Firdt?

Key takeways:
“They interact at least monthly.”
“Be the change you wanna see in your fiancé’s ex: let it go.”

Circumcision:
As a Jewish person I was circumcised few days after birth and so did everyone around me. It was never an issue later in life while traveling and living in different countries, including dating shikses. (Could be a novelty to some.)

One issue that Dan didn’t cover was the possible trauma inflicted on the baby in such a young age. There are different accounts and I can’t speak from experience due to lack of cognitive memory. Yet as someone who attended one, my nephew’s ceremonial Brith when I was 22, I’m still partially traumatized.
The issue was brought up before my own children were born. Ex and myself decided to go along with the cutting act while forgoing the ceremonial part and have it done in the hospital. Luckily there was no need as we only had girls.
I say “luckily” since from what I hear this can be even more brutal than the Jewish act, with arms and legs strapped to the bed and no anesthesia. (In the Jewish ceremony the baby sucks on a cloth dipped in wine which may not be the ultimate thing yet takes away some of the pain.)

Looking at it now some 30 years later I think I would be reluctant to inflict any irreversible bodily modifications on my own child. If they want to do it as an adult I will definitely support them.

Please do not circumcise your son, LW. It’s a mutilation and if your boy wants to have his foreskin cut off later, when he’s an adult, that’s his choice. Don’t make it for him.
My four sons are uncircumcised and I never heard they were mocked at school. Just have to show them as boys how to pull the skin back and keep it clean.

Gay black male from NYC... so very sorry for your loss. Dan is right. There's no need to "deal with" it. There's no "closure". You just get used to it in time. Be good to yourself, and talk to your friends.

L1: As Mr Savage points out, what's long-term? As he doesn't seek to establish, is this a case of LW's need being expressed clearly and ignored, LW's wanting LTP1 to do it spontaneously so that it "counts", or something in between? My crystal ball suggests that, if this is really a red flag situation, the red flag is more likely to be for LTP1 (unless he's psychic).

L2: Whether there ever will be again largely depends on who gets to be Humpty Dumpty and pay "safe" for a suitable custom definition.

L3: My crystal ball suggests that F'sM3 won't exhibit the same annoying tendency to remain friendly with F3's next ex. Until we learn that this is really a case for CMY, LW3 should definitely address the issue with F'sM3 and perhaps tell F3 to block his mother on social media, both actions likely to result in F'sM3's accelerating the demonstration of her less friendly attitude towards F3's exes.

L4: There are so many different routes by which LW4 could have arrived at such an interest that my crystal ball prefers to remain cloudy.

L5: It's tempting to suggest to W5 that, if S5 is SS, maybe nobody will notice. Mr Savage is correct in that comparisons are not taking place in the locker room (rather, those occurring at school are being reserved for the privacy of the boiler room). W5's reason suggests a rather interesting world; that nobody will experience teasing or worse for having SS parents is a decided plus, but how does W5 think we're going to get there without dropping negative attitudes about circumcision/lack thereof? I'll leave it to the Expert Witnesses among the assembled company to make the appropriate points about S5's possible gender identity.

L6: How nice for C6 that LW6 reciprocates.

L7: Agreed with Mr Savage; early disclosure could well prevent (to pluck a possible example from this column) LW7's ending up in a situation similar to that of F3 (LW3's gender being unspecified). Mr Savage makes me wonder how often male bisexuality is fetishized, as that would seem to be something fairly heavily gendered the other way. Maybe some straight-chaser Ms, but then LW7 probably wouldn't be dating them, and perhaps some women. If LW7 doesn't want to be fetishized, he might try presenting that he doesn't do threesomes.

L8: Not much to add except that A might have an opinion worth attending.

L9: I am dreadfully sorry. It sounds as if P9 was a person of exemplary character. I had similar (though shorter) luck to LW9's, and shall be content to hope he takes as much care of himself as he can and that years from now he will be able to look back with pride on all they were together.

L10: I yield to Mr Savage's expertise.

L11: Accept that, however occasionally unfortunate it may be, what happens at the Chicago Age Players Convention sometimes stays at the Chicago Age Players Convention?

LW 1 - Your partner's reluctance to say 'I love you' is neither a red flag nor indicative of deeper issues around attachment and commitment. It probably just means that s/he doesn't love you. (And, on the bright side, s/he's not prepared to lie to you about it, which is good.)

With regard to circumcision, 'preventing bullying in the locker room' is an even worse reason to perform unnecessary surgery on a baby than 'to prevent masturbation' or 'because an ancient Mesopotamian sky deity recommended it during the bronze age'. LW, the children at your son's school will not bully your son for having foreskin, they will bully him for wearing glasses or being a nerd or having a stupid haircut or some other significant reason. In the meantime, remind your partner that evolution has not given us unnecessary body parts and we should perhaps be cautious about lopping off bits of our body unless it is medically advisable to do so.

