Savage Love

Quickies

Comments

1

"Emission accomplished", indeed. That's one I won't soon forget.

2

It's in Italian but not Spanish? Color me surprised. How many more people in the world speak Spanish than speak Italian? I'm pretty sure it's a lot, like almost 400 million more or something. That's a lot of people who can't benefit from Dan's wisdom! No one here works at a Spanish-language newspaper or magazine, do they?

3

Spanish is the second most spoken language in the world, second only to Madnarin. I think it would behoove the world for the column to be put out in Spanish. I'd say put it out in Mandarin, too, but most Mandarin speakers do live in China, and I can't imagine the People's Party and its censors would take kindly to the content.

4

Huh. Had no clue that's what precum was or that was it's purpose. You truly do learn something new every day.

5

Wow! 58 year old guy with the cartoon kink who was wondering if he's a pediphile. He's not. But having grown up gay and catholic in the 60s, I can sympathize so much with those who are hardwired toward this orientation. While I understand the reasons why, we are still casting an entire class of people aside and admonishing them really for ever speaking out this much less finding a way to have a functional and satisfying life. It's a horrible dilemma, and I think we're all a little horrible for being such cowards.

6

I like sucking a guy's cock because I feel bonded to him for that time. I have a few guys who I do this with. It generally feels very satisfying to provide someone with a welcoming, slippery, completely NSA and non-reciprocal means for having an orgasm.

7

For NGAGE, I'd suggest reflecting on what you know about this man. In 11 years, how has he behaved towards you? Does he treat you with respect? Is he a teammate who has your back? Does he flirt with other people or cross reasonable boundaries of your (I'm assuming) monogamous relationship? Has he ever acted suspicious with his ex? Does he insensitively reminisce about the good old days with his ex? Does he treat his ex like a regular friend? Does he make an effort to show that he loves you?

Whatever he does now, he's likely to continue doing for the next few decades. You know best as to whether that behaviour is something you want.

If your concern isn't a fear that he'll cheat - if it's just a general jealousy that somebody in his/your friend group once knew him intimately - then consider this thought: Having experienced both, he chose to marry you.

8

Dear Dan,
I understand the pleasure received by the "breast touchee," but I need help understanding what benefit or pleasure the "breast toucher" derives from the exchange. Is it the texture of areola?
Befuddled Over Orb Bumbling

9

Gaydor #5 You seem like a nice man and having sympathy for pedophiles may be admirable. But talk to the victims of pedophiles and child molesters and you won’t find much sympathy among us b/c it can take a lifetime to recover from that abuse.

10

...and I understand the pleasure received by the “clit lickee” but need help understanding what benefit or pleasure the “tongue-flicker” derives from the exchange (other than a slippery face bath). I guess I’m too dense to realize that giving someone else pleasure may be pleasurable in itself.

11

@2 I think Dan's point was that people who speak Spanish should be able to understand Italian. It all sounds the same to Americans.

13

@9
I don't pretend to know @5's thinking, but it seems to me that attempting to understand the genesis of pedophiles' motivations might be a useful step toward the elimination of such perversions in the future.

14

@13
Nevermind - IDK WTF I am talking about - :-/

15

Dear Dan,
I don't understand the pleasure that "kissers" receive from the exchange. What is the benefit of this act if there is no direct genital stimulation for either party?

16

RESPECT, please discover the treasure trove that is archiveofourown. I’ve never looked back!

17

@16 - Hear, hear :)

18

NGAGE: Or you could pre-emptively break up with your fiancé over this, saving the drama. But if you're the sort of person who's bothered by your partner being friends with their ex, you're probably the sort of person who likes to manufacture drama, so while that option is wiser than the ultimatum option it is unlikely you will do it.

COCK: "Emission accomplished" is a wonderful turn of phrase, but I'd clarify that sucking cock can be a joy whether or not the suckee comes.

