I've got a question; is there any way to message specific commenters on these blogs? Or is there maybe a forum section to talk with each other?


@1 no, and there will not be until the Stranger overhauls it's comment system. I believe ending the comments section is more likely.

I guess the followup question, Dan, is that an IMPERMISSIBLE involvement of a stranger in a kink? How does that square with the merging of Kink and Pride?


I don't know if they did or didn't involve the friend in some kind of kink but it does seem odd to just stroll into the leasing office and then share this story unless they knew the leasing agent really well. My leasing agent knows when I have sink that needs to be fixed or paint is chipped on the back stairwell and that's it.

My friend used to date a nurse and when she was on the emergency room shift she said that about 1/3 shifts someone would come in with something stuck up their ass so I guess there are people sharing kinks and then their are people making mistakes of some kind or another that make people part of their sexual practices that aren't by choice.


@1; this is the forum on which we talk to each other. No, you won’t get any personal details unless you comment to the person on these threads and they are prepared to exchange emails or the like.
@2; why would Dan stop the comments section after all these yrs.


@1, the Stranger used to have forums but they pulled the plug on them years ago... Around the same time that they allowed people to register usernames for Slog, IIRC.

I have a strong suspicion that Chris Frizzelle would love it if Slog comments were axed too, but the website needs all our sweet clicks for revenue. (A revenue stream which also explains the continued employment of Charles Mudede.)


If someone did that to me (the kink involvement)... I'd think it was hilarious!!


Well, anyone cound create a back-channel, so to speak, for discussion in some other platform -- FB, yahoo, whatever. Just saying. Be the small change you ask for in the world.


Speaking of getting stuck, I'm thinking of poor Flick, who got his tongue stuck to a frozen flagpole in "A Christmas Story". What most people don't know, is that the child actor, Scott Schwartz, later worked in the adult film industry (true) and may, or may not, have gotten his dick stuck in a frosty-cold pussy as a result of accepting yet another "Triple Dog Dare".


@5, that makes me feel better knowing I’m contributing to Dan and The Stranger, just by clinking on.
Hopefully when these dorks return to pay their rent, the property manager will yawn in their faces.


Are you stoned Donny?


The question I was hoping for: What should the leasing agent have done? When you're being involved of someone else's sex act against your will, even if you're not touched, you're allowed to feel icky, you're allowed to object. But how? What's the right course when your very objection might be part of what they're going for?

(Dan, I'd love if you weighed in on this.)


Whether it was a third-party humiliation kink or just TMI, this couple should not be discussing their genitalia with anyone who has not expressed an interest. Kinky or boundary challenged? Doesn't matter. Hope she raised their rent. ;)


Seeing as we know lw's friend was grossed out by the idea of being involuntarily involved in this couple's kink should lw even tell their friend what Dan said? I just think that would make it worse for the friend. LW already planted the idea in their friend's head that this is something people do so next time (likely if this is a kink for this couple) they can call it out for what it is and say something about it.

Or is this mostly harmless and am I just overthinking this?


I'm usually with Dan on this concept but I'm not so sure on this one. I think I'd ask the friend if they would want to listen to the story if there was no humiliation kink involved. If they are fine hearing stories like this, then I don't really think it much matters about the humiliation. She can enjoy the story and they can get their rocks off. I think the "not involving others" is a bit more explicit - e.g. the shoe salesman with the foot fetish who has a noticeable erection.

This assumes that the couple know the leasing agent well enough to know if she'd be cool with a sexual story. That's not super clear from the letter so more in the "What If" realm.


Lava@10~ I wish.


@2 Sportlandia since I'm having a bad day I will feed the troll. You said "I guess the followup question, Dan, is that an IMPERMISSIBLE involvement of a stranger in a kink? How does that square with the merging of Kink and Pride?"

A: Kink has not merged with pride. A few guys in leather chaps on a float at an announced parade that you don't have to attend or google pics of does not equate with non-consensual involvement in a kink.

