OH MY FUCKING GOD that house analogy had me spit out my lunch that was so perfect and wonderful and hilarious.


Gedanken glory holes. That's what we're here for. Dan knows.


Funny, I've never had a guy use his beard as an excuse for why he can't give me head or eat out my ass. On the contrary, the facial hair is a plus in both situations.

Maybe he just doesn't like eating pussy? Or is there something peculiar about the female anatomy that makes going down on it with a beard impossible?

Maybe he just needs to be taught how to take care of it properly? Sounds like a job of Jonathan Van Ness!


@3 - it's not a female anatomy thing. My partner's got a big ol hipster beard and gives the best oral of my life. This guy just sucks.


SHAVE, your boyfriend loves his beard more than he loves - or respects - you. DTMFA. There will be plenty of men happy to learn they now have the chance to make out with you and eat your pussy.


There's nothing about the beard that prevents him from going down on her (from experience, having had all manner of facial hair and lack thereof). He can eat pizza pie and apple pie so he can eat hair (or shaven) pie.

I could understand her complaining if he had short, stiff, pokey stubble, but she's not complaining. He just doesn't like eating pussy. Nor shaving. Nor trimming his beard.

She could insist on those, as a price admission, but he's not going a bit out of his way IN THE FIRST YEAR of their relationship to please her, so he'll let it slide as soon as he can, she'll beg and wheedle, he'll do it reluctantly, she'll wish she was with someone who enjoyed giving head or least enjoyed pleasuring her, he'll keep being more the slacker than the hipster, and she'll be ever-more frustrated.

1) he's not GGG.
2) you two aren't sexually compatible.


My man goes through phases where he has a huge mountain-man beard. It in no way stops him going down on me. He's conscious about food, and keeps it clean. He trims his mustache a bit so it doesn't interfere with kissing. This dude either hasn't learned how to manage a beard or he just doesn't want to go down on her. I suppose she can give him an option to figure it out, fast, in case it's the former--but I'm betting the latter. Guys who want to eat pussy won't let a beard stop them.


Pro tip: braces don't actually prevent bj's. But one lame excuse certainly deserves another.


Dan wouldn't advise a man who didn't like a woman's armpit hair, or leg hair, or pussy hair to DTMFA. He would tell him to ovary up. The beard isn't the problem. The problem is he doesn't go down on her, and uses the beard as an excuse. So go ahead and dump him.

Preferring not to give oral to either dicks or pussies is OK, but only when clearly communicated (no pathetic excuses) and compensated for by other particularly GGG treats. I dated a woman who who early on said, "so, I'm not that into blowjobs.... but I'm amazing at anal". No complaints from me! That is how you tell someone you aren't into oral!

Back to my first point about a woman's hair, and how to resolve Dan's hypocrisy. Rather that condemn her for not wanting to be with a beard, I think we should allow everyone to have these preferences about how other people treat their own bodies. It is perfectly legit for dudes to express a dislike for body hair on ladies. Same damn thing as the beard preference. We are attracted to who and what we are attracted to, and that is legit either direction.

So ladies, go ahead and put your foot down about beards. If he doesn't like it, he can leave. Guys, go ahead and put your foot down about armpit and leg hair. If she doesn't like it, she can leave. Neither are villains.

Unfortunately, in the real world, I think the hair adverse men will get much more criticism than the hair adverse women. I guess it is a small price to pay for all the other institutional advantages men enjoy.


SHAVE, you should be ashamed of yourself for even having to ask.
Dump his ass.


@3 Corydon: Beards require more aggressive washing than beard-free faces after oral sex so the beard-haver isn't walking around with pussyjuice all up in their beard for hours afterwards. Maybe the extra upkeep is what "gets in the way". Or maybe it's more of a mustache issue: the same way she can't kiss him without the mustache getting in the way, he can't kiss her without it getting in the way.
Some people dislike the feel of beard against their sensitive skin. That's an issue for the oral receiver and not the giver, and it's not the case in the letter anyway.


