Don't be too hasty, Sweetie;
good lucking men aren't a dime a dozen....

She can be hasty no woman deserved to be called a slut or bitch even if she has PMS.

Draw your line in the sand and if they cross it find the door; don't find excuses to forgive them for that will only make it harder to remove yourself from the situation later.

Toxic people will always try to create barriers for you to leave; making them depend on you for example. Eject them like last night's dinner out your ass

Nor are literate ones, obviously.

Good riddance and congratulations, L-dub!

9

It’s not a coincidence that he worked the friend zone for 6 months and then turned out to be a shit bag. The ones who view friendship strictly as a means to fucking/a relationship (which sometimes you can’t tell except that yeah, you really can tell but you just don’t acknowledge it until you’re in a hindsight situation) are always insecure, controlling, manipulative dickweeds. Good riddance, I say!!

Most men aren't good looking and most men get worse as they age, so a good looking man that is aging well is hard to find. But this guy sounds like a dick. Throw all his shit on the front lawn, light it on fire, and leave.

The only question I see is "maybe". I say no.

Did we really need to write a letter to tumble on the fact that this guy is an incredible douche?

Boy @sigsauer you sure you aren't the boyfriend in this context; or is the description any woman would give? Anywho, it's incredibly amazing what people will put up with...and how fast life goes by. Dan couldn't be more on point. It should be you meet someone and the more time goes on, the more you fall in love/lust. But people are unfortunately stuck in the opposite. . Ways. Wake up sheeeple

Some women get off on being called a "fucking bitch" or "cunt". If you're not one of them, then hit the eject button immediately.

Good to see LW. What a nasty creep he sounds. Be careful extricating yourself from this man, maybe get a brother or friend to help you front him. He sounds scary.

Commie @1: How many times have you been kicked off in the past few weeks? Seriously, go find another hobby. Glad this woman compiled the balance sheet on her partner and saw how deep in the red he was. Time to put out the trash.

Chili @6: Wait, what? "Worked the friend zone"? Please crawl back to the incel forums. Setting aside the inherent misogyny of the concept of the "friend zone," this man didn't pretend to be her friend, he openly expressed his interest. If anything, his persistence could have been viewed as a red flag indicating his later controlling behaviour, but there was no passive-aggressive manipulation here. She gave him a chance, and a chance is exactly that -- not a certainty. It might have worked out; it didn't. Move on.

Another issue: LW said this was her first orgasm from a man. This implies she had sex with other men before without orgasm. LW -- please don't let the culture put your needs 2nd. If you are wanting an orgasm, and you are not getting it, you need to use your words and hands and toys and whatever, LW, and communicate immediately even with a hook up rando dude what it takes to get you off / what you want. And if it takes you time (and you want that orgasm), you come first, he comes second or not at all. Don't let the culture silence you from insisting on getting respect and good sex from your relationships with men!

13
Three.
It's sweet of you to notice.

One quibble only - "seriously dated taste in music" doesn't work in that sentence. Even Gary Player will eventually no longer have a physique worth showcasing in ESPN's The Body (he was well into his seventies when they included him), but there's no reason either why good musical taste wouldn't keep up or why "dated" (and this is especially lucky for someone who wants to claim that Broadway musicals are still as relevant as they ever were in gay culture) would necessarily be a bad thing.

If I had the time this morning, I'd be tempted to write parody lyrics for, "I am the very model of a modern-day sex columnist." The second line might be, "Although some people take me for a latter-day theologist." But I really must stop there.

Ms Fan - Yes; I give LW credit for clarifying. My first thought ran to Mr Collins' insistence on taking Elizabeth's determined refusals of his proposal as flattering encouragement. I'm not sure I AGREE with her criterion for red-flagging as a GENERAL one, as history is full of long-married couples in which one half knew right away and the other half took considerable time to warm to the idea, but it could well be true about herself.

Get out, and get out now. And make it a clean and complete break. His verbal abuse could turn to physical abuse if you announce you're leaving. Take precautions and have a plan.

Delta @15: I took that to potentially mean she has had orgasms with women. And I'm not sure why you assume she -didn't- dump these other men for failing to satisfy her! Good advice generally, though -- don't accept bad sex. But also, as she's now learned, don't accept good sex as justifying a bad relationship. I find that advice is much harder to follow.

Venn @17: Now I'm earwormed and want to hear the rest of the song! Agree with you -- dated taste in music is the best taste in music. It's only an issue if you're dating intergenerationally, and even then, you can each broaden each other's musical horizons.

New definition: Cunt Punt - they immediate dumping of any guy that calls you a cunt.

