Savage Love

Fantasy Scenarios

Comments

2
Can we get a shout-out to "Team lesbians and bi women who have specifically asked on their very dating/ social media profiles not to be contacted by dudes from Team Realize and asked to fuck their wives"? Because I realize that on the one hand I am being an awful, sex-negative, Part-of-the-Problem cocktease by being made uncomfortable by being involuntarily included in someone else's foreplay and not taking these delicate little anthuria by them stem and educating them about how to make a unicorn (okay, rhinoceros in my case) not feel like a non-dishwasher-safe sex toy BUT on the other hand, these mofos have already demonstrated their lack of concern for my boundaries (and, I suspect, their partners'), and I'd hate be teaching them how to hide that handy red flag...
3
WHIP's husband may be a total pervert (scared of freaking her out with the truth about his fetish). Or he may be super vanilla. Or asexual.

If I were her, I would try to figure out what he masturbates to. Preferably by asking while both of them feel relaxed, maybe after a glass of wine.

If he doesn't masturbate and they mostly have sex when she initiates, the evidence tips towards asexual.

If he refuses to talk about his masturbatory fantasies, and initiates sex often but shuts down when she tries dirty talk in bed, then the evidence tips towards pervert with an embarrassing or dangerous obsession.

Unfortunately, it would probably have been wise to sort this stuff out before you got married.
4
Is LW2, (MIA) officially an HTH ("How'd That Happen?!?") letter?
My all-time HTH favorite was the 200% Straight Guy who had repeat thumb-in-butt issues with his fellatio providing masseuse.
5
Hunter @ 1 - They're all the rage in Gullibleland.

Griz @ 4 - Did the masseuse turn out to be a cross-dresser as well?
6
@1 Hunter: MIA sounds like another classic HTH in the making for the Savage Love Archives. @5 Ricardo: I don't remember anything mentioned about cross-dressing in 200% Straight Guy's letter to Dan, but mainly that because he was married with children (Al Bundy? Is that you?). 200% Straight kept going back to see this guy who finished off the massage ritual with allegedly a terrific blow job while sticking a thumb up 200% Straight Guy's butt, B-BUT!!---eeek!--gasp!---arrrgghhh!---200 % Straight worried if this weekly activity identified him as gay. Dan and a lot of readers (myself included) wondered if 200% Straight still had a thumb stuck up his butt.
7
Cheeky is good!
8
I'm gonna try fantasizing, but not realizing, about the couple in the first letter getting together with the couple in the third letter, while I play the part of the masseuse...

(Sorry! It's just too good of a set up...)
9
Maybe the wife in letter #1 means it when she says it--in the moment, under the haze of sex-fog. Then, when the mist has cleared, those things don't sound so appealing. Maybe she doesn't realize that her husband views her as a tease (and not in the good way). I think a non-judgmental, honest conversation is in order. Maybe they can figure out what she is really willing to try in real life and what she wants to have remain a play-fantasy. Maybe he should communicate to her how frustrating he finds her teasing him with the promise of things he wants that she doesn't know he wants, if he thinks they will never be realized.

I would say that he should try to consider that she's not trying to frustrate him; she probably is enjoying taking these fantasies out for a hypothetical spin. If he finds it more hurtful than helpful, I think he needs to communicate that to her.
10
LW1 - HARD: calling you wife a tease and otherwise being mad at her for being willing to discuss things with you is a surefire way to make sure she never does it again. You realize that, right? Also, "unknowingly teased?" WTF, bro?

