Savage Love

Blown Away

Comments

1

See what a good friend Sam is, be like Sam.
Glad these guys have got it sorted and are enjoying themselves.

2

I love when straight guys think they're the users in these setups, it makes using them way easier.

3

NOTBI: He did a shitty thing, not you. Forcing your head without consent is assault.
Your girlfriend did a maybe-shitty thing. If the agreement was no dick stuff between you and him, she shouldn't have encouraged it in the moment even if it seemed hot, because that was the agreement.
You all did a not-ideal thing by not being as clear you thought. "Not being into guys" doesn't explain what will and won't happen between guys. "She's going to be the center of attention" could mean a lot of things. Discuss limits, confirm agreement, follow agreement.
You and she did a good thing by making him leave.

4

Wow, I would have loved to see Dan’s expression when he realized that THROAT had actually forwarded Sam’s contact info.

While performing oral sex does take effort, a significant percentage of people derive real pleasure in the act because they enjoy touching sex partners in that way. Add into the mix the opportunity to interact sexually with someone to whom you’re particularly attracted, but doesn’t have sex with members of your gender, and it is easy to see why someone would enter into an arrangement in which they are orally serving someone without expectation of reciprocation. One other thing that is often true, and may be with Sam too, is that unlike the receiver of oral sex in these situations who is hard up for sex, the provider of oral sex is often getting all the sex they need elsewhere. So for the provider, these arrangements are a fun add-on to their sex life, whereas the receiver isn’t getting anything anywhere else. That is why the receiver frames the arrangement as they do and worries about whether it is fair.

NOTBI is in a totally different situation. First, his story succinctly illustrates why changing negotiated boundaries mid-scene is a bad idea. The whole purpose of negotiations is too make sure everyone is on the same page, and no one is asked to do anything that they do not want to do. Yes, I have had partners get really turned on and ask for things they had earlier ruled out for that evening, but successfully changing boundaries requires a degree of deftness and proceeding with caution by not assuming that everything is now on the table. Here NOTBI was pressured by his girlfriend and their third to accept a blowjob. I fault them both for that, because this isn’t a situation where NOTBI himself was so turned on that he asked for a blowjob, rather he did it to please his girlfriend. Their third also behaved unacceptably by using physical force to coerce a blowjob and attempting to defend himself by trashing NOTBI to their mutual friendship. Dan is right to say that NOTBI should not worry what his friends think of him after this episode. If they side with the third they aren’t people you would want as friends.

5

Straight guy here, totally and eagerly into eating pussy, not really very interested in getting blown by anybody. I am perfectly happy to give but not receive when it comes to oral sex. So maybe the 1st LWs friend Sam is happy with their similar arrangement, as I am with mine. Not all guys enjoy receiving BJs.

6

I guess I'm being repetitive to Dan and commenters here, THROAT, but Sam sounds like a wonderful friend.
re: NOTBI: There is nothing worse than being forced into anything you don't want to do.
I third it, NOTBI, these highly inconsiderate people do not deserve you as a friend.

7

It's nice to read a story where everyone is happy. Thanks for that, Dan, THROAT, and Sam!

8

@1 Lava, ha ha, that's the perfect response.

TBH, I'm swamped this past week and I did not read all of Dan's advice. It seems to have come up a few times recently that people are hand wringing about unreciprocated blow jobs. Here's the thing IMO- if the blower is offering and into it, then stop thinking that you are using them any more than they are using you. It can be fun, this sounds like mutual pleasure, not the same thing as manipulating someone into servicing you. When all cards are on the table, it can be super hot and fun to be in that position and some of us thoroughly enjoy it, so sit back and chill and if in doubt then use your words.

9

ha ha now I finished reading Dan's response and got to say that I really appreciate that last bit! Yes if more guys were good at RECEIVING bjs, then some of us would be more likely to keep giving them!

10

I'll never understand how someone like THROAT can let someone like Sam suck their dick but is then too afraid to have an honest conversation about Sam's thoughts on the matter. Sam is clearly fine with it. So much time could have been saved if THROAT would just learn to open his mouth and speak.

