"I am good-looking, sociable, fit, and with plenty of semen" would (and I suspect will) be a great self-description for a dating app, I have to say.

@ 2 - He doesn't say where he keeps it, though. In the fridge?

Can someone block anyone who comments more than three times on a single post? These threads, instead of being interesting and on topic, end up with the usual suspects (e.g. ^) going back and forth with each other. 3 comments/back and forths -then shhhhh please. Cant you just get each other's emails and be crappy/"clever" to each other there?

Anyway, on letter one, I had a girlfriend who cheated early-ish after we met. It was not a good thing. Afterwards, I found myself seeking out cuckold related things. It squicked me out but I kept looking. Why? Because I am a worst-case scenarioist and I wanted to try to get to OK with something I wasn't through exposure to it. That wasn't a conscious aim then but it's clear to me after the fact that that is what I was doing. And it worked. Time and exposure have made me indifferent to it.

Maybe there is some trying to get ok with it through the controlling fantasy idea of his girlfriend cheating, that the letter writer is shooting for? At no point does he say he actually wants it to happen. And the increased desire - that makes separate sense. Maybe you simply want to reassert/be reassured in whatever you had/have. Also, maybe a sexual thing happened and so the sexual aspect of your relationship is currently at the fore.

But bringing it up with her? I'd say wait. It is unlikely to be well received, particularly if you don't know why you are into it yet/you are unsure about it. Plus this reads as still too fresh and uncomfortable. If you are still into it when this blows over year from now, say something then and get through the getting to ok (or "yay"?) with the help of the internet. There are some way too explicit/realistic/documenting Tumblrs out there that you may like/not like.

I guess with all the left handed masturbation, he gets to see his lavish amounts of sperm.
Italian LW, I agree with Dan, you guys need to break up and you need to go find a woman who enjoys your special charms.

Abc.@5. Who made you the boss?

LOOP: Let her GO, already. Dan's right---your relationship's dead.
But on the plus side, hopefully you can both find someone who fills your needs.
Good luck.

@4 Abc123bbU-n-Me: I'm with LavaGirl (@5): Seriously, who made you the boss--or head troll? In offering a new take on Dan's famous retort to those badgering his column ("Don't like my column, don't read it. Don't like my advice? Get your own fucking advice column"): Don't like my comments and / or contributions to the threads? Skip over them or scroll down. I don't read / respond to all letters to Dan or comments if I feel there are some that I can't relate to or share my own experience(s).

@3 Ricardo: Next to the eggs, right? LOL

@3 Ricardo: I'm sorry---after last week's Savage Love (ITMFA!!) I really could not resist the opener.

Abc @4: Why don't you just stop reading the comments after you make your three posts? Or skim past the ones you don't find interesting? I'm now going to post recipes and travelogues this week, just to piss you off.

Commenters: At the risk of comment-policing myself, please go easy on this week's LWs' English. It is not their first language. They've expressed themselves much better than any of you would if you tried to use their language (with the probable exception of Ricardo), and far better than most Trumpists do in their native tongues.

Hunter @1: Oh no, not the cuckold definition wars again.

FORTDA: Your employing the contradictory phrase "I would like to relive it in a playful way, in which I have complete control" indicates that you are not, in fact, turned on by the idea of your girlfriend cheating on you. You want to process this by taking ownership of it. She deprived you of control over her body and sexuality when she cheated, and you want it back. She can't unfuck that guy, so this is how you want to re-establish dominion over her desires. While understandable, I think that this is unhealthy. I think you should address this in the usual way -- why did she cheat; was she missing something in your relationship, is she not suited for monogamy, or was it a one-time giving in to temptation, in which case she can offer you a hall pass if you want one -- rather than punishing her by taking back control over your perceived sexual property. Once you get past this, if you are still turned on by the idea of her fucking other men *on mutually agreeable terms*, you can then bring it up.

LOOP: Break up, stay friends.

WAD: I agree; you're not only bisexual, you appear non-monogamous at your core. I can relate to your story; I only got to realise my sapphic desires at age 26 after splitting from my monogamous husband. Unlike yourself, I did not immediately jump into a monogamous lesbian relationship (admittedly not for lack of trying). It sounds like you, too, want to sample all the candies in the bowl. Do that for a few years before you decide whether you want to settle down monogamously with someone of any gender. (Confidential: if it's at all possible for this to play out in any way but "she left me for a man," please try to do that. We bi women have a bad enough rep with lesbians as it is.)

Hunter @12: Dan's "I've gotten lots of letters from women—and some men—who are married to very controlling cucks" suggested to me that these were people who "top from the bottom."

If that doesn't slake your hunger for cock, maybe your girlfriend would be up for a threesome
Dan thinks a self identified lesbian may be up for getting down and dirty with men? So I have a chance with Dan? And maybe Terry can come along too? Cmon baby let's hook it up!