LW3 WHIP: You say you've had bad responses asking questions during sex - have you considered asking them when you're not having sex? Like, after a glass of wine or two, when you're both comfortable, just be like "let's talk about some other fun sexy stuff we can do." Maybe that would work better. Sometimes when you're already in the moment, you don't feel like taking a time-out to discuss other stuff you could be doing - like if you're already hungry and going for Italian food, and then the other person is like "do you want to stop the car and discuss possibly getting Chinese, but I don't know any good Chinese restaurants, so maybe we could analyse reviews on yelp, or maybe get some Thai?" You're like "nope, I'm hungry, garlic bread and pasta carbonara are 10 minutes away, I'm good." However, if that morning you're like "hey, why don't we try getting Chinese food sometime," you guys can talk about it, do some research and then, make plans to do it. Worth a shot, anyways.
11
TS @10: Amen. Dan was far kinder to HARD than I would have been. I get it, you've been sexless for a while and now you want the floodgates to open. But your wife is not REQUIRED to do something RIGHT NOW that she is not in the mood to do RIGHT NOW. She's perfectly within her rights (and right!) to want to try a new act when she's a bit more sober, less likely to hurt you, etc. Proceed at a mutually acceptable pace, and put those fantasies in the wank bank in the meantime. Would you prefer that she had given you a hard "no"? Step one, she's thinking about it. You'll never get to step two if you act like a spoiled child.

WHIP: I wonder how Dan read that she's probably submissive from "if I ask him what he'd like me to do to him while we're having sex." I read the opposite. I agree that she needs to be specific. Perhaps ask what his hard limits are, set a safeword, and proceed with caution from there.

ADM @2: How on earth are you "part of the problem"? You've been specific about what you're not looking for. If people can't read or can't accept that the world of other people's sexuality doesn't revolve around them, that's their fault. Block them and move on.
12
LW1, was this a male professional you suggested, or a female? My guess is it was a female.
Try suggesting you have a male join you guys.. see if your wife is more open to that.
Is your wife bi, or you were just hoping she'd be fine to see you playing with someone else.
What a wanker. A three month old baby and a four year old and you're calling your wife a tease.
She enjoyed the fantasy with you, call that a start.

13
BiDanFan @11: I think it is important to call out consent violations when they occur, and as "they" say, "communication is the only known antidote to error." Plus, if I don't try to fix it, I have no right to bitch about it. I just fret that if I point out the fact that they are actng creepy snd entitled online, that takes away one stumbling block for them being creepy and entitled in person, when it may be too late for the next woman to back away.
14
WHIP mentioned that she is 30 and has been with her now-husband (and formerly high-school sweetheart) for 13 years. Possibly, this is the only sexual relationship for either of them, and while that long connection and a deep level of intimacy can make their relationship resilient, it could also make it prone to being brittle at points. If WHIP's husband has only had sex with WHIP and has only been in a romantic relationship with WHIP, asking for a change to their sex life without some details could engender a fearful and defensive response for any number of reasons. WHIP needs to open up about what "switch things up at bit" means to her husband, and once they try out these things, she may need to continue to ask for those things (and new things) until they become an established part of their sexual repertoire, especially if he is just a vanilla guy.
15
I don't understand LW#1 's issue. He never disclosed any of his desires. She was verbal about interests and clear about how interested she was. Sounds like she's a good communicator and he needs to take a lesson. My guess is that after sex she started talking about adding a third because she wanted another guy, but then LW immediately assumed she meant another woman and she just let it go.

LW#3 - I've been in your husband's shoes; partner asks "what else do you want to do to me?" after I've already laid my interests on the table, then gets a disappointed look when I say "I'm good." It's annoying. If you want something, ask for it. Be specific so that the poor guy isn't playing a guessing game.
16
HARD: Another vote that "exploring our sexuality" means "doing things we haven't done before." So confusing.

ADM @13: I think I get what you're saying, but I also think you're giving these jerks both too much credit and not enough credit. I don't think that replying to entitled creeps to say "I said no unicorn requests, didn't you read my profile?" will spur them to read other women's profiles. They've already proven they don't respect women enough to invest two minutes to read a darn profile; being told off (by a woman) is highly unlikely to change their behaviour.

By "not enough credit," perhaps I'm a bit of a Pollyanna, but I believe that very few of these online creeps are offline rapists. And again, for those that are, being told off by a woman is highly unlikely to make them change. I think engaging with these creeps in any way is a waste of your time at best, and a great way to get a torrent of abuse at worst.