PSA: You're 57. Your girlfriend is unlikely to be shocked by the news you're taking Viagra, any more than you'd be shocked that a woman your age was post-menopausal and taking calcium supplements. You're totally normal, and while I agree you should tell your girlfriend, I don't envision it as needing to include reassurance that you find her attractive. In fact, if you lead with "it's not your fault," she may be more likely to think it is! Just tell her you've been taking Viagra because you want to be 100% sure of your performance with her, but you trust her enough now to be honest and try it without, and ask for her patience if an erection does not happen. If she's a keeper, she'll understand.

19

Calliope @2: No one is paying this Italian guy to translate SL, he's just doing it because he wants his countrymen to be able to read SL. I agree it seems like a bigger need to have the column in Spanish, but as no money is being offered, it's depending on there being a Spanish-speaking Matteo out there.

Fubar @11: I don't think that was Dan's point at all.

20

@19: I stand corrected; if Italian SL is running in an Italian magazine, then the staff member is being paid to translate it. So, Spanish speakers will have to appeal to the Spanish publications out there to do the same. A qualified translator should be pretty easy to find!

21

I came here to say what #16 and 17 already have. Discover fanfiction! "Dubious consent" sounds like exactly what you're looking for, which is fics with situations that would usually be rape in a legal sense, but the story revolves around the power dynamic, the feeling of being forced or coerced, of having no choice, and of secretly enjoying it. Also called "dub-con" or "dubcon" or "dub con". Just use those in your search filters, pick a genre or TV show you especially like, pick explicit, and enjoy!

22

It would be fascinating for me to try to read SL in Spanish. I could really hone my limited ability to curse/talk dirty en Español! (My conversational Spanish is very limited to begin with.)

23

Re: Savage in Spanish

In google chrome you can add the google translate extension, then any page you browse to, just click the button on the top right of the browser for it, and you can translate that page into whatever language you prefer. For romance languages I'm sure its fairly accurate.

Machine translation to languages like Chinese might be less useful but still somewhat readable.

24

To add the extension just search for google translate extension and click add to chrome.

25

//Call your girlfriend//
//It's time you had the talk//
//Give your reasons//
//Say it's not her fault//
//But you just need that something blue//
//So that you'll always make it though//

//Tell her not to get upset second guess everything you ever said or done//
//Tell her that your dick never meant to lie to no one//
//Tell her that the only way you both can come//
//Is when you take your little friend//
//And it won't pop up right now, but just give it time//
//And then you go down on her//

I wonder if Robyn would consider covering her own song for an ED PSA.

26

Coolie @ 23 (and anyone else who's interested) : DeepL.com is much, much better then Google translation.

Of course, it won't get every slang term right. That's why I still have a job (for the next couple of years, at least).

27

R @26 I tried both Google Translate and DeepL.com, translating the first letter in my native language using both. DeepL.com is indeed better. Example: Google Translate did not understand "asshole move" (it translated is as if it just said "asshole") while DeepL.com did.

28

@19 And can we say how awesome that is? It would be so hard to translate obscure sexual terms and the flippant Savage Love style into another language. Well played by the guy who does it.

29

@5 and @9 I’m with 5 on this one. And that doesn’t make me less sympathetic to victims. Pedophilia is a horrible thing with devastating effects. But the longer we keep this virulent persecution and automatic-loathing of those afflicted with these desires, the more we perpetuate their isolation and eventual offending. We deal with pedophilia almost exclusively after the fact and in the process lose opportunities to provide any assistance to those who deal with what has to be an excruciating predilection. I’m not saying that we shouldn’t castigate and prosecute offenders, I’m saying that if you can’t find some sympathy for people who have lived in the shadows with this, you’re part of the problem.

30

@7 With you. It’s been 11 years and unless Dan cut things from the letter (which seems unlikely because they’d be titillating), the fiancé didn’t cite any specific issues. People can be friends with people they dated. They can also be inappropriate with people they dated. If these two have been best friends for 11 years, they probably aren’t being inappropriate – the relationship would’ve imploded by now.

