Savage Love

Lost Kinkster

Comments

1

It's not perfect but bdsmlr.com is where most of the pervs in the orbit of my tumblr have gone. Mostly BDSM of course, but there is a pretty wide variety of intensity and types of kink there.

2

4chan and 8chan have plenty of porn. Not a lot of supportive people though.

Also, a lot of people who DON'T do porn are being taken down during the tumblr purge. I know a lot of SFW artists who were screwed by this.

3

MMPC: Did all of your favorite Tumblr bloggers post nothing of their post-December 17 intentions? Not everyone has deleted their accounts yet, so reach out to your favorite bloggers and ask their them where they have moved. Many people made preparations to transition to other sites or posted lists of where to look for new content. Below is a small sample of sites that I saw discussed, with descriptions (written by others):

fetlife.com - One of the biggest kink communities online
mewe.com - Privacy-focused app with groups and private messages
thefetlibrary.com - For posting of erotic stories (replaces bdsmlibrary paid platforms)
libertine.center - Site for posting irl nsfw and kink stuff
bdsmlr.com - Microblogging and social media site for people into kink
blogr.xxx - A tumblr clone created specifically for sharing porn
swarmr.com - A tumblr clone down
deviantart.com - Community for posting art
furaffinity.net - A site similar to Deviant Art but for furries
archiveofourown.org - Specializes in hosting fiction
fanfiction.net - Another name in fanfic posting
royalroad.com - Hosts webnovels and other fanfic with a dark theme

pillowfort.io - Should function like tumblr but with improvements (Beta development)
poizen.me - Website for artists to post art and track comments (in alpha development )
qink.co - Plans to be a kink-oriented replacement for tumblr (pre-alpha development)

4

Just a side point, the rules that Dan describes for swingers clubs sounds more like those of BDSM clubs. My perception is that swingers are generally more touchy-feely than kinksters.

I hope that UNSAFE had a long talk with her partner about this incident and whether or not they will continue to attend swinger parties.

5

Sublime @3: Thanks for all the links! I was going to suggest Fetlife but clearly that's only the tip of the iceberg.

Sublime @4: Agree that the first question UNSAFE should be asking is, "Partner, how do you feel about this?" If the partner is similarly blasé about what happened, if he is not appalled and vows never to return to that particular event, DTMFA. "Ask before you touch" should be the rule EVERYWHERE. Swingers may be more touchy-feely than kinksters, since that's kind of the point, but that doesn't mean consent isn't key in both communities.

6

Not to mention safe sex...! The unwrapped penis man should be banned from that party, but for that the organisers would need to get their act together. And indeed: the writer’s partner hopefully sees things the same way - if not, then he’s not a good swinger and thus his swinging is not worth her GGG...

7

@3 thank you! Owned by a major corporation, Tumblr was fast, planet-wide, and Google indexed it well: hard to replace it!

I hope some internet centi-millionaire or billionaire with a kink, will set up a privately-funded Tumblr-like site, and host in a country that is sex positive and has legalized / decriminalized sex work. Have it serve all Tumblr's former communities, and with enough funding or some ad-supported model that it can be planet-class, fast and run in perpetuity.

Surely Jeff Bezos, Elon Musk, Peter Thiel, or a thousand other cisgender white male internet millionaires/billionaires are kinky? And miss Tumblr too? They can't all be buying bespoke porn.

Bezos is spending over $40 million to fund a ten thousand-year mechanical clock in a mountain: http://longnow.org/clock/

C'mon kinky .01%ers! Your future wanks depend on it.

8

@7 (delta35)
"They can't all be buying bespoke porn."

Thanks for the laugh. I guess it's similar to how obscenely rich people play chess, using human beings to move about a life-size board in which case "bespoke" porn would probably involve having a life cast recreate their every whim before their eyes for the ultimate in "bespoke"!

9

I'm glad tumblr porn is dead because I was beginning to see some legit creepy stuff. It was mainly with the "artsy" porn: gay, straight, bi, whatever, and it was on those pages that some definitely not OK stuff creeped up. I even deleted my tumblr account shortly before this ban was announced and haven't been back since.

I look at lots of porn. Lots. Everything from cuck to traditional to gay to cuck to toys to cuck to big dick to the occasional BDSM to cuck to big dick cuck to trans to MILF to FILF to big dick to cuck to daddy/son to cuck to mom/son to cuck to lesbian to cuck. I can't believe that the LW thinks there's not much out there, and I also question the assumption that LGBTQ porn is being harmed. How can ANYONE think this? There is so much gay porn on the internet it boggles the mind. Reddit alone has endless variety, as does erome (god bless erome) and even your standard, mainstream sites.

10

Correction to the above: I don't think erome has gay porn. Mainly just fucking awesome straight porn.