If anything pride is exceptionally corporate these days. At one pride I attended in a "city" served by "regional jets" pride consisted of 50 height-weight not proportional Walmart workers in Walmart t-shirts and a few others. Not a chap in sight.

It was (a) heartening to see pride in the heartland, (b) strange to see that Walmart, king of exploiting workers and taking corporate welfare and not paying a fair share of taxes and screwing us all through the Walton kids who inherited their wealth and didn't earn a penny of it supporting T-who-shall-not-be-named, is inclusive when it comes to its public face and supporting LGBT employees, (c) sad that in the Heartland, the biggest employer is Walmart, which pays shit wages.

Frankly, even in the big cities, twinks in glitter gold speedos and leather dads in chaps are few and far between at pride. Most LGBT people, are, like most people, dull, ordinary and not putting our kinks on public display.


@Fichu, I think a simple clear direct and nonemotional statement that the person is being inappropriate is the best approach.

"I'm at work, and it's not appropriate for you to make me listen to the details of your sexual misadventures."

I've said similar things at the gym recently. A point blank, direct, clear statement like this usually shuts everything down, whatever their motivations.


Delta @16: Applause!


Just to entertain the friend's side of this bet for a while, I do have to say that unless you have worked widely with the general public, you really have no idea the extent to which people say/do crazy, stupid, inappropriate, bizarre, absurd, disturbing, etc things. Do you know any ER employees? Cleaners? Utilities workers? Gas station/corner store attendants? Social workers? Apt/hotel maintenance workers? Ask them to tell you about the weird ass shit they've seen people do/say. I do not think it unlikely AT ALL that a person would overshare like that. The red herring is that the penis pump is supposedly nearly impossible to get stuck on the dick, not that some random person might overshare a story like this with no ulterior motive.

It's perfectly possible they were not using an actual proper penis pump. Could've really happened but they rigged their own contraption. Could've really happened but it was a cock ring and the wife used the wrong word, etc. Or the friend (who is telling a memory) used the wrong word. Etc.


@19 I partially concur with your theory that this could just have been massive oversharing AND that there was some misunderstanding around that was actually stuck on Mr's Mister. Yet... what would possess her to share any part of a "penis / ER" incident with a person that they have a professional relationship with, and that they see on a regular basis?
That said, if anyone has a similar kink please HMU. I personally would have seen it as an invitation to go back to their apartment to view the damaged member, and perhaps treat him as a cuckhold. But that's just me.


As a few other comments have said, I would personally have been fine with being the outside observer in someone else's humiliation scene. For that matter, I might have enjoyed being the husband in a similar scenario.

But you can't know who's fine with it without asking first. Please do not do this to people without asking first.

I suspect some people just don't know who to ask, or how to ask them.


Enfant @21 -- the guy at the gym in the weekly column had a good approach, first asking if he could ask an "inappropriate question." And then saying the question was "sexual in nature" and checking again if that was okay.

If someone just starts right in with an inappropriately sexual story, it makes sense to address it as soon as you're able. EmmaLiz's response @17 is good, or if one is slower to understand the situation, one could find them the next day to say "Just to be clear, I don't want to hear your sexual stories. Please keep them to yourselves in the future. Thanks."


Fichu@11, I'd respond by just staring blankly at them and saying "Why are you telling me this?", "Do you share this much with everyone?", or even just "Yeah, so?" then waiting for a response. I've found that showing you're not embarrassed or are bored in an obviously awkward situation makes the other people feel awkward instead. They're usually doing it to get a reaction out of you, so not giving them one just makes them feel dumb, because now they've overshared and not gotten anything to show for it.

Incidentally there's a letter today in another advice column I read (Ask A Manager, if anyone's curious) about how one should respond to someone making a sexist "joke." There's a lot of great suggestions in the comment section there that would probably work for the scenario in this letter as well.