It would be interesting to note the sexual orientation involved. I have no way of knowing this as a cis dude but I’d imagine the ex-who-is-now-a-best-friend is way more common in gay relationships than in straight relationships. I’ve been friends with exes and there’s always been some jealousy from people I dated after. I wonder if that’s more prevalent? Less prevalent? I also wonder if guys or girls tend to handle the ex/best-friend better in heterosexual relationships. Thoughts?

31

FEARSSS, welcome to the world of "Seriously Japan, WTF?" Their hentai manga is the original rule 34, as evidenced by the number of hentai manga featuring such a niche erotic fixation as giant prepubescent boys destroying cities for erotic gratification.

As to your concerns of "does this mean I'm attracted to young boys," if you were you would not discover it at age 58 searching for porn of monsters destroying cities. You would have discovered it in your late teens or early 20's when you realized you weren't attracted to men your own age but pre-pubescent boys.

Also, this reminded me of a REALLY old Savage Lovecast (somewhere in the episode 200 to 350 range I listened to in 2012-2013) where a woman called in about her experience with lolita hentai. She liked reading that lolita hentai not because she was attracted to young girls but because she imagined herself as the lolita, turned on by the idea of being the forbidden target of an older teenager's or young man's desire.
Now, that woman's experience with hentai may sound worlds apart from yours, but that is exactly the point - two people reading manga involving pre-pubescent characters and neither of them are actually attracted to pre-pubescent people.
Lastly, as to Dan's comments about drawings or computer generated images of children engaged in sexual conduct being illegal, I believe those are limited to photo realistic creations or photoshopped images. Still, double check that.

32

Is there really a stigma attached to ED drugs at this point? They seem pretty common even among younger people.

33

I think it would be hilarious to read Savage Love, with all its slang and detailed descriptions of various sex acts, in a poorly-translated-by-Google other language, though it might also be dangerous. Imagine how words like digit, plug, lube, death grip, etc would be translated!

Larry I think it tends to be about the distance between the start of the new relationship and the end of the old one. I have several friends in my social circle who are friends with their exes- the trick seems to be if you met your current partner's ex as an ex who still hangs around because they are so close as friends or as a friend - and then find out later that they dated years back.

I think it's funny that these things are asked of cocksucking moreso than other acts. Sometimes I get the feeling that some people don't really enjoy/desire other people's bodies and just want to get off, therefore can't imagine that the rest of us don't see it that way.

34

I always thought pre-come was just a little bit of your come. Learn something new every day!

35

If and when there is money to translate Savajo Amor into Spanish I’d highly recommend hiring our very own Ricardo for the job.

36

If you've been with someone for ELEVEN YEARS at what point does one move from "boyfriend" to "fiance".... and after how many years can one be a "fiance" before becoming husband / wife?
I'm fascinated by people who describe their significant other as "fiance" when they have no real plan to get married.

37

Could someone please explain this week's illustration to me? I'm just not getting it.

38

CM @37 "Quickies" is associated with a race? Quick, fast, running? Can't think of anything better. Or maybe there is a pun in there somewhere that I'm not getting.

39

Dan, saying paedophilia is hard wired, and that this is settled, is not true. It’s been posited by one guy, that I read about, and rejected by many others. There is still confusion about how it develops.

40

LW1, why haven’t you spent the last eleven years getting ok with the relationship between your beau and his best friend? Do you believe that marriage would give you the right to now try to close it down?
You are not ready for marriage, one because you’ve been harbouring these negative feelings and not trying to work them thru and integrate his truth, and be happy for him. And two, because marriage is not about controlling other people.

41

I assumed something to do with having sex like rabbits? But quickies? Like the rabbits are quickies? Only the bunnies don't look like they are having fun, so I don't know.

43

Even assuming LW1 and BF1 are both M or both F, I still want to know for sure about LW, as the responses to a male LW and to a female LW would greatly diverge due to OS/SS dynamics.