You're not capable of fixing it, and you are absolutely entitled to bitch about it.
17
Funny, I guessed WHIP was into BDSM, with her in the sub role too... but not because of her sign off (I didn't even read her sign off name). I guessed she was into BDSM in the sub role because 99.99% of women who want to "progress to some new experiences" want to be the sub in a BDSM scenerio.

People are really predictable.
19
@17: Are people required to have 100% original fantasies all the time? Things become clich├ęs because they are grounded in reality.
People want what they want. They shouldn't be made fun of or shamed because their desires or interests are predictable or typical.
20
Urgutha @17: Sorry, but submissive women outnumber dominant ones by approximately three to one, not 9,999 to one.
Perhaps you give off a dominant aura and therefore attract submissive women/put off dominant women. If we were to go by my experience, it would be about fifty-fifty. (Which it's not. Anecdata can be faulty, who knew.)
Doesn't really matter. The advice would be the same regardless.
21
BiDanFan @20: Whoops, bad math. 99.99 to one.
22
If she is submissive, her solution is simple. Buy copy of "Fifty Shades of Grey." Highlight what she wants to try. Leave for husband.
23
Could someone tell me why Lustlab and Lovelab were taken down? I haven't used either since the summer and didn't notice any posts about it.
24
If WHIP is interested in exploring her submissive side, she may still need to be blunt in asking her husband to top her. This couple has been together since they were teens, and WHIP's husband may (for now) be locked into seeing WHIP as his best friend, lover, innocent good girl, etc. He may have trouble initially seeing her as a sexually submissive BDSM partner. Moreover, if she wants him to spank, whip, or flog her, he may balk at doing something which will inflict pain on her, even if she's asking for just that experience. She's not only going to have to ask for these activities, but she would also need to give him permission to interact with her sexually in this way.
25
HARD: By your own admission---your wife just gave birth three months ago, and you're not in a big hurry for sex, right? But...um.....were you still sending your wife any hidden messages anyway during your weekend getaway from your children (i.e.: hey, babe, we're away from the kids!--let's get it on now while we're uninterrupted!)? In my experience, drunk sex is rarely ever good sex, even at a swanky B&B with a Do Not Disturb sign at the ready. It's not like that one weekend was your last chance alone--ever--with your wife. Kids can be exhausting, but they grow up fast and anniversaries and other special occasions do come up.
26
@25: For me, no sex has ever been good sex. Alcohol only made things worse.
27
@Bi & Urgutha
that's funny, I also pegged WHIP as a sub, but only because the way she phrased "I asked him to ask me what he wants me to do to him" sounds very eager-to-please, like she wants him to command her. and because if she wanted to do something specific to him, it would be easier to outright ask. I get the sensation that WHIP mainly wants to pleasure her husband and she's having a hard time because she can't pinpoint exactly what he wants.
28
Hooboy, griz is again going off topic and I apologize, so Dan and everybody please forgive me and feel free to skip to the next comment. I have to ask The Stranger editors / advertising dept: what is with the misleadingly "good neighborly" BNSF ad in The Stranger? Unlike Amtrak, BNSF is consistently neither a good employer nor environmentally friendly (anyone curious can visit Bellingham, WA and witness the loud, disruptive, and dirty oil trains blasting through town at all hours of the day and night. And BNSF balks at the idea of the corporation paying to fix any crumbling infrastructure (i.e.: century-old rail bridges on the verge of collapsing but are still used to transport toxic, dangerous fossil fuels). Any chance of replacing the BNSF ad with a Go Amtrak! ad anytime soon? Just a thought. I'd rather have the railroad tracks transporting a shitload more tourists and commuters than something that could explode upon a derailment, wiping out a community and irreparably poisoning the waterways and region.
Okay, I feel somewhat better for getting that off my chest.