OhTheTrees, You are trying to create a controversy where there isn't one. Dan is clear that the woman should dump him because he won't kiss her or eat her pussy but wants blow jobs. She has the right to be with someone who kisses her and eats her pussy. The beard is an excuse. Everyone has the right to break up with whoever based on whatever appearance preferences, but if you are trying to play a flip-the-gender situation and talk about institutional whatevers, then make it a good analogy. Consider a situation in which a woman expects a guy to eat her out but will not go down on him or kiss him because she says it will mess up her hairdo and/or makeup. You still think a man who would dump a woman like that would get more criticism? Why oh why is there always someone who wants to do this- even with a situation like this in which the letter is straightforward, Dan's advice is hilarious, on the point, and clear that this dude has the right to do whatever he wants with his face, etc. But no, we must examine for any evidence that Dan isn't critical of women.

Anklosaurus, I like the look of a beard more than the feel of it, so I see the difference too. Sounds like this guy is just sort of gross about it- like you really can't get to his lips (no one wants a mouth full of hair) and yes it sounds like he's refusing to even attempt oral for his own reasons. So yeah, if you decide to have a big beard, it does mean you are going to limit your partners to those who don't mind how it feels - or find someone who actually prefers it (and lots of women like beards). But that is not going to help this guy. He is going to have to find someone who doesn't mind not being kissed and who is happy to give him unreciprocated oral. Seems a tall order.


Also ohthetrees, yes everyone can refrain from whatever sex acts they want- the world is a wide and varied place. If dude doesn't want to eat pussy, he can say so just like the woman in your situation told you she doesn't suck cock. And he has every right to look for a partner that is cool with that preference. But that's not what happened here. This is a guy who used to go down and now says he can't go down because his beard gets in the way but chooses to keep the beard. That's not a disclosure of a sexual preference. That's just selfishness or laziness or dishonesty- or all three? It also has nothing to do with liking hair in different places or not. The woman clearly doesn't like the way the beard looks, but that's not what she's complaining about mostly. She's complaining that he's dirty, won't kiss her, and won't eat her pussy. So don't try to make analogies to 'body hair on ladies'. Yes if you don't want to date someone with leg/arm pit hair, that's fine, totally legit. But the only way that could be an analogy for this situation would be if the beard did not change their sex life- if everything carried on as normal but she just simply didn't like the look/feel. Not the case, so stop it already.


The way I'm reading this is he had a beard when they met and she asked him to shave it? Glossing over that—I've had full beards before and had none of these issues. The beard isn't the problem, it's this dude.

Also, I don't think hipsters are a thing anymore. Your boyfriend is either an eccentric or just a nerd.


Put your foot down about armpit hair and leg hair? HaHa. Who is this dude. Do these boys also shave their armpit and leg hair. And nobody kisses with their armpits.


Hipsters are definitely still a thing. And that kind of beard is hella ugly IMO, so I don't blame her for being bothered by it.


He can keep most of the beard, just trim the mustache and soul patch areas and kissing will again be possible and enjoyable. And a beard shouldn't interfere with cunnilingus; he'll just need to wash it thoroughly afterwards as Ankylosaurus said at #11, which is a good habit to be in anyway.
Dunno what his issue is, really.


ok.. I read the post, somewhat
then read Dan's response up until shes like yeah, I'm shaved.
then read few comments

I'm just gonna share my experience

my ex husband (married for like 15 yrs, mutually wanted to murder ea other, decided prob best to split, tho now were still super close friends!)

not only did he have long ass hair (locks) but he was a beardO (ov course w mustachO!!)