L6: While I am almost pleasantly surprised (in an entirely general way) that it has not yet been determined that undisclosed use of erectile assistants constitutes negation of informed consent, I'll amend Ms Fan's comment to - if she's really a keeper, he won't even have to say half the things she recommends having at the ready just in case. It seems unnecessary coddling to assume GF6 might jump to its being her fault. (Perhaps this is the How Women Are Socialized Card that gets mixed reviews being played again.) Indeed, why isn't this being treated by Mr Savage as the same sort of blessing as being HIV+, as in, if she reacts badly, why doesn't that tell him everything he needs to know about her?

44

Larry @30: My thought indeed was that the first LW was probably female because it struck me as far more common and less eyebrow raising for gay men to stay friends with exes. However, I disagree with Venn that it makes a difference. LW needs to get over him/her/themself and be an adult about this friendship, or not marry thus poor schmuck.

45

The porn question is interesting. Good Dan is putting up sites which show sensitivity to how women experience sex.

46

Hey, that's my avatar!

47

Ms Fan - The response goes to roughly the same destination, but it changes the road; do I go by the highway or the turnpike? For one thing, we expect SS people to be less frazzled by these things. A male LW and X would probably start me on the road of coping with definite snowflakes. A female LW and X raises various points about gender, and provides grist for a lengthier cross-examination.

48

For lw1 agree with Dan's advice but will say this: when the marriage gets hard and sex slows down and he hangs out with his bff ex, you will be suspicious that they're fucking. If they do fuck they'll have plausable deniability and you will look like an asshole if you don't have proof. 11 years + of friendship! Resist the urge to snoop for proof that may or may not be there if you want to be with him. If you don't find it, you've potentially ended your relationship, if you do find it, you've ended your relationship.

If you do issue an ultimatum or limit his access to his bff then when the marriage gets tough and the sex slows down he'll be out with co-workers or join a class and be out with classmates. In those coworkers and classmates there'll be women he's interested in who are interested in him back and he'll have all the same plausable deniability but with added secrecy and a higher likelihood of falling for someone new rather than a long time friend and ex. If til death do you part is actually what you want you should be glad to keep the ex. The ex is honestly safer.

49

The ex is an “ex” for a reason NGAGE, but she also was a “possible” years ago. The charitable view is they couldn’t make a go of it as a couple, but now he only has to deal with the “good” reasons he liked her. That doesn’t help you much, because if he enjoys her company now that the “relationship” stress is gone he might be fucking her and he might not. Is he ignoring you for time with her? Are your needs being met? Do the three of you do things together? I have exes who my new GF likes and we do stuff together as friends. It makes for less jealousy if the “girls” are friends and trust each other. BUT if BF insists on only seeing her separate from you, that’s a bad sign.

51

Mr Balls - That's rather the point of why my address to a male LW would go by the interstate and why my response to a female LW by the turnpike. Either gets me to my bridge game in about 40 minutes.

52

To go on a bit of a tangent -- I'm a large woman (I have several medical conditions that cause weight gain and make weight loss difficult), and consequently don't get approached by men on the street, at work, at school, by strangers, by people I know... Really anywhere.

Women do sometimes compliment me on my wardrobe, as I tend to dress nicely for my size (which is HARD) -- especially on my jewelry, in which I take a lot of pride and some of which I've made myself. But I don't think any of those women were hitting on me, just appreciating fashion regardless of the size of the wearer.

The couple of times a strange man has commented on how pretty I am or what a nice smile I have or whatever, it's been black men who looks older than myself. I'm not sure what that says about me, about cultural standards of beauty, about New York, about random chance, or what. (I'm white, for the record.)

I got hit on (I'm pretty sure) only once while I was working retail (customer service at B&N), and it was thoroughly confusing. This (middle-aged, black) man was standing around in the music section, so I went up and asked if he needed any help (B&N Booksellers are required to approach every customer possible and ask if they need help finding anything). He said he was just hanging around while waiting for his wife to be done shopping, you know? I said sure, we're glad to have you. He then took a left turn and asked if I was married. I laughed (I couldn't help it; I'm 24 and I look my age, so I don't know why anyone would assume I'm married, and on top of that I'm a super virgin, not that any stranger would know that) and said no, I'm not married. He said he was surprised; a beautiful woman like me should have a husband. I smiled, said thanks, and asked again if there was anything he needed help finding. He said no, so I said to let us know if he needed any help, have a great day, and I walked away. Interestingly, he did not stand too close for comfort, as some customers (mostly older men) did out of ignorance, inconsiderateness, as a power play, I don't know.

