Considering this is a 12 year old letter, I wonder what happened.

LW #1 - while your intent is good, other than that - you really need to go fuck yourself. Especially for that piece of shit first paragraph. Do you even read this column regularly? Have you been living under a pile of coats for the last 20 years? Seriously, go fuck yourself.

12 years later... hope she got to go to college after all.

I really hope she didn't marry him in the intervening decade.

Remember that guy who doxxed Seattleblues years back? I wonder where he is now...

I don’t mind re-runs, but I really think they’d be a lot better if an intern reached out to the original LW first for an update. This one was over a decade ago and I still remember reading it the first time.

@1 & 4 - I hope the “Thanks, feminism” was sarcastic (and not in the “I’m not really thankful for feminism” but in the way some people jokingly say “Thanks, Obama” for every little inconvenience in their lives like leaving the house without their car keys). On the chance that it wasn’t, I will add: yes, many women had all their bills paid without working, but that meant they had to get married, even if they didn’t want to, and often had to stay married even if there was abuse. Feminism gave these women other options.

It's thanks Capitalism, oh ignorant one @1 &4.
Feminism didn't create this mess, two incomes needed to run a family.

Bub (Bubba? Probably.) Feminisim means that women and men are able to live their lives free from gender roles, which means that men don't need to pay for dates, unless the couple decide together that they want him to. Women can work, unless the couple decides together that she will be the one to stay home with the kids. But a guy might just be the one to stay home with the kids; that's the kind of freedom of choice that freedom from gender roles has provided.

If you are personally not happy with the way chores or expenses or anything else is divided in your household, then it's up to you to do something about that, either by negotiating with your partner or leaving to find a partner who is more egalitarian. But that's your own personal choice, and has zero to do with feminisim. It's called "taking personal responsibility." If you find that difficult to do, and instead insist on blaming others, then I suggest you get help for that.

I'd wish you good luck, but I have a feeling you're the type to wallow in misery.

The "Bub Buswell" asshat sounds suspiciously like the guy who used to sign off with a . or a number of other "names."
He's a troll to the nth degree.
Ignore him.

Oh do we @12: Maybe those with very well paying jobs can still survive on one income, or those who work multiple jobs. For the majority now, to keep a family going it's two people having to work.
Feminism has always been about choice, and capitalism has eroded that over the last forty odd yrs. A family could live comfortably on one income in fifties and sixties. House prices etc were low, but this is no longer the truth.
So how about you and you etc go think a little before you open all your mouths.

I hope she learned a new normal in the intervening 12 years.

Folks, don't feed the troll.

I also wish we knew what happened to this woman - Dan's response is spot-on, it is clearly emotional Stockholm Syndrome. I hope she told him to GFH gently with a chainsaw. While I am a woman, I wouldn't treat a friend the way this guy treated the LW, much less a SO. If I take someone out to dinner, I pay - period. Even when it isn't their birthday. If a friend was stranded on the road at night? I'd go get them. And the sex thing? Completely out of bounds. Boyfriend is a complete and total piece of shit who deserves to die alone, but probably won't, because there's no shortage of women with low self esteem who will put up with shit from men.

Holy shit dump him. There isn't even an infinitesimal ounce of redemptive quality in this piece of shit. Get out. Respect yourself more than he does. He's an AWFUL human being.

And SAD... it doesn’t get better with this kinda guy. It gets worse. Get yourself out NOW!

Agreed. Why do people choose to stay in miserable situations? Why do they need to write to you to get advice when they already know the answer? And why do some people never listen? I have a former friend who has been with a loser, cheater boyfriend for over 10 years now. She's put in so much time she says, she makes excuses for his behavior, and she is miserable, but she won't leave him. Honestly, I think people enjoy being miserable. Being single and self-sufficient and alone is ONE MILLION TIMES BETTER than being any kind of situation with some loser who treats you like crap.