(unlike a fuck ton ov these normals who seem to flip at the sight ov a pussy)

my point is.. I don't think this is a hair situation
it feels like a compatibility situation

I know plenty of beardOs who will kiss and go down given the opportunity, aahahahaa

likewise, when they dig you.. they will please you
and vice versa

maybe I should read the whole post
however to blame his mustache on the reason for not getting the action you deserve/ want seems very surface.. what's the real T cis?

ps .. . I'm not buying the sloppy food shit either
unless hes a fuckin slob which seems doubtful given your presentation ov being so put together ( you not him)


also.. should I have misread/ misinterpreted this post.. WHOOPSIE!


I'd bet a months pay, you live in Portland, either SE or North. I see this every. Single. Fucking day. You can see from a block down she's not getting her needs nor is she happy. BUT. I think Dan went a little to HAM. Maybe talk. Then talk some more.?!? Then if after while it's not getting better. You know the answer. It seems Dan is awfully angry these days towards straight males. I'm honestly shocked to see him advocating throwing a year away from an almost perfect relationship (if whats described is true) Hopefully you don't to out to the nearest dive bar and bang another hipster... (It's obviously your type) only to find in another 6 months your in the same predicament. Maybe give your pussy a break? Maybe readajust who and where you wanna fuck, be, associate with. Because I think Dan has a few things wrong. You're either too giving or he's fucking other people. Cause do people in relationships not kiss? But give oral one way? I've never seen that much loyalty and I've had my fair share of "relationships" ...or maybe I need to give up and grow a shitty beard?


Yea, so my dude has a giant viking beard that's course and curly. He washes it with shampoo and conditioner, puts cream and lotion in it and has wipes to clean up after a messy meal out. He eats pussy just fine. If he hasn't done it in a while, I sit on his face.

This dude could take care of his beard so that it's super soft and not tickly/prickly, he can shave, or she can leave.


@ Zac

Nah, I disagree. They've only been together a year. They don't have responsibilities to one another like a mortgage or children. Why should she make it work with him? Best case scenario, she convinces him to eat her pussy, she convinces him to kiss her, she convinces him to care about her sexual pleasure, she teaches him basic table manners. Why? Why not just go be with someone who WANTS to eat her pussy, who WANTS to kiss her, who CARES ABOUT her sexual pleasure, and who ALREADY HAS basic table manners?

I mean sure, talk about it. But that's really the best case scenario here- you end up with someone who eats your pussy and kisses you because you put your foot down and convinced them to do it. That's not going to make a person feel desirable. I'd hate to know my man was going down on me and kissing me because I had to tell him to do so and not because he wanted to.


Glad everyone is mostly in the same page here. My hubby had a Beard. Goes down on me no problem. If it got in the way of such things, it would be long gone.

So maybe this isn't about the beard. If he isn't making the effort, it's safe to say he will drop you at a moment's notice.

PS. I gave head with braces. It wasn't great, but I tried.


Another case of what we call Dirty Face Syndrome. That is anyone who grosses their face up with a beard. While few can pull off the look the rest look horrible and it greatly reduces their chances of getting laid. Most prefer a more smooth kissable face. This guy sounds like a real donk. All you have to do is tell him “clean shave” please and if he wants to keep getting with you he will do it. Cut him off and I bet his story soon changes. Any decent bright and intelligent guy hoping for a night of fun knows to arrive shaved (pubes too), showered, smelling nice and wearing his best underwear if he is going to have a chance of getting some; especially a “Hipster”.


MLR @4: Or doesn't, as the case may be. :)
Yeah, this "this is a part of my body" argument doesn't fly. He can trim it. He likes his beard more than he likes you, move on. Or wait it out. I see far fewer hipster beards in London -- and I live in hipsterville -- than I did a few years ago, so he'll be hopelessly out of fashion in no time. My guess is that then he'll find another excuse not to eat your pussy, though.


OhTheTrees @9, good post. One question is, was he clean-shaven when she met him, then grew the beard? If so, she's within her rights to tell him she doesn't like it and ask him to shave. If he had the beard when they started dating, she needs to put up with it. But not with the lack of oral sex. Stop blowing him immediately and see if he changes his tune.


