As a former vegetarian, having educated myself out of the mass delusion (there is in fact NO hard science supporting purported benefits of vegetarianism/veganism, it's all epidemiology which is rife with false correlations and used by biased interpreters to push their views; in fact, in the US the veg agenda was started and pushed, and continues to be pushed surreptitiously by 7th Day Adventists [not making this up, it's all documented] who believe meat eating causes "bad energies" i.e. desire to masturbate, and want us to stop masturbating so we can get into heaven; and don't get me started on the mass falsehoods around the environmental impact of cattle), I can attest that my digestion has never been cleaner or easier since I went full carnivore. No fuss, no muss, I feel great. Many, many are having the same result.

Am I the only one who has softer, messier poops when I eat lots of fruit and veggies? Fiber definitely makes my poop softer. I remember my mom telling me when I was a kid to eat me veggies so I don’t get “stopped up”. I think she’s right and Dan is wrong.

I find the grossest poops come from eating a lot of fat.

Meat dumps are the stiffest, hardest dumps

Depending on how liquid this guy is talking, seeing his health care provider may be in order.

Pizza, specifically a medium pepperoni pizza, is my go-to cleanser of choice. Takes about a day, but works great.

Really, we gotta give advice about shit. See someone and have your stools tested. Sorry, not my preferred area of expertise.

I have found the easiest way to cleanse is just to squat naked on your lawn and wait for the pop up sprinklers to come on. A large pet, like a Bernese Mountain Dog makes for a handy “screen” to hide behind if you have persnickety neighbors, as well as an enthusiastic licker when it comes time to clean up. Fun for the whole family!

see a dietician, LW. Eat less. Fast the day before.

Okay it's poop day. There's no fighting poop day. So yeah, fiber is a stool softener. But it does tend to result in "together" poop rather than schmear.

You want the worst for a poop day special? Olestra.

Cod liver oil, it’ll clean you right out. Don’t stray too far from the toilet after you’ve taken it. Can bring babies on too.

well that was a nice vegetarian agenda dump.

Well darn, here I was drawn in by the headline, and did NOT get a titillating letter about the joys of pegging. Ho hum, roll on tomorrow's weekly column.

I do find it amusing that meat-eaters seem so threatened by the very mention of vegetarianism.

I don't think you can go from a virgin bum to a thrillingly filled ass passage any more than you can just go out and, without exercise or prep, run (at 50) a 42-minute 10k. These are things possible with commitment in, say, a three-month timeframe. I find it unusual when men write in excitedly anticipating pegging without giving any sense they habitually stimulate their own prostate. It should really be 'finger-first'. People expand and become more comfortable in time--but it's really not good to rush this. Fingers, dido, then your wife's strap-on. But I can guess we can sort-of count on the LW's anal autoeroticism if he's at the stage of partnered anal.

As for consistency of stool, you just need a diet that will prevent messiness being a standard issue as a default (if you plan a retreat to Mount Athos rather than a bathhouse tour; and I think most everyone needs this for independent reasons). I take a spoonful of bran even with my usual breakfasts. Get so that douching, hygiene and diet become second nature.

@13 I'm not threatened by vegetarians but I do get really tired of the preachy, holier than thou attitude they toss around when confronted with meat eaters. Its like you just can't shut up about it. I get it meat is murder, boo hoo, that tasty cow had to die so I can have a burger. I don't feel the need to convert my veggie friends though, more meat for me! Similar to the way a lot of my atheist brothers and sisters feel a need to "save" all the Christians (oh the irony).

Harriet @14: I didn't think you could either, but recently I met someone who proved me wrong!! The good thing about dildos is that they come in a range of sizes and surfaces. In my pegging career I have not encountered many issues with mess. Put down a towel, put a condom on the toy if it's ridged or clean it with special toy cleaner after use. A full day fast is not necessary, LW might be too distracted by hunger to enjoy himself.

And this vegetarian had happily "shut up about it" until you went on the warpath, Coolie @15, so perhaps you should look in a mirror if you're looking for people who won't shut up about their choices and why they make them. The vast majority of vegetarians and vegans only mention their diet when it comes up in conversation, like it did just now, so you can take that chip of meat off your shoulder, thanks.

My ex used to take an Imodium on days he planned to bottom. I can't officially endorse this, but it worked for him.

Getting more fiber in your diet is rarely if ever a bad idea, especially for middle-aged men.

Self-righteous anti-veg folks, spare us. Talking about what you do and don't eat is relevant when you're talking about poop. And last I checked Dan wasn't vegetarian himself so you can hardly say he's pushing an agenda.

Staying out of the vegetarian debate, though I will add that garlic and ginger are in all my meals, I’m more concerned about too much use of enemas. Doesn’t that interfere with the ? that take up residence in our colon.
Not total fasting Fan, have light food, and not too much of it.

Not every meal, I don’t put garlic on my Vegemite toast. Though a green tea with grated ginger, lemon juice and honey can be a good breakfast drink.

"Can't we all just get along" -Rodney King

Yes, fiber from most plants (especially prunes, apricots and other stone fruit) moves things along.

Yes, meat and potatoes plugs things up.

Yes, a typical vegan diet in humans makes for turds like typical vegan animals (i.e. more like rabbit droppings).

But red meat and salmon are excellent sources of both protein and heme iron (a recent issue, because modern women have a lot more periods in their life than perpetually pregnant and lactating paleo-uterus havers).

HYOH (hike your own hike), EYOD (eat your own diet). But if you want things to more faster or slower, be cohesive or sticky, remedy or exacerbate anemia, you have choices.

A tip about garlic, cut it in the middle and take out the hard centre. This part leads to wind, and though a good fart can be pleasurable, forewarned and all that.

Let's toss this one back to the commenters:

When you do anal, what percentage of the time does the receptive partner(s) anal douche ahead of time? Do you consider it a requirement, a nice-to-have, or totally optional?

Interesting David. It’s Peach season here, now don’t be jealous, and yes, it fits.
What about grains? I’m confused about which grain does what. Rice. Which rice is the best?
Also. to cont my food tips, use tamari instead of soy sauce, less salt, might cost more.

I would say avoid all alcohol and greasy foods. Buy a shower attachable douche (use carefully) and keep on those fibre tablets.

@22 Sportlandia: Do you mean 1) anything where butts are involved (fingers, toys, etc) including anal sex or 2) some sort of Official Anal Sex with a dildo/penis/strap-on and thrusting and all that?
1) 5%
2) 15%

@16. Bi. I think shit is an occasional hazard. I sweat when I eat chilli and need to blow my nose when I wolf down any hot food. It’s the body--and nothing else. I'm a bit surprised that anal training can be so simple for an older guy. Anal was something I wanted to do--we're talking of my being a young person now--for a long time before I did. Now 'the unexpected' for me in sex is not any particular act--I know my range--but something particular with a particular person.

I'm looking forward to meat being rationed. There are hosepipe bans when water is low--why not limit meat? The idea is more popular with Bernie supporters than Hillary supporters, and who are in the ascendancy? Feel the Bern and barbecue the eggplant!

@22. Sportlandia. It’s not something I do especially for sex, any more than clearing my earwax. So over 97%. One of the things I liked about being gay when I was younger was the cruise-y feeling of not knowing, when you got up in the morning, whether that day you were going to have sex.

@27 you know using q-tips on your ears is bad, right?

@29. Sportlandia. It is? I have very hairy ears (one of the abiding things I don't like about my body). I'll only clean lightly with a q-tip or cotton bud and rinse a bit deeper with an eyedropper. This will be what formed the connection in my mind with butt-cleaning. Cleaning the two (the three?) orifices takes up about the same mindspace.