11

@7 delta75

Even better would be decentralized and open-source. And, fortunately, there’s at least one project like that’s trying to do that. Mastodon started getting press last year as an anti-corporate social network, taking it’s aim more at Twitter than Tumblr, but since the purge was announced a number of tumblr-refuge servers have popped up, including some set up for non-mainstream communities. I’ve only had a brief look, and it was a bit confusing to figure out at first, but there’s certainly a fair amount of activity. joinmastodon(dot)org

12

UnSafe- DTMFA for bringing you into an unsafe space after being GGG. wtf???? and if he's been to sex parties potentially fucking randos unprotected, get tested ASAP.

13

Thanks Sublime. Re: swinger parties, I've always had the same impression/observation as Dan but I'm sure there's variations. Maybe take the response of smearing that particular party organizer- warning others. The successful places should be the ones that would never say something like that about spotters. Like you need to bring your own body guards!

14

I like the expert's point about heteronormatives. A good definition of a fetish is something--well, some sexual practice--that draws from those who don't have this particular thing the reaction, 'no, you're doing it wrong. That isn't sex, that isn't it'. Or at least something apropos of which most people will have to make an effort to face down that reaction. To face down an ewww, or a moralized eww. This describes many constituencies' reaction to porn itself, in fact.

15

I'll echo what Dan said to UNSAFE: you did nothing wrong, the organizers of that party are shitty by allowing a shitty guy in and for attempting to shift the blame on you.
One thing I did notice is that you said you went to a swingers party but Dan assumed you went to a swingers / lifestyle club. If your experience did not convert swinging into a hard limit, and it was a swingers party organized by someone vs. going to a swingers / lifestyle club (a business at the same place, set up for swinging), then I would recommend going to a club for your next time.
Here's why:
My girlfriend and I go to a lifestyle / swingers club in our city and they have extensive policies and safeguards before you are allowed in. You have to attend an orientation where you learn about the facility - what the rules are, what is permissible where, how you treat people at the club both inside and if you encounter people in your day to day life, etc. They even make you sign a contract stating that you will abide by these rules, follow them, and that in addition to being barred from the club for breaking them, you may have to pay thousands of dollars to the club for violating the rules and are subject to lawsuits by the people against whom the violation was committed.
And the club doesn't rely on the honor system, they have staff and volunteers everywhere. One time I had my phone on my belt inside the changing room but I was not changing at the time. This was a violation of the rules and a volunteer stopped me and had me show him my phone (you agree to do this in the contract you sign) to prove I was not taking pictures or had set it to video mode. I showed him my phone was off at which point he told me I needed to secure it in a locker and reminded me the only place we were allowed to have our phones out was in the reception area.
So if you are still open to swinging, I'd recommend looking for an organized club in or near your city rather than parties where you have to rely on the host to properly screen people and enforce rules about consent, not say "why didn't you have a bouncer with you?"

16

My sympathies are entirely with LW1 - there ought to be so much "by-X-for-X" even if not necessarily "of X" to go around that nobody would every be threatened with a visit from Piglet's grandfather (good old Trespassers William).

18

I’ve not yet found anything to fill the tumblr shaped hole in my life. Surely the tech savy at risk youth could take a stab at it?

20

It’s all on reddit:
www.reddit.com/r/ListOfSubreddits/wiki/nsfw

22

@20 it's most definitely not all on reddit, nor on erome.

Or actually, too much is on these sites - you'll see 10 things that turn you off for every 1 that turns you on.

Tumblr re-blogging meant you could quickly get porn tuned to your exact interests, like a porn curator.

You just had to find a few people who reblogged the stuff you liked.

You didn't have to follow them first to see their feed, so easy to review a few hundred feeds till you found the right ones - tuned to the exact frequencies to make your tuning fork hum.

24

@22 I can't imagine needing to do some searching and sorting would be so much of a problem that it would warrant the kind of outcry that the tumblr shut down brought. And I felt that I did just as much of that on tumblr as anywhere else anyone (ok, maybe I'm not the tech savviest). No one is going to have porn that is completely 100% specifically curated to their exact turn ons (and besides, peoples' turn ons change and cycle and alternate and evolve.) Anyone who thinks porn without tumblr is somehow discrimination or "unfair" is spoiled and demanding. So what if you see things that don't turn you on? I see them all the time and keep scrolling. Fat dudes with small dicks fucking hot sorority girl with fake breasts while fake moaning aren't my thing at all, so I just keep scrolling or clicking until I see what I like. I don't think my identity and rights have been violated, and I don't think there's some kind of anti-gay, anti-cuck, anti-bi, anti-twink conspiracy.

25

It isn't just about porn, though. There has been a crackdown on discussions of sexuality in general. For a lot of LGBTQ+ people, tumblr is where they gathered to discover themselves, to help figure out where they belonged. It is (was) a truly anonymous space where you could pour your heart out and get encouragement or support. A lot of younger people living in bad situations can't exactly go searching for that sort of thing on the family computer without outting themselves and potentially losing their homes. Communities are being lost, and maybe they'll be able to reconvene, but right now everybody has been scattered and they're scrambling to find their people again.

