Savage Love Aug 29, 2018 at 4:00 am


Joe Newton



@ 103: Sportlandia, it didn't sound reasonable to me or several others here and we made our attitudes known.

@eveyone/anyone who cares/is still reading: sorry for the lack of paragraphing @104.


Re: underwires causing cancer. The claim was not only unreasonable, it was insulting. Especially for anyone who has dealt with the devastating effects of the disease and had a family member succumb not even three months ago.


@100 nocutename: Congrats on scoring the Lucky Hunsky Award this week! WA-HOO!!
It sounds like we agree on a lot of things.
@101 BiDanFan: Wtf? I only meant that you're fortunate to not ever be subjected to any breast-related back or neck pain on the other side of the scale, like me. I DIDN'T say you "don't need a bra"--at least, not anywhere in this week's comment thread. What you're describing has truly got to be frustrating. Have you ever tried Bali bras? I feel for you.


@101: I'll shop for a flattering AA for you when you find ME a comfortable, flattering C-cup. Deal? Meanwhile, have YOU ever been called a "cow" in a lingerie department, especially when shopping with your small framed mother and people stare at you because you're taller, gawkier, and left feeling clumsy as an ox?


@101: I didn't fucking THINK so.


@sanguisuga: My condolences for your loss. May your mother's memory be a blessing to you.


@109 - as you likely have observed before, BDF, while sometimes providing good insights and contributing to the conversation at hand, can also be quite a forum bully and often noticeably projects her own experiences and feelings onto others (clearly you hit a sensitive note with your lighthearted original post stating you envied her). Sadly, I wouldn't expect much in way of an apology, however.


FWIW, having never worn a bra (except on my head), but shopped with my daughters when they were young...


@111 Thank you, nocute. I very much appreciate your condolences.


@ sanguisuga: My heartfelt condolences regarding the painful loss of your mother. I can truly empathize, ten years after my mother's passing and my father's joining mom shortly afterward---I love and miss them both. I hope you can find peace and comfort in knowing they will always be with you.
@112 aftertheafter: I know, right? But I honestly do envy people like BDF who will NEVER experience large breast-related back, shoulder, or neck pain, EVER. So BDF can't find a bra small enough in stores to fit her size--does she sew? Could she design something hot and make her own? If not, does she have a friend who could? Sometimes less proves to be more--offering more pleasant choices and fewer head and body aches. Sometimes I wish individuals like BDF could suddenly grow and have to carry size 68HH watermelons for a day, and then by nightfall feel for herself what misery she hasn't had to put up with having been among the small breasted.


Nocute @104: As discussed upthread, internet is usually the ONLY option for me, aside from "wait until I am in the US and go to Target where I can actually try things on." I found a site called which does stock my size, though unless you want "ultra padded," options are still limited. They had sadly discontinued the strapless bra I lost, and every other attempt resulted in a bad fit.
Thank you for the Lula Lu recommendation. They do have a 34AA black strapless bra, but holy cow - $58!? Plus $40 for international shipping!? I can't imagine paying so much for such a tiny amount of fabric! And upon further clicking, their strapless bra isn't available in 34AA and black. This is my life.
Glad your own independent research has confirmed what I've been complaining about!

Yes, Keira Knightley is a role model for all of us. As was Kate Moss in her day. I love the scene in Singles where Bridget Fonda goes to a plastic surgeon to inquire about breast enlargement surgery to increase her appeal to Matt Dillon, and the surgeon talks her out of it, saying she's perfect the way she is. <3

Griz @108: Semi-apology accepted, and I'll give you a semi-apology in return for flying off the handle. But really, when someone says that something causes them embarrassment and distress, it's super insensitive to say that they are "lucky"! We've already had this discussion, and I never said large busts aren't problematic as well. "You're lucky your breasts don't cause you back pain" is not the same as "you're lucky to experience the embarrassment and frustration you've just described in detail." We understand each other now - I hope!

Griz @109: I sympathise with family baggage. Honestly, I don't think you would feel so uncomfortable with your perfectly-within-the-bounds-of-average 5'7" height and C-cup boobs if you didn't come from a family of petites. But I never called you "lucky" or dismissed your feelings around your size. I'm truly sorry you've been made to feel bad about your body, as I've been made to feel bad about mine. ("Could her tits possibly be any smaller?" -- neighbourhood boys, circa 1984.)

