Savage Love May 8, 2018 at 4:00 pm

Pedestrian AF

Joe Newton



I must admit to liking the idea of flying up above and pee on people below me while claiming Texas. (hi Emma Liz, just joking)

As for our penises, we are in a similar age group and much to my surprise I noticed a year or so ago that my penis is pointing to the left while erected. Not a real issue since it is only about 20 degrees and can be easily centered and played with, yet made me wonder why all of a sudden. No extra ordinary new positions, I always masturbated the same way, and my political inclinations haven’t changed much in decades.
I consider writing a poem about it.


I remember 1981 too, and friends getting very sick, and bullshit in the media. It brings back some sad memories. But times have changed. Good (non-pedestrian) advice from Dan on this.


Dr. Newman: "It is not likely that HUNG's drainage system caused the problem."

No, no Dr. Newman. HUNG's drainage system IS the problem.


Dammit Jim, I’m a graphic designer not a doctor! So, I don’t feel qualified to comment on HUNG’s letter other than to point out the obvious advantage of being able to fuck around corners.

Guess I’m a little confused when SWOMPS asks about the “…best preparation to get guys off before the insertion happens…“ I’ve always thought the order went 1) insertion 2) get off, as the reverse order is akin to trying to stuff a marshmallow into a keyhole.

And, DADAC, you are aware of telephones and the Internet, Skype, FaceTime, etc? Unless your boyfriend is in the remote and dusty regions of Outer Mongolia (and maybe he is) talking should still be an option.


@4 DonnyK: I had the same initial confusion about SWOMPS. I had to read it as "preparation-to-get-guys-off before the insertion happens", and then after the insertion happens the preparation has already been done for the getting off to happen.


I'm even way more confused than Donny and Ankylo... Why in god's name does flying a glider require a catheter?


HUNG, Dan is a better man than I for pushing past your neg and answering your question. I'm with EmmaLiz @6: Why not just pee before the big flight? Are you up there for hours? This makes no sense to me. Though googling "catheters and gliders" does bring up several articles, so you learn something new every day, I guess.

Ankyl @5: I had the same interpretation as yours, and am wondering why a 37-year-old hasn't already thought of the blowjob-as-foreplay as an orgasm acceleration technique. Seems to work with most guys I've been with, whether I wanted it to or not.


Hey everybody I looked up some answers to questions about HUNG.

He's using the "Texas catheter" for hands-free peeing, it's not a catheter like you're picturing that goes into the urethra. It's an external urine collection device, a condom-ish tube that goes around the penis and is connected to a longer tube. Usually that's connected to a bag to hold the pee. I guess in this case the drainage line is to "outside the glider" and not a bag, so he rains pee down on the ground. I hope when he's not near a populated area or other gliders.
Gliders can stay in the air all day during favorable conditions, so he's gliding longer than he can/should go without a bathroom break.


Sending courage to DADAC. I'm sorry for the diagnosis and am sending you strength. You have it for life, but you can have a long life.

The guy who pisses out the glider has written to Dan, not a urologist, because he wants to go on gliding. Good news! He can.


"I'm in a bit of a state." Oh you Brits and your classic pathological understatement!

Also, what kind of a person has their dick bend like that and doesn't go see a doctor? He's just like, "nah, maybe write a columnist."


SWOMPS, SSRIs, blood pressure medications and antihistamines are known to cause problems ejaculating. So if you’re taking any of the other two in addition to the SSRIs, consider reducing them.


What a shame LW2 can't quite fit into the box of being the husband of Mrs Trying-to-Get-Pregnant-for-Two-Years-But Her Husband-Can't Finish-Inside-Her. (Although, now that I think about it, what would be really fun would be if she turned out to be the LW who felt retroactively violated when at 14 she wanted to explore her sexuality a little but the boy selected appeared to get sticky pants without her permission and she wrote to Mr Savage to get a blessing to badger the former Master Speedy for a retroactive apology. Thinking squared, that would actually be a rather fun apology to make. "I'm SO sorry I found you so hot I had an accident in my pants. I swear by Stephane Lambiel that it will NEVER happen again." Something like that might do.)

Poor LW3. I hope the answer gave him some comfort.