11

Or THROAT rounded the number of blowjobs down because five blowjobs qualifies as "going steady." Ha ha.

I do have to say, "lasting a long time" may be part of what makes giving THROAT head enjoyable for Sam, but that same quality may contribute to getting less head from future women -- or at least fewer blowjobs to completion. While THROAT's got someone to practice on, he may want to practice accelerating his orgasm. The rest -- really getting into it, moaning, and talking about how good it feels -- great! But prove it by getting off before our jaws get sore. We thank you.

Will "please talk to my partner because I'm too awkward to do it myself" become a standard service offered by Dan? I can see floodgates opening...

NOTBI: Be glad your girlfriend had your back. My long-ago female hookup, whose boyfriend was supposed to "watch", didn't. Shitty threesome behaviour sucks, I sympathise. Some guys are entitled pricks -- you've just learned this the direct way.

12

Ankyl @3: I think only an intentionally obtuse person could fail to correctly interpret "not into guys" as, at minimum, "I won't suck your cock." If he didn't want his own cock sucked, he could have been more specific about that with both of them; as the first letter shows, "I'm straight" does not necessarily mean "I don't want any dudes to suck my cock." Nor does "she will be the centre of attention." Hopefully, like me, NOTBI has learned that boundaries need to be spelled out specifically when it comes to threesomes. Or reduce the risk of this sort of thing happening by only having threesomes where everyone is equally into each other.

Sublime @4: Good point that Sam may be getting his other sexual needs met elsewhere.

13

Not necessarily bad, yet it seems like THROAT is a very literal person. As Sam tells us he started unbuckling right after their initial conversation, and he also handed Dan Sam’s email right away despite it being a rhetoric question.

As some gay men can tell you, they blow quite a few otherwise straight-identified men who keep it as their very shameful secret. I find it refreshing that in both cases this week the assumingly straight dudes have no problem talking about it.

Refreshing or not, it seems like there’s also a rise in the number of women who gently or otherwise push men to perform a homosexual act of some sort because they, the women, think it’s hot. I also think it’s hot, especially when it’s done right and all acts are consensual.
Speaking of, I’m not sure how harsh should be NOTBI’s girlfriend verdict. Her desire to see him getting blown by the bi male acquaintance was indeed a violation, yet it seems like it was indeed a spontaneous heat of the moment thing, and she was clearly on page with acquaintance’ follow up action.

14

For the threesome, I agree that your third was a jerk - you went into the threeway with clearly-stated boundaries, and he tried to violate them. Not cool. You were right to kick him out. That being said, a good rule for any kind of sex is "don't do sex with people you don't want to do sex with." In 3ways, that means "don't have a threesome if you don't actually want to have sex with the other two people." It tends to end badly one way or the other.

15

Did THROAT check with Sam before giving Sam's contact information to Dan? I get angry when someone gives my contact info to ANYONE without my permission.

16

The issue would never arisen had they selected a straight male third. Hopefully this has been a learning experience for them.

17

Fichu @15: If THROAT and Sam are in Europe, THROAT would be in violation of GDPR. Hahaha.

Skeptic @16: For once we agree. If you're a couple asking for a threesome with a bi person, you should expect that the bi person will want to have sex with both of you because, hello, that's what bi means. However, it was Third's responsibility to say "hmm, a threesome with a couple where I only get to play with the girl? Sounds dull, no thank you" instead of agreeing and pushing his own agenda. Hopefully this has been a learning experience for all of them.

18

Why do any of us do anything without expectation of reciprocation or reward? Because we can ... and because we like to help others (at least occasionally). Sam was being an altruistic friend (with benefits, definitely). Even though he'd been joking in his reply to THROAT, when he saw that his offer had been taken seriously, he didn't take it back - because that rejection would have caused his friend emotional pain.

In NOTBI's situation, the other man was a selfish asshole. Next time (if there is one ... with anyone), NOTBI and his gf have to be on the same page of the script first before they start improvising. So no spur-of-the-moment choreography unless they've discussed the repercussions.