I've been shadowbanned on my tumblr, and I'm somehow still getting followed by pornbots every damn day. Gee, they did such a good job making it family friendly, didn't they?

26

@25 There has never been a more open and tolerant period for LGBTQ+. And I flat out cannot believe that tumblr is where they/we all went to "discover them/ourselves" (whatever in the world that means.) Sure, some did, but to think that the tumblr LGBTQ+ is representative of all LGBTQ is misguided. Tumblr was a space for porn and for woke scolding and over reacting. It was hardly the progressive, open space that people like to think it was. And as for a crackdown on sexuality in general? Huh? Sure, CL took the step of shutting down their NSFW communities, but the amount of public outcry, and the fact that so much is discussed in the open, proves that this sort of prudish negativity will be short lived short lived. And there are countless options behind CL, which was a shit option to begin with.I think this is little more than a celebration (and exaggeration) of victimhood.

In short, we live awash in wonderful smut, easily accessible, and the average Joe or Jane can see more genitals in one day than the most elite of the pre-internet could in their whole lives. And the ability to connect with likeminded communities is completely unprecedented. Tumblr DID NOT and DOES NOT have a monopoly on that.

Reddit, for all its faults, does what you're claiming tumblr did. It is truly anonymous and there are communities for virtually everyone.

Or maybe we could push for a society where we're actually interacting in the flesh, in person, rather than in front of screen.

27

Correction to my comment (25): should have been "countless options BESIDES CL." Not behind.

28

Good holy god, correction to my comment NUMBER 26: BESIDES CL, not behind.

29

I don't like reddit or tumblr, and I think you are correct about the problems in tumblr- especially the scoldiness. Still, when comparing problems, I feel more comfortable handling the problems on tumblr than reddit simply because I'm a woman. Same with 4chan. And CL (back in the day) was nice because it was regional and had a larger cross-section- the regional parts of reddit tend to be smaller pools. I don't think any of this is intentional, but it does seem that the options being eliminated are the ones that felt more comfortable to women looking for smut.

Fetlife has become a big thing post the time I was actively looking for hookups so I've only ever browsed, but it seems to have the same problem of very small regional pools though I'm hardly an expert. Tinder and the like (other dating apps) are not anonymous- can be tricky if you don't want people to be able to stumble across you.

30

@29: We may be talking about different things, actually. Hook-up/dating sites vs. just porn sites (I was thinking of the latter.) If this discussion includes meet-up sites, then I'll defer to others.

Regarding 4chan: I thought that was supposed to be a disgusting, reprehensible place filled with trolls and overall vile people. I'm not saying it is, that's just the impression I had.

31

Christ. Why are you people so rabid in your denials? Your experience does not equal mine, and mine does not equal the hundreds of thousands of people who were/are posting on tumblr. I am just repeating what I have heard from the people protesting this ban. Deny it, refuse to believe it, whatever. It's obviously not your community.

You go ahead and search out all of the numerous hinky porn sites that are out there, scroll through thousands of offensive scenes to find the one or two that might appeal to you. I'd rather the stuff that I actually enjoy come to me via the blogs that I've been following for years, okay? I'd rather delight in the smutty fanart that my friends have decided to share with the world for free. Tumblr allowed me to curate my experience - in porn, in fandom, in community. I haven't been able to find that in any other online space.

33

@mikara, yes I thought of that after I posted. There's a difference between hookup sites and porn sites, though there is overlap and on some sites you can find both. For myself, it's been a long time since I was looking for hookups, but I've looked around and chatted (including sexy chats) with people on several of them over the years. And personally, I'd rather deal with with the sort of ridiculous scolding on tumblr than the edgelord macho stuff on reddit/4chan. Again, I was using it a long time ago so some of this might be generational, but I've found nothing at all that beats CL in terms of being able to find super specific and anonymous stuff from a surprisingly large range of people. But maybe the kids use something else now. Likewise with tumblr, there was a lot of cosplay type stuff and fanfic- I don't know if that has been affected by the ban?? as I've only ever casually perused that stuff. But yes, when CL personals died, I felt similar to how I felt when napster died! I suppose younger people feel this way about tumblr. And the internet does seem to be getting more impersonal, less free, impossible to be anonymous etc. Or I'm just being grumpy and old?

@sanguisa, I might not be following the thread as carefully but it appears the only person who has disagreed with you at all is mikara??

@venn, thanks for this recent post. It's always nice to be reminded just how much our experiences of the world differ, even when we are products of roughly the same culture. I'd expect to not understand the references of someone in the bush on the other side of the world, but it's always nice to see that I don't even get people who could be my neighbors.