To the man whose partner passed away, I can only offer my condolences and the hope that one day, the joy in the memory of the love you had will balance the pain of its loss.

Herewith several thoughts:

L1: It's probably not a red flag. In addition to what others, including Dan, have written, it could be that your partner does love you, but was isn't verbally demonstrative of it. Maybe your partner was reared in a household that wasn't very vocal about saying "I Love You." It does not mean necessarily that it was not a loving home, although that is possible. Or maybe it's just not your partner's style. One person may show love by saying "I Love You." Another may do so by doing the dishes and taking out the garbage without being asked. Another may do so by giving you gifts. Etc. How is the rest of your relationship? Assess it through this filter. How does it hold up? Then decide how important it is to have someone who says verbally "I Love You," vs. what you currently have.

L2: Sheesh. It's been only twelve weeks. Plenty of people have gone years or decades without sex or affectionate physical interaction with someone. Consider yourself blessed.

L3: I agree with Dan. In addition: is your nose being rubbed in this in some other way? If so, what can you do about this?

L5: Don't have your baby circumcised. Leave him uncut. As others have pointed out, your son can always have it done, if he wants to for some reason (he converts to Judaism?) or if there is some obscure medical reason or other reason to do so. N.B. Dan is mistaken on one detail: when I was in grade school, yes, certain boys did compare their dicks in locker rooms and such. I remember, because I was the recipient of such comparisons on more than one occasion. (Uncut, larger than theirs--but I digress.) But that does not change the message: leave your baby boy uncut.

L8: To paraphrase: the more, the unhealthier (unless quarantined together).

L9: My condolences to your loss. In addition to other advice, perhaps there is a way for you to continue the volunteer work that your partner did?

Hey Dan/staff - is the link to the livestream archived for those of us nowhere near the Pacific time zone? Thanks!

L1, wait, "red flag" does not just mean a warning of literal physical danger. It just means a warning. I think that if someone does not say "I love you" back, it could be a red flag warning of emotional issues. Or they're just too honest to falsely say "I love you too" when caught off guard. I would want to know whether L1's partner never says "I love you" or never says "I love you too." If he just doesn't initiate the exchange, he might be one of those people who feel actions speak louder than words. If you say "I love you" and he says "Ditto" or the like, he sounds immature. If you've told him it's important to hear "I love you" and he continues to not say it, that could indeed be a red flag warning of possible emotional abuse.

L2: YAY! Dan has finally relaxed his stance on celibacy to contain Covid. It's about time!

L3, well, your fiancé has a type.

L5: DO NOT circumcise your son! If he wants to be circumcised, he should make that decision when he is older. Kids make fun of kids for EVERYTHING; this fear should not be a factor in deciding whether to surgically alter your son. And indeed, your son will not be the only uncircumcised boy in the locker room. Leave him be.

L7, I feel for you. One of the advantages of apps is not having to have those awkward conversations. "I'm bi" rarely comes up organically in conversation. How about getting a Bi flag lapel pin or similar? If that goes over their heads, I would say disclose it before you have sex with them. Unfortunately, it's still a bug for many, but Dan's right, being up front will help you find the people for whom it's a feature.

L9, hugs to you. How about honouring your late partner's memory by organising some sort of BLM fundraiser in his honour?

L10, you could also use condoms on your toys, like people with penises do when they want to stick them into the holes of more than one person.

L11, sorry hon, that person wanted only what she got from that temporary connection. You've been ghosted. Move on.

@01 fubar: WA-HOOOOO!!!!! Big Congrats to fubar on scoring the highly coveted FIRDT! honors of this week's Savage Love honors! Big hugs, positrons, VW beeps, and bask in the highly coveted glory of being first commenter in this week's Savage Love thread! :)

Venn @5, re L5, yes, good point. The future son will have two mommies, and they're not worried about his getting mocked for that, but they're worried about his dick? Come on. By the time he gets to the middle-school locker room he'll be an expert at deflecting any comments about his being different.
Re L7, many of us bisexual women prefer a bi man to a straight one. And there are more bi women than bi men. I would presume many bi men prefer bi men to gay ones for similar reasons. If dating women, "I don't do threesomes" would be both jarring to throw in on an early date, and disappointing. ;) Why should he forgo this pleasure for the sake of potential partners, who may or may not want him to? (Of course a gay man would not want to invite a woman to join them, but "I don't do threesomes" would rule out men too.) If he's monogamous or capable of happily being so, this is what I'd suggest he include when he discloses his orientation.

Pan @6, but not being loved is indeed a bad sign, is it not?

At 1:42 am on Tuesday, June 9th--not bad for Grizelda---after three movies--Lethal Weapon (1987), Carrie (1976) and The Big Chill (1983) and no typos. Not bad for a movie night.. Par-tay....!!!!)