I was super confused by the interaction, mostly because he didn't seem to have an agenda or be asking me out or anything, and especially because he made a point to mention his wife at the beginning of the conversation. So my primary response was not to be creeped out, just confused. I'd even say bemused.

I must admit, the couple of times I've been hit on I've been nervous and flustered and confused, but after the fact it has made me a little happy. I know this is not the response the vast majority of women have to being hit on by strangers in public -- and if I were hit on or catcalled all the time I'm sure I would hate it, even feel unsafe.

But being as I am, feeling so ugly and unwanted and judged all the time, everywhere, every time I'm in public, no matter what I do, because of something I have almost no control over -- when once in a blue moon a strange man says I look nice, it feels good.

53

Oops -- didn't mean to post that again (wrong thread, too). Copy/paste error.

54

Maybe you’re right Donny, the ‘gurls’ Oh I like that spelling, need to get along.
Eleven years though, why hasn’t she mentioned this long ago and why hasn’t he picked up on her discomfort. These two should not get marriage, because already the relationship has big issues.
My ex interfered with my friendships, being seductive or rude. Jealous man he was. That was with female friends. Best friends are important, and this LW has issues about his. Not a way to start a marriage.

55

Married. And I edit. !

56

How amazing is the Soccer Queen, Megan Rapinoe. Takes a gay woman to speak beautiful truths to sleaze balls.
And she just had a birthday. Love her.

57

What I meant to paste is now on Wednesday's SLLOTD thread (the correct thread, and the correct comment) re. grandmothers and offspring survival.

58

Thanks for sharing, Muse and hugs to you.
Don’t ever think of yourself as ugly, and count yourself lucky idiot men don’t treat you like a thing.
That was sweet, what that man said. He appreciated your beauty. You need too as well.
What sort of jewellery do you make?
I’m a bit of a jewel freak, and a second hand store fan for forty years. It can be a beautiful art form.

59

To FEARS and anyone taking boner pills: Viagra is basically an "on demand" pill. You take it now and in twenty minutes to an hour, with proper stimulation (what that is depends on the individual), you'll get an erection. Viagra has a half life of about four hours +/-. Cialis stays in your system for up to three days. You could probably take it every two or three days and if it works for you then you would already be ready for sex.

As to cost: Generic Viagra is now available. Go to GoodRx.com and see what the cost is at pharmacies in your area.

You can get generic Cialis from mail order pharmacies in Canada. UniveralDrugStore.com is one that was recommended by a pharmacist here in the USA. I've gotten it at a good price from manufacturers in Canada and the UK thru Universal Drug Store. Other counties have manufacturers, too that are listed on the UDS web site.

Happy Fucking

60

@58 Thanks. I appreciate that. :)

I originally posted that on the "guys with deep voices" thread where people were discussing guys asking women out in public, but still had it copied when I tried to copy/paste another comment from Word.

I've done beading and wire-wrapping since I was a kid (though of course my skills are much better now than they were 10 or 15 years ago) -- mostly wire-wrapping now. I took a class one summer in high school where I had the opportunity to do some stuff with soldering torches and the like. I got a few nice rings and a Star of David pendant out of it, but I haven't had the opportunity to use that kind of equipment again.

I make a lot of earrings to give as gifts because they're pretty, but easy and quick, and I have all the supplies already so even though the materials cost money in the first place, it doesn't feel like I'm spending tons of money on someone's present. I do this thing where instead of using a headpin, I make a spiral at the end of a piece of wire (I usually use silver-filled) add the beads, and wire-wrap the end that attaches to the ear wire.