Okay--back to this week's Savage Love and Fantasy Scenarios.
29
I really wish the shirt in Joe Newton's illustration was real so I could wear it in reality. /fantasy
30
@18 marilynsue: I know, right?
31
I have a fantasy scenario that Trumpzilla and its cabinet of swamp creatures, plus Trumpzilla's Komrade Putin and his pet pooch, Jill Stein, while plotting further evil at Trumpzilla's private compound off each other during a drunken game of Russian roulette (hey, cocked and loaded Repigs love their guns and the Second Amendment, right?).
And then the world cheers upon on democracy and life on Earth miraculously being saved after all.
32
Blackwood @27: Sorry, but I can't picture "what he wants me to do to him" as implying submission.

Speaking as a dominant, if you know your partner is submissive, it's easy and fun to take the lead. But if you don't know your partner is submissive, it feels awkward asking to do things to them that you know most people do not want done to them. There's a real fear that saying "I would love to beat / peg your ass" will cause them to either recoil in terror, or agree to something that they really don't want to be doing, which is not sexy for either party. As a dominant, I want to be damn sure that whatever I do to someone is a turn-on for them too.

I know that numbers wise, the chance is indeed greater that she's a sub. But if so, I'm not sure why she hasn't already watched Fifty Shades or Secretary with her husband as a means of opening the dialogue.
33
Heh - duh. WHIP says "I want to switch things up a bit."
She's a switch.
34
' lean in or bend over', you're funny Dan.
LW3 just says WHIP as her sign off, which could mean she wants to whip or be whipped.
Good catch Fan @33; this woman does talk in code though. And already at thirty years of age she's hit the "is that all there is" phase in her marriage. He sounds like he's been under a rock , so what is a girl to do?
First she has to own up to herself what it is she wants. And rather than throw out clues
to him ( and Dan), she needs to tell him straight. And not while sex is going on.
He doesn't sound like the best candidate for sexual adventure, so perhaps she does, as Dan suggested, need to take the initiative.
Tell him what she wants, while dressed all in leather with her newly purchased whip in her hand.



35
@26 aunt Griz: you've NEVER had good sex, ever?
Reading this column must drive you crazy (besides the evil trump and trains).

Anyway- hope it changes someday.
37
LW2: she put all her knickers back in the drawer? That's where your story really hits the wall.
This guy has been not only wearing the knickers, he's probably been kissing and smelling and you know, coming all over them.
Straight to be soaked and then washed in very hot water.
38
"When the morning actualized itself...?"
WTF?
39
@35 aeros66: No, I really CAN'T say I have fully enjoyed good sex, ever, especially when left to feel obligated to engage in PIV. Would you want something forced on you? I'm bio female and not attracted sexually to other women, either. What is it about my life do you expect to change? I am asexual. Hopefully your attitude changes more towards acceptance rather than ridicule of those not like you.
I however, DO love and enjoy reading Dan Savage's column. Savage Love has been an excellent information source for an ever expanding diversity of sexual and non-sexual orientations, and I am learning a lot. Thanks, Dan the Man!
@36 Hunter (re: @35): It seems like it.
40
Good idea, Lava. Maybe aeros66 should be soaked and washed in very hot water.
41
For anyone curious, I have been wearing my pink Pussyhat religiously since Women's March.
42
@BiDanFan: I know this is so last week, but I answered your comment [@107, Pair of Aces]. Fear not--I am not being hostile.
@aeros66 (re: @40): I was trying to be funny.
43
How do I get him to loosen up and feel more comfortable about talking to me so that we can eventually progress to some new experiences?
Maybe get some edibles and sparkling wine?
44
Blackwood @27 BiDanFan @32: I'm with Blackwood on this, LW sounds like a sub to me too. I think what she wants is to be told what to do, that it's the journey and not the destination. That the appeal is being given a direction/order and then fulfilling/obeying it, or being made to do a thing, and then there's discipline, punishments, and rewards meted out accordingly.
45
@10 The Italian/Chinese restaurant analogy is brilliant and simple.
46
Re: WHIP - your husband is a guy who has only revealed himself, sexually, to one person ever - you! It's a somewhat scary experience for most 17-year olds, and he hasn't been forced to move forward since then. Most people grow up and get more comfortable anyhow (like, assumedly, you have despite a nearly-identical sexual history). Anyway, my advice: Create some low stakes scenarios. Embarass yourself with some corny, dirty sex jokes. Maybe tease him about a sexual fantasy that he doesn't have ("I know you wanna get naughty with an Oompa Loompa" - something he'll understand is totally ridiculous and not, say, you peering deep into his soul and revealing his actual secret fantasies). Hopefully this will make him more comfortable with more serious sex discussions!
47
@46: Sportlandia, good point, re his/ their lack of variety.
Overcoming this is where I feel she's got to be bold, creative and shock him a little. Have a
few drinks/ joints/ etc, and suggest watching a bit of good quality porn together. She needs to arouse his interest in new, thru his cock. She could, again boldly, tell him of some of her fantasies. And have the whip handy.
Don't make a big deal about it, creatively float these images and stories, without expecting sudden change. Take him along to see sexy Dakota Johnson in the latest fifty shades movie.
Again, keep it lite. Seduce him, rather than bang him over the head with demands.