34

There was also the lovely little 'get a grip you snowflake porn isn't hard to find get over yourself' rant @19...

35

Venn @32: "It occurred to me a few weeks ago how the oldies station that's always playing in the lobby of my Friday AL group doesn't seem to consider seventies music "oldies" yet."

Funny, Venn. Lately I've been lamenting the fact that 90s grunge is now considered "classic rock." Agreed with EmmaLiz: it's interesting how much our experiences of the world differ.
A health care divorce, I assume, is to get round the issue of a low-income spouse not being eligible for Medicare because their higher-income spouse earns too much money (yet presumably and paradoxically still lacks health insurance)? Capitalism and medicine truly do not mix; the sooner so-called civilised countries realise this, the better.

36

Re: Tumblr. I don't know why Dan didn't mention that the crack down was largely driven by fears of Federal criminal action -- there was both child pornography and prostitution occurring on the site. Since 12/17 some of my reposts are gone, but I still have way more than enough to enjoy, and I'm getting a steady stream of fun new stuff on my homepage. I also don't sense that any CONTENT was removed, only pictures of Penis'. Oddly, if someone has their Penis fully or mostly inserted in to someone else, it didn't get pulled. Also, if the post starts with some SFW things and moves in to full on Penis, it seems to survive. Their algorithm is not very strong. Could just be an attempt to police...

37

Hunter @17: She may also have got this way because of a bad hairdo!

39

@34 sanguisuga: I mean, you kinda sound like the world is ending because your porn isn't handed to you on a silver platter, curated exactly to your tastes. Your porn. Your entertainment. Not your life essentials (and I say this is a pretty avid porn looker atter.) And Tumblr should not ever have been the place someone "discovered themselves." Same with reddit or any other virtual space.

@33 emmaliz: Yeah, if the fanfic type stuff is affected, then that's unfortunate and annoying (for people who are into that.) But yes, I agree with you about the edgelording (a word I had to google, but a phenomenon I realize I've seen) and macho stuff on reddit. The "toxic masculinity" (one of the few new "woke" terms I actually use and agree is a thing) on reddit is a problem, and harder to avoid than the scolding on tumblr. I actually avoided woke tumblr very easily, but it still showed up fairly often. I have no experience with 4chan, other than hearing about its reputation. But my experience with CL was completely different from yours, I think. I NEVER had a positive communication with anyone on there, let alone felt OK enough to actually meet up. It was always horrid and vile. It may have been my location, though.

I guess overall I was just shocked at how negative the tumblr porn ban reaction was. In my mind, it's just PORN...it's awesome, but there's so much more of it elsewhere, and it is just amusement and luxury. It never occurred to me that someone would feel like their identity had been attacked. This seems like the very definition of a 1st world problem. (For the record, I hate the cliched phrase, but I'm tired right now and my in-laws are visiting and won't leave.)

40

UNSAFE: I'm sorry that happened to you! I agree with Dan, and hope "The Spotting Club" goes permanently out of business. The organizers and the shitty guy who violated you are at fault. I wouldn't blame you for avoiding swingers' clubs after a horrible experience like that. Your partner should be feeling totally ashamed of himself, too, for doing nothing and make up for it big time.

41

39 one more time. It. Isn't. About. The. Porn. Mmkay? I write my own porn. Got it all up in my head for easy access at a moment's notice.

It's about community. And just because YOU don't see it that way doesn't mean that people don't have legitimate reasons to be upset.

42

Obviously oppressive forces are gaining momentum, look at what has occurred in Brazil, on day one of the fascist President’s reign.
I’m sorry some of you have lost a community.

43

@42 LavaGirl: sigh Wow--that's sad. Neofascism is indeed a global cancer.

44

Joe, I just love your catsuits.

45

When I go to group sex parties I ALWAYS bring a spotter, just to catch me if I don't stick the dismount.

46

@45 DonnyKlicious: Did you see my comments to curious2 from last week (there was some mention of Opus the Penguin from Bloom County and I thought of you) ? Aaack-ooop!

48

Mikara, I'm going to agree with Sanguisuga. Lots of other stuff gets caught up in bans on "porn." Resources for queer and trans kids and for kinksters looking for safe ways to indulge dangerous kinks are among the items classified as "adult content" and banned. Along with the fanfic that EmmaLiz mentioned. This stuff is not porn; porn may be ubiquitous but these other things are not, so please stop telling other folks to get over it when things you aren't into anyway are taken away from them. Perhaps now you see why (other) people are so upset about what they CAN'T find easily elsewhere. Yay for you that you can still get your porn fix.