WAD, the "I want a man to grab me" part of your letter suggests to me that you want a more aggressive or dominant style than you're currently getting with your girlfriend. At two months into a relationship, the two of you are still figuring out what works together, and if you want a more aggressive style, you can ask for it, and she how she handles it.

Also, do you actually want a dick, or do you just want to be fucked? If it's the latter, you can ask your girlfriend to wear a strap-on, or you can ask her to fist you. Strap-ons never come just as you're getting into it, and fists don't generally feel as if you're not full enough. You may find that fists and/or strap-ons beat bio dicks anytime. :-)

Philo @16: Agreed. Chances that this lesbian will be up for watching her bi girlfriend fuck a man: close to 0.
Corylea @17: This too. Women can be aggressive, women can wear cocks. Sometimes, women can even come while fucking you with a strap-on cock. Perhaps it's just "being fucked" that WAD misses so much, rather than "being fucked by a man."

Hunter: I have zero fucks left to give about "the theory."

Corylea @17: I beg to differ with your "strap-ons never come just as you're getting into it." :)
Strap-ons do, however, remain hard. For as long as you could possibly want.

RE: FORTDA
I lived a similar situation many decades ago.
In my situation, wifey wanted me to go along with a platonic relationship outside of our union;..she was confused at "being in love with two men at the same time" was the way she described it.
WE began talking about it regularly and all the while still had good sex and communicated well. Then her relationship became an intimate one and I began to fear that she would leave me and take my kids. At that point I panicked and asked my boss for an out-of-state job transfer.
She went along with the move, and had some issues over separation from the other guy, but still was committed to our marriage.
Years later she admitted: "I could never have ended that affair if we had not moved away".
I will never know how that situation would have ended if I had not panicked.
FORTDA need to have some long talks with his love to establish what his girl is seeking, if she even knows yet.
She may resemble my situation where she finds herself in a complicated emotional area before she has a solid grasp of what her intimate needs are.

"Or that we try to play an actual cuckold game where she has sex with someone else in front of me while I give her instructions and tell her exactly what to do . . . I would like to relive it in a playful way, in which I have complete control."

Notwithstanding what FORTDA is literally asking for, I'm wondering if what FORTDA really wants isn't "complete control," but being able to explore his newfound interest in a way that he feels he won't lose all control. As much as FORTDA is turned on by the idea of watching his girlfriend with another man, he may be worried that there will be no limits and that may take him to territory he's not ready to explore, or that he won't be able to close the relationship in the future if this particular fantasy doesn't appeal to him in reality. Like any other fantasy, he and his girlfriend would need to discuss what they would and would not like to do, and with each new experience they will need to talk about what they liked and didn't like. But in any event, FORTDA will have to accept that he's not going to be in "complete control."

Aunt Zelda @ 8
Eggs indeed, good one!

abc- I'd say that as long as people write on the subject/s in hand and/or aren't offensive to others then there's nothing wrong.
What gets me going is when moralist bigots tell us how horrible we are to deviate from their social norms without offering any insight as to how the "norm" actually works for them.

I really don't like mayonnaise and yet I still like Ricardo. And I applaud you for sharing with us intimate details about your own experiences. Don't limit yourself to a certain number of comments.

As for FORTDA
I think he's processing his trauma, or what seems like an initial bad experience, and sexualizing it is part of the deal.
Nothing wrong with this, we all do it to some degree or another wether aware of it or not.
I'd suggest giving it some time before presenting the idea to his gf.
Another thing that may help is masturbating to the idea, see what scenarios work and how he feels about it once he's done.

I'm worried about FORTDA and how his description of his desires does not meet realistic interpretation. Having the gf performing with a man according to your explicit directions does not make you a cuckold or even a hot-wifer. Rather, it puts you in the position of being her pimp or a porn director.

I'm so with BiDanFan and his apparent need to regain total control over her body. I could see how his directing of her actions could be done with the intention of including the type of sex that creates a humiliating experience for HER, but not for HIM. I even get a creepy vibe from the way he writes about wanting this to be "playful".

I don't think that WAD would be interested in getting fucked by her lesbian gf (wearing a strapon), not when she describes her as being her "princess" and "goddess". Sounds very fairy tale vanilla.

Ricardo @3: alol.

Helenka @26: Agreed on the phrasing. Do lesbian/bi women ever fall into the madonna/whore complex about their girlfriends? It sounds a bit like she thinks this girl is too perfect to really fuck.

I agree with Fan and Helenka, LW1, your plan is about punishment and it is very creepy. Your rage about your gf cheating needs to be processed as Fan said @10, not reacted to.

CMD @23; people here often get off the subject and get narky with each other as well as chat and post more than three comments. I'm afraid @4 is just going to have to suck it up or put in a formal complaint to Dan.

Griz @ 8 - That was brilliant! Thanks for the laugh.

Hunter @ 11 - I think you've been watching too much porn and not enough gay men in action IRL (don't worry, I wouldn't expect you too). I was "blessed" with overly abundant ejaculate in my youth, and most guys were mildly disgusted and would wipe it off ASAP. They like to see it in porn, not have them cover their face and their chest. Luckily, I'm down to a normal amount now.