As for L1, I could say that tailoring gay insight to suit OS sensibilities would make (almost) anyone come across as pedestrian, but I won't.


Question for Ms Cute - do you know anything of the writing of Elizabeth Brundage?


BiDan@7 ~ “…wondering why a 37-year-old hasn't already thought of the blowjob-as-foreplay as an orgasm acceleration technique…“ or AFTER PIV? Occasionally, especially if I have been deliberately trying not to come to make sex last longer, I have found I just couldn’t despite trying every trick in the book. Usually just taking a break for a bit and letting things reset worked.

BTW ~ Commentariat, has anyone noticed that the bold and italic functions here aren’t working? What’s up webmaster?


Donny @14: Good point, there is no reason why a man's orgasm must be inside the vagina. +1 for your theory of "trying too hard" = "self-defeating prophesy."

I have noticed and it's disappointing! Bold and itals are much nicer alternatives to ALL CAPS, and when I want to quote another commenter. Agreed -- what's going on, and can this be restored?


I have a beef with the designation of anything besides PIV as "foreplay." "Fore" is short for "before," and so it diminishes and minimizes everything other than a penis going into some hole. I often orgasm several times before my partner's penis gets inside any part of me. I think of those orgasms as arising from "sex," not "foreplay." We don't say "oral foreplay" or "oral afterplay;" we say "oral sex."

If someone has a foot fetish, and after a delightful hour of kissing and licking a pair of beautiful toes, strokes himself while his partner either kisses him or says encouraging and dirty things and simultaneously rubs his/her feet against the foot-fetishist's balls until the foot-fetishist orgasms all over the partners' toes . . . and then told someone else about it, would he say he'd had "foreplay?" No, he's had sex.

If my lover for whatever reason confines himself to fingering and eating me and I come multiple times, would I say I hadn't had sex? I would not.

I have dated men who could only come through oral sex; I had a boyfriend who could only orgasm by using his own hand, even though in these cases, we did every other vanilla and some kinky things, too. I considered every entire episode, from beginning to end, to be "having sex."

Wish we would do away with the notion of "foreplay." It's all some kind of sex. If what someone means is that someone else (generally a woman, but not always) isn't ready for a penis--whether made of flesh or silicone--to penetrate her vagina or someone (either male or female) isn't ready for a penis to penetrate his/her ass until there has been more kissing, fondling, stroking, licking, what-have-you, can't we just say, "do more of the other stuff before you try to stick your dick into an orifice?"


@1 CMDwannabe: LOL----now THAT'S a golden shower (just joking with CMD, EmmaLiz)!
I'm with EmmaLiz @6 and BiDanFan @7: Couldn't HUNG just pee before going gliding, or is it because the angle of his penis is presently creating so much discomfort?


@13: Mr. Ven, I had not heard of her, but I checked her out, and she sounds intriguing. Which of her books do you like best?



Yes. There can be two 'points of no return' for men. There's the... 'oh man, this is happening... no matter what!!!' point of no return which just about everyone is familiar with. And then there is the 'oh man, this ain't happening... no matter what :(' point of no return. The more tired either I or my dick is, the more likely I am to experience the latter.

After you get used to the fact that it happens sometimes... it's no biggie, and the sex was usually really good, just without an orgasm for the dude. I also agree... a little rest and one is good to go again.


@nocutename 16 - Yes! This brings to mind the letter from a woman who identified as asexual but wanted to dominate men, and Dan was telling her, even if it's not explicitly sexual to you, even if nobody is having an orgasm, this will be a sexual activity for the men, FYI.

I think there's a lot of good in the idea of saying, "Hey guys, you have to get a woman excited first, don't just stick it in and ask her to think of England." But honestly, sex can be whatever we want it to be. It doesn't have to involve any bodily orifice to qualify as real.


@16 nocutename and @20 victorian platypus: Thank you both and bless you.


By the way, another good one, Joe.


Ms Cute - I am actually only familiar with Somebody Else's Daughter, which has passages written about ten years ago that could seem to come right out of today's culture wars. It seems she doesn't put out books quickly, but I may look into others.


