I recently entered into a committed relationship with a wonderful woman. I adore this woman, she adores me and our relationship has developed quickly. I’ve never cheated before. Unfortunately I had a serious, selfish, and cruel lapse of judgement on a weekend away from her where I met with a woman from my past. Looking back I recognize I set myself up for failure through even communicating with this woman and then mixing in alcohol.

The next morning I woke naked next to this woman filled with disgust and regret for what I had done. Everything about it was a mistake. Betrayal of a partner is something I’d sworn to never participate in. Yet here I was. How could I do something so hurtful? The incident itself, and then being with my partner have made me reevaluate how she is the only person my life I want to be physically or emotionally intimate with. I will NEVER cheat again. I’m presently getting counseling (solo for now), abstaining from alcohol, and assessing a lot of my life to become a better person and partner.

My question is, do I tell this woman about my one time infidelity, or do I shoulder the guilt, become a better partner and move on?

Dumb Idiotic Cheating Kantian

If she had done the same thing—got hammered and cheated on you at this early stage of the relationship, immediately regretted her error, got her ass into therapy and swore never to cheat again—would you want her to tell you about it or would you want her shoulder the guilt, become a better partner, and move on?

If you would rather not be told, DICK, then don't tell her. Even if you think you might prefer to be told—or you think you would prefer not to be told but have to wonder whether that's a self-serving delusion—you probably shouldn't tell her.

Eat the guilt, DICK, and work at becoming the man she already believes you to be.


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