One gay guy who would like that is me, though. I enjoy getting splashed on, if you hadn't already guessed. But I'm most definitely in the minority.

Helenka @ 25 - "Rather, it puts you in the position of being her pimp or a porn director".

Agreed.

Ciods @ 27 - I read the DFW article. A highly entertaining read for sure, but I'm afraid his position on and understanding of descriptive linguistics is seriously misinformed (to put it nicely). I could go on and on and on about this, but a) I haven't got much time today, b) Let's face it, it would be a chore to go through all of his arguments again, and c) I'm afraid I'd hurt abc's feelings.

Ricardo @30: You read it! Well, I appreciate that. I'm sorry to hear that parts were so misinformed--mostly because I don't want to have my DFW bubble broken--although I'm not 100% surprised; he also wrote a book about infinity (Everything and More), which has brilliant moments, but also has moments that (as a mathematician) I found pretty off. I still thought he did a respectable job for someone outside the field, especially given the complexity of the topic. Maybe that's less true in AaAU. Nonetheless, I absolutely love his analysis of all the things our language usage communicates about us (beyond the basic content of the communication), and why, therefore, it's worth taking seriously. And I bought Garner's reference, as a result, and love it. (Also DFW's footnotes are hilarious.)

Abc may just have to accept that fact that there's a lot of things on the internet (and in the world) that you can't control, including the behaviour of other people.

Terminology aside, I'm not sure what's wrong with FORTDA being the one calling the shots, provided gf is ok with it.
He mentioned his reluctance to act soon because she feels guilty, which tells me he still respects her.
So yes, not exactly cuckolding nor hotwifing, but maybe he is discovering his dominant self and can start with a "punishment" scenario.
Again, it all depends if gf is also into this and is willing to go along, but why labeling his desires in such a negative way?

European Men are cucks? In other news water is wet and the Stranger writers spend a lot of time with cats.

@32: CMD. Because this fantasy didn't erupt from his psyche until his gf cheated. It's a reaction to her behaviour and he needs to check where the impulse is coming from first. Otherwise, it feels like behaviour which is controlling and coming from jealousy, to me.
And he needs to tell her of this emotional
process he's gone thru and maybe even show her the letter to Dan.
Has his gf ever mentioned she's into being a submissive? This scenario he fantazes about would occur a few steps into such a relationship, again, in my opinion.

@33: SJC.. that's very European-ist. Please desist from sterotypes in this climate, it's really doing my head in. One more split off group while the fucking earth is dying, please no.

Ciods @ 31 - "I absolutely love his analysis of all the things our language usage communicates about us (beyond the basic content of the communication)"

Indeed, he should have stuck to that topic. That part is excellent. His tirades against structural linguistics, however, are neither justified nor necessary, in my opinion (not in his, obviously, since he keeps repeating that they are). SL really has nothing do with Standard Written English, which is his subject. It studies spoken languages as they are spoken, period - not as someone wishes they were.

And yes, speech IS the most important manifestation of language. A good chunk of the world population, if not the majority, speaks one or more languages without having ever learned to read or write any of them - and without, in most cases, even needing to. Besides, children clearly have an innate gift to learn almost perfectly the dialect they grow up in, in spite of the poverty of the input they receive, yet years and years of studies cannot make even a tenth of them learn to write properly. Language is speech. Writing is a diffusion tool, nothing more.

But I'll stop here. I still have some wotk to do.

"DFW's footnotes are hilarious"

Yes, they are.

FORTDA = maybe he should try to picture another girl (who hasn't cheated on him) in this cuckold scenario and see if it still turns him on. that would help clear out if he's trying to punish is GF or if he actually developed a fetish.
WAD= I don't think LW ignores the fact that she can get fucked by her GF with a strap-on. she probably wants an actual man fucking her, which is why she's writing. I second the Madonna-whore Complex theory, and think that maybe she is in "cute-love" with GF but doesn't really desire her with the same carnality she would desire a man.

Lava @ 28
That’s what I also meant.

Lava @ 34
Maybe he felt something before but wasn’t sure, and this incident had unleashed it.
It seems to me that his reaction to the assumed humiliation would have been more acceptable had he taken it on himself.

Yes, he needs time, and yes, he needs her full consent and support and enthusiasm to go along with it, same as the other way around.

"if you're not able to focus on her alone at eight weeks—maybe sexual exclusivity isn't the right choice for you."

Or, more simply, that _she_ isn't the right choice for you. Even for a hypothetically non-monogamous person, eight weeks is an astonishingly short time for New Relationship Energy to abate badly enough to need to write to an advice columnist about a crushing need for others.

There isn't a lot of evidence in the letter that the writer is strongly non-mongamous; merely strongly oriented on male sexuality, even if bi.

@23 CMDwannabe and @30 Ricardo: Thanks. It's not often I get a good one. I'm still laughing.
@33 SJC: Agreed again with LavaGirl: Stop. Now.