48
@10: From what I can tell, HARD and spouse only discussed these activities once. While drunk and/or stoned by the sound of it. So it doesn't sound like it's fair for HARD to call Mrs HARD a tease. I agree with Dan. Further discussion is necessary to evaluate the possibility of moving these ideas from the realm of fantasy to that of activity. But HARD needs to be careful. Because the next discussion when sober might freak the Mrs out. Chemistry can drop one's inhibitions and make sexy talk easier. But that might just have been the booze/pot talking. So go easy, Mr HARD, when you bring the subject up again.
49
@BiDanFan: I responded to your @109 & @110 in Pair of Aces.
XO, griz
50
Griz: Replied! xx
51
@50 BiDanFan: Another empathetic novel right back atcha! XO
I am so glad those days really are over.
52
LW1; and what if your wife doesn't, as you say, want to explore your sexuality? Asking her to peg you on the spot, she was stoned/ drunk and just had an orgasm.
You threw the idea out there, bring it up again and do it seductively. If your wife as much as smells your slight resentment
( the tease line), that won't be good. You guys have a big job ahead of you rearing children.. trust in each other's sense of goodwill towards the other is really necessary to do the work ahead.
As for inviting others into your bed, your fantasy will need a little more work. What's in it for her to bring another woman in?
53
LW3: you guys are young. If the sex has got stale, learning to play with each other erotically, will help see you last the distance.
54
@50 BiDanFan: Thank you for your kind responses and sharing. Word of warning---my response back in Pair of Aces (@114), retelling tales of woe over the past four decades is pretty long. Sorry, memories of those old, really unflattering school pictures and inexcusably cruel people from my past fueled my fire. I may never forgive them fully, and I needed to vent.
55
@54 BiDanFan : Correction: Make that comment @115 that is ultra-lengthy back in Pair of Aces.

Okay---back to Fantasy Scenarios.
57
@56 Hunter: I know you're exclusively addressing aeros66, here, but if you did out of curiosity go back to Pair of Aces and read the late comment thread, you might have a better understanding as to why I identify as asexual and avoid my two older sisters in particular.
58
@52 LavaGirl: Good, sound advice for HARD.
59
@58: thanks a Grizelda. When I read letters like that, I'm glad my child rearing days are behind me. A three month old child and husband wants to go play with others.
61
Hunter @60: "I've understood you to be functionally asexual for a long time."

You can't assume that Aeros66 has the same understanding. They are not one of our regulars. They can't be assumed to know any background information on any of us posters. That's why I took their post @35 to be an attempt at sympathy rather than shaming -- a somewhat misguided attempt, but one born of good intentions.