Bubba sounds like the next angry white male mass shooter because women don't behave the way HE WAS PROMISED THEY WOULD BECAUSE OF DAMN FEMINISM and he's gonna get his respect as a human with a penis OR ELSE.

This is like the third of fourth time this letter has been reposted. I believe in one of the reposts the LW did show up in comments to say that while she did stick out for two more years she has left the piece of shit and wished she'd done it sooner.

Still good advice that should be reposted every so often.

Nocute @14: Yes. He's Commentor Commentatus back under a new name. Ignore.

Asshole men existed before feminism and they'll continue to exist no matter how much gender equality is achieved. I hope LW got her education and moved on to better things in life.

This fucking guy. It's 12 years later & I hope she dumped his ass & went on to live a happy life,and he never got laid ever again.

Anyone wanna venture a guess as to how Bubba views gay/lesbian parenting? SMH

She never mentions a single thing she does for him. How do we know that she doesn't just give as much as he does?

Can she do better? I know we are just supposed to assume that any woman should be highly valued as a partner, and deserve unconditional love and unearned financial security just for existing, but why?

Dear Dan-- My girlfriend just will not let go. I thought she'd get the idea and leave when I started staying up all night or staying out all day and night, but she wanted to move in anyway. Once she moved in, I implemented an exact 50-50 split on expenses hoping she'd move out, but she went for it! So I started nickle and dimeing her even on how much she ate, and she STILL wouldn't move out. To give you an idea of how crazy this chick is, she doesn't have a car, and I sometimes give her a lift but only if I'm going that direction anyway, and I make her pay for gas. Instead of putting her foot down, she goes on and on and on about how maybe that's fair afterall, blah, blah, blah. Recently in desperation, I've started making sure sex hurts her. She pretends it doesn't hurt even though I'm about to pop her legs out of her hip sockets. What more can I do short of telling her the truth that this isn't working?

@Bob and @Lava

I agree with LavaGirl that it's late-degenerate capitalism that's responsible for how difficult it is to support a family on a single income. It has, in my opinion, hijacked and used the feminist notions of equality for its own purposes. That hijacking is not at all a feminism's fault, but it *might* be an unfortunate side effect. A bit like using any fundamentally useful and worthwhile tool or set of ideas for nefarious purposes.

Commie @25: "Masculinity envy"? Hah, don't flatter yourself. It's privilege envy. Hate to burst your bubble, but women do not covet your body hair, male pattern baldness or inconvenient erections. Now please go crawl back to your mother's basement and your 4chan subscription.

Theodore @28: You're not usually a troll. "Unearned financial security"? She's paying 50% of the household expenses, which is probably tough for her if it's based on the purchasing power of someone with four times her income. She'd probably find it cheaper to live in a shared house with roommates. She gives him money for gas, even though he's already going in the direction she's going in. She tolerates sex in painful positions for his sake. These are the things she's mentioned that she does for him. This isn't "unconditional love" she's asking for, it's basic human decency. Gender doesn't matter; if you earn significantly more than the person you supposedly love (though see Fichu's take on how likely it really is that he loves her), it's a no-brainer that you'd make a bigger financial contribution. If you have no kindness in your heart, you shouldn't be in a relationship.

SAD's letter is from May 2006? Any follow up? I hope two things for SAD:
1. That she DIDN'T unknowingly hook up with my ex from hell, and
2. That SAD has gotten on with her life since, and is on to bigger and better things.

@31; SkeenShallow..women demanding equality in voice and action, choice to work or stay home with their children, not have children etc... there are no negatives to those demands.
With capitalism, Patriarchal Capitalism, the cards have been stacked against us.

@34 LavaGirl: Despite all the hideous misogyny, corruption, and insanity of the present day's patriarchy, here's hoping that 2018 brings a new tide in our favor with a new influx of desperately needed women in U.S. Congress.

@4: "We"

How many accounts have all the idiots living in your head been banned from?