Savage Love Letter of the Day: Welcoming a New Reader to the "Savage Love" Family

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More patient than I would have been. I guess that's why you get the big bucks, Dan. :)

Aurora Erratic on December 12, 2017 at 2:00 PM

Ah, the admirer or our military and of commonsense values wanted to ram a steel pole up the agony uncle's advice so it knocked his front teeth out. Hmm, that figures.... But I found the eloquence of the debate on both sides rather heartening. Loved Dan's signoffs, especially--'manly', 'manually'. (I do it manually, too, and from the age of thirteen always have). It is much better to me that there is conversation between liberals and conservatives than no communication at all--that there is only antipathy. In this case, though, and perhaps in ALMOST EVERY OTHER case, there was no resolution; or the better, more compassionate argument failed to persuade its interlocutor of its merits. The reason social attitudes change, instead, is that old people die. Young people become old people, then they die in turn, and the balance of societal values tips again.

Harriet_by_the_bulrushes on December 12, 2017 at 2:03 PM

Interesting that his go-to comparisons to a man who likes butt play are: 1) child porn, 2) beastiality, 3) eating poop, 4) making homemade explosives and using them to overthrow the government.

I mean, 1, 2 and 3 are pretty standard homophobic insults. But overthrowing the government with homemade bombs? Methinks this guy just revealed some personal pre-occupations.

"There are all sorts of disgusting people in the world: murderers, rapists, kidnappers, and botanists who rent spaces in community gardens then cut all the buds off the stalks of their neighbors' flowers."

EmmaLiz on December 12, 2017 at 2:04 PM

My son bought a sex toy after a discussion we had about sex and him wanting to try one. I don't see the issue. It did piss me off when he left it in plain site around his bedroom so that was another discussion. "You can have a sex toy son but be discreet and for the love of God keep it clean." He's grown up now and it's true he is a deviant. His collection of animae is unnatural! And when he says he's playing Yu-Gi-Oh with his gf it's not even a euphemism. Weird kid he is.

Anemone on December 12, 2017 at 2:09 PM

Jonathan wrote every word while sitting on his favorite butt plug.

kylecheez on December 12, 2017 at 2:13 PM

Beautifully done Dan.

soulcrusader on December 12, 2017 at 2:20 PM

I was going to say Johnathan is a real a-hole, but no one is born think the way he does, that takes some industrial strength indoctrination. And I don't know the service history of that many people in the kink scene, but there is at least one Vietnam vet whose a regular at New York parties.

SublimeAfterglow on December 12, 2017 at 2:21 PM

So is there a good Persian restaurant in Louisville, Kentucky? Can we annex it?

Mtn. Beaver on December 12, 2017 at 2:23 PM

"All the soldiers who have fought and died for your freedom in the last century did not have your personal "ass fucking freedom" in mind. [etc]"

1. What? What the fuck tangent did you just go on? What the fuck does this have to do with the price of tea in china? I can imagine you go on this tangent with every last lecture you've ever given your kids. I can hear their eyes rolling from here the moment you say "all the soldiers".
2. How do *you* know they weren't killing nazis to defend ass fucking freedom?
3. Guess who else the nazis persecuted? Yup. Ass-fuckers. Fighting them was defending the ass-fuckers.
4. Your idea of manliness is completely fucked up, dude.
5. Your horseshit about tough love is horseshit. That's not love, that's hate.

gromm on December 12, 2017 at 2:31 PM

Christ what an asshole. I hope his kid(s) moved out as soon as they could.

mubhappy on December 12, 2017 at 2:43 PM

Gee, the guy who says “makes me want to ram a steel post right up your ass until it hits your brain”
believes “tough love is true love”.

I hope he gets some mental help before he beats his domestic partners to death.

undead ayn rand on December 12, 2017 at 2:51 PM

@9: Oh, this is the sort of guy who thinks the Nazis had “a few good ideas”.

undead ayn rand on December 12, 2017 at 2:52 PM

"Great firmness and intense sternness" made me laugh more than it should have. I gotta figure out a way to use it in a sentence with people.

I wonder how long before our own Dear Leader uses it; "I told Kim-whatever with great firmness and intense firmness not to build more nukes. We will respond bigly if he does."

Morty on December 12, 2017 at 2:53 PM

Assuming LW is named after a biblical character, he should know that Jonathan was King David’s boyfriend. The name, very fittingly indeed, means “given by god.”
And speaking of kings, David also had red hair.