LW3: w(anting) a d(ick), you're going to have to come clean with your gf because it's clear you have not been honest with her or yourself.
If it's just dick you want and not emotional relationships with men, at this time, she may give you a pass to go find a man with a dick.

I can't tell if Dan is being facetious in his suggestion that the bi woman ask her lesbian lover to have a threesome with a man. Or perhaps he is showing his allegiance to the said lesbian lover by prompting bi woman to make a dick move likely to accelerate a breakup, thereby sparing lesbian lover the pain and irritation of continuing a relationship with this bad bi woman.

@42 - Doubt he's being facetious at the suggestion of a threesome with the lesbian girlfriend. I'm a straight man who's enjoyed many a MMF, as do many other straight guys. Part of that for me is just seeing my fwb/partner enjoy herself, as I would expect it might be for an identified lesbian approach an MFF.

I even know a lesbian couple who talked to me about a threesome. Only one of them is bi, the other, as with the poster, just misses cock sometimes.

SJC @33: Nice one characterising all men on a certain continent, which I bet money you've never even been to, based on a letter from one of them.
My guess is you're just jealous because they have foreskins.

Lava @34: I agree with your take. I don't think this is a fantasy he's always had; that's why I suggested waiting until this issue is resolved and then seeing if he finds hotwifing a turn-on independently of the cheating issue.

Living @43: I'm confused. One of the women in your FF couple is bi, and the other likes dick sometimes? That means they are both bisexual (if only one is biromantic). We have no evidence that WAD's girlfriend is in this category. Generally, when lesbians miss cock, they use strap-ons.

Fan@44, I think LA @45 just got his words mixed up.
It does sound like a compromise if gf is into it. Or she gets a pass for an occasional encounter. A difficult situation after only two months.

Living @43 cont: I'm a straight man who's enjoyed many a MMF, as do many other straight guys. Part of that for me is just seeing my fwb/partner enjoy herself

By having straight sex, which you're into. A lesbian, by definition, is not.

(Lesbians who like cock also have the option of dating trans women with penises. If you like women with penises, you can still claim to be a lesbian or a straight man. If you like men with penises, you can't.)

Bi @ 46 - "If you like men with penises, you can't"

Although many, many self-delusional men do, although they're generally the only ones who believe it.

@Tone Policing "Freedom Lovers"
Been to Euro several times. I actively encourage my friends to visit soon before it becomes unrecognizable.

SJC @ 48 - What's unrecognizable about a right-wing, fascist, rascist Europe? Have you never studied history?

commie in disguise@ 48
Just like the US, despite the current last ditch effort of some white "Christian" fascists

Ricardo- was busy writing my piece when you posted
We should still get a beer some time, maybe not in one of those Munich 1930's like basements

Ricardo @49: Oh, it's going to be hard to top that one as winner of the thread! Well done!

CMD & Bi @ How the hell did I end up spelling "racist" with an extra "s", though?

CMD @ 51 - I hope you can travel. I'm not going to the US until it reenters the 21st century.

Ricardo @54: You can always fly directly to the west coast.

A thread winner already Fan? Geez, only up to @55.

Ricardo- considering the subject matter those two s's may have been Freudian.
And I may be in Europe in the spring, posted my email in here before.

Lava- we barely cross the 100 posts nowadays and we're almost there.
I still stand by aunt Zelda's eggs though

LW2: i like your letter and choice of words. Italian hey? Good of you not to cheat when your gf has closed down sex. You guys have lost that loving feeling, and to salvage the friendship, it would be best you end this pretend sexual relationship now.
Be brave and tell her straight: you are a young virile man, other women respond to you and she denies you sex. So you think it best, to keep the connection between you alive, to change the boundary of the relationship, from romantic partners to close friends.
Then go and find a woman who wants to be your lover.

Is it possible that FORTDA is actually building a defense mechanism. If he was so emotionally pained by her confession, one solution would be to develop an "I don't care attitude" by making her screw other guys in his presence. He may find himself turned on by the action he is witnessing, but he will eventually adopt a pimp's attitude towards this woman. At that point he won't care who she has sex with because he will have become emotionally distant from her due the the psychological wall he is building.
This kind of relationship will eventually end for obvious reasons-a lack of mutual respect and affection for each other!

That LW1 could be building a defence mechanism, JuanMas@59, is an interesting Idea.
I do feel his response to his gf's cheating is contaminated with rage, expressed in him wanting to direct it, control it.
He needs to ask her why, and express his hurt to her. Then see if these fantasies still come up, after a period of reestablishing trust between them.

@43 LivingAbroad: I was confused by this myself, a threesome where two parties interact with one person and not with each other didn't seem unreasonable to me. Based on responses, here's what I think the problem might be: during your MMF threesomes you have straight sex with your partner and the other man has straight sex with your partner and you're turned on by straight sex so it's all good. For a lesbian in the FFM threesome, she has gay sex with her partner and the man has straight sex with her partner and she's turned off by straight sex and so that ruins the gay sex she's having.