You've inserted an inaccurate editorial comment into your parenthetical. I don't think Aeros66 was saying they hoped Griz's interest in sex changed someday, but that her experience of not having had enjoyable sex changed someday. With asexuals being a minority, it is reasonable to interpret "I've never had good sex, ever" as potentially meaning "but I'm still looking for a lover who can provide it." It's not the correct interpretation here, but it's not an unreasonable one.

"Griz, you have showered us with biographical details of your life, but you've never indicated childhood sex trauma."

Which just goes to show that your "logical" assumption about where asexuality comes from may be incorrect. Your use of the word "condition" to describe asexuality is further evidence that you are pathologising Grizelda and others like her.

At the risk of another controversial analogy:
Person A: "I've never had a good steak."
Person B: "That's a shame, you should try Dave's Steakhouse, they're the best!"
Not an insensitive reply if you didn't know Person A is a lifelong vegan. If Person A replies, "I'm a vegan," and Person B says "Well that's only because you've never tried Dave's steaks!" ... NOW they're being insensitive.
62
I had a similar response to Aeros66, Fan. I felt their motivation/ intention was from concern not malice. Was it an asexual shaming comment to Grizelda? We'll never know because hunter had already labelled it as such.
I did feel it was an insensitive and
illconsidered comment, and hopefully Aeros66 will reflect on that.
63
Good to see you taking the opportunity to clear some baggage Grizelda. You take care
64
I have to double check with you Grizelda, that my words aren't confusing. You sharing your life is great, and the energy you bring to looking at your story, inspiring. Resolving the past is what gives us strength to keep doing the present.
67
@60 Hunter: I never experienced childhood sex trauma, unless you count an icky experience I had with the father of a long time acquaintance of mine who lurked behind the bushes at their summer cabin two doors down from our family home, kissed and tried to grope me---I was 19 then. At least I managed to get away from him. I don't know how or why this should be a pre-requisite for my identifying as asexual.
I went through a traumatizing experience in the U.S. Navy nearly 26 years ago when the fellow service member I had been dating attacked me unprovoked, in a drunken rage, and tried to strangle me. It's a long story, a lot of regulars already know the details quite well, and if THAT is among my reasons for being asexual now, so be it.
@61 BiDanFan: Thank you again, for nailing it. To be fair to aeros66, who, as you aptly pointed out is not a SL regular, he / she wouldn't know my who story like you, LavaGirl, nocutename, Hunter, Dan et. al would.
@62 & @63 LavaGirl: Thank you, too, for your kind words of support. I agree---I thought aeros66 was being somewhat insensitive, and possibly out of ignorance however well intentional his(?) response (@35). I certainly can't change my past, but I can work on healing and bettering myself from past hurts and wrongs. Avoiding sexual activity is my answer in part to my healing process in addition to therapy----sex just hasn't worked for me.
68
@67 Correction: Make that ......"To be fair with aeros66, who, as you aptly point out, is not a SL regular, he / she wouldn't know my story like you, LavaGirl, nocutename, Hunter, Dan, et al would." (Omit the extra "who").
69
Ironically fitting?
70
....or no longer applicable?
71
@64 LavaGirl: Thank you so much! How did I manage to miss this lovely comment? Forgive me for not acknowledging @64 with @62 & @63. I guess I was too busy embroiled in a response to Hunter's pathologising attempt to rake me over the coals (like Judd Nelson's bad boy, John Bender, and, comparatively, I'm supposed to represent Molly Ringwald's role as prissy Claire Standish in The Breakfast Club-?). Unless he's only trolling and baiting me out of sheer boredom because of what he considers a weak commentary response in this week's Savage Love: Fantasy Scenarios.

@66: Hunter: If you're that disappointed about the lack of comments regarding fantasy scenarios, where were yours this week?
72
Cheeky IS good, dammit!
73
Hunter @65: Are you saying that if a child is raped, that cannot affect their adult sexuality?