19

NOTBI's 3rd is bitching to their mutual friends? What does he expect the mutual friends to do about it? If I were a mutual friend and anyone complained about anything that someone else hadn't done sexually, I'd offer weak sympathy and say that they shouldn't have sex with them again. Note that that's different from what someone HAS done sexually. I mean, if I'm told that someone has been rough or violent or mean, I'll think less of them. But it's not mean to turn someone down no matter what the popular culture would have us believe. (I'm thinking of Elvis's "Don't Be Cruel" where apparently the love object's cruelty consists of turning down a lovesick man's advances.)

20

Oh, and if I were that mutual friend who had one person rope me into hearing about their sex life and then another person demanded that I hear their side of the story, I'd go running away screaming and tearing my hair and have nothing more to do with the lot of them

21

BDF @ 11 - "Or THROAT rounded the number of blowjobs down because five blowjobs qualifies as "going steady." Ha ha."

Thanks for the laugh. But you probably hit the nail on the head.

22

Letter 1...HOT! I have a gay friend who would love nothing more than to give me a blow job, or more, but he appears to be the only gay male in North America in a monogamous relationship...smh. I WOULD reciprocate. Oh well we have lots of sexy texting back and forth.

Definitely a huge fantasy of mine to have friends that are good enough to enjoy that type of connection. So far it hasn't happened but hope springs eternal.

23

@13 Many straight dudes aren't. There are also plenty of straight-ish men who feel that if they just shut their eyes and believe hard enough, they will magically protect their heterosexuality from their own arousal and actions. In THROAT's case, he is clearly into it as Sam attests, and that throws a wrench into the straight narrative. NOTBI, for his part, is straight and shows as much, so his acronym is apt.

Personally I think if they're not comfortable talking about it, they sure as hell shouldn't be doing it, but nevertheless it happens and there's not much my wishful thinking can do about that. All we can ask is that the gay men who do this for straight-ish or closeted men are getting enough pleasure out of it to feel like it's justified, they're the ones whose opinion on this matters, and I'm pleased to see that THROAT has concern for his friend's pleasure. That's more than most of these setups, he does deserve credit for that.

Certainly these acts aren't deserved, but then again, life's never been much about fairness. It's not really my place to judge something consensual just because I criticize its participants. So long as Sam's happy, it's fine.

24

Folks, forced oral penetration is called "rape", per the FBI and plenty of local jurisdictions (and "sexual assault" otherwise). The bi asshole third tried to rape (or sexually assault) NOTBI. If using physical force to sexually penetrate someone's body who doesn't want to do so can't be plainly and simply recognized as rape, I weep for us. Euphemistic framings reinforce rape culture; knock it off.

When NOTBI's mutual friends bring up that time the bi asshole tried to rape him, about which the bi asshole is apparently complaining, I'd suggest responding with something like, "You mean that time [bi asshole] tried to rape me? Yeah, I definitely 'freaked out'. Because he tried to rape me." Name his rapey behavior in all of its illegal, sexually violating splendor.

25

Fascinating to hear from both Sam and THROAT. I dont know if it's practical but I'd enjoy it if Dan did a bit of the Nev Schulman and reached out to the "other party" in his letters more frequently.

26

That first letter and response had me laughing a lot! I'm Dan was able to help these guys.

That second letter was much less funny. Dan is right: your third was an asshole. I think in this context "rape" is a little extreme, but it's definitely something.

I disagree with the other commenters regarding threeways and mutual attraction. You're a straight dude so you'll never be attracted to a man, so then your girlfriend would never be able to have a MMF threeway. There's bi dudes out there that won't try to force your mouth on their cock.

27

@24 You could just call him a rapist instead of referring to him as 'bi asshole' (an oddly specific name, I think you'll agree) all the time.