49

Ms Fan - Indeed. That was probably why I brought it up. I've known of several cases of seniors who couldn't afford to marry (including my mother, but hers was a matter of alimony rather than taxes or pensions), but can't recall whether I'd heard of such divorces before. He was no longer able to perform, and, with no source of income and most of the assets made over to her, was able to qualify for some government assistance. I don't think I'd heard anything about them for decades. (To Mizz Liz - they had the top song of the year in 1975 and a handful of subsequent hits suitable for what was once called Adult Contemporary)

Then, shortly after that post, I read that Olivia Newton-John, now 70 and coping with a third round of cancer, was calling reports that she has only weeks to live "greatly exaggerated". And here is an example for which I've long been searching. I think I most definitely prefer the last verse of "I Honestly Love You" to Mr Savage's hall pass for cheating. Perhaps early indoctrination is nearly all.

I actually did hear of Ms NJ some months ago, when (to give you a 90's reference) she was the subject of a tribute recording by Juliana Hatfield. I caught part of an interview in which Ms H mentioned "Physical" as the most interesting song to record, given its being rather more cheeky than the usual. That made me recall the video, which seemed a bit daring at the time. I also wondered what SJWs would have said had the video been released in 2018. [For the young: Ms NJ, in full Jane Fonda workout kit, is interested in a series of chubby men. She gets them into the gym and attempting, without great success, to work out. During an instrumental section, their shapes begin to transform in the shower. Finally, fully hunky, they pair off together, leaving their instructrix to shrug and smile.]

50

I remember that video. I loved it! Ms Newton John was much beloved by the gay community. Funnily, "I Honestly Love You" popped into my head the other day. I'd forgotten the verse lyrics, thanks for the prompt to go look them up. Though I don't think Dan would necessarily grant a hall pass for cheating in this particular situation. I'd hope that instead, he'd deem it grounds for an honest discussion about non-monogamy.
If any of Ms NJ's body of work (ha) would be changed for modern sensibilities, it would be her bad-girl makeover in Grease. Why did she have to ruin it by taking up smoking?

51

Wordpress has existed for four years longer than Tumblr, and allows explicit content. Host your porny blogs on their platform; immediate problem solved.

For hosting textual erotica on a platform you don't really need to manage at all, and that's had people.curating to specific tastes since before the Internet had images, you can use ASSTR.

Granted, I'm now an oldie old in Internet years, so I came up on newsgroups and independently hosted websites and 14.4 kilobaud modems over which it took five minutes to load a low-res image, and my baseline is different than people who only started using the Internet in the broadband-and-smartphone era. Also granted, I've never understood the appeal of the Tumblr platform specifically as opposed to any alternatives, so I may well be missing why people see losing Tumblr in particular as such a big deal. (The comments about things like safer sex info and community haven't elucidated this for me - that's content and userbase, both of which can be relocated without a lot of work.) I do think Tumblr's move is a stupid reaction to a stupider (and unconstitutional) law, though advertiser revenue in peril may have had more to do with it.

Honestly, most of the complaints sound to me like people upset they're losing access to uncompensated labor - both hosting and curation in this case (not to mention production - everyone has probably seen copyrighted works distributed without permission or compensation). It's not the end of the world, the Internet, niche porn, nor even specific blog communities. Relocating is possible, even trivial: move content to e.g. Wordpress and link from the Tumblr blog, allowing all community members to easily find the new site. You're getting pushback from people like me (possibly Mikara, I don't wish to speak for zir), sanguisuga, because to me it sounds like you're catastrophizing about a loss of some marginal convenience and labor exploitation you enjoyed.

52

Labor exploitation? What are you even on about? I've specified exactly why I'm upset. There is no 'it sounds like', there just 'is'. And Wordpress is a bloody joke. I tried to export my blog, but they weren't able to handle my 30k+ posts.

53

Ms Fan - If the video were made today, it might run into accusations of fat-shaming - unless, of course, it's only not okay to fat-shame women, and men are fair targets. Also, as the line between making unwanted advances and not making wanted advances gets eroded in grandmother's steps, the outright rejection of the female gaze would have another faction of opposition. I suspect that there would be enough by way of complaints to get the video rated P for Problematic by the SJW rating system.

As for what Mr Savage would say, it seems almost a case of Any Excuse Would Do - a child, or what a partner called a fetish too far, or they could play the Linnet Doyle card and claim they couldn't help themselves; he'd yield as quickly as Mary Boleyn did to Henry VIII rather than hold out with the determination of Anne.

What we don't know is whether the new attachment is the first, or, say, the fifth time in two years. Maybe the latter case would indicate that it might be time for discussing ethical non-monogamy, but I'd hate to think that would be the immediate go-to on Occasion One. I shouldn't want capacity for renunciation to be valued so lightly. But at least you seem close to the position of Demelza Poldark rather than that of Ross.

54

It's early Saturday am and Griz is once again, comfortably numb (yet again, amazingly with no typos!!). Red wine and another Brad Pitt induced movie night continuously works wonders. WA-HOO!

55

@54: No shit, folks--who'd have ever guessed that Cabernet Sauvignon would make for a kick ass spell check for Griz?