"My hipster boyfriend..."


Nah, but seriously, fuckboys who pretend that they're deep, kind, and supportive when they're actually selfish, vain and manipulative are the worst kind of fuckboys.


It's really not "a part of his body", it's an OPTIONAL part, like 10 foot long fingernails or shitting all over himself.

Before reading the Comments I was gonna paste in the standard "Tell him to choose between you or the beard", but fuck that: DTMFA.

I don't relate; a GF asked me to grow a beard, so I did (not a crazy-long one). A GF asked me to shave, so I did.


As a woman I greatly dislike how many men my age think it's cool to have a beard. Yeah shaving is annoying but I want to be able to see your face. Also, I don't know if anyone's noticed but every Trump supporter these days has a beard and sunglasses because they think that will protect them from being identified by terrorists or something.


Cocky @31: Yes, because gaining weight is a choice, just like growing a beard. [Sarcasm emoji]

You're gay so why do you care whether women try to influence their partners' self expression? Many straight men need some help, you'll probably agree. There's an entire television program based around this premise.

Asking isn't controlling. If you ask someone to change something that is easily changed, and they say no, you don't have to stay in the relationship. Agency for everyone!

Your friend being asked to change the way she dresses is analogous to my "if he had the beard when she started dating him." As you'll see, in that example I denied her right to ask him to shave.

I admit I'm biased here because I hate beards, they'd be a dealbreaker for me. And you're clearly biased because you have a beard and are pretty defensive about it. Good thing you and I won't be dating each other for other unchangeable reasons. :)


Cocky, If the woman were saying that the way she dresses prevents her from kissing him or blowing him then you would have an analogy for this situation. Like : my girlfriend won't kiss me or blow me because she says her earrings get in the way. I've asked her not to wear these earrings but she insists they are important to her and she must keep them in. What should I do? Answer: break up with her and find someone who doesn't prioritize her earrings over you.

Seriously at this point... why do commenters here keep doing this?


"I don't believe anything the LW wrote. Instead I'm going to pretend she wrote something else so I can get mad about it."


More about the right wing beard phenomenon.


Cocky @30: This made me laugh: "She is jealous of the beard." Jealous because... it gets to sit on his face and she doesn't? :)
And put me in mind of A Christmas Story:
"You were always jealous of this lamp!"
"Jealous? Of a plastic lamp?"
"Yes. Jealous because I WON."
"That lamp is the ugliest thing I have ever seen in my entire life!"
SHAVE may feel the same way about this beard.


I'm a woman and I've changed my appearance for a boyfriend. I wouldn't do something that I really hated or change something I love, but I had a boyfriend with a pubic hair and underarm hair fetish, so I grew both out for him. I figured what the hell, why not? I prefer the look of a shaved armpit, but I don't HATE the look of an unshaved one. He didn't insist; he simply told me how turned on he was by a woman's pubic or armpit hair. I don't even recall whether he specifically asked me to stop removing the hair, or whether I offered to remove it for him. I suppose if it was phrased as a demand, I would have reacted differently: seen it as controlling and dismissive of my own preferences for my own appearance and DTMF, but that's not the way it was communicated and I knew that he wouldn't have badgered me or broken up with me if I stayed clean-shaven. It wasn't painful; it wasn't difficult; it wasn't expensive. It really didn't mean anything to my sense of identity (and I saved money on Brazilian waxes), and it made him so happy. And since that specific kind of happiness was sexual in nature, it meant he was more attracted to me and that made itself felt, so . . . win win? Anyway, it was fine with me.
Although when we broke up, I went back to shaving my armpits because I prefer them that way.

I have never demanded that a partner of mine change his appearance for me, but I've shopped for clothes for boyfriends and my ex-husband, and I picked out things that were different than they usually wore and which I thought they'd look good in. They seemed to appreciate the clothes in themselves, as well as my enthusiastic response to the way they looked in those clothes. My ex-husband still dresses that way.