28

To add: I disagree with others calling letter two and the attempted forced bj as rape. I think that does a horrible disservice to people who are much more violently assaulted and raped. This wasn't rape, it was shitty behavior, and I'd never want to be in a room with him again, but it isn't rape. This is exactly why so many swinger couples won't play with bi identified guys when the husband is straight, they are worried someone might try and force something. I always have something in my profile like "if you are straight, you won't have a problem with me, who would want to touch someone that isn't interested in being touched"...assholes I guess. That is what this guy was.

29

I think you're all being a little harsh on NOTBI's girlfriend! He didn't say, "I absolutely did not want to get my dick sucked, but my girlfriend talked me into it," he said, "I wasn't sure about it at first." Add that to her being on his side at the end, and I'd think it was less her coercing him when he was totally unwilling, more him being kind of into it but on the fence and her gently pushing him over, which happens in LTRs. Maybe not a great idea to push him over during the act itself, but I would chalk that up to her being a bit too trusting rather than actively shitty (though maybe I'm biased, also being a bi woman who thinks guy-on-guy is hot)

30

Camlyn @29: I'm a bi female who thinks guy-on-guy is hot, and I think NOTBI's girlfriend was an asshole to push this on NOTBI, even if it was, as CMD says, "in the heat of the moment." Though maybe I'm biased, having been in a situation where two people ganged up on me to pressure me to do things that hadn't been previously agreed and which I didn't want to do. Good for her for pulling a Darth Vader and changing her stripes when an even bigger violation was being attempted, but if NOTBI had said "no gay stuff" up front and she said "oh come on, it will really turn me on" in the moment, she's a selfish jerk. In the moment was not the time to attempt to renegotiate whether NOTBI getting head from Third was on the table. I agree with Sublime: In the heat of the moment, people DO get carried away, so you should say no to semi-sexual situations with people you don't want to have sex with.

I would describe Third's head pushing as sexual assault but not rape, for whatever that's worth.

31

Sorry, wrong commenter: I agree with Traffic Spiral @14. I knew there was a letter S in there somewhere.

32

@30, sure, I'll agree that in that scenario, she'd be an asshole, I guess my question really is how pressure-y was the pressure, if that makes sense. There's, "I know you don't want to do this, but I really want you to do this," which is not okay in most situations and definitely not in sexual situations, and there's, "I know you kind of want to do this, you should go ahead and do it," which is different. Again, maybe not a great idea to change your mind about negotiated sexual rules in the moment (though we don't know what those rules were, I've had experiences where people have straight up said, "I might not want to do this, but maybe I will," which is DUMB but happens, so how much of a violation this was also depends on what the rules were, exactly), but not a selfish jerk idea, just a stupid idea.

33

@32, I'm also sort of basing my idea on the tone of the letter--admittedly, NOTBI doesn't mention his girlfriend that much, but he doesn't seem like he's upset with her, so I'm thinking maybe she didn't do anything that upsetting? Of course, maybe he is upset with her but wanted to save characters, but operating purely on the (limited) info in the letter, I'm guessing he isn't, and he, unlike me, was there during the threesome (and during their relationship), so he knows better than me exactly how she behaved and whether it was okay or not.

34

Both of these men are closer to bi than straight on the Kinsey scale and both are selfish assholes. Giving or taking isn't the issue. If you are into same sex partners you are a bit less than straight. Our orientation is no choice. If it was a choice any smart person would choose bi. You'd get laid a lot more.
If God gave you a choice to be right or left handed where right is the norm and left is weird and considered "evil" wouldn't it be best to swing both ways? I know I would, I could get a lot more hot wife action if I let the husband lick my balls.
There have been two times I was deceived by transexuals. It was during the most skilled blow jobs of my life that I discovered they were males. I could have just let them finish and no one would ever know. But, it just doesn't work that way. Once I knew they were male all libido vanished.
We do have a choice on who we fuck. We have NO choice on who we WANT to fuck.

35

For the second letter, I'd like to know if the couple has a pattern of GF's encouraging LW to try new, different and/or doubtful things, and that it usually turns out well or at least okay. That would be highly useful in mitigation. If forced to lock in now, I'd go with Ms Fan, who is, after all, the Expert Witness. On the limited information available, I'm not sure whether it's more plausible that the idea came up and GF, who hadn't thought about it before, liked the idea, or whether GF had it in the back of her mind all along that she could nudge the scene in that direction.