@54 Ricardo: I'm with @55 ciods: You're more than welcome to come to the West Coast.
I'm ready for Washington, Oregon, California & Hawaii to secede from Trumpzilla's Warty, Black -Spotted Banana Republik (Alaskans, unfortunately, by the way they vote, are on their own). You're absolutely right (@49)--we've got Hitler's reincarnation in the White House on the East Coast. Heaven help us if Trumpzilla carries out its latest bizarre threat to go nuclear.

@57 CMDwannabe: Ha ha! Thanks--it's a rare treat when I hit a good one out of the park in the SL comment thread. I'm still chuckling about @8.

Ricardo, CMD, LavaGirl, et al: Is it safe for a U.S. Citizen / West Coaster like Griz to fly to Germany and tell the Bavarian Autohaus engineers who brilliantly essembled my beloved Love Beetle lo these many years ago, a heartfelt 'Danke Schoen'? Or would I be mislabeled a 'stupid Trumpist' while traveling abroad? I have a passport and an enhanced WA state driver's license.

@63: "....is it safe...?" Jesus. That's a chilling phrase straight out of Marathon Man, and referring to a Nazi criminal.

Okay----my sweet little Beetle and I wanna wake up now, and we're back to democracy, a thriving economy, nobody has to worry about affordable healthcare, corporate thugs have NOT illegally seized control of the U.S. government, and can all be well again.... PLEEEEEEASE???

In even weirder news, my Yahoo mail account seems to have gotten hacked. I'm thinking of dropping Facebook and my Yahoo email altogether (too much spam, anyway); the VA VRE one year training programs I have been looking high and low for, I can't seem to find (unless I'm okayed for a twelve month course online----thanks, Capricornius, I did check with the UW, but they're only offering 2-4 year degrees-BAs. MAs. Doctorates, etc.). Has anyone ever heard of an alleged Troops to Teachers program for veterans based out of Virginia? I am getting the runaround there, too. How much longer before I really start feeling like Anne Frank, even though I still have good representatives in my state?

@65: Seriously---when I log into my Yahoo mail account and check emails, there are some that my computer screen blanks out and locks me out of reading--and I have to resign back in! I have called my local tech guy to check my computers for viruses. I am so glad I don't have a TV. At least I can still watch DVDs on my newer Mac and continue to compose on my older Mac.
Okay--Back to Dan the Man, Savage Love, and Advice Columnists Without Borders.

My multiple posts this week are officially in honor of @4 Abc123bbU-n-Me.

Okay--I'm done tonight. Someone else should get the magic number honor this week.

Ah Griz! You've set that up so nicely, I'm in the right time zone to take advantage it seems.
Guess I should make some sort of comment, to appease ABC, so I'll thank Ankylosaurus @61 for elaborating on my point for the benefit of the terminally clueless.

@69 Fan. Congrats! Re the FFM, perhaps the lesbian is not so repulsed by watching a man and woman together.
LW1 shows how a hurtful/confronting experience can be turned into a sexual fantasy, so maybe the lesbian gf might at first recoil and be shocked, then she might change her mind.

Lava @70. Hmm. I wouldn't try it. I certainly wouldn't suggest it, particularly after two months.
I know it was a bit hurtful for me when my then-girlFWB seemed far more enthusiastic about an FFM threesome than she ever did about sex with just me, and this was in a situation where the M was my partner. Lesbians usually consider men a threat, partly because their fears are born out so many times. If I didn't even like men myself, I would not react well to "can we bring in a man," as the unstated implication would undoubtedly be "because your pussy isn't good enough; because bi women inevitably go back to men." The request would confirm those stereotypes.

Give it a few monogamous years and then maybe bring it up.

Or, if she does seem to enjoy other types of humiliation, it might be an idea. I doubt it, however, seeing as WAD calls her "my princess" and "my goddess." If anything, that suggests WAD's girlfriend is the domme in their relationship.

Hmm. Thinking further, the use of those words "my princess" and "my goddess" coupled with her wanting a man to "grab her," make me think that maybe she just wants her girlfriend to be more dominant with her. Perhaps that would fill her need for "masculine energy."

(I'm shutting up and getting to work now)

@ Ciods and Griz - Not until it secedes (and then it'll probably be at war with Trump Inc... sorry, the rest of the US).

CMD @ 57 - "those two s's may have been Freudian."

I suspect you're right.

"I may be in Europe in the spring"

I won't. I can't say "unfortunately", since my last two trips there are what informed my potentially-winning comment. My next trip, whenever I can afford it, will be Brazil.

Bi @ 73 - "Perhaps that would fill her need for "masculine energy"

I was thinking the same. That and the ever-hard strap-on you and Corylea mentioned earlier.

Griz @ 63 - "would I be mislabeled a 'stupid Trumpist' while traveling abroad?"

