@Philo #100 - I guess you could ask that question of anyone who has ever enjoyed reading a book but did not feel compelled to see a 3D movie adaptation of the book or was disappointed by that adaptation because they preferred the version conjured in their minds when reading the book. I think you're right that one appealing element can sometimes be that our imagination can be influenced by us in a way that we can't as predictably influence in reality. I don't think that's the only reason someone might prefer keeping something in the fantasy realm but certainly one reason.

@102: Because olfaction constitutes an important part of flavor - see this literature review, for example - and while many of us haven't tasted poop, we've probably all smelled it.

@105 ~ Limburger cheese and lutefisk smell terrible, but some people still like it.

...and I didn't really want an answer...I just think its funny in the same way as when people say, "Eeeew, this sandwich tastes like shit!" and I wonder, "How do you know?"

Ms Cute - Not bad. I remember reading collections of those malaprops. One which we could consider particularly interesting rather than just conjuring amusing images (a la that busy composer and father of twenty, JS Bach, in his spare time practising in the attic on a spinster) was:

"Though I am now a child, i will one day be a man or a woman."

A question for Ms Fan - Can you shed any UK light on the new controversy over the BBC's paying Mr McEnroe at least ten times what they paid Ms Navratilova for Wimbledon commentary last year? Ms N is apparently complaining that she was told they were paid "comparably", but their roles were apparently so different that I don't feel sufficiently informed to judge.

@107 Omnipotent Comment God DonnyKlicious: Okay. That was kinda where I thought you were going with your comment @102. That would be the ultimate "Gotcha!" at a party.
Hey!! Who's up for hitting @150?

Venn @109: Unfortunately, sport is not something I keep up with. But the BBC has been under scrutiny for underpaying female presenters versus male ones -- like every other large employer on the planet, it would seem. I wouldn't be surprised if Ms Navratilova's complaint were valid.

Donny - Normally I'd concede " ah ha, a test seems to be in order." But in this case I don't mind talking out of my ass.

Future - watch out I swear we almost sound like we're agreeing now. You can get both happy surprises and disappointments when you realize your dreams. Reality doesn't follow the rules we personally have for ourselves like fantasy does, other people don't follow our personal rules we can just negotiate agreements. I think it's always interesting when I attempt to realize dreams, or "take on a project" and learn new parts of reality whether they surprise or disappoint. And see this subject is big for me cause I think it's really awesome to be realistic but I know other people value other stuff more. Idealistic theorists bah.

"preferred the version conjured in their minds when reading the book"
Yes they didn't get their preference or fantasy, cause they let someone else write it. Even if you made the 3d film and was the sole actor and it was a perfect real mirror of your dream, it would be cool.. but you couldn't get the cool little surprises that happen when you're working with other people. And again I see a lot of value in getting to know how real existing people work and how real things work in general not just the stuff that's fun to think about like superheroes and gods and time travel and space warping etc.

I'm completely baked. sorry if I'm offending I can't tell

@Auntie Griz,

Thank you so much for sharing. I found your website and soundcloud. I was jumping around and so far my favorite piece is Many are the seasons: With my sister. Great stuff and I wish you the best at scoring - you will be fantastic.

actually make that the whole symphony

@Philo #112 - I do think we agree in some ways. And I do sometimes like making my fantasies a reality. Other times, I can tell you for certain they are *way* more enjoyable inside my head and not in reality. Especially when we're talking about something I think about for 5 seconds that would feel like a bunch of work to simulate and still not be any more exciting than that 5 second thought in my head. And then there's the stuff that can be fun to role play, and the stuff I would not enjoy role playing even if possible. And the stuff that is mentally stimulating precisely because of how repulsive it is, and that repulsiveness would not be sexy in role play or reality. It's a very complex thing. But I definitely do like realizing and role playing *some* things when I have partners who are into whatever those things are.

BDF@99 I took DS to be a general statement, not to a specific one. Yes, a person can experiences can be good or bad, but unless they are all or nearly all bad experiences it's not going to deter someone from changing their attitude. I just asked if, maybe DS would've responded or avid followers may have a much better understanding of him. Some form of coercion is generally used to force (push) an unwilling participant in to trying it. Even when that person does come to enjoy it, there is probably a residual resentment over the coercion.

You're right Future, we try to shape ourselves as well as our environment. My wishes to be wired differently come out in fantasy too sometimes. I think I get what you were talking about now. Thank you

I reread the letter and it does sound weird that she never takes her fantasies seriously.

&skeptic, I think in the good situations the desire is expressed and simple generosity is the force.. Didn't Terry eventually ask Dan about nonmonogamy just because he'd always known that Dan preferred it? I don't think it does happen after nagging as Dan also implied though.

Agree Philo. If one is nagged / coerced into any activity, rather than pursuaded, it'll proberly not happen or the resentment will spoil the experiences for everyone.
Someone might be interested in the idea of a threesome, skeptic, and a little push from someone else gets them going, where they wouldn't have initiated it themselves. This is different to coercion, which is a steady stream
nag ... al la Bart Simpson .. with a menacing edge.

@114 & @115 scum & villainy: Thanks so much for your kind feedback! Many Are the Seasons is a collection of short pieces for small ensemble, in loving memory of my mother, chronicled in periods of her life from early childhood (i.e.: With My Sister, In a Dollhouse) throughout to her final days before she went to go see her daddy. I love and miss my parents very much, and my latest symphony (in the works) is in memory of both my mom and dad, and dedicated tot all service members and veterans.
What are your thoughts on Symphony No 1 in d minor ("The Drowning Pool", c. 2005-2006)?
I think I nailed a good analogy with the comparison to Hector Berlioz's Symphonie Fantastique (c. 1830).

@119 con't: * probably ( though I can say it with one b).

Skeptic @117: I think there is a big difference between "coercion," as you put it, and "encouragement." Even Mr BIGSIN is not "coercing" anyone, which I think we would all agree is Bad under any and all circumstances. I don't think many people would get much, or any, enjoyment out of a threesome (or twosome, or kinky act) they were "coerced" into. In fact, that would probably put a person off threesomes (or twosomes, or kinky acts) for life, or at least a good long time. I mean, when you use words like "force," "push" and "coercion" you are talking about rape. These were the circumstances behind my first "threesome" with a couple and to this day I am wary of opposite-sex couples, as I can't help but see the dynamic as "two against one" instead of "two plus one."

Encouragement, on the other hand, has no doubt been an effective tool employed by keen but patient partners who are willing to keep asking -- but keep taking no for an answer -- in hopes that the less adventurous partner will eventually turn GGG. If you're talking about people who were "unsure or hesitant at first," as you put it back in your original post @76, but eventually agreed to give it a try for their partner's sake and discovered they liked it, you'll find a far larger number of people. Though I doubt you'll find the statistics you desire.

LW1: LOOK UP alexithymia! I dated someone who had this. The relationship was great. The breakup was horrible and callus. He had admitted that he didn't experience feelings to me but I didn't fully get it until that break-up.

"So instead of thinking of those kinky role-play-type things as degrading or shameful, think of them as exciting and playful.”

But, isn’t the degradation and shame the very thing that makes this stuff hot?