I can think of one non-sexual reason the wife would have shared this incident with OP's friend: she caught her husband with some sex toy she disapproved of and was pissed off, so she was trying to shame him out of ever doing it again by sharing the story with a quasi-acquaintance. Sort of how some parents discipline their kids by shaming them. It would explain why the husband was "gently" asking her not to tell the story, but that theory relies on a lot of assumptions that weren't mentioned in the letter.


@16 where I live there are men in leather chaps and harnesses on the streets 365 days a year. Pride here is 70% Gay Kink, 20% Gay, and 10% straight kink. But whatever, if we're affirming that those are all perfectly valid lifestyles that can be lived out loud and in public, it seems kind of strange that in a smaller situation that something that may or may not have even been a kink in the first place is somehow outrageous. Good for the goose, good for the gander, yeah?


@24 where are you seeing men in harnesses 365 days a year?

I have seen Pride in Amsterdam, San Francisco, New York City, and many small towns and never seen 70% gay kink nor seen guys in chaps and harnesses 365 days a year. Sounds like fun! (Special events like Folsom Street Fair, yes.)

And I am pro kink at pride, whevs, and certainly pro kink at Folsom St.


"A teenage boy in Malaysia somehow managed to get his penis stuck in a drainage pipe—and there's video to prove it. (The video is on the website of a shitty British tabloid, but still: there's video.) A guy in London got his penis stuck in a toaster and a guy in Germany got his penis "stuck in the hole of a 2.5kg dumbbell plate at the gym" and a guy in Hong Kong got his penis stuck in a metal park bench."

Jesus, it's a miracle we're not extinct.


@27 The urge to stick our dicks in everything is what keeps us going, surely?


@24, not sure I get your connection. This was a business transaction, where one of the parties involved, exposing a kink or not, involved a worker in private penis details.
Inappropriate whatever they were on about. That some gay men may be living their kink in public, are they forcing you to be part of it?


Yeah, I'm with delta35 @25 - Sportlandia's talking bullshit. Regarding the LW, it's kinda like asking if a flasher did it because of his kink or because he genuinely didn't know that it wasn't socially acceptable. 95% chance it's the former, but on the 5% chance of the latter, you still tell them that it's not appropriate and to cut that shit out.


@27 JokoKast "The urge to stick our dicks in everything is what keeps us going, surely?" Yup. Unfortunately it works too well: there are now 7.6 billion of us, slated to go up to 11 billion by mid-century.

@26 dcp123 "Jesus, it's a miracle we're not extinct." Trump, Bolsonaro, Brexit, Maduro, Modi, Putin... overpopulation -- give it time!


Ok here's the catch 22 though... If someone is totally fine with hearing your sexual humiliation story, and you get consent and all that first, blah blah, then it's not really humiliating anymore, is it. It's only humiliating because it was told in a completely inappropriate context and will likely make everyone involved a little uncomfortable. But we're all adults here (hopefully...) and if you don't want to hear things that make you uncomfortable, or details about other people that you didn't want to know, you may as well throw out your TV and stay off the internet and go live in a camper in the mountains, because that's life 🤷


Where, exactly, was the humiliation?
Was it to humiliate the husband for having a small penis or for having a mishap with the pump in front of the leasing agent?
Or was it to humiliate the leasing agent for having to listen to details of a sexual mishap?

Everyone has been assuming the former while I immediately jumped to the latter.


@11: "So, that's really not something appropriate to tell me; in general, you shouldn't share details of the travails of your sex life with people who haven't asked or whom you don't know well enough to know that they don't mind and are interested. Please keep that sort of thing to yourself when you're talking to me in the future."


Delta35 @30, Yeah. I should have said "it's a miracle we're not extinct yet." I doubt we'll last long on the geological timescale.

JodoCast @27, I enjoy sticking my dick in holes unlikely to result in reproduction as much as the next guy, but I'm pretty sure sticking them in things that aren't actually human hasn't contributed much to our survival. And toasters, dumbbells, and metal benches just sound like unnecessarily risky places to stick an important bodily organ. I mean, I hate to judge, but fucking a toaster? That's some crazy shit right there.

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