I'm not a fan of bushy beards, even the relatively well-kept ones, though I like a nice, trimmed goatee. I like to see the face of the man I'm dating/in love with/having sex with/whatever. I've kissed my share of men with facial hair, and more luxuriant mustaches and beards do get in the way a bit. I do prefer the feel of a clean-shaven face against my genitals, too, but as long as nothing is too scratchy and stubbly, I'm not particularly bothered by facial hair when I'm doing the having of the oral sex (however, I much prefer the feel of any- and everything when I'm waxed. The sensations are all heightened).

But all this gendered stuff about controlling someone else's looks is beside the point. The lw's boyfriend uses his beard as an excuse to go down on her; he keeps his facial hair so unkempt and long that she doesn't find kissing him enjoyable and she's told him this is why she's not kissing him, and he seems perfectly willing to forego kissing; he is unsanitary and gross, with food bits floating in the beard. All of this adds up to gross inconsideration and a general and obvious lack of care whether or not his girlfriend is satisfied sexually.

DTMA, indeed.


@40: Aaarggh! Edit: that should have read: "The lw's boyfriend uses his beard as an excuse to NOT go down on her."


All the beard-hate here makes me feel inspired to grow my beard again. [Smiling Face With Open Mouth and Tightly-Closed Eyes emoji]


He can't go down on her because of his beard, she can't kiss him because of his mustache? A'm calling bullshit all over this letter, from both of them.

She doesn't like facial hair, he wants to have facial hair. It's a big enough deal to both of them to mean that they are not compatible. No need, from either side, to come up with all these bullshit rationalizations.

Just break up, and both of you date someone who thinks that the way you are is just fine.


My two opinions for the letter writer:

1) If he won't go down on you, he's not for you. There are things like beard oils and beard conditioners. He could trim just the mustache. He could comb the beard out of the way. There are options. He's just not making it a priority. Your pleasure isn't important enough for him to figure out a work around. You can bet he'd find a solution if his hobby stopped him from getting oral. If your sexual pleasure was a priority, he would be going down on you, one way or another.

2) If you don't appreciate the way he likes to look, you're not for him. His appearance should make him feel sexy to himself, at least as often as it makes his partner find him sexy. Taking care of your appearance and grooming in a way that makes you feel good about yourself is important for anybody. And, in his case, that means growing a beard. Yes, he could shave it if his girlfriend asks him to. But if shaving it now, for a new girlfriend, means shaving it for the next thirty years, and never getting to see himself in the way that makes him feel like the best version of himself, that's going to lead to resentment. He's got to decide what he needs to do to feel amazing about his body. And if you're not into it, that's your cue to bow out of the situation.


Agony @43, you win the thread.


@43 and 44 both nailed it.


Hey, if a person gets off on having a manipulative partner who wants him or her to change himself or herself to meet the manipulative partner's expectations, fine, as long as it's all consensual.

But if you are, yourself, a manipulative partner who's disappointed that your target refuses some of your demands - yes, you should dump that partner, they're not the patsy you need and want. Find a more maleable and bland person you can mold to your wishes - as long as your wishes don't include having a distinct personality or a sense of self worth. If some guy has the nerve to want to retain his beard or back hair or bush, or some woman has the nerve to want to retain any body hair at all, obviously they are not for you. BAMFADT (be a mother fucker and dump them).


I prefer the two-day stubble look or being clean-cut. Agree that in this day and age, it's a red flag for being conservative.

Ironically, perhaps, receiving oral does nothing for me (and I usually actively hate it).


I am not on board with the "they are both wrong" comments. SHAVE writes: "I can no longer kiss him because the mustache is so long." While SHAVE has aesthetic objections to Mr. Shave's beard, it sound like his facial hair is long and/or stylized that kissing is not possible. Is that hyperbole? Perhaps, but giving the reasonable importance SHAVE places on kissing, I am doubtful that she is not kissing her man because of aesthetic considerations.