Congrats in advance for this week's Lucky @69 Award Winner! WA-HOO!!

56

Griz anticipates a delightful hangover. WA-HOO!

58

@sanguisuga and bidanfan (but mainly sanguisuga): It's easy to play the "you just don't understand" card, isn't it? Never mind that I spent tons of time on tumblr, and never mind that I don't limit myself to your typical straight porn, sex, or porn/sex communities. Never mind that my interests and even my identity is hardly in line with the mainstream straight community. I'm fully capable of observing and analyzing and formulating an opinion, and based on doing those very things, I still think this is a whole lot of snowflake nonsense. But sure, get all huffy and play the "you just don't GET it" all you want. It's easier that way.

59

@SublimeAfterGlow: "My perception is that swingers are generally more touchy-feely than kinksters"

Lol, yes.

I've never been to a swinger club but I've attended some mixed parties, and in my experience, swinger women do A LOT of flirting with their hands.

So, if you're a dude, and you don't enjoy unfamiliar women casually touching your arm, thigh, ass, or running their fingers through the hair on your chest or the back of your head, probably best to avoid that scene.

60

@Mikara: Your empathy is shit. Not the first time you've heard that, I'm sure.

This is part of a broader crackdown by feds, platform providers, and payment processors. You'll likely be singing a different tune when the prudes needlessly destroy something of value to you.

61

Mikara- your identity/sexuality credentials aside, it seems like you really don’t get it.
And as @ 60 rightfully points out, there’s a sinister bigger picture at play.

Sanguisuga- i have some adorable bridal lingerie i’ll proudly wear on our wedding night and beyond.

62

"catastrophizing" @51

That's the word I was looking for in the other thread regarding the formerly religious LW who is considering the affair with the mystery man.

63

@45Griz~ Yes, I did,, and a "Thhhbbbbbfft!" right back atcha! Hope your hangover wan't too bad.

64

@63 Donny: Fortunately I try to drink plenty of water and lime juice to stay hydrated when consuming alcohol, and didn't experience any of the usually unpleasant after effects. Although I slept in this morning there were no sugar rushes, either, and that was a good sign. "Thhhbbbbbfft!" right back atcha (your turn!)!
XO,
Griz

65

@CMDwannabe and Daddy: First of all, what empathy? I don't have much of it in this case, so yeah, it is shit.

And yes, I believe that allowing tumblr communities to define your identity is idiotic, narrow, childish, immature...etc. You're telling me that all the tumblrinas were lost and sad and miserable before that tumblr playground thing came along? You're looking to something like a blog site to save you from the evil prudes? You have got to be kidding me. That is sad. "But, you don't GET IT...it's the, like, BIG PICTURE stuff."

But OK, I'll agree that I'm wrong. Apparently there was a snowflake community of lost souls who "found themselves" on goddamn tumblr and now the big evil prudes (aka, tumblr themselves because they don't want to get into trouble for being too incompetent to prevent child porn from slipping through) have now destroyed their lives and stripped them of their rights.

You know, if the left wants to stop being called snowflakes, they need to stop acting like goddamn snowflakes.

The people actually pissing and moaning over tumblr's decision to not have grown up content (because they've realized they aren't grownups) kinda demonstrates what was so cloying about tumblr to begin with.

66

Isn’t that how the internet works Mikara. I’ve not noticed you comment before, so I’m not sure how attached to this community you are. For a lot of us, SL is an important community.
If some people feel tumblr was important as a online community to them, why can’t you acknowledge that and leave it be.
Snowflakes are beautiful and sturdy at the same time. And snowflakes together make a pretty awesome 😎 force.

67

Sangu and I have had run ins.. more they run in attack me then run out again.. I have never read them write so many impassioned words before. Such a response is about loss of connection to other people, Mikara.. and showing no empathy when someone is grieving part of their support group, however it manifests, is not understanding what empathy means.

68

Empathy is what you generate when someone is in pain, you may not know or understand why, that’s not the point of empathy. I have no idea what this site was,I get confused. Swipe left one I’m guessing it’s not. So I have no skin in the game. Been waiting to use that.
Anyway. Just cool it with your rudeness Mikara. Your point has been made.

69

Who will the big Lucky @69 winner be this week? Tick...tick...tick...

70

@68: Thanks for an opening I couldn't refuse, LavaGirl. (hee hee)

71

Mikara @ 65
“I believe that allowing tumblr communities to define your identity is idiotic, narrow, childish, immature...etc.”
In some cases, like LW’s experience and as some commenters here indicate, it’s the other way around: this is where they find likeminded folks, figure things out, and build communities.
This is exactly why some mind controllers would love to shut down that site, since this can be a space where people find out there are others like themselves and, good forbid, some may even get ideas.
So lets close it and make sure those freaks can’t spread the word. It worked with craig’s list personals, we wiped prostitution off the earth. “So yeah, it is shit.”