Not necessarily, but the more evil Trump does, the more you risk simply being considered a stupid American, period - and no amount of "But I didn't vote for him!" protest cries will change their mind ("You didn't do enough to prevent it" is a likely answer to that).

I sincerely hope that the poor tourist industry workers of the world will no longer be asked "But why do people hate us so much?" by clueless Americans* for a generation or two. The answer should be obvious by now.

*By that I do not mean all Americans, but rather "the subset of Americans that are deeply ignorant and unwilling to see other nations' viewpoints on world affairs", which I expect strongly overlaps as a group with that of Trump supporters.

@75 Ricardo. And Fan above. Her sign off is specific. I read it's the flesh she's after as well as some masculine grabbing.

Grizelda; I love Americans, mostly. One of my best buddies is from the US, he was over here working at the Buddhist centre. He's back in the States now, so our connection is thru email.
the tourism industry might go splat for the US, after all this immigration horror. This bull can't be sustained for much longer.
The resistance is happening on too many fronts for trump to close them all down.

@61 BiDanFan: Congrats on hitting the magic number this week! As a repeat recipient, I felt it was another commenter's turn. Kudos!
@74 Ricardo: I shudder about going anywhere east of the Cascades (I-90) anymore. and
@76 Ricardo: What additionally COULD I have done to reach the insanely rich and corrupt, the inscrutable, and truly stupid, easily swayed U.S. citizens to change their vote for President 2016? This last year I have been hounded nonstop by non-profit organizations, called and asked to volunteer--and did, for the mid-terms in 2014. I contributed what I could. Despite my diligent efforts, I am still reeling from those abysmal results. I phone banked. I canvassed. I rode a bus to Olympia to the State Capitol to protest the gluttony of the fossil fuel industry. I signed shitloads of petitions. I called my legislators, senators, congress members, local representatives, and twice-elected governor. I attended Town Meetings at our city hall. I voted every election--speaking for who can't, like my great-nephew who just turned 11 and probably will never get a chance to vote in his lifetime under a dictatorship. What more could and can I do?? Despite all my heartfelt efforts, Trumpzilla, with illegal assistance from Putin, the KGB, the KKK, NRA, Electoral College. and Koch Brothers' Evil Empire got bought into the White House instead of the candidate with the popular vote by 2.7 million votes: Hillary Clinton. She is my president.

As for being against Trumpzilla and the rest of the Divided Police States, if it comes to that, I'll take my chances here on the West Coast. Viva la Revolution! You're right about the ignorance level of Trumpzilla supporters.

@77 LavaGirl: Thank you. It's nice to know that despite the HORRIBLE new regime since 01/20/2017, there are still plenty of people throughout the world who are aware of the insurmountable level of corruption behind Trumpzilla's hostile takeover.

@62: I actually just read that Senator Lisa Murdowski, R-Alaska, has publicly stated she will not support Trumpzilla. Maybe many in the Last Frontier are waking up to the evils of the GOP.

@79: By "insurmountable" I mean overwhelming. We must continue to resist, no matter how aggressive the opposition. True justice must prevail.
The future of this dying planet depends on what we do now.

Lava @ 77 - Too true. I'd forgotten about the sign off.

Griz @ 78 - Sorry, I did not mean to say that any of you could have done more. Obviously, you personally did an awful lot, judging from what you recount here. What I meant is that it's an answer you're likely to hear a lot in such cases.

People everywhere are afraid of the US right now; and being afraid, they will grow angrier and angrier till the madness ceases. Consequently, their comments will be snarkier and snarkier, they'll be quicker to dismiss your arguments, and you won't get much of a chance to express the subtle details of the situation within the US (such as: "We're not all complete morons, I swear! Many more of us voted for Hilary than for Trump!")

It's a sad state of affairs, but Trump seems intent on turning the US into the whole world's enemy. And like it or not, the moment someone steps out of their country, they become a representative of that country in the eyes of everyone they meet. That's the reason why it's been so easy for him to convince a good chunk of the American people that this Arab ban* is a positive thing: if a few people from a given country (or region, as most people aren't too geographically literate) did X, then a lot of people from other regions are quick to assume that everyone there does X. So expect negative opinions towards Americans if you go abroad, commensurate to the negative opinions expressed by many Americans and, most importantly, their leaders, towards other nations. If Trump make the US everyone's enemy, then every American becomes an enemy, too. It works both ways.

(Everyone please note that this is not a value judgment, like some idiot will surely say. I'm not advocating this, I'm merely stating that this is how it works.)

* Since not all people who live in muslim majority countries are muslims.**

** This is not passive-aggressive racism, as I was once accused of. I never capitalize terms related to religions; they simply don't deserve it IMNSHO.