When you want to wear your armpit on your face:

They even let you shave in prison.


@50 Wow! You have an opinion about beards. You do realize that your opinion is about who you are, and has nothing to do with the intrinsic value of beards, don't you?

If you actively don't like beards, don't grow one or hang out with people who have them. The same advice would apply to people who actively don't like beardless faces - don't shave or hang out with people who's faces are beardless.


@ 49, I like facial hair on men, so a good portion of the men I have kissed have had mustaches, though by no means all. I'm old, so a lot of my kissing was back in the 70s when most men had mustaches. I have never encountered a mustache that made kissing impossible - that's just not how mustaches or kissing work.

She doesn't want to kiss him because she doesn't like the way it feels, with a mustache. Why not just say that? It doesn't have to be impossible for her to kiss a man with a mustache in order to go out and find herself a clean shaven guy, it just has to be something she doesn't want to do.

She doesn't have to win the beard wars and come out as the innocent party. She can just break up with him because she wants to.


Regarding if the beard has always been there, she says "I can no longer kiss him because his mustache is so long" and also that he doesn't go down on her ANYMORE because his beard gets in the way. Both of these statements imply that when they started dating, either he didn't have the facial hair or he kept it trim.

Cocky, she says he doesn't do it because his beard gets in the way with quotes around his words, his excuse. Also I don't see why there needs to be blame either way- Dan's response was spot-on and pointed out that she has every right to seek someone who is more sexually compatible to her. It's only when commenters insisted on making this some weird flip-the-gender thing that talk of blame or criticism entered into the picture. That said, I do not think it is unreasonable to expect partners to consider their lovers' preferences for stuff like this. Obviously if the beard is extremely important to him, then they are not compatible, but I don't think it makes someone controlling to ask them to trim their mustaches so that they can kiss. As for this: "No guy in my experience would care." Since you are a gay man, I doubt you have much experience with what men might care or not care about regarding eating pussy.


@32: I won't defend that guy because he doesn't have a right to insist someone else change, he has a right to opt to not date someone he's not into (for reasons that I think are good or bad). And there's a difference between demanding/pressuring/coercing and asking - you're free to ask a partner if they'd be willing to do something you find especially attractive/sexy, and they're free to say yes or no, and you're free to decide that thing outeeighs whatever else you like about them and break up. Since people aren't owed relationships with particular other people, there's nothing inherently coercive or controlling about deciding you'll only date certain kinds of people or particular people under certain conditions. If a man asks a woman he's dating to dress a certain way and she's fine with it, everybody wins. If she's not fine with it, she can (should!) say no (or break up on the spot if she has an objection to the desire on his part or the asking). And then he can break up with her if that's really important to him.

@55: "straight woman friends, who are clearly outside my dating pool, have in fact made negative comments about my beard." Have you told them it bothers you and asked them to stop? Have you considered that they might be assholes? I don't see that as "controlling" so much as "mean", and it might behoove you to consider whether you want to describe people who are mean to you as "friends". I'm sorry they do that. Because humans can't read minds, you may be falling victim to the Illusion of Transparency if you haven't told them it bothers you; they may not actually be able to read your irritation and think it's good-natured ribbing that's fun for all. Or maybe you have told them or they can tell perfectly well how much it bothers you, in which case they sound like shitty friends (and perhaps assholes generally if a prime source of entertainment for them is making mean comments about the appearances of other people that have zero impact on them in any way). Again, there's a difference between asking a sex partner if ze would be willing to change something that impacts sex and a partner (or friends) making disparaging comments about one. Constantly running someone down is abusive; stating a preference or making a request (and then dropping the subject) is not.