36

I'll estimate that I'd give the situation of the first letter an LMB about 90% of the time, but this is the rare occasion that gets FTWL instead. (I trust the assembled company will forgive a conqueror of conversion therapy for not finding orientation-crossing "hot", and wonder whether people would be so enthusiastic - or some perhaps more so - if, say, some well known Supergay were revealed to have been boinking a female sidekick - similarly, perhaps, to the situation of Mr Rodriguez during the shooting periods of the original Queer Eye series.)

Good question of Ms Fichu's; the presentation of Sam made him seem quite ready to chat, as if he were prepared, but LW seems the sort who finds communication a bit painful. Possibly Sam's working in marketing makes him used to having his contact information spread far and wide. Here my own experience of being used to post people's telephone numbers on the internet (to a group of my bridge players, because the people involved are looking for partners) may bias me.

The one incomplete I'll give the letter is that we don't learn whether Sam has given up SS dates or hook-ups. He's well-positioned for LW's eventual relationship, but the big question is what happens if Sam finds someone first. The first suggestion of my cosmic vibrations (but I have the tail end of a cold, and the vibrations may be off) is that LW would moon about and that Sam would feel obligated to continue the arrangement, either openly or covertly.

37

I also hope that this does not count as Mr Savage's annual Gay Male Penance Column, given that the male population of the letters is only 25% gay.

38

Camlyn @32: It's true that we don't have a verbatim transcript of what was negotiated ahead of time. So we don't know what the ratio of clearly stated boundaries to lust-inspired assumptions was. Regardless, if someone is reluctant to do something, it's best to err on the side of NOT pressuring them. This isn't a DTMFA-worth offense, perhaps, but she does owe him an apology for getting carried away and letting her desire take precedence over his boundaries.

BoJo @34: Hahahaha. Speaking as a bisexual, any smart person would choose to be straight, because your life would be so much simpler. Getting laid about 5% more doesn't make up for all the crap we get. And wow to your transphobia. Your trans partners WEREN'T male, and perhaps you should take some time to get to know people better instead of just letting any rando suck your cock if that's how you feel about trans folks. If nothing else, please do THEM the favour of saving them from accidentally fellating a bigot.

39

"She had a particular aversion to oral sex—both giving and receiving."

I've only been with one woman who didn't like giving, although she didn't mind receiving. I can still remember her reason: "because you pee out of that thing." I didn't pursue it further but my guess is that she may have had a guy once pee in her mouth and she couldn't get over that.

I've also only been with one woman who didn't like receiving (although she was a very eager giver...and very good at it.) I asked her why she didn't like receiving but she avoided any kind of reason. My guess is that she had "issues" about herself...perhaps some guy told her she smelled bad and she couldn't shake that. She was really sexy and I really wanted to please her that way, so I asked a couple more times, but when she continued to say no, I never asked again.

40

Roma, it's possible that these women are suffering from those traumas, but it's also just as likely that they just don't like it. I'm not a big fan of receiving. It's fine, but on my list of things I'd like to do, it's not even in the top dozen. So unless a guy is really into giving, then I'd rather just skip it. My reason has nothing whatsoever to do with insecurities about my smell. And I've had some guys who were very good at it. I just find it awkward and insufficient- there are a dozen other ways I'd rather orgasm that are more pleasant the entire time.

As for the "you pee there" I had a guy say that once when I was very young. As for someone who refuses to give for this reason, I think that's mostly an excuse for being lazy and selfish. Yeah, it is gross if you think about it in terms of pee and poop, but then all sex is gross if you start thinking of the body fluids. The majority of us manage to compartmentalize. Maybe there are some people out there who can't.

41

I'm not a big fan of receiving. It's fine, but on my list of things I'd like to do, it's not even in the top dozen.