@82 Ricardo: So I will be hated in Germany--or anywhere else abroad if I go? What a sad thought. Will they shake their heads at me, calling me stupid American----asking don't I know from past world history? Don't I know any better? I do know--and amid all the rabid Trumpism insanity, that's the truly scary part.
I have a German-born friend and former neighbor who rode he bus to Olympia, WA with me in 2014 to protest fossil fuel projects. My friend said she feared the direction that the U.S. was heading into--the over-industrializationism of America-----exactly what happened to Germany 80 years ago during the rise of Hitler.
"If Trump makes the US everyone's enemy, then every American becomes an enemy, too." You CANNOT mean me!
I am crying as I type this Ricardo, and with a numbed and broken heart. I know my German neighbor friend, in her 80s, is probably feeling sick right now, unable to sleep. 60 years ago she and her husband defected here from Germany during the Cold War because they had to. They HAD to.

I am staying active, taking occasional media breaks when life around me gets too overwhelming, meditating in my sweet little VW---a true Love Bug and German, too, like my neighbor friend and her family. I need music now than ever before. I just sat at my piano for a good hour tonight, playing classics by Chopin, Debussy, Brahms, Sibelius, Schumann, Grieg; many of which my mother played as a girl from her care-worn piano book. I have been eating healthily, and trying to get enough sleep, what I can do to stay sane. I think I need another DVD viewing of "It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World". Channelling Buddy Hackett and Jonathan Winters, et al......in 1963. A turbulent decade to be sure (i.e.: the Civil Rights Movement, the Vietnam War, JFK's brutal assassination in Dallas, TX, rise of NASA, the evil that was Nixon, etc), but nowadays that era feels sane to me by comparison. I need a drink. Or four.
Oh, God and Goddess, Ricardo, (@82), that hurt.

Griz @ 83 - I'm truly sorry that my words have hurt you, but I'm just being realistic here, and trying to help you avoid more serious unpleasantness while you're on vacation.

You probably won't experience open hatred (everybody needs those American tourist dollars), but any discussion of politics and/or display of American patriotism must be avoided (get rid of those flags on your luggage, if you have any - although that's more of a Canadian thing). Also avoid saying things like "But in the States we do it this way..." or anything that draws a comparison with the States, as that's almost begging for a snarky answer concerning human/gay/refugees/women's rights or the influence of the religious right on the government (no matter how far removed from the subject of the comparison).

If someone asks you where you're from, you can say "I wish I could say I'm from Canada, but I'm from the States" or something similar to make people understand that you find the present situation shameful. And if someone engages you in a political conversation, then it's time to tell them about all the ways you fought to avoid it (see: your post @78) with as calm and neutral a tone as possible (i.e., don't ever get angry).

Wearing an ITMFA button or one that says "Hilary is my president" might help, as it would make it automatically clear to everyone that you were on the side of good. Still, no blatant display of patriotism ever until Trump is out of office.

But better yet: talk about any other subject. You play the piano, you know music, so in Germany, talk about German composers (especially if you happen to visit the city where a composer you like used to live). Show them you're interested in their culture and their history. You'll gain friends that way, and if the conversation later shifts to the political situation, they'll have a more positive attitude towards you from the beginning.

Wearing an ITMFA button or one that says "Hilary is my president" might help, as it would make it automatically clear to everyone that you were on the side of good. Still, no blatant display of patriotism ever until Trump is out of office.

Now don't get offended anyone, this is practical, sensible advice I'm giving - I worked for 6 years in the tourist industry in three different countries (two in Europe), I know how Americans are viewed abroad - and pretty much every other nationality, too (if it's any comfort, Argentinians are generally considered much worse by European hospitality workers, but that was before Trump).

Grizelda, the world can see the resistance going on in the US. And we are joining you. It's a global response to fascism, "Without Borders."
We're in this together.

America is on the front line now, Grizelda, and look around. There is lots of strength when people work together. Feel proud your country is mobilizing, imany in non violent ways thru the law, thru boycotts, the Women's March. And the decent press stay firm in reporting the truth.

Sorry about the repeated paragraph @ 85.

Lava @77: We don't know for sure that WAD picked her own sign-off. And we also don't know for sure if what she misses is cock or being penetrated by something that feels like a cock. Until she tries strap-on sex, she won't either.

Ricardo @82 is right. In 2003, I had just moved to London and I received verbal abuse over the Iraq War. Which of course I was personally responsible for. Americans have long had a bad reputation overseas -- the stereotypes are that they are loud, disrespectful toward local customs, and demanding, this last one arising from the fact that customer service in America is far more comprehensive than it is in other countries, so Americans feel they are receiving poor service and they complain. The thing to do if you are an American abroad is be very apologetic about it.

Ricardo is also right that an American accent is like a Pavlovian bell and people WILL change the subject to American politics, no matter how sick you are of the subject.