After @112: Glad to prove you wrong. Everyone here projects, and losing one's cool after (you're correct) someone hits a sensitive spot does not make one a bully.

Donny @113: The Little Bra Company is one of those horrible sites Nocute mentioned that believe "little" starts at an A cup.
Thirdlove has a black strapless bra which is clearly a scaled-down version of a bra made for a large-busted woman, for $72. Plus $14.40 tax and $25 shipping.
None of the Good Housekeeping selections is offered below an A, and none of the models is small busted.

After @112, do you now see why I blew up at being called "lucky"?

Griz @115, I know the person who runs Kiss Me Deadly lingerie. I asked whether she could make me a custom bra, and she said no one would do that because it would cost about £200. And again, I never said I envy large-busted women. I don't! I envy B cup women.
Question, why not get a breast reduction if you clearly want to be smaller?


Oh, and just for completeness's sake, Bali at Amazon offers nothing in a 34AA either.


In fact, my search for Bali bras seems to have brought up images of nothing but very large ones:


@116: "They do have a 34AA black strapless bra, but holy cow - $58!? Plus $40 for international shipping!?" Well, I don't have to deal with the international shipping, which is a whopper, but I haven't paid less than $50 for a bra in over 20 years. I need a bra to be constructed well--supportive and not ill-fitting and not uncomfortable. That means I can't buy inexpensive, cheaply-made products. If I want a pretty one to boot, my options are more limited and correspondingly, the cost goes up. I balked initially, but for me, it's worth it.
I have at times, when I needed a bra and none were on sale, paid as much as $80 for one! But it's too much a necessity for me, so I suck it up. I don't own more than 2 or maybe 3 bras at a time, and need bras that will hold up through repeated wearings and washings. A bra I wear frequently generally lasts me about 2 years.


@116 & @117 BiDanFan: Good grief, Charlie Brown! $58 for a 34 AA?? And custom bras from Kiss Me Deadly are L200 (what's that--$400 USD?) No wonder you're frustrated! That's extortion. You're absolutely right about my breast self-consciousness. I grew up feeling like a clumsy St. Bernard among pedigreed Dachshunds.
I'm in the same boat as nocutename---I have to suck up the cost (about $80 a bra on sale is about right), but buy three at a time that last at least a couple of years. I wish Lane Bryant had sexier bras (leopard spots or tiger stripes!!) in my size. The only wireless C's I can find are so matronly looking.
No luck finding a 34 AA from Bali through Amazon, either? Rats. What if you designed something hot and made your own? You mentioned Target--maybe sometime when you visit The States?
About breast reduction surgery: it's too crippling an expense--about $70,000 I don't have---!!!---and, according to my gynecologist, not 100% fail-proof either. Reduced menopausal breasts can still sag again later on. She says it's not worth it.


Nocute @119: The only consolation I've had with my difficulty in finding bras is that they do tend to be cheap. Which only makes sense given the small amount of material that goes into them, and the little amount of work they have to do! The most expensive bra at Little Women is about £30, roughly $40. Teen bras and stuff from China can be cheaper, but given that I had to order four bras recently to get one that fit (only one of which could be returned), I'm in the same price ballpark as you. Thankfully they do last several years! I hand wash them and I don't put them under a lot of stress.

Griz @120: I do visit Target whenever I'm in the States. But flight prices sure do make the cost of a bra go up!

Sigh, so the majority of us either have to make do with matronly bras or childish ones. Who knew boobs were such a curse? :)


BiDanFan @121: "Sigh, so the majority of us either have to make do with matronly bras or childish ones. Who knew boobs were such a curse?" I know, right?
Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if God had created us women first, and if my mother, sisters, aunts, female cousins and grandmothers could have been larger framed and built more like me.


"Ashley Madison is back, baby, and lots of women—real women, not the bots that plagued the site pre-hack—are using it."

Riiiiiiight. See, men are desperate enough for sex that they'll fall for pretty much any cheap scam in the book.

Ashley Madison is one of those scams, right along with ten thousand other "dating" sites that use the same formula of creating a million fake profiles to make it look like they're not actually the ghost towns they are.There's a reason these scam sites are so popular.

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