You're absolutely right, EmmaLiz. It's possible she simply didn't find any pleasure in receiving. I realize there are women like her (and you), but she's the only one I've been with who was like that. Every other woman I've been with has loved it.

42

Roma @41 - I'm another who doesn't much like receiving oral; and I did assume that part of my reluctance was about body issues and shame (even though that didn't feel accurate)...

And then I had a breakthrough this year where I learned that I enjoy receiving rimming much more than cunnilingus. So, well, I absolutely think butts are gross -- and yet when I'm aroused I can get over that because rimming feels good. The best part about rimming is there's no expectation that I'll come from it. So I can just relax into the nice feeling and get out a vibrator if I want to come. It's low pressure and feels really good, whereas cunnilingus is high pressure (why haven't you come yet?!) and only feels moderately good.

43

Dick-wad complains he didn't get to get his orgasm after making sure his two partners got theirs [because he acted like such a complete ass they had to throw him out of the apartment]. Oh right, he kinda forgot to mention the part in brackets. When you behave like a sack of shit you get put out on the porch like a sack of shit. Funny how getting tossed out of the game for personal fouls ends up costing you your orgasm. Not only did you do nothing wrong, I think maybe you need to start spreading the word about this guy every bit as enthusiastically as he is going about running the two of you down. After all, he doesn't take No for an answer, and that is a first class dealbreaker offense to most. People need to know he is a low-grade sexual predator.

Frankly he's lucky you didn't punch his nuts in when he tried shoving your head at his dick.

On the other hand, your girlfriend owes you a fucking big apology for siding with the asshole and egging you on the first time you said you were less than comfortable.

44

@28: "I disagree with others calling letter two and the attempted forced bj as rape. I think that does a horrible disservice to people who are much more violently assaulted and raped. This wasn't rape, it was shitty behavior,"

Bullshit. You are halfway correct that it isn't rape -- but that's because what it is actually, is "ATTEMPTED rape." The only thing that makes it not rape is that he didn't manage to shove the guy's head onto his dick. If he had, then it would have been rape. Since he didn't manage to complete it, it was attempted rape.

Not "shitty behavior." That's the correct phrase to describe you trying to excuse him.

45

Avast @44: How on earth is calling someone an "asshole" and saying they engaged in "shitty behaviour" "excusing him"? All Coolie said was the assault was not rape, which you agree with, so stop going on an attack where none is warranted. That's shitty, too.

46

@45: BiDanFan, I agree with everything Avast said @43 and 44.

47

BiDanFan @45: perhaps we are splitting semantic hairs here but what I meant by "excusing him" is trying to downgrade his offense from something serious enough to be prosecutable (attempted rape) to something merely obnoxious ("shitty behavior"). To my mind, attempted rape is a whole 'nother level beyond mere "shitty behavior," and trying to downplay what he did to the point of decriminalizing an act of sexual assault is ethically questionable.

48

I have to wonder whether various people here would feel the same way if the perp had been trying to force his dick in the mouth of a more than marginally unwilling female, whether she was a participant in his threesome up to that moment or not. It's pretty obvious that it's full-on attempted rape -- not just shitty behavior -- when he's attempting to forcibly penetrate the mouth of a woman.

And any guy foolish enough to try and claim under that scenario that it wasn't the fully criminal act that it was, would get roasted, and rightly so.

49

calling your reaction "insecure straight-boy freak-out", aka implying that you are somehow homophobic, is some serious Trumpian gas-lighting. I'm gay and It's not uncommon for me to let someone suck me but decline to suck them for any number of reasons. Or fuck someone but not be in the mood to get fucked. It's all about how I feel in that moment and what turns me on about who I'm with. Now, with a boyfirend I expect reciprocity over time (not with each time we have sex, but over time) but with casual sex with, do what feels good and you don't even owe an explanation when you say no. And if he keeps buzzing in your friends ears about you, confide in them the real reason was because his dick smelled like head cheese, and it's turned you off of the idea for good.