@85 Ricardo: O--kay. Then there is one thing I needn't be concerned with when traveling abroad: you will never hear me shout out "USA! USA!" My goals upon visiting Germany: to enjoy the music of the great German composers: Bach, Beethoven, Brahms, et al., eat luscious chocolate, and visit Wolfsburg to see the resort and automotive museum that used to be the Volkswagen plant--and thank the curators / engineers for manufacturing so fine and long lasting an automobile (showing photos of me & my beloved Love Bug, if they're interested). I wouldn't mind stopping over in Austria for a Mozart festival, too.
You will NOT hear me yell "USA! USA!", and I am a veteran of the U.S. Navy. I have known better than to do that long before I was in active service going over the border into Mexico (Tijuana, on shore leave). I knew when venturing out abroad to dress up in tourist-y clothes instead of my uniform, and for ID, show my Washington State driver's license--NOT my service ID---to avoid trouble, especially in bars. The locals were happy to get my tourist money, and I did my best to conduct transactions en Espanol to show respect. I never even considered going into political discussion! That's a given; it was back then, and unfortunately, especially now in the era of Trumpzilla. Please. I'm not THAT stupid an American. I do like your suggestions of maintaining peaceful international accord, however.
@90 BiDanFan: Oh, dear. Now you've given me something new to feel uncomfortable about---when I'm in a foreign country, and despite my careful efforts to avoid political discussion it will most likely be thrust upon me anyway? *Sigh*
@93 Hunter: "Again, more whining about Trump". Pthhhhhht! Why shouldn't we whine? Resistance is our only hope now, Hunter, and you voted for Hillary, too, knowing full well she was infinitely the far better candidate---and by your own admission.

Speaking of "whine", I shall return to a good, soothing g;ass or two of Cabernet Sauvignon.
Red, red wiiiiiine.......stay close to meeeeeeeee........

Some of the hetero responses to WAD are disappointing. As usual it seems no one has looked at the situation from the girlfriend's perspective, which is:

You're a (presumably) twentysomething lesbian, and you're being pursued by a self-identified bisexual who has zero experience with women. Already you're going to be skeptical, due to the large numbers of twentysomething women who claim to be bi but in reality don't want to do any more than make out, or perhaps they'll have sex but have no desire for an actual relationship with a member of the same sex. But WAD persists and finally convinces you she is sincere, so you give her a chance. And it's great; she says she's in love, she introduces you to her parents, she tells you all the right things.

And then two months later... two measly months later... she comes to you and says, actually I miss dick.

Thus proving you should have taken Dan's advice from 20+ years ago, "DON'T MESS AROUND WITH BISEXUALS." Thus proving that you were right to reject WAD, because all bi women want is cock. Thus ensuring that you'll never again give a bi woman a chance. Thus perpetuating the cycle of lesbians rejecting bi women because of bi women's "preference" for men --> bi women's "preference" for men because men don't reject us for being bi.

For the sake of all queer women everywhere, WAD owes it to her girlfriend, to herself, and to all of us to at least try to let her girlfriend satisfy her desires for a dominant lover who can penetrate her.

And if that really doesn't do it for her, she could try framing her dilemma not as "I want cock," but as "I was too hasty in jumping into a monogamous relationship so soon after my last one. I realise I'm not ready to settle down yet. Can we see other people?" That may go over like a lead balloon, but at least it was monogamy and not anatomy which was the dealbreaker. (Whatever the answer to the question, WAD should do her best to ensure that her next lover is female. Otherwise she's just going to fall back to proving that all bi women prefer men.)

Hunter @97: Did you miss the rest of the post?
IN ORDER TO PREVENT HER LESBIAN PARTNER FROM CONCLUDING THAT ALL BISEXUALS PREFER MEN AND THEREFORE SHE SHOULD NEVER GIVE ANOTHER BISEXUAL A CHANCE, WAD SHOULD DATE A WOMAN NEXT.

In less heterocentric news, I love the Babeland ads. More of that sort of thing please.

If WAD doesn't care if she, or any bi woman, ever dates a lesbian again, then sure. She should just fuck whoever she wants.

You don't get it.

I didn't say she should date another lesbian. I said she should date another woman. If that woman is bi, then that woman will understand WAD also likes cock, but that doesn't mean all bis are actually straight/fated to conform to heteronormativity in their relationships.

If WAD's wanting cock was not the relationship ender, WAD could date anyone she wants after the breakup. If that person is male, some lesbians will understand that it's just the increased availability of men who like women versus women who like women, it's nothing personal against women as a gender. But if WAD says I want cock, and then goes to date someone with a cock, that proves you just can't trust a bisexual because they'll always leave you for cock.

Get it?

Monday night TV on natgeo channel had a 2 hour exploration of transgender culture. I did pick up much of the language that the TG use but was a bit disappointed overall. Katie Couric seemed impelled to be cute and smiley at all times and did not try very hard to dig a little deeper into exactly why these folks wanted to change their sexual identities. One of the theories revolved around the fetus being exposed to testosterone in utero but they did not even ask how the "T" (as they referred to it) appears at that critical moment. The net effect is that I more confused after this 2 hour show than I was before.

Hunter @103: If bisexuals want to stop lesbians feeling justified in rejecting them out of hand, they should not spend months pursuing them only to run right back to cock.

@102 BiDanFan: I have reached the conclusion that Hunter lives to argue.