CMDwannabe on December 12, 2017 at 3:07 PM

@13 I think that's the name of a two part gay porn movie.

kylecheez on December 12, 2017 at 3:09 PM

Jonathan wrote every word while sitting on his favorite butt plug.

I'm assuming he named his butt plug "Character" too.

Character, Son, is what a man does in the dark—what a man does when no one else is looking.

Urgutha Forka on December 12, 2017 at 3:10 PM

#9 I thought of one soldier who fought for that particular freedom. Dan's Hot Mic podcast had a great story from a gay soldier in the don't ask don't tell era.
https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/audible…

Yesty on December 12, 2017 at 3:14 PM

As someone who's had their entire hand in a Marine's ass, I think this gentleman may not be aware of just how many freedoms our soldiers are fighting for.

Ubersloth on December 12, 2017 at 3:39 PM

@18

It's associated with civilisations in decline?? Um, citation, please, because that sounds 100% made up.

naiqueen on December 12, 2017 at 3:41 PM

Hmmm am I the only one who is totally not buying the whole "just happened to find your column" lead in?

Bi4me on December 12, 2017 at 3:49 PM

@ 18
Not only this is a perversion of history, if you look around you’ll see that countries and regions that follow “widespread acceptance and normalization of such behaviors” are actually doing better than those who arrest and torture folks for such behavior. (Or the continuous flock of Kentuckians to Seattle for that matter.)
Also, please define “healthy gender roles.”

CMDwannabe on December 12, 2017 at 3:55 PM

Part I: Firmness

Jonathon stared in awe at the bulge in Master David's camo BDU's. With trembling hands he undid the button fly, one by one. Master David's 9" cock flopped forward, quickly engorging itself with fire hot blood. Jonathon gingerly tested the firmness of the erection with a thumb and forefinger. Rock hard, he marveled. How did such a solider achieve such a thing? Was it fighting for his freedom? But Jonathon's training was just beginning....

Part II: Sternness

Master David demanded discipline 24/7, Jonathon realized. No room for error in building character. Despite the fact his ass was on fire from his last spanking, and his collar was much too tight, he understood the reason for his boundaries. Still, his stomach was in knots for upcoming counseling session...

kylecheez on December 12, 2017 at 3:56 PM

What an utterly sad conversation, not to mention a slap-in-the-face for your own experiences of fatherhood, Dan, and devotion to DJ. So, after Jonathan equates anal penetration with the usual "slippery slope" companions (child porn, bestiality, now with extra shit!), he concludes anal play leads to being unmanly and definitely unpatriotic. I'd love to see him dragged and unceremoniously dumped centre stage in a stadium filled with LGBTQ vets and those currently serving who'd be a million times more patriotic than Jonathan's sorry ass.

I'm hoping he never had/has a child because no kid, straight or not, deserves such a fucked-up, authoritarian-obsessed person ruling with an iron fist.

Helenka (also a Canuck) on December 12, 2017 at 4:12 PM

@20: It’s the usual gang of trolls, just report him from his profile.

undead ayn rand on December 12, 2017 at 4:16 PM

CMD @ 22
You just know that "healthy gender roles" means strictly-regimented, stereotypical roles". Yuck.

Helenka (also a Canuck) on December 12, 2017 at 4:17 PM

@23 Well done, thank you!

EricaP on December 12, 2017 at 4:25 PM

I'll never understand what gives raging dickheads like Jonathan the mistaken idea that they're free to judge others and that their opinions matter more than a pinch of shit. Life is hard, and we're all trying to navigate it as best (or worst in this case) as we can.

I can guarantee that whatever Jonathan's personal views and attributes/failings are, they don't even come close to measuring up to my standards and expectations, so there.

Original Andrew on December 12, 2017 at 5:00 PM

Gee whiz, how is it possible that such a wise and righteous man as Jonathan hadn't been offered a job as our national sex advisor. Someone must call Roy Moore and Trump forthwith!

Dan has the endurance of Job!

iseult on December 12, 2017 at 5:09 PM

@28: And I will never understand why the Jonathans of this world think it makes a whit of difference to anything in any way if someone wants to stick something up his ass.
I mean, how does some kid's masturbatory habits affect his dad or some total stranger?

nocutename on December 12, 2017 at 5:11 PM

@30: It distracts from the horribleness of their lives.

undead ayn rand on December 12, 2017 at 6:25 PM

https://youtu.be/u44D3qKKGPU

mightydoll on December 12, 2017 at 6:43 PM

Ugh. That link was supposed to start at 1:54

mightydoll on December 12, 2017 at 6:48 PM

" I take joy in reason, Dan."

