If it were about men finding teenage women attractive because girls develop early, then we wouldn't find the same teenage categories with such prevalence in gay porn since boys don't develop early. It's not about girls developing faster than boys, as I keep saying. It's because most men are sexually attracted to teenagers their whole lives and most women outgrow this. (Outliers and all). As I said, I don't think there needs to be a REASON behind this- what matters is human behavior which is going to change with time/place and most men are appropriate and understand the difference between fleeting physical attraction vs what they actually want to experience as well as fantasy vs reality, etc. But if there is a reason, I think it's a combo of biology and social norms. I'm just repeating myself now but obviously I find the situation curious.
The boys singing were my teachers on what to expect from going with boys.
Beatles, Bobby Dylan, beautiful Otis. I didn’t see an erect cock till I saw one irl. It’s all different now.
"Not normal curious, that’s a funny one. There is no normal with sexuality, and that’s because we are all different."
OK, laugh, but...
I'm glad you're not bothered by the rest of my sentence which suggested the men you prefer who don't view porn may be that way for an unhealthy reason. I imagine it could be easier to find men with issues than to get over one's own issues about what all men do and are completely healthy doing.
Even though healthier I think would be to embrace the way the gender(s) one loves/is attracted to are.
Good point EmmaLiz, re gay men. Then the dynamic is more complex, or perhaps not, as the common denominator is men.
Like I said, I find younger women sexually attractive because of their young flesh. And that most of them play this up, because the culture encourages them too. Younger men, not so much.
Men from their mid twenties onward, yes, and especially if they have worked on their arms. Older women are discouraged from seeing men in their mid twenties onward as eligible sexual partners, because then the old guys would miss out. I’m glad women push thru that taboo.
I got your point, curious. And I disagree. My sexuality is healthy, I’m a sixty something/ I try not to remember the second digit/ yr old woman who still self lubricates, and has delicious fantasies in my mind. I can’t see why a man who also creates his own mind fantasies, can’t he healthy. What an absurd thought. You do know humanity survived for millions of yrs without screen porn.
Maybe not millions, a good few years still.
I'd say there are weirdos who don't like porn for weirdo reasons (nofappers for example or the religiously guilty) also healthy people who just have low libidos or are asexual and therefore might be incompatible with a number of us. But then there are also going to be healthy people who simply aren't into porn (loads of women are this way and I bet a few men are as well, especially those that didn't grow up with it and had long established routines and preferences by the time it was ubiquitous).
Mostly though, curious, I think you are missing the point. Lava didn't say she's out screening for men who don't like porn. Just that ideally they would not. Ideally my man would have rock hard abs. It's my preference and I sure as hell wouldn't complain. But I'm not about to dump him because he has a more typical body nor would I go out specifically looking for just that. Since we are in fantasy land (what we'd prefer, not what hard lines we are drawing) there's no reason why my preference for a man with rock hard abs can't also have them naturally while never going to the gym and always eating dessert. Likewise, no reason why Lava's man can't dislike porn and yet be healthy and sexually attentive with a good imagination and a high libido.
BTW I've heard tell that young men literally don't know how to masturbate without watching porn. Which is hilarious to me, but I have no idea if it's true. I'm so glad I grew up at a time without the internet, and lately think I'd be happier now without it more often. The advice to the depressed and lonely 24 year old man in the other letter (re logging off) has been resonating with me lately though for different reasons.
I wonder what young men do when they get a boner but no screen. Just stare at it until it goes away?
It's weird to me (older parent who as as a young teenager had my sexuality pretty well warped by older men in ways I've not gotten over) that commenters are setting up a world in which attraction to teens is an inevitable and basically harmless fantasy. It's not! It encourages really damaging behavior by men who (1) can't hide it well, which is a lot of them (2) don't care to hide it, which is a lot of them (3) seek to act on it, which is sadly also a lot of them. If we didn't regard the "high school" fantasy as male biology, men might feel more ethically uncomfortable with watching "teen" porn. And maybe there would be more men who have very strict boundaries around teenagers. Right now thare are a significant percentage of men who don't. And behavior of types 1 & 2 is very damaging especially when you've been exposed to 3 (which basically every 13-17 year old girl/femme presenting person is at some point).
