Jul 20, 2018 at 4:22 pm

Savage Love Letter of the Day

Comments

2

Damn, raindrop, you beat me to it. Exactly what I was going to say.

3

He would love Comic-con and such

4

There's lots of people who keep weirder kinks in the closet for private enjoyment only. I don't see why the parent needs to be afraid that the son won't find a good partner.

5

Just let him fuck a pokemon no harm no foul

6

He's just a particular brand of furry. Honestly, once he starts making his own money he'll buy fleshlights and plushies and no doubt eventually, with the use of the internet, find someone into the same. @4 actually I think this is probably something that could bond him with someone, it doesn't have to be either/or. People with weird kinks who find other people with weird kinks tend to enjoy weird kinks better together.

You are jumping to some big conclusions assuming that this is the be-all end-all of your son's sexuality. In fact, you even act as if it IS his sexuality, which to me is more silly and pathetic a conclusion by far than "Pokemon are hot." I have kinks that I really enjoy, that doesn't mean I can't enjoy other kinks as well and it doesn't mean I necessarily must have them or else my sex life will be bereft of all joy forever for me. In other words, just because your son is into Pokemon doesn't mean he can't be into other stuff too. Furries are notoriously just about the most sexually open people on the planet and your son will find no shortage of partners if only he'll put in the effort to look. I don't think you have any reason to worry about your son, I do think you have reason to worry that you could do some harm intruding upon your son's business like this with a bunch of very weird assumptions of your own.

But LW, here's my question, does your son not have his own computer? Is he seriously jacking it while on some family desktop? Now THAT is gross, that's grosser than giving him his own laptop and letting him sort it out. If he does have his own computer, he's 17, what the hell are you doing checking out his search history? Whatever's happening here, it is weird that you know this about your son, you really shouldn't know this about him. The full extent of my parents' knowledge about my sex life is this: I'm gay, I'm a top, I like feminine guys, I have a husband. Not a single other kink has ever crossed their minds because of this thing called privacy and I certainly cannot begin to imagine masturbating on a family computer! Best not to think about what's underneath the keys you type on.

7

Huh, I thought furries and plushies were thoroughly mainstream at this point.

There are literal millions of people who will be into the kid BECAUSE of his kink, and humdreds of millions more who won't object to it.

9

Famed "head comix" cartoonist R. Crumb has spoken openly about how, as a boy, he developed a major sexual crush on Bugs Bunny.

So what's up, Doc (or Pokemon)? Apparently, nothing really new.

10

LW has raised a poly kid, but hopes this one will find someone to "pair with". That's not exactly poly-friendly. And then there's the "pathetic" remark. Putting it bluntly: LW is a jerk, or fake.

11

This is yet another repost that truly needs an update.
What happened to the kid?
Did he become a happy kinkster, or is he the incel his father feared he would become?

12

@6 lionface: You're right, this probably it won't be everything for him. Then again, we've also read the letters about people who won't/can't have or enjoy sex unless it's baby diaper playtime, or there's piss involved, or they're being flogged, or they're calling the other person(s) specific names, or they're touching not-swimsuit-zone body parts, or they're pretending that evil magic vines are suffocating them, or they're doing any of the many things that a minority of people are super into. For some people, it does mean they can't be into anything else.
If that's the case, he has opportunities in the wide world of furries and plushies. As far as embarrassing fetishes, this one isn't too bad. Well known, regular conventions, possible to explore in real life, and no ethical or legal implications.

13

Maybe I'm an outlier here? There is zero connection between the kind of porn I like to watch and the kind of sex I like to have in real life. Also, am I only the only person who thinks that it is so not any parent's business who/what their lid is sexually attracted to? Not in the 'do what you want in private but I dont wanna hear about it' way that some homophobes cling to, but in the 'I will respect any public dating/romantic choice you want to make, but I promise not to think about you having sex kinda way'.

14

Interesting thing is that this kid should become a movie producer, or business owner, or comedian, or politician. Because he's the least likely person to sexually harass his co-workers or underlings.
I think this snooper dad should thank his lucky stars he's not raising a het or gay male who's just into normal PIW (penis in whatever) sex, because you have to watch out for those guys: they're the sick ones.

15

Another snopping person. Agree with you choasgirl, @13, stay out of it. The kid is seventeen yrs old.

16

*chaosgirl.

17

@13, 15 I'm kinda of the "As long as you live under my roof...." school. If you're not mature enough to be taking on the responsibilities of adulthood, then you don't get the rights either, which includes privacy. Not to mention that 17 years of age is still below the cutoff for what constitutes being an adult, not much below, I'll grant, but still below.

As for his fetishes, well, it takes all kinds. It is harmless, and I personally wouldn't get freaked out over it if it were my kid. OTOH, I do reserve the right to laugh at any of my acquaintances I know who get into the furry/plushie scene. Cause that really is ridiculous.

18

Dear LW,

As long as he's not causing harm, stay the fuck out of his business.