Nocute @16: Hear, hear! Any activity which stimulates the genitals is "sex." I read an article yesterday claiming the "orgasm gap" was bunk, because it relied on a definition of "sex" as "penetrative sex" to claim that women weren't orgasming as often as men. When the definition was expanded to include all forms of sex, the gap disappeared. Funny, that.


@24 Caveat: any activity between 2+ people that stimulates the genitals is sex. I'm a little skeptical of the lack of an orgasm gap, especially since most of the primary sources alleging the gap noted a lack thereof in female- female couples, which certainly suggests that the definition of sex went beyond PIV.


@14 and @19
Curious - this can happen to women too, I wonder if it's the same sensation (generally when this happens to guys you're with they aren't real eager to talk about it in depth). You've been overstimulated, too much or too long, and trying to get your junk to work or even feel much just isn't happening. Like trying to defibrillate a dead flounder. Happens pretty easily w a too powerful vibe, if your junk happens to be on orgasm strike for no apparent reason (does this happen to guys for more than one day/hour at a time?), and of course any time you're bored and want to see if you can break your own record in number of orgasms in a row. Eventually you just numb out. To steal from Lisa Lampenelli, you'd have to hit my clit with a shovel for me to feel it. Same for guys?


I was also completely unaware that no foreplay for men was a thing. 15 years. Wow.


SWOMPS - you should really try Maca root to help with your libido. There have been a few studies showing that it's effective at combatting SSRI-induced erectile and libido issues. Also, it's cheap, GRAS, and has other adaptogenic effects. I've used it myself quite a bit over the years while on SSRIs and I can personally attest to its effectiveness. Good luck!


Has anyone else ever been walking on a bright sunny day, not a cloud in the sky, and felt a little drop of water hit them? I've always thought that either it was some kind of chance condensation in the air in otherwise dry conditions (is that possible?), or my imagination playing tricks on me. Thanks to HUNG's letter, I now know the truth.


@ 30 Ghost oSO, I prefer to think of those as icy meteorites. Space water.


WOW----slow week, or is everyone celebrating sunny PNW weather out sunbathing?
My beloved VW and I are the guilty as charged.

Catch Dan the Man and everyone next Savage Love,


Griz @33: Yes, this week's column has to set the record for fewest comments! I guess not many of us are hang-gliders.

Hunter @26: I don't think your "let's pretend every letter writer is gay" thought exercise needs a revival.

No @27: Seconding that "the orgasm just isn't going to happen" happens for people with clits, too. This is why many women fake -- many men can't accept this truth.


Wondering why gliders don't just wear adult diapers. Seems more considerate towards the earthbound.


Hunter @36: You didn't even get the length of their marriage right (15 years, not 17), so how is the rest of your "evidence" supposed to be taken seriously?
I admit it's strange that SWOMPS hasn't noticed his wife has a mouth and hands, but if he were a closet case, surely being in his wife's vagina would cause him to go soft, not last ages? Surely he'd already have thought of things -- ANYTHING -- they could do in bed that would avoid PIV? I dunno, MAYBE his entire thought process is "I am STRAIGHT! Straight men fuck vaginas! That is what they do! Nothing else!" Doesn't seem likely to me, but then again, it seems so unlikely that neither he nor his wife would have heard of fellatio, that I suppose anything is possible.


She's been kind to you Hunter, at least she responds to your ridiculous propositions.
Be grateful someone does.


Anything is possible but to jump right to "he must be gay!!" as the cause of any sexual issues in a man is homophobic in the extreme. You're right that I can't comprehend how a 37-year-old man wouldn't have encountered the concept of non-vaginal stimulation. I also can't comprehend how "he must be gay!" would even occur to anyone. If anything is possible, why are you jumping to a meme so "common" it's only you who seems to invoke it? And who has a "blind determination to always have a final, deciding word?" Hmm.


@34 BiDanFan: I guess this does break the record for fewest comments.
If nothing else this week, I got a good giggle over @1 CMDwannabe's suggestion of HUNG offering an airborne golden shower while hang gliding (I'd rather not be an actual recipient, however). The comment reminded me somewhat of a dayroom scene from One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. Now that's "pee-culiar".


Ms Fan @40 - I think we need a new term or several. The H word seems too strong and too general for the case.

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