I also make a lot of earrings for myself because I literally never leave the house without earrings. I have large earlobes (for illustration: when I got my ears pierced at age 12 they didn't fit quite right in the piercing gun, and the experience was much more painful than it is for most people), inherited from my father, and I like to distract people from them with dangly earrings (I don't wear studs because I feel like they make my earlobes look bigger). I feel naked without earrings on.

The most recent big project I made was a glasses chain for myself. I used ~0.25 in/64 mm beads, just one on each link, and wire-wrapped both ends of each link. So it took FOREVER to get a chain long enough, but I like the result and use it almost every day for my sunglasses when I'm driving. I've done similar chains for bracelets or necklaces that I've given away in the past, but I think this is the longest chain with the smallest links I've done without jump rings.

...

I think we've learned not to get me started talking about jewelry. I might never stop!

61

I meant 6.4 mm. But now that I think about it, the beads were more like 5 mm.

62

Who is this week's Lucky @69 Award winner gonna be? Tick...tick...tick...

63

So, I'm sensing a trend in letters lately, at least the ones that get published here. "My girlfriend needs stimulation to enjoy sex -- what's wrong with her?" "Sucking cock -- what's up with that?" "My girlfriend has fantasies when viewing porn -- I don't like it, I just want her to watch it with me."

64

Interesting Muse, I like the idea for the glasses chain. Yes, I did a soldering course way back, and got some of the gear. I didn’t pursue it very far.
I’ve done simple bracelets and necklaces, using semi precious stones, amber and turquoise , glass beads and old silver ones from India. I have so many beads still, and some manufactured ones from decades ago / necklaces too. I’m hoping my grandddaughter might get interested in making stuff.
Good one.
How you perceive yourself is how others see you. So if you think self=ugly, then others will too. Think sexy fleshy woman, and feel it.

65

Famous Artists have made jewellery. I’ve seen pictures of some Braque designed, beautiful pieces. Just about to start a biography of Cézanne, my very favourite Artist. Next will be the one coming out in Sept, a biography of Lucien Freud. Who would we be without Art and Music.

66

Honey @48: Wow, what a batshit post. (Did we decide "batshit" was OK as far as not stigmatising real mental illnesses?) If you think it's inevitable that men will cheat, the only question being with whom, I hope you've taken yourself out of the dating pool. Yowza.

Donny @49: Much more helpful, thank you. LW should befriend this friend. Everyone will be happier if there is not conflict between the two most important people in Fiance's life.

Calliope @52: Lots of men like big women. Perhaps your fellow shopper was just giving you a compliment, mentioning his wife to show he wasn't hitting on you, but that he found you an attractive and charming woman whom he WOULD hit on if he were free to do so.

67

I shall avoid saying anything about double standards.

Bad luck for Ms Fan not having Centre Court tickets to scalp; they are going for nice sums, as we have the first Federer-Nadal match at Wimbledon since the 2008 final (often called the greatest match ever played). Ms Lava will feel for my having to miss it. Worse, the room where I have my afternoon bridge group normally has a large television (where last year we saw that Anderson-Isner hadn't even finished so that Djokovic-Nadal started very late), but they removed it for a party two months ago and have not put it back.

68

@66 Thanks. It was just so unusual for me I didn't know what to make of it!

69

@66 And, as one person with mental illnesses, I'm fine with "batshit." My credentials: I have treatment-resistant Major Depressive Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Social Anxiety Disorder, Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder, Skin Excoriation Disorder, panic attacks, and a history of self-harm and suicidal ideation. I do not claim to be representative of anything, but I find "batshit" to be a delightfully colorful word, even if it does precede "crazy."

70

And descriptive, too. Given the sheer number of diseases most bats carry, being around bat shit has a good chance of making you ill, including mental instability.

71

Although the etymology seems to be as a variant of "bullshit," influenced in its meaning change by "batty," which itself may have come from "to have bats in one's belfry."

72

Ms. Mooz
Some 20 years ago while working retail myself I was told by couple female workers that indeed black men have a thing for size L and beyond white women.
Neither one of them was racist, I think one took it as somewhat of a compliment, though both were happily married and as far as I know had no intentions to act on those proposals.
Sporty- this was not my observation, I’m only relaying what I was told.