19

@17 You want to know all about your kid's masturbatory fantasies because you pay the bills? That is bizarre and creepy.

20

Very subtle dig in the testimony of the Expert Witness.

21

@19, I don't think @17 wants to know about the kids masturbatory habits. I think he is speaking more generally, in terms of I pay for the computer, it isn't snooping to check the browser history. Until kids are old enough to be legally responsible for themselves (by this I mean that a parent is not held accountable by the state for what the child does) it is up to the parent to keep the kid out of trouble, keep them safe, and be pretty aware of what they are up to, etc. Which entails some lack of privacy. Kids trying to hide stuff from their parents because what they are doing is not okay, and parents trying to find stuff out to make sure their kids aren't doing anything dangerous or illegal, has been going on forever. Yeah, you might stumble over something you don't want to know and shouldn't bring up. Checking the computer history is not the same as searching between the mattresses to see what kind of porn mags he looks at. Side note: As a parent of teenagers, we are very open in our discussions about sexuality. At a minimum, they let me know if they need condoms, and it hasn't happened, but if they need to know something specific to safely do something they are considering and either don't know where to look for the information or feel embarrassed asking someone else, they know that they can ask me and that I will give them solid info without judgment. Which is very likely to include recommending OTHER resources because yeah, I really don't want to know the specifics of their sex life.

22

@21 In the absence of evidence, are you going to snoop on your kid's computer to check out what kind of porn he's looking at? There's no way there was a solid reason to do this if the kid had his own computer that wasn't purely curiosity on the part of the parent about his kid's sexual tastes. Maybe the hints he dropped were super weird and the dad wanted to make sure he wasn't a zoophile, I don't know. Most likely, the kid just used the family computer (gross) and that's how it happened.

Checking history doesn't actually tell you anything about your kid's sexual practices, it's not the same as checking their texting history or their message history, you're just looking at the websites they went to and the pages they viewed, so really, the only conceivable reason you would check your kid's browsing history is if you wanted to see what kind of porn they were looking at, so yes, it is exactly like searching between the mattresses, especially since nobody born after about 1990 has ever had to use print pornography.

It's wonderful that you are so open to your kids having sex lives and that you will not judge your kids, but (and I say this with all due respect) you will be the last to know about anything like that from them. They have to live under your roof and live in your proximity, knowing that you know some sliver of the things they do behind closed doors. The only way they would ever let it slip that they're doing anything of the sort is if they're particularly brazen and don't care, or, more likely, they're just clumsy about hiding the evidence.

23

Apologies for the run-on sentence.

24

I wanna be the very best
Like no one ever was
To catch them is my real test
To fuck them is my cause!

I will travel across the land
Searching far and wide
Teach Pokémon to understand
The sexiness inside!

Pokémon! Gotta fuck 'em all!

25

"My rocket's blasting off agaaaaaiiiiiiinnnn!"

26

Weird all around, but the weirdest part is that this is a grown adult man who has raised two children who is actually troubling himself overthinking about his nearly grown son's sexual attractions. Like, so what and how does it have anything whatsoever to do with your relationship as a parent to your 17 year old son? I think Dan should type up a standard answer for adult children worried about things they discover about their parents and likewise for parents worried about things they discover about their kids- like, so long as they aren't hurting themselves or others, mind your own business. It seems really overbearing and creepy to me that Dad is worrying about what his son jacks to. Yuck. Worry about how you're going to pay/support his post-college education/training whatever.

27

@22, if it is a shared computer, which there seems to be some consensus that it probably was, there are other reasons for checking the history besides porn. Seems to me like it might be need-to-know if your kids are looking up how to make mustard gas, what kind of drugs sell best, ways to pass a piss test, etc. There are all kinds of stuff besides sex that could cause a parent to think checking up on it was necessary. If his kid thinking Pokémon are hot is the worst thing this guy faces about his kid, he should consider himself lucky. Since I had to explain the basic mechanics of anal to my then 13 yr old (very awkward for both of us, but had to be said), thanks to some rumors going around the middle school, and my son did let me know when he needed condoms, I think we are good in the trust department.

28

@18 You would say that! Magikarp is the worst! At least until he becomes the great red Odori Ebi!

29

Teens reading this, two words: Incognito mode.

30

Oh, and buy your own computer and internet ASAP.

31

Calm down, DOPE. As far as kinks go, this one's pretty innocuous, and it's probably more common than you or I could ever realize. It's not for you, but that's about as far as your concern should go. Maybe the kid will grow out of it someday, or maybe not. But unless you're one of these hyper-progressive parents that actually wants to know about the sex lives of their kids, then it really doesn't matter to you. You want your kids to be happy? Let them pursue that happiness, even if it doesn't jive with your idea of happiness. What is it that Dan always says? "If you break-up with the honest foot fetishist, you might end up marrying the secret pedophile?" Something like that.