Of course it can.
It could put that person off sex for life, as you say.
It could result in that person becoming hyper-sexualised.
It could result in that person fetishising scenarios of rape, age play, domination, or submission.
Or they could get over it and live a "normal" sexual adult life, however that is defined.

Why can you not accept that some people just aren't into sex, and that there's nothing necessarily "wrong" with them, nor is it your concern how they ended up that way? Griz was sexually assaulted twice, and is asexual. I have been sexually assaulted three times, and it did not put me off sex. If someone doesn't want sex/relationships and is living happily without sex/relationships, then good for them. People. Are. Different. Can't you just respect those differences?
74
Griz @69: At least there is one place -- here -- when you can still enjoy a 69! :D
High five and hugs.
76
Look, having had (at times and with specific partners) a fulfilling and satisfying sex life and knowing how much zest and enjoyment it can bring to my life, I wish the same for everyone. Having also experienced a deep-soul connection through sex with a specific partner and knowing what a beautiful dimension of intimacy and deep satisfaction it can bring to a life, I likewise wish that experience be available to everyone and enjoyed by everyone.

Maybe that's what aero66 was getting at. It's no crime to have good intentions towards someone, and as we discussed on the other thread where asexuality is often not seen and less accepted or understood by the sexual among us, many people have a very difficult time really getting that for a variety of reasons, someone has no sexual desire or is not interested in having sex be a part of their life.

But when someone says that he or she doesn't want to have sex and is happy without it, i think it's important to respect that that person knows what he or she likes. I think it is rude to speculate on the reasons for a particular person's asexuality (as if someone even needed a "reason" to be ace, just as no one needs a reason to be heterosexual), or to look for the source of it as if asexuality was a river that should be mapped. In the first place, as we have already discussed, asexuality exists on a spectrum, and in the second, it's not a problem that needs to be solved or a pathology that needs to be addressed or cured. Which leads to the second place: if someone is content with being the way they are, it is disrespectful and insulting to make suggestions as to how they should change themselves.

So aero66 made a well-meaning comment (or I choose to take it as well-meant) @35, when he or she said, "@26 aunt Griz: you've NEVER had good sex, ever? Reading this column must drive you crazy . . . Anyway- hope it changes someday." But if auntie griz responds by saying that thank you, she's perfectly happy not having sex in her life, and unless she starts the speculation on where that lack of desire originated or how to change her sexuality, the subject should be closed.
78
@77: By all means, speculate all you want on why people are asexual. But I don't know why you feel your personal liberties are being threatened when I voice my opinion that speculation about a particular individual who is part of our community and who is content with things as they are, is disrespectful.

Call that censorship, if you want to. But a true censor has power to shut someone up, and unfortunately, I certainly lack that.
79
@78, cont. I mean, a girl can dream . . .
80
Yes nocute, @79. Dream we might. But once again we fell into Hunter's silly little troll trap.
Why or how or who re Grizelda position on being asexual.. how has this come up. Did she write a letter to Dan, or throw one in the comments section and ask help here?
81
@75 Hunter: Um, no. I wouldn't call myself all that religiously motivated, as I am not affiliated with any one particular house of worship. I feel no shame about my asexuality! I am just not into fucking. Jesus, Hunter, where did you get that "frigidity" crapola, and who the fuck made you God?? I love and miss my parents very much, 6 and a half years later after Dad joined Mom. Why shouldn't I? If there is issue with my parents being "sainted", I believe it is really your hangup and not mine.......@77: And yet you, not nocutename (@76) mention censorship.
@76 nocutename: I was ready to change the subject back to Fantasy Scenarios by @67.
82
@80 LavaGirl: Guilty as charged about falling into Hunter's pathetic little troll trap.
My comments about [my] asexuality were really more relative to last week's thread in Pair of Aces. I was empathizing with Ava Z.
83
@74 BiDanFan: Bless you! Hugs, VW beeps, and high fives right back.
84
Wow, that guy's been married at least five years and hasn't had anal with his wife. I feel sorry for them both.