50

Avast @47: Yes, "splitting semantic hairs" was what I objected to your doing to Coolie. And no, I wouldn't call an unsuccessful attempt to push a woman's head "rape" either. I agree that it's attempted rape, or sexual assault -- and definitely shitty behaviour -- regardless of gender.

51

It seems as if "s* behaviour" ought to be sufficient condemnation on its own. This feels similar to how I want to be extremely sparing with calling things "homophobic", because calling something "anti-gay" is quite bad enough for me.

52

42/Erica & 40/EmmaLiz: In my original comment about that one woman I was with who didn't like receiving oral, I should've added that the reason I guessed she had body issues -- as opposed to simply not liking it -- was the way she reacted the first time I started moving in that directlion. She pushed my head away quite forcefully, as if in a panic. To me, that said she REALLY didn't want my mouth (and nose) near her pussy and that doesn't strike me as the kind of reaction someone would have if they didn't have body issues.

Interesting discovery you made, Erica. Have all of your partners been willing to oblige? I've only done that with one woman (the sexiest woman I've ever been with...also, unfortunately, the meanest.) She really liked anal sex, so she was already comfortable with that part of her body. The funny thing about it is that it involved melted chocolate (I can't remember which one of us had that idea.) You'd think that might be off-putting, licking something gooey and dark brown from that area -- and I'm not a person who enjoys mixing food and sex -- but it actually made it quite enjoyable (and very delicious!)

53

L2W: "I said no, he kept badgering me to do it, I kept saying no, and then he physically tried to shove my head down toward his crotch."

I'd say that physically forcing someone -- a man or a woman -- to do something sexual after they said no (and said no repeatedly) certainly qualifies as sexual assault, and possibly attempted rape. And then this asshole has the nerve to claim the other guy had a "straight-boy freak-out." I'd call that anus icing on an asshole cake.

54

@Roma, I've only come to this discovery recently, so I'm still exploring it. A partner encouraged me to rim him, and to do so I sat and figured out how much of my reluctance was really risk-based versus visceral, and what sort of cleaning would address the actual risks to my satisfaction, and then having done that work... I decided it would be fun to try myself, and, lo, it really was! Haven't incorporated food (that doesn't appeal), but sometimes we do it through underwear, which is still satisfying.

55

Bi @50: If you see no difference between the kind of behavior that gets someone called an asshole, and the kind of behavior that gets someone thrown in prison after convicting them of criminal charges...I dunno. Okay, then.

56

If he feels he needs to reciprocate but a blowjob is out of the question, maybe he should give a handjob. And if getting his buddy's spunk on his hand is an issue, they can use a condom.

57

Avast @55: Have you ever known anyone that was convicted and thrown in prison for ATTEMPTING to push someone's head onto his dick? Only 4% of men who COMPLETE a rape end up convicted, so what chance does anyone in NOTBI's shoes have of getting his third prosecuted for the shitty act of sexually assaulting him?

So, no. Theft is a crime AND is shitty behaviour. Driving drunk is a crime AND is shitty behaviour. Just because something is one, does not mean it cannot be both. Prisons are full of assholes, are they not? My point is that there's no value whatsoever in confusing "not using the 'right' words to condemn" with "excusing." Coolie DID condemn the behaviour, and didn't deserve to get flak over his word choice.

58

If everyone seems content, quit worrying and go with the blow.

59

WOW! A slow week? No Lucky @69 winner yet? No Omnipotent Comment God, DonnyKlicious? Sadly, nothing to add, so griz will rejoin Dan the Man and everyone next week.

Griz update: I have been busy with our local musical theater production of A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum. We had our final matinee show today--and wrap party. Griz is still in her Anne Klein toga, and about to watch National Lampoon's Animal House again ("TO-ga! TO-ga! TO-ga!"--John Belushi would be proud) and online course (A- on week 12's assignment!!!!). Now griz has to go out sustainable job hunting in the film and TV industry (gulp!).

60

My prediction is that THROAT's ex-girlfriend will be giving her next bf blowjobs.

61

MickLak @60: "She had a particular aversion to oral sex—both giving and receiving."
What could possibly make you think she'll be over this by her next relationship?