As for the excessive use of “snowflake,” it seems like you are actually trying to perpetuate the term. Admittedly I can’t figure out if it’s any better or worse than the “smug left coast privileged liberals” you used in the past. “So yeah, it is shit” again.

74

@Lavagirl and CMDWannbe: You both make a good point. And yes, I think I have fallen into a trap that I've accused lots of others of doing in the past (including SJW snowflakes): I did not find a community in tumblr (and found much of tumblr to be cloying) and so I criticized those who did use it for different reasons from my own. This is actually very narrow minded of me, and I was wrong to do that. I apologize. But, while I'll agree that snowflakes are pretty, they aren't strong on their own, and I think people need to be strong on their own (including myself...I definitely have my own snowflake tendencies.)

But, just to kind of clarify my original point (which I probably did let go off the rails): I think tumblr's actions are wise. They foolishly let child porn (CHILD PORN) slip through. I am extremely unsympathetic to CPers and their enablers due to a direct experience I had at age 14. No doubt the guy was involving himself in CP as well because what pedo wouldn't? I just see this as non-negotiable. In this case, be mad a tumblr, not at a hazy notion of pudish, conservative forces. I just don't see this as the cause here. I don't play the "encounter" card here to try and one up and "win" the argument...it's just to provide some clarification on why this particular issue sets me off. But it was wrong for me to start criticizing and belittling people who found community on tumblr, even if I don't get it.

75

@lavagirl: oh, and I've actually commented here a lot, maybe just not recently. This is one of the few "comments sections" where people generally say smart things even if I disagree with them on occasion.

76

Whatever Mikara, you’ve still made your point, over and over. And you’re being nasty and unpleasant and why.. if some people feel a loss about something shared that you don’t feel, that doesn’t mean their loss is any less. And it does point to wider infringements and that is scary that is intimidating. Fascism is about repressing, denying others their freedom, because they are different. Closing down this site from what it was, rather than putting in the work to clean it up, shows these people running it gave into the forces of fascism.

77

@lavagirl: I agree that I was nasty. And I apologize. I was wrong. Obviously you don’t have to accept that, or that I changed my view based in part on your arguments, but why return the nastiness? If we can’t have back and forth and change minds without holding grudges, why bother debating anything?

78

@76 lavagirl So Mikara apologized for being a dick (which s/he was), acknowledges that you helped changed her/his mind (at least somewhat) and that’s still not good enough? You must be a joy to be around.

79

Cambriasinica- I'Il definitely choose Lava, Mikara, and yourself any time over hunter's assholism.

80

@CMDwannabe (and Cambriasinica): well, thanks. yeah...he's being a dick (hunter is) but I'm not sure exactly what all he's getting at.

81

Oh dear, did you Mikara? I read your second comment @75 and assumed the first was just more of the same. Sorry. My bad. It was very early morning.. no excuse though.
It’s to Sangu the apology is due, not me, you didn’t offend me.
Hopefully they have seen it.

82

Congratulations Grizelda. May the luck shine down on you the whole year!
Mikara @80, that person is a troll and maybe it would ‘Be Best’ if people stopped responding to him. And reported him.

83

@sangu and lavagirl. Lavagirl: thanks and no worries. Sangu: please see my apology to lavagirl and CMD above. It applies to you as well. I’ve realized I’ve been a dick all over the internet this past week I don’t know why. I like to think I’m usually not, so...not sure why I was recently.

84

Thank you. I appreciate it.

85

Mokara @83: Hunter will probably have an explanation for that. Stay tuned.

86

Mikara @83: Sorry. Autocorrect. Dammit.

87

@82 LavaGirl: Thank you. I couldn't help myself. And you're right about Hunter---I usually try to just ignore him. Why feed the troll?

88

Someone contact Guinness World Records, a miracle has happened -- someone online has admitted they were wrong. Well done, Mikara. See, this is why we engage with apparent trolls, because sometimes they CAN be convinced of the errors of their ways. Usually not without first calling someone a snowflake, but indeed, that's an epithet that is most often used by people "with snowflake tendencies of their own." Pots and kettles come to mind. Glad everyone kissed and made up while I was away. And Mikara, I'm sorry you were abused as a child. These things DO cloud our ability to be rational; glad you were able to see this.

Griz @69: Congrats and may riches come your way!

Hunter @73: There are other villains. Scroll up to comment @19 for one of them. Don't flatter yourself that you're the only troll here.

Cambria @78: Speaking of pots and kettles. Your only contribution is to scold someone else for being right with one post too many? Looks like this account has already been deleted, so yet another problem solved while I was away.

89

@bidanfan: I just thought that lavagirl was being unreasonable, but I don't know what you mean by "one post too many."