Cocky @53: She writes: 'That and he doesn't go down on me anymore since the beard "gets in the way."' Her use of quotation marks imply that it is he who is saying he can't go down on her because of the beard. She doesn't say, "I don't like the feel of his beard when he's going down on me." She DOES imply that the moustache is her issue when kissing, not his.

Why does someone deserve the "blame"? As Agony says, this is an incompatibility. No one is to "blame" for those. He clearly likes his beard more than he likes her, and she clearly dislikes the beard more than she likes him. What's with the need to "blame" one of them or the other? Not every story has a villain.

Cocky @55: So, some people are rude. Is this news?
The cliché about "women date men expecting that they will change [for the better], and men date women expecting they won't [age]" is well worn, and just as useful as any gendered cliché.
You'll be pleased that the new series of Queer Eye features the Fab Five helping people of all genders and orientations.

EmmaLiz @56: 'As for this: "No guy in my experience would care." Since you are a gay man, I doubt you have much experience with what men might care or not care about regarding eating pussy.' Yes. Eating pussy is quite a juicy endeavour. It's easy to imagine that one might walk away with a beard full of lingering scent. And this guy, in her experience, does care. So your experience is irrelevant.

John @57. Yes. These so-called friends of yours (Cocky), aware that their opinion as straight women is completely irrelevant to your choices, might just be teasing, unaware that you do actually care what they think. Tell them, "Hey. I like my beard, and I don't appreciate your comments."


Everyone is entitled to their dealbreakers. This woman is just as entitled to decide that a bushy beard is a dealbreaker for her as Cocky is to decide that a vagina is a dealbreaker for him. Cocky, you seem determined to judge SHAVE as being unreasonable and therefore required to stay with a man whom she hates kissing and who won't go down on her. Whom would that benefit?


Eating ass is juicy? I mean, there might be lube there but if the ass is dripping with its own secretions, you probably shouldn't be putting your face there. Cocky have you ever had your face or hands in a vagina? It's very wet, and when its aroused, you can get pretty soaked with vaginal lubrications. Even women who don't squirt (I don't) can make quite a wet spot. Eating your own cum out of your lover's orifice is a specific kink and not the one this woman is referring to, but if you want to use that as reference, fine- now picture that in addition to that cum, there is a ton of other secretions. Finally, yes most bearded straight men do not care about this and go down anyway, as referenced by many people in this comment section, which is why this particular letter even exists- this man is behaving in an atypical way that makes him incompatible with most people.

Also I'm not sure why you are going to great lengths to misinterpret her. She says that he has stopped going down on her because his beard now gets in the way. The fact that this does not seem believable to you is irrelevant. #1 it's what she said. #2 as has been described here before by many LWs and commenters from their personal experience, there are plenty of people who make excuses to be lazy and selfish in bed. If you've never met people like that, then good for you, hurray!

Happy Friday folks. Big weekend and bigger next week. You guys have been grand. This conversation is hilarious.


Cocky @62, I wouldn't have dated bearded dude in the first place. But yeah, I can see that happening. She prefers to stick her face in his crotch than his face because one is hairy and the other is not. But he doesn't reciprocate. Therein lies the problem.

And yes, we all agree that his refusal is atypical, and that they shouldn't be dating, so I'm not sure why the existence of one straight woman, or even several straight women, who don't fancy bearded men has got your panties into such a twist. Happy weekend indeed!


@54/55 What porn are you watching? Most porn features twinks or clean shaven men. To see bearded men you have to search the fetish sites for Otters, Bears, Biker Gangs and Circus Freaks.

Maybe your straight women friends would be in your dating pool if you ditched the beard or maybe they are trying to tell you that they think you would do much better on the dating scene without the beard look. They probably have gotten more rude or direct about it because you haven’t clued into the concept that they just might be right. If you ever went on Queer Eye for the Str8 guy guess what the first thing they would tell you to do would be: ditch the caveman beard! A real friend is supposed to look out for you and tell you what is not your best look. If they don’t they are not your friend.

