I wish the letter writer the best!

The more sex shops there are, the better. They're good for local business, they're good for the consumer, and they're good for our economy overall. America!

"they will say unbelievably racist things about condoms"

Extremely, profoundly, disturbingly racist things, yes, but considering all that's been said about penis size in relation to ethnicity, I don't think she should have used the word "unbelievably". You should pretty much expect to hear the stupidest things.

And yes, best of luck. Yours is a noble mission.

Can a 27-year-old really have taught sex ed in a high school "many years ago"? In a format other than dirty graffiti in the bathroom or tutorials under the bleachers, with payment other than in answers to the chemistry final?

I wonder whether ASOMO has experience working in a retail environment. If not, she may want to take a job in a small retail store for a while to get a better sense of the economic and management issues.

I would also underscore one point made by one of the retailers. People can get many items online for less. When you purchase from a small business owner, what you're buying is their knowledge and informed recommendations. Lots of people will want to come in to your store, pick your brain, and then go home and buy online cheaper. ASOMO needs to find a way to generate customer loyalty to ensure that happens infrequently.

Lastly, when picking out a retail space, she might consider something that can accommodate classes. In New York, most of the sex toy shops host various sex and kink classes which are advertised on FetLife. It's a way to get people into the store and interested in various products.

@4 my Seattle Public Schools health teacher was 23 when she was going through the STD slides with us.

Please god let it be Pittsburgh.

Find a sex-positive CPA.

And +1 x2 on @5's comments.

If you don't have retail experience, get it.

And since many people prefer to shop on line for stigmatized items, how can you (1) satisfy immediate, local needs, (2) make your brick&mortar store a fun date for an established couple or (3) a place to meet someone? I thought a high-end grocery store hosting a Single's Night was brilliant because it cost them nothing and the customers would buy many profitable items to impress potential partners.

@4

Yeah, I was questioning that phrasing, too. I don't know what "many years ago" is, but maybe ten or more. Even when I was a teen I would never have thought four or five years is "many."

I would like to add that every single time (with only one exception ever) that I went into a feminist/female run sex shop with my husband or before that with boyfriends, we have been treated like shit. When I go in by myself, I am treated very well. On the other hand, when we/I have gone into male run sex shops, we/I have had mixed experiences, from the very positive, respectful and helpful, to the totally disturbing and creepy. So I would greatly encourage you to treat couples nicely and not demonize the men, give them dirty looks, or make snide comments. We have often wanted to go into a store together as a sexy outing, and been shamed for being a traditional looking couple (I guess, I am not actually sure why). Neither of us ever made fun of anyone, said anything racist about condoms, or anything offensive about marginalized groups. We are sex positive progressive and kind people. So while I agree that sometimes men can be creepy and sexist etc, treating all men this way has driven us to basically avoid the women run sex shops, although we keep trying new ones in different cities, always with the same results. It really kills the mood for us, and is totally unwarranted. Treating my husband or boyfriends like crap for no reason ensures that people will absolutely go to generic male run sex shops (which have less cool toys and a creepier vibe) or we have to go online. So my biggest advice is give your male customers the benefit of the doubt, especially couples, until they are proven guilty of something obnoxious.

My husband wants to add that he once attempted to buy me a gift in a fancy female run sex shop, and was actually kicked out because there was a female only class being set up. It was supposed to be after hours according to a sign on the door, but my husband was there about 45 minutes before closing time, no one had even shown up for this class yet, and on top of this, the class was being held in a basement area which was separate from the main shop, so my husband would not have been anywhere near the class had it actually been going on. So they kicked him out regardless, refusing to sell to him and telling him men were not allowed in the shop. He felt embarrassed and shamed by this, they basically made him feel like he was somehow violating women's personal space in a sexually aggressive way, which he would never ever do.

maeggyn @11/12 Strange. A "no unaccompanied men allowed" policy I could understand to a certain extent (see also the discussion about swingers' clubs) but this is weird. Or were these shops maybe lesbian-oriented?

@13 "No unaccompanied men" in a sex shop is wildly different from the same policy at a swingers club. If I were walking into a sex shop with my wife and saw that on the door then I would turn right around and go somewhere else or order stuff online.

That being said:

@11 I have only been in a few sex shops. One catered to men, another catered to couples, and the final one was more woman oriented. I didn't notice a difference in how I was treated (everyone was always very helpful and respectful) whether I was accompanied or not. It sounds like the sex shop you two are going to is not as "sex positive" as they claim to be.

@13 why not "No blacks allowed" while you are at it?

Guess I'm being a little nitpicky here, but I counted 3 grammatical mistakes in that short paragraph. From a former teacher. I guess George Bush had it right when he said, "Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?"

@13: No unaccompanied men makes sense for a swingers party. It makes less sense for a class style environment, and no sense for a retail style environment. I have to wonder how any business manages to keep their doors open when they disrespect a sizable chunk of potential customers.

@ASOMO: On top of what the guest experts mentioned - opening a business means you'll have to understand how to manage a business - there's also the part where your ability to actually educate anybody will be limited. You won't be able to reach anybody who doesn't walk in your doors (and the people who most need sex ed are not the sorts to walk into a sex shop), and sometimes retail means keeping your mouth shut in the name of making a sale.

Keeping a brick and mortar storefront open when everything is available through Amazon is one thing. Educating people is quite another. Depending on what you want to say to who, running a sex shop might not have any net effect.

CT @17

No unaccompanied men makes sense for a swingers party. It makes less sense for a class style environment, and no sense for a retail style environment.

Where I live there used to be (late seventies/early eighties) a feminist bookshop where men were not allowed, accompanied or not. A male writer who was researching feminist history at the time had to ask a female friend to get books from that shop.

I own Q Toys in Austin, TX. Jennifer Pritchett of the Smitten Kitten has given me some world-class advice on more than one occasion. She is a great resource and tries to make herself available when she can. If the letter writer cares to, I can certainly help out with finding Web hosts, online sales platforms, email platforms, point of sale companies, etc that don't discriminate. You'd be shocked at how many we had to go through.

I have an idea for ASOMO. While you are raising capital, finding a good lease, and getting retail experience, you can be teaching online. Give virtual classes, work with clients by phone, and become famous on youtube and facebook. When you get your local dream sex shop going, you will be ahead of the game. Keep up your own professional development in sexology and business skills. Don't wait for 35K or a lease to do your important work. You have the internet! Go!

Are the Letters of the Day archived anywhere? I haven't been able to find a SLLOTD archive, just the archive of the main Savage Love articles.

This link: http://www.thestranger.com/archive/savag… contains both the main Savage Love column and the SSLOTD.