The last resort of the mansplainer -- my prejudices = reason.

BigSteve on December 12, 2017 at 8:52 PM

@32, 33
You want it to start at 1:54? I can make it start it 1:54, Dude.
https://youtu.be/u44D3qKKGPU?t=1m54s

Though I would have it starting at 0:45
https://youtu.be/u44D3qKKGPU?t=45s

nwspirit on December 12, 2017 at 8:58 PM

@34: He sounds like one of the Dawkins cultists who comprise the New Atheist Movement.

undead ayn rand on December 12, 2017 at 9:01 PM

When my parents found my sex toys my dad punched me in the face (I also was scheduled to have nasal polyp surgery so my nose started bleeding as I fell into the closet door). Don't ever make kids feel ashamed of pleasuring themselves. All that prompted me to do was hide my toys better and hate my dad.

Valarmorghulisbitch on December 12, 2017 at 11:43 PM

Oh Jesus :(

undead ayn rand on December 13, 2017 at 12:30 AM

First I thought he was going to yell at you about how tampons are meant to absorb liquid, and pulling out a dry tampon can really hurt and might damage your butt - and I was like "yeah, that's a pretty important caveat." But no, he just is angry that people like playing with their butts - which in the general scheme of things seems a bit of a silly thing to care about.

Traffic Spiral on December 13, 2017 at 2:40 AM

I really, really hope Jonathan doesn't have, and never will have, any kids.

No, Jonathan, you douche, I am NOT thanking my parents twenty years later for kicking me out of the house because I was having sex, leaving me to deal with homelessness, malnutrition, no health care, un- and underemployment, bedbugs and jail. Threatening to throw a kid out is no fucking joke, and no kid on the receiving end of a monologue like yours would ever take it as one.

BiDanFan on December 13, 2017 at 2:47 AM

But, Dan, the soldiers! Think of the soldiers! Why won't anyone think of the soldiers???

musicalnuke on December 13, 2017 at 6:40 AM

Kicking an under-18 kid out of the house would be considered neglect. Probably best not to discipline your child by threatening a crime.

MNF on December 13, 2017 at 8:31 AM

1. Jonathan: Jonathan doth protest too much, methinks

2. Dan: A little less actual back-and-forth with commenter trolls, please

Abc123bbU-n-Me on December 13, 2017 at 9:35 AM

@43: "Dan: A little less actual back-and-forth with commenter trolls, please"
Let Dan have his fun.

nocutename on December 13, 2017 at 11:24 AM

@41: Oh, that reader thinks of the soldiers alright. Late at night...

undead ayn rand on December 13, 2017 at 1:19 PM

In that list of "options" Mr. Freedom would theoretically give his son, he forgot to mention #4. Suicide (because perversity!). But that would be only mentioned in a tongue-in-cheek way of course, to reinforce the seriousness of not being a pervert.

@43 - I disagree. A good, healthy, calmly managed public discussion like this is a very useful dialogue to have on record. It won't convince "Jonathan", but it's helpful for all the other people out there who might be surrounded by Jonathans in their daily lives, but think that butt stuff is kinda fun, or aren't sure but suspect their being fed a line of bullshit (Soldiers!).

treacle on December 13, 2017 at 1:52 PM

*they're (arg).
Also, please assume paragraph one is , if you didn't already get that.

treacle on December 13, 2017 at 1:55 PM

We don't want him in the family, Dan! Not even in the role as the annoying uncle you avoid at Christmas.

Roseanne on December 13, 2017 at 4:22 PM

"They fought to give you the freedom to be a man who lives right and flies straight." Ahem, "freedom to only do things one certain way" is hardly freedom at all, is it?
Freedom to conform, yay!

BiDanFan on December 14, 2017 at 2:05 AM

Jonathan, I understand your disgust; I feel the same way when I read what Roy Moore, Trump, Rick Warren, Howard and Roberta Ahmanson, David Barton, Douglas Coe, Charles Colson have to say and, what you have to say.

Change the channel back to Rush Limbaugh and go back to sleep.

compagno on December 14, 2017 at 10:37 AM

Savage Love Letter of the Day: Welcoming a New Reader to the "Savage Love" Family

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