Back to you Mooz- May I suggest adding the screen name to the post number you’re referring to? This will make it so much easier for others to relate and respond. It was something I suggested BDF upon joining, and still grateful she did follow through.
As for low self esteem- I have met what we seem to call “overweight” and also smart, funny, confident folks that I was attracted to. Some of them were already hitched to otherwise “normal” looking folks. Accept, love, and enjoy your own self.

73

Congratulations Muse on @69.. May you enjoy the riches bestowed by landing on this magic no.

74

I wasn’t able to watch the match either, Mr Venn. Roger, the super champion, does it again.

75

Venn @67: I'd second CMD's admin advice. Your posts are cryptic enough even when I know what comment they're referring back to!
Happy weekend everyone.

76

CalliopeMuse - this helps. Just keep scrolling.

https://heyfatchick.tumblr.com

The mental illness is less of an obstacle (not one at all for a surprising proportion of people, sane and not-so) than you think too. Late bloomer isn't a problem either, you'll be ok.

78

@72 CMDwannabe Thanks for the encouragement. Will do re. including screen names.

@73 LavaGirl Thanks! ^_^

@76 no Thank you. I'm not in a place in my life right now to be dating anyway. I hope you're right once I get there.

79

I checked out the porn sites mentioned in the response to RESPECT . You have to register to two of the three and pay per view, something you can easily avoid on many other sites..
Whether it’s worth it depends. The videos are well done, relatively high technical production value for the porn industry in terms of sets, lighting, camera, and editing.
Acting is good when there's dialogue involved, bodies are fit yet not enhanced, sex is real and enjoyable for all.

My guess is the sites mentioned cater to younger women as they lack the plot that some assumed-over-43-yo women who write here, as well as this particular wannabe, have all expressed in the past.
Subject matters matter as well. When I searched for “older woman younger man” on Bellesa.com, my preferred straight porn category nowadays, the results were none of the above yet offered some interactions between early 20’s women or implied younger, and fit men around 40 or so.
In one of them a desperate student living in a depressing furniture-free apartment confesses her love to her visiting Hispanic professor. That comes after a minute or so of deep conversation about numbers and the meaning of life. After the confession they hold hands and kiss. Some 45 seconds later they’re at each other’s throat, followed by quite a few other body parts.

The other one I based my assumption on is titled “How I seduced my tennis coach.” A man is taking care of the subtly flirty “injured” young woman. Pre sex interaction is a bit longer in this one, by two minutes or so.
The dynamics in both, especially the second one, suggest substantial female initiation/control of the situation. The traditional ending still entails a man shooting a hefty load on a woman’s body.

The homemades are unfortunately not so, as I find non-pro to be very hot. They are shot suspiciously well, and while it may be hard to detect it at times it is still noticeable that someone other than the action figures is doing the camera work.
In the videos for women category there’s plenty f/f action, in the mnm’s they use condoms during anal penetration.

80

@69 CalliopeMuse: Wa-HOOOO!!! Congrats on scoring this week's Lucky @69 Award by landing on the magic number! Savor your highly coveted wealth.:)
p.s. As a menopausal Gulf War veteran dealing with childhood anxieties and service connected PTSD issues, I'm with you on batshit. Big hugs, positrons, and VW beeps (I'm a certified Bug nut, too) from Griz.

81

@80 auntie grizelda. Thanks! Lol, I've always wanted a (blue) VW Bug! What a coincidence!

82

@81 CalliopeMuse: Certified Bug Nuts we be! Actually, the VW love of my life is a red convertible. We love sunny top down days. When we're out and about, heads turn :)

83

I want a Bug convertible. I've seen them! I know they exist!

84

@82 CalliopeMuse: Yep--they sure do, but the classic air cooled ones are getting rare. New Beetles (1999 and later) are everywhere, but the last one to roll off the assembly line---ever---recently did. I'm lucky to have mine; I'd be lost without him. Originally my mother's car, brand new. :)