Comments

1
Trying to think of a good Paul Simon joke but I've got nothin'.
2
These are great - helpful AND hilarious!
I've always loved how much like a caring uncle Dan is to queer youth. Thank you Dan, for being so supportive and loving.
3
Also, number 9: "Tell your friends you have something you need to share with them. Proceed to walk in and out of a closet until they get the message." reminds me of this great video:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pAwad6dS…
4
Dan's advice 18 would have been the one I thought of first. OUT knows she's gay but feels herself. She should come out to, or with, the people with whom she can most easily be herself. Her mom can come later; and these self-righteous men who might harass her just for her not being into them later still, or not at all (or not until she has a phalanx of friends around her). Good luck to OUT! I think coming out is unavoidable. Better out than in, as the old music-hall entertainers used to say.
5
Dan's list is funny but seems a bit disrespectful and slighting to someone who's just taking their first steps out.
6
#5, 8 and 13 can often go hand in hand. Though not necessarily even PFLAG, your university might have a GSA or LGBTQIAYRDDG group that also tends to function as hookup hot spots. Go there. Make out with a girl. Get self confident with your sexuality. Then, you can figure out you're gay.

And if a guy pressures you after you say No before you're comfortable in coming out, just lie. Tell him he's ugly or you don't date guys with eyebrows or whatever. You shouldn't have to date somebody out of social obligation because you didn't have a reason not to.
7
@6 By "figure out you're gay" I meant "figure out how to be your brand of gay." I need to edit before I post.
8
@1: If it were a male LW with the problem, you could go with: "Just slip it in the back, Jack; make out with a boy, Roy; drop a big hint, Clint...."
9
The LW can't fathom coming out because she's never been laid. She should get laid ASAC (as soon as comfortable) and stress less about when she needs to tell her mom.
10
And please always remember additional point A in your dating life. This person who you spent 4 extra months with will not the the last to demand a power point presentation with supporting evidence on why you are making a particular decision. Conversations early on (or ever) that go like this should be bright menstrual blood red flags:
"So do you want to hang out later tonight?"
"No thanks, I'm tired"
"Hmmm, you don't look tired"
"Well I am"
"Huh, well didn't this morning you say that you got 8.26 hours of sleep? In the past you said you need about 8 hours of sleep, so you should be good. I don't understand what's really going on..."

It is manipulative and controlling behavior that shouldn't be tolerated but often is, especially by young people. And don't let them try to force an explanation in the name of "closure" either
11
Aaaugh, all of these "But WHYYYYYY don't you want to" guys need to take a course in Basic Human. "I just don't," is answer enough.

Personally, I'd be tempted to add, "Because I intuited that you're the kind of guy who'd pitch a fit about me saying no," for some of those.
12
Always remember, 'No' is a complete sentence. Practice saying things like "No means no. I don't have to justify this to you." "I don't feel comfortable having to defend my decision to you. You're making me feel like I have to earn the right to say 'no,' and that's not cool." "Look, I said no, now please let it drop."

And, of course, my favorite: "Hey, fun fact! Did you know that in ancient Japan, the samurai had courtship etiquette for if one male samurai wanted to get into a relationship with another male samurai? One of the rules was that if you were rejected, you didn't ask why. If you did, the other samurai was supposed to refuse to tell. If you asked again, the other samurai was supposed to swear he would never disclose the reason. If asked a third time, the appropriate response was to cut the samurai down. Just straight-up decapitate that guy - because demanding an explanation for rejection was considered very rude. Funny, huh? Those samurai, they sure had some wacky ideas. I'm sorry, what were we talking about again?"
13
I'm a bit pessimistic about the prospects for this young lady.

Such extreme passivity and immaturity--the continuing to date the guy for four months after she tried to break up with him is simply insane. The never having kissed a girl thing. The living with Mom and attending a homophobic college.

And if guys or anyone else is pestering you for an explanation that you don't care to give, say something like "When this conversation began, I mildly disliked you. We've gone to intense dislike now. Your next stage is a hateful piece of shit. I suggest you quit before we have to involve the police."
14
4 months is too long. I feel like growing a backbone should be just as high up on your priority list.
15
@13, I'd say you're being overly pessimistic for her "prospects" whatever that means. She might not have perfected ye olde Dismount, but that's hardly abnormal for young people, especially those who have been conditioned to protect the male ego at all costs.
I don't see how attending school close-by and continuing to live with mom is a sign of immaturity either, seems frugal.
Sounds like you might be suffering from a touch of I Know What's Best For Everyone-itis...
16
@14 "Demand one more date from me, shame on you. Demand two more dates from me, shame on me"
17
TBH, not that college-age guys can't be endlessly terrible, but I actually think coming out as a lesbian is more likely to be safe around the average college-age guy today than rejecting him as a straight woman. Guys in that age range want to see themselves as super-progressive, and they know that these days that means accepting gay people -- they're just still so immature and self-involved that they take it really personally if a "straight" woman rejects them. (Because if she's straight, she'd presumably take another guy over them, so why aren't they good enough for her, amirite?????) As a totally straight woman, claiming to be a lesbian is actually the most effective way I've found of ridding myself of unwanted male attention. So, LW, take heart -- coming out might help you solve this problem too!
18
Traffic spiral @12 was interesting and funny- I never knew that.

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