Also, "Bitch Ditch"

@17 I'd make some popcorn to read you do the whole thing, or even just a few more lines. What you have so far gave me my first laugh of the day.

Girl, I feel you. It's so easy to get attached to the good story of a relationship even when the reality of the relationship is staring you in the face. "He pined after me for 6 months! I never gave him the time of day until...I realized what I'd been looking for was right in front of me the whole time!" It's the stuff of sitcoms and rom-coms. Will they/Won't they! They're "meant to be!" "It's been him all along!" It's really difficult, as a woman (who's been trained/brainwashed/incepted our whole lives to crave this kind of bullshit story. It's happened to all of us.) to see the warning signs through the movie tropes. To quote Bojack Horseman, "When you're looking through rose colored glasses, all the red flags just look like flags." I'm so glad the process of writing this letter broke those rose colored glasses for you, and that you're strong enough to end what has turned into a horror movie. Don't beat yourself up. Learn from this and move on. Absolute best of luck to you.

I hate the C word being used as a slur. It shows such a deep hatred of women. It’s a word which names where all human life springs from, and it becomes the worst abuse one can utter. The pinacle of abuse directed at anyone.
I hope this LW is careful. Men like this don’t give up control easily. He’ll find a new victim soon enough, this woman has to get away first.

@18 vennominon

Yes, my uncle waited patiently for my aunt to come around, while she traveled the world and generally had adventures. It made her mourn doubly when he was killed in a car collision, regretting the years she could have had if she'd accepted his first proposal.

(He was 73 when this happened, and they'd been married for over 40 years so you think that might be enough. But this was 1991 and she's still living independently now and missing him every day).

On the other hand, I briefly dated someone whose interested in me approached stalking. That never turned toxic, but I found living on a pedestal intolerable and ended it quickly.

@14 / BiDanFan: "Wait, what? "Worked the friend zone"? Please crawl back to the incel forums."

It's clear from context that chilifries @6 said "friend zone" not as if it were a legitimate gripe but rather in a sarcastic, "I'll bet this is how this loser perceives the situation" manner.

Lately I feel like the comments have been more interesting than the letters. Yawn. Surely someone had a more interesting question this week? Yeah LW, if even you can figure out in a few sentences that your bf is an asshole, what are the rest of us supposed to get out of it? Bored golf claps, good luck in the future.

Ms Fan - A few more couplets came to me during the day, one being:

I have a bag letters here from people who feel stuck a lot
And eagerly I'm trying to help everyone to f*** a lot.

Venn @29: Keep it up! I'm sure Dan would print the finished product! :D

Agree with Dan and glad she found her course of action while writing. But one quibble:

Seenig someone as a friend for six months before dating them is not in and of itself a red flag. I was pining for my now-wife for years before she saw me as a romantic partner and we're coming up on 5 years. You had six magical months so clearly there's a connection. If there's one thing we can learn from Savage Love, it's that human beings rarely act in their own self-interest and rarely naturally do what is best for them. I'd think that someone shaking you out of your preconceived notions of a partner is a good thing, not a bad thing.

What you missed were all the signs that this person was not good. People don't suddenly start calling people cunts, you hear them say that about someone at the grocery store and that should be a red flag. You start to see possessiveness and write it off as them being super into you - that's a missed red flag.

I'm glad you got out but if you don't take the right lessons from this, you're going to end up writing back in two years because the guy you were immediately drawn to just called you a bitch and broke your phone.

Venn @17/29: Do finish it and post it! You will give us all a laugh. And get it (even more) stuck in our heads.

@1: Gross. Go back to your usual MGTOW/PUA/incel/some-other-creepy-entitled-sexist-bullshit forum.

@6: Stop with that, it's not helpful. Primarily because, absent other glaring red flags (e.g. the person is constantly hitting on one or sexualizing situations despite one saying one isn't interested in dating, the person makes sexist comments/"jokes" - these are bad signs regardless, and I guess I'm maybe a little on the same page regarding the number of people who don't see casual sexism as the deafening warning siren it is, similar to the comment @32), it's effectively impossible to distinguish between someone who is BOTH interested in friendship for it's own sake AND attracted to one (these people will mostly be fine taking no for an answer regarding sex and yes for an answer regarding friendship) and someone who is feigning friendship and actually only interested in fucking (or is only interested in maintaining a relationship long term that eventually includes fucking) until the point where ze gets fed up with futile waiting and turns mean.

Because the categorical classification is wrong, your attitude amounts to blaming victims of controlling jerks who are good at posing as actual friends for failing to be able to differentiate between them and actual friends (which nobody can do perfectly because humans don't read minds, though, as I said, I do think people tend to overlook casual sexism as a red flag, and I support changing that norm).