I inadvertently stumbled upon the fact that my stepson was into puppy play at one point. And yes, it was inadvertent, because the goofball left browser windows up all the goddamn time and even used my PS4 to watch porn on the living room TV when my wife and I were out of town. I totally don't get the appeal, but that's not my concern. My wife and I never confronted him about it, we just let it be, and from what I can tell, my stepson did outgrow that phase of his sexual development (again, I believe this to be true because he was very sloppy with his browsing habits).

But to all you snoop-shamers out there, get off your high horse. Not every kid is the same, some are a lot more guarded than others. My stepson attempted to take his own life a couple of years ago, despite my wife and I's best efforts to be there for him 100% of the time and also get him a team of doctors to help him through his depression and anxiety. Knowing about his Tumblr page (which was 100% viewable to the public) was the only window we really had into what was going on with him inside a lot of the time, and it still wasn't enough to try and rescue him during one of his lowest points.

So yeah, I "snooped" on my stepson pretty much the whole time he lived with us. He didn't know about it until he did some really egregious shit that necessitated my wife and I stepping in. Thankfully, he's turned a corner and is now a very happy, healthy individual who has made some tremendous strides over just the last year. It's been a long and difficult road to get there though.

32

There are lots of non-sexual reasons for parents to be policing computer/phone/technology usage, starting with the increasingly well documented fact that lots of products, especially social media (anything that sells your attention to third parties, really) is actually doing some pretty severe psychological harm to people generally and teens in particular. There's a reason a lot of Silicon Valley execs won't let their own kids have smartphones.

But I'd also say that, yes, parents should be policing their kids' sex lives online too. Porn is a great example of something that may be just fine for an adult but isn't a good thing for a teenager to be watching, in large part because teens learn about sexual relations based in part on what they see in porn, and a lot of that is either unrealistic (e.g. wanting to get with an animated character) or unhealthy, especially when it comes to depictions of women.

The job of parents is to produce healthy and happy adults. That requires a lot of intervention when it comes to what kids and teens are up to. You can't just leave a kid to his own devices and expect him to make good decisions. Making bad decisions is what teenagers do. It's up to parents to limit the opportunities for them to do so.

33

He's a furry!

Fortunately there are thousands and thousands of furries, all across the planet, most of whom are friendly, queer, well-adjusted nerds. He'll be fine.

In the meantime, I don't see the harm of indulging in a wholly-unrealizable fantasy, and I think a lot of shy / awkward / insecure queer kids are put off by mainstream porn. Cartoon porn makes for a great proxy: if it's something so abstract from your reality, it's easier to mentally insert yourself into the scene.

34

also @8: Nice 👌

35

Maybe the parent could try minding their own damn business and not be a creep snooping on the son's sexuality.

36

@32 Most of that harm is being inflicted upon teenagers, not by them. If porn made monsters out of teenagers then by now we would have no idea what a healthy relationship looked like. Many a vanilla adult has turned out to be terrible and totally uncreative in the sack. God help the poor teens who have overbearing parents.

37

Porn abstinence does nothing except make it more appealing to imprint onto weird shit or to perv on the people directly around you. It does nothing to teach empathy, which is the root of a parent's job in the realm of teaching social skills. Restricting porn is really only appropriate when it's a shared computer because I don't need to be using the same computer someone else uses for that. Otherwise it's a ridiculous and unwarranted intrusion into another person's fantasy space. I am suspicious and distrustful of anyone who would rather play-act being the morality police rather than teaching kids directly that something like consent is important. All you're doing is teaching your kid that you aren't someone they can be open with, so they won't be.

38

By "wants to fuck Pokémon", do we mean the characters...or the little cards? Staggering different implications depending on which of those we're talking about here.

39

33: are crotchless Pikachu costumes a thing?

40

@39 They call them "murrsuits," and yes. If it's a cartoon animal from the last 20 years, someone has a crotchless suit of it. It's the law.

41

Corydon @32, perhaps a father has a bit more room to address issues like this with their sons. As a mother of grown sons, no way would I have broached any of their viewing habits, with them. Finding stiff socks in one of their bedside drawers was the closest I’ve come to any of their inner sexual lives.
None of them had iPhones until they could pay for their own, and the computer was at their father’s house ( we lived separately, yet just a street apart), and though I used it when I stayed there, I never checked browsing habits.

42

@33 never seen a Pikachu but there's a bunch of Lucarios out there

43

@6 Lionface: My family, which I thought was upper middle class, could not afford to buy each kid their own computer. Or smartphone. Or cell phone of any type.

44

@43 I'm not asking for that. I'm asking for the basic courtesy of not jacking off using the family computer, or indeed a computer another is likely to use, because that's very rude, to put it mildly. Porn is a luxury that way. At least get some wet wipes or something to clean up when you're done.

Maybe this dad's real crime is not teaching his son how to clear the computer history. What self-respecting 17-year-old doesn't clear his browser history?

45

40: Is that the "Rule 34" of the costume industry?

46

Gardevoir is pretty hot.


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