Now go comb that beard of yours covering your weak chin, slap on your favourite tie dye shirt and cut off jean shorts and go enjoy the long weekend. Jesus loves you, the rest of us not so much.


@65 - Oh, honey, your own taste in porn does not exalt that porn into a "standard". You like clean-shaven porn? Fine. There's lots of scruffy and bearded porn out there too. Pornhub and Xtube are full of it, there's no need to hunt for it in dark corners.

And you seem to think that having a beard is bad for dating - which neither I nor my bearded friends have found to be true. Both bearded and non-bearded men hit us up frequently - and like to get their fingers in our beards and body hair in intimate moments.

My straight women friends who say I should shave are all fucking seriously plucked and primped fashionistas, and I shudder to think of getting skin to skin with a guy like that. Ewww, I don't want to slide off a man's face because of his moisturizing regimen, get his perfume up my nose, or get rug burn from his pubic stubble.

And I certainly don't want anything sexual to do with any of the guys on Queer Eye - nice enough guys, I'm sure, but they're seriously unattractive. Primped, trimmed and plucked men who don't like their own secondary sexual characteristics and attack them with wax and sharp blades seem unhealthy to me. Why would I follow their "fashion" tips? And when fashionistas like them and like you are also arrogant about their fashion kink, it's offensive, not attractive.


@66 Only children use the word Ewww. This reminds me of a friend who couldn’t get hired for a job. We all told him if he would lose his chin strap he wouldn’t have a problem finding a job then. He refused. After having to relocate because he couldn’t find employment here, he now works in a factory where nobody has to look at him.

The New York Yankees have a “no beard” policy and if you want to make the big bucks you leave your childish attachment to your beard behind. Edwin Encarnacion just shaved his chin strap to join the first place Yankees this month and he is laughing all the way to the bank. Its a price worth paying.


@67 "Only children use the word Ewww", said the guy who still calls men Dude . . .

You're right, only children or childish adults use the word ewww - which is what most of the objectors to beards sound like in person. Their tone of voice is often "ewww"-like even if they're using other words. And they are usually way too primped and plucked and shaved and waxed for any one of my friends to find them attractive - which, of course, is only about our taste in men.

Those who like to primp and pluck and shave and wax should, of course, do it with gusto - it's their life, and it doesn't matter if millions of other men find them unattractive afterwards. There are millions more men who like that look well enough. You'd be very popular in the dark corners of my favorite sex theater in Paris, in fact - a lot of the North African men who go there to fuck are big fans of smooth, hairless, sweet smelling men in pretty clothes, it's a cultural thing.

And the fact that in some places and some industries it's harder to get a job with a beard than without is just a comment about those places and industries. I've had a beard for a long time, and I've never had problems getting work. I guess I've lived where the local customs didn't confuse facial hair with job competence. So you're once again conflating your local customs with the big wide world, and considering HR policies set by conservative christians as valid advice for life.


50, #65 and #67: now this, dear commenters, is an actual troll.


@69 - you're right, sorry, I was feeding him, wasn't I? I'll stop. Thanks for the reminder.


An actual troll who has clearly never seen Queer Eye, since the men who start out bearded end up with neatly trimmed beards. Hell, have you seen the face of their grooming expert? Trollololol.


Cocky @72: Aw, I'm sorry to hear you're having a tough time. Hope I haven't been too hard on you! Sending hugs. (Hugs are always fine - beard or no beard!)


I feel like everyone is missing the forest for the trees here.

It's not about the beard, it never was about the beard.

It's about this guy's complete disregard for his girlfriend. He doesn't care about her pleasure or her affection. He doesn't care that she's miserable because he's getting what he wants.

He doesn't have to shave but he does have to treat her wants and needs with respect. Not use his facial hair of a way of getting out of doing something he doesn't want to do.

And I don't get why so many guys freak out at the idea that they have to take care of themselves and that showering with soap and washing their hair is asking for too much,.

Please wait...

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