Not saying this to be anti-porn- yay to porn!- but to any guy who thinks it's fine to watch teenagers, there's a good chance you aren't actually able to hide your glances from real live teenagers, even if you're not a full-on creep. And as a young teenager who had been creeped on/had my first sexual experienced with older men, those glances taught me that very few adult men saw me as a person (because if they had they would have seen me as a child).
Curious @94: I don't think there's anything to be gained for shaming / pathologising the minority of men who don't like porn. I have dated a few and they were just as sexual as anyone else, they just didn't get off on the visual for whatever reason. We're all different.
EmmaLiz @97: I was talking about some of our male commenters on this thread not getting why MIA wouldn't get it, but I suppose if Mr MIA made the offer of his browsing history being an open book, it seems he doesn't get it either. I hope that in the days this thread's been going, she's realised it's really not that bad in the scheme of things.
EmmaLiz @110: LOL, indeed! If you're horny but you can't masturbate unless you're looking at something X-rated, THAT, I would call unhealthy.
Elma @111-112: Good points, and indeed, every pubescent girl (and many boys) have endured inappropriate behaviour from some old creep. I do feel uncomfortable that this category is called "teen" instead of, for instance, "college women" because "teen" can indeed encompass girls who are still children, not legal for sex, and certainly not psychologically ready for sex. I am comforted that the vast majority of men do know the difference, but you're right, sadly there are far too many who let their lizard-brain fantasies bleed over into real life, and young women suffer the consequences.
Sorry, I misread myself, haha! Not enough caffeine and too much multi-tasking. I did indeed mean that MIA and Mr MIA are well matched in terms of naivety if he didn't think she'd be bothered by a 53-year-old man ogling teenagers. Lesson, Mr MIA, unless you know your partner is also into porn, treat it like your bowel movements and hide it away discreetly.
I am so impressed by every one of these comments!
Thank you for not getting mad at me.
When I wrote "viewing porn" I intended to include both still photos and literotica. And I've seen (and agreed with) your thoughtful posts about the /potential/ for video porn to be seen as toxic reality instead of unreality.
"there are weirdos who don't like porn for weirdo reasons (nofappers for example or the religiously guilty)"
...and people repressed for other reasons.
"Lava didn't say she's out screening for men who don't like porn. Just that ideally they would not...Since we are in fantasy land (what we'd prefer, not what hard lines we are drawing)"
That was such a well-drawn paragraph! Of course I agree that fantasy-land that does no harm is harmless.
"that young men literally don't know how to masturbate without watching porn"
Wow. Haven't they ever had their devices not working or a power outage?
"You do know humanity survived for millions of yrs without screen porn."
But give australopithecines screen porn then come back in 5 years, and kids won't know how to masturbate without watching it.
I don't need porn, but I am a consumer of it's various forms.
Including written literotica. Even it turns out I have a recently discovered condition called Aphantasia; I see nothing visual in my imagination, I'm unable to produce visual images in my mind's eye. Approximately 1 to 3 percent of people have Aphantasia. (None of them are architects, for example.)
Very good points. However, I don't think it's feasible for us to solve problems by not regarding "male biology" as what it is.
"don't think there's anything to be gained for shaming/pathologizing the minority of men who don't like porn"
You're right (about at least some of that minority); I was of course suggesting embracing the majority. Shaming the minority was unfortunate collateral damage. Though of course a repressed person /could/ gain something from overcoming that.
Beaver@84 ~ “...to ask the daughter how she feels about him... seems's great if you can swing it, but, how would you word that...”
How about, “Honey, I know it’s probably weird for you that I’m dating someone who isn’t your father, and although we are each entitled to our own lives, who we hang out with affects both of us. How are you feeling about this all and Mr. X?” Tell me the truth, I won’t judge or get upset no matter what you say.”
EmmaLiz@110 ~ “...I wonder what young men do when they get a boner but no screen...”
Since when you are a young man this happened pretty much whenever the wind blows, the answer is, “Think about baseball and hope it goes away before you’re called on to stand up in front of the class!”
The teen stuff squicks me out too, but the thing is the default of free porn is stuff with titles like "hot teen gets fucked hard by step brother." They cram all kinds of stuff into the title that doesn't really apply to the video. And rarely do the women actually appear to be "teens." I doubt that most people looking at "teen" videos actually have a teen fetish. They're just the standard menu option. A 50-something man looking for videos of women his own age would have to specifically seek out fetish porn rather than clicking on whatever hot naked person happened to splash across his screen.
@110 it's impossible that that's true.
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