I think you and I agree that coming to an agreement, especially via someone admitting that they maybe, just maybe, were wrong, and apologizing for it, is important. It's something that's rare along the political spectrum these days. I just thought it was unreasonable since acceptance of apologies is a huge first step in building (much needed) bridges. But, as it turns out (as you'll see above) lavagirl didn't see the apology, and so my scolding was out of line.

Sorry, lavagirl.

90

Cambria @89 (welcome back): What I meant by "one post too many" was that Lava had missed the apology -- rare as these are! -- and made one more post than was necessary to point out the error of ways which had already been acknowledged. These things are easy to miss and indeed, it's refreshing to see people saying "sorry, my bad" instead of digging in or lashing out. I'm trying to do that more myself as it indeed makes the world a calmer place.

91

Mikara@83~ "...I’ve been a dick all over the internet this past week..."
So, are teenage boys drawing your picture on blackboards now?

92

All good Cambria @89.

93

@bidanfan: yeah, I agree that people who throw "snowflake" around a lot often have snowflake tendencies. I shouldn't have assigned it only to liberals in my previous comment. However, I do think it's a phenomenon, but it's not at all limited to the left. Trump supporters show their snowflakeness consistently. The left, I think, tends to show it when they perceive offense when none was intended (Justin Timberlake claiming influence from black musicians, Twitter riot ensues... etc etc). In this case, being upset that tumblr was shutting down certain communities, was not an example of that.

In any case, I actually don't think snowflake is the right term really. Dunno what is. Because what happens isn't really a soft melting into nothingness, but an unchecked RAGE at the person/people/idea you disagree with. I've found myself doing that more than I'd like to admit.

Anyway...just my take on that word.

94

@donnyklicious: I certainly hope so.

95

Snowflake as a descriptor is meaningless, might as well call someone a rain drop; oh you are such a rain drop. Or how about hail; don’t do that, you hail. Maybe wind could join in. I hate that you are wind!

96

@88 BiDanFan: Thanks, Bi. I hope so too. A nice contractural gig for a music score or jingle, whatever the scale, would be lovely. I would so love to support myself doing my passion.
@95 LavaGirl: Excessively windy days are annoying, aren't they? I agree--snowflakes are pretty! Whereas trolls really are nothing other than hot air blowing senseless steam and looking to stir up chaos and upheaval. Troll = ill wind gets my vote.

97

Mikara- "snowflake" has different meanings to different people.
"In Missouri in the 1860s, a "snowflake" was a person who was against the abolition of slavery, according to Merriam-Webster.
Snowflakes during that time period valued white people over black people and wanted slavery to continue after the Civil War."
"During the 1970s, snowflake was used as a derogatory term for white or black people who were perceived as acting white. It was also slang for cocaine, "snow" for short."

https://www.usatoday.com/story/college/2017/02/01/been-called-a-snowflake-the-it-new-insult/37427267/

98

Okay, who's up for a HUnsky?

99

@98~ Apparently not me...

100

To me, anyone using the word "snowflake" is basically just saying "Hi, I'm an asshole." Hurling that epithet never adds anything to any discussion, and seems most often to be a tactic employed by right-wingers to avoid having to think about whether they in fact are being a bigoted jerk. (The second most common occurrence seems to be volleying it back at right-wingers like Piers Morgan who are triggered by the existence of vegan sausage rolls.) That said, I have indeed seen examples of lefty overreactions that made even my eyes roll and would seem to merit such an epithet. The thing to do, though, is not make yourself into the bad guy by calling the overreactor a snowflake, but to roll your eyes and scroll on. The world collectively needs a better hobby than bickering on Twitter.

(Is this the hunsky when the main page says it's comment no 96?)

101

@cmdwannabe: Wow, thanks. I did not know that.
@bidanfan: wasn't the term "snowflake", when it was first applied in the current culture wars phenomenon, meant to describe millennials who all thought of themselves as beautiful and unique, to an unhealthy degree? And then it got applied as an insult for "oversensitive", mainly by the right who couldn't stand that the left found a lot of the things the right did/said rude and hateful? Not that that excuses the (over)use of the word. But I think there does need to be a term for the hypersensitivity that we see today, fueled (I'm convinced) by the false empowerment that social media gives us. In other words, it's much easier to hurl epithets at people if there are no direct consequences (or if you have money and power and a camera.)

Or yeah, I think you're right. Just fuck it. Why bother? Scroll on, as you say.

102

BiDanFan @100: It's the hunsky alright. The magical potency spam posts may have been deleted, but they were about as valuable as anything the trolls offer up. Congratulations on scoring a century, and to you all good things!

103

Wasn't the Tumblr porn ban basically caused by everybody's darling Apple with their 19th century mores banning Tumblr from their app store? How does this not get mentioned?

104

@100 Congratulations on scoring the Almighty Hunsky Award, Bi! Savor your well-deserved riches and may all good things come your way.