen style. “Don’t they always?” replied the man by the door at Vermillion.

When H arrived we went to the first venue I mentioned in an earlier post. I’m not much of a dancer to begin with, and the music played was a very challenging to dance to. H didn’t give up and I danced like I seldom ever did if any. My legs still hurt.

Despite the official trans night the dominant scene was that was that of gay men. Few cis women here and there. One of them- light hair, nose ring, sleeveless red top, a bit taller than me- seemed to stare at me or so I hope. It was most likely her curiosity as to me being out of the ordinary in terms of age and appearance, and I would gladly offer her to join for a dance but not sure how she will understand it.
Couples and many other variations made out and the vibe was really nice. At some point three people danced on the stage. One of them, on stage right, seemed to be wearing a diaper. H thought so too.
Disclaimer: It’s legal in here and H declined to do her part in what was intended as a joint effort.

But I know you’re here for the second event, right?
After some food we walked the 10 blocks or so down the street to what must have been an old house converted into a place where you can’t avoid brushing against hairy topless men while walking the crowded narrow aisles and stairwells.
The guy at the door was very nice and also told us his daytime job as we stepped out. I’m not telling. Two women, each accompanied by a man, stepped out as we entered.

We went up to where there was a dancer wearing a dog mask, probably a collar- I don’t remember- and very airy with lots of cut outs underwear. At some point I yelled over the dance music, “Spike!” I really did, but no one responded. Later someone approached me and whispered in my ear, “I hate screen names and I know it’s you Ricardo.”

The entry to the shenanigan rooms was just there, small and unnoticed, covered with black thick vinyl.

So while curious as to “what is behind the curtain” I wasn’t sure how well it will be approached by the regulars. Obviously I was sticking out, and although H expressed her confidence in being the only “true” woman in the place that also meant leaving her alone on one side while I’m on the other. And without much experience- experts advise always welcome- I have no idea what kind of environment one should expect. What’s the etiquette if someone slides their hand on any part of my body? Is this a common occurrence? And how to handle it gracefully and tactfully without the regulars who must be following closely because I’m already sticking out and I tell that guy I’m only here to observe and they must be all thinking wtf just go home and leave us alone.

But that may be nothing but self-comforting rationalization bs. I was uncomfortable going in there on my own, yet the whole evening was about pushing myself and my comfort level. If that helps than I would like you to know that I truly regret what I did, that I failed both you and myself, and that I promise that it will never happen again.

As we headed out two guys tossed out of “the green zone” what appeared to be a cis woman wearing black hoody and pants and told her it’s about time she should quit hiding in the cabinet and drilling holes while others are attempting to concentrate nearby. She screamed, “But Dan told me,” and as she walked out I could hear her mumble, “I’ll show them! I’m going to change all the way, just like Philo suggested.”

Part 2- Saturday
Just got back. Once again H and myself came to each other’s rescue. We joined the “March of the dykes” and everything went very well. We also met undead, their spouse, and some of their friends, and that also went very well. They all sing very nice.
143
Ribalding @118: Can we all agree that trolling is pathetic?
Not everyone lucked into having parents who chose names they would like later in life.
Can we all agree that being a judgmental prick is pathetic?

Xilonen @122: Yes. Spare a thought for my poor ex, Oscar.

Lava @126: We had a cocker spaniel named Mike. Sorry, everyone named Mike. That's a dog's name, you're not allowed to call yourself Mike anymore. Congrats on the new grandson. Though why anyone would want to bring new humans into a world like this, I have no idea.

Venn @127: I hope you found the vote outcome to your liking. Didn't we all agree that trolling is pathetic? You recall, I am originally from the US, and therefore an immigrant who's just been told I am not welcome, and yet, at the same time I now cannot leave, as I am no longer a European citizen. I've spent the years from Reagan's election onwards being ashamed of being American. As of Friday, I am ashamed to be English.

Thanks for the Pride report, CMD. We had Pride here in London yesterday as well, and that went some way to restore my faith in humanity, or at least 48% of it. Many discussions as to where we will all move. One of us may soon be moving to Seattle, and I hope you will all use his nickname.
144

BDF- Didn't the Danes realize they made a mistake and had a second vote to join the EU some 15 years ago?

Undead revisited- while no one here dressed up as Boris Johnson, at least not intentionally, Undead and company took dressing up very seriously and looked amazing. When I first met them strangers constantly stopped by and asked to take their pictures, and they happily cooperated. No one was interested in an ordinary-wannabe middle age lady.

H told me on Friday that I am way more passable that I think. I told you she’s very nice.
145
CMD: But nobody hates the Danes.
146
BDF- Many years ago, I think Tony Blair was still in office, the big 8 or something equivalent held their meeting in what was still called Britain back then. Possibly Manchester.
While totally ignored by the US Media, it was reported elsewhere that at some point Jacques Chirac of France pointed to his plate and said something like, “How can you trust people who cook such horrible food?”
149
Alison - You've impressed me lately. I hope you are taking care of yourself. My only thoughts re insomnia are milk, vodka, and physical exhaustion. Hope it's not a big problem.

CMD - Yay I didn't piss you off so bad that you couldn't joke about it :)
150
Ms Fan - Apologies for confusing you with someone else, a woman almost exactly like you in various ways who'd become so fed up with Greece she'd had no idea how to vote.
151
Pleasure to meet you as well and thanks, CMD! it was nice to get some conversation in around the general din of the venues.
152
@126 LavaGirl: Congratulations on your new grandson! Sorry to hear about your daughter's birth trauma, though. Hope she's blessed with a speedy, less stressful recovery. She's fortunate to have your assistance, love, and support.
@138 Alison Cummings: That's interesting that I rate a 4 on your collected data.
154
Thanks Grizelda. Yes, it was a couple of minutes off an emergency Caesar. It seems he had good oxygen still coming thru the cord. I'm just glad my daughter is done and I have no more daughters.
155
Venn @150: Now I am wondering who this woman is. Apology accepted.
156
I meant to glance back at this thread much sooner and wow it's huge.

So, belatedly replying to CMDwannabe @25: You'd have to talk to LW1's co-worker to see how far their identity goes. The co-worker could simply be into puppy play, have a nickname associated with it, etc. (like the example given by BiDanFan @14) I'm just speculating that the 'Spike' could also be a furry fan, meaning that he's a fan of anthropomorphic art, literature, and so forth. Many people who interact with the furry fandom/community have a nickname or handle, often representing a character or persona they take on. And some furries -- not many, but some -- will use that name as a nickname with friends and co-workers who aren't associated with the fandom because it's just how they like being known, or perhaps friends met them first online and are used to calling them that, or what have you.

If he is a furry fan, it's not necessarily inherently linked to the puppy play (though if you're looking for partners, the furry fandom is a good place to start). Simply being a furry isn't any more of a fetish than being a Star Trek fan (and yet the 'Trekkies' documentary spends a lot of time talking about its subjects' sex lives). But it's possible that Spike is into puppy play and a furry, his co-workers know more about the former than the latter (or they know about both and can't tell the difference), and he's just asking them to use his furry nickname in conversation. If that is the case, it's simply the furry equivalent of the Trekkie who wears a communicator badge pin to work.

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