@12 BDF - it is indeed a bad sign, but I always try to remember that things could be worse. It's my substitute for genuine optimism.

Pan @14, I would rank the possibilities from worst to best as:
Worst: Partner is emotionally manipulative and withholding the "I love you" as a means of control. Red flag warning of an abusive relationship.
Next worst: Partner does not love you.
Third worst: Partner means well but is emotionally stunted, unable to commit, etc. Red flag warning of communication issues, inability to work on problems.
Best: Partner is just a deeds-not-words kinda guy.

I had initially reversed the ranking of the two middle possibilities, but in explaining my reasoning I realised I disagreed. The reason being that an emotionally stunted person will struggle in most areas of the relationship, and it will be plagued with problems for its duration. However, relationships that are plagued with problems can also have moments of joy and deep connection, and it's not impossible that the partner will realise they need to work on themself to improve not just the relationship but their own mental health. Whereas if they don't love you it seems pretty much doomed.

@15 BDF - The worst scenario I could imagine would be someone who doesn't love you lying to you about it and saying they do, which is very manipulative. The only silver lining I could see was the very thin one that the LW's partner wasn't doing that. Now I do agree it is possible that the LW's partner does love her, but has trouble saying the words, but applying Occam's razor, and without a lot of other details, if he doesn't say he loves her, it's probably because he doesn't feel it.

Pan @16, yes. I didn't address that scenario because it's clearly not happening here. I don't think there is enough information in L1's question to guess why he isn't saying he loves her/him/them. I have known enough people who are afraid to express that vulnerability, or who are just clueless, to conclude that it's "probably" one possibility or the other. As for saying you love someone when you don't, that could either be manipulative or it could be fear -- fear of hurting someone, fear of being alone. When someone surprises you with an "I love you," it can be instinctive to reply "I love you too." The person rounding up their feelings may be attempting kindness, or they may feel it in the moment, like if it pops out during or immediately after sex, and once spoken it's like a genie that can't be put back in a bottle. So I would not list that as the worst scenario unless it is in fact paired with other lies and mistreatment.

Pan @16, I agree that LW1 doesn't seem to have considered the possibility that he's not saying I love you because he doesn't love them, and I do think Dan should have made that possibility more explicit.

@Dan forgot to mention that if there is one very special dildo that has to go into everyone, the very special toy can be wrapped in a condom, which can be changed between insertions.

One bit of advice for the African-American man who lost his partner: Perhaps he might find some degree of comfort getting engaged politically now. He might feel good knowing that he was carrying on the work of his partner, and in doing such volunteerism, it might be a good way to focus on something other than his loss, while making meaningful new connections. After my father passed away, I returned to volunteering on Hillary Clinton's presidential campaign, and I know that the structured time, the opportunity to feel productive on an important project, and the hours spent with or speaking with new people made a difficult period easier. I am sure Joe Biden is already seeking volunteers.

LW1, if they are your long term partner, why not ask them? And how do they treat you. Do you feel loved.

"that’s a bad sign. But I wouldn’t describe it red flag."

Interesting; to me "bad sign" and "red flag" are synonymous. Is that just me, or are the red flags larger and a brighter shade of red than I've been imagining?

"My wife wants to circumcise our son"

"Just say no" to forced genital mutilation.

"My quarantine sexpod"

Goddam it I wish I had a "sexpod".

Curious @21, interesting point re "red flag" vs "bad sign." Fortunately, LW1 literally told us what they mean by "red flag": a "sign of deeper attachment or commitment issues." Dan replied that it might be a bad sign, a sign that he does not love them, which is bad, but would not represent anything wrong with the partner himself. So I do think "red flag" is a bit narrower than "bad sign," though depending on context there might not be a difference. Example:
"He yelled at the waiter; that's a bad sign." "He yelled at the waiter; that's a red flag." Both phrases work here.
"My cat keeps throwing up; that's a bad sign." "My cat keeps throwing up, that's a red flag." Only "bad sign" works here. So a red flag is a bad sign that someone may have psychological problems.

I am going to bandwagon, here, but nobody has mentioned it so I’ll just add it on: assuming your son winds up wanting to have sex with women, I’ve read (and had confirmed in personal life) that being uncircumcised will result in greater sexual sensitivity and greater inclination to have sex in a way that feels good to female sex partners. Just one more argument in favor of saying no to circumcision!

I had a GF who kept pestering me because I never said, “I love you”, but after four months I wasn't sure if it was "love" or just the NRE I was feeling and I don't throw those words around casually. Finally, I gave in, partly because after 5 months of monagamous fucking it did feel a bit weird to just say, "Gosh, that was awesome, you're great..." But there were red flags and I still wasn't sure. Yep, three months later I ended it after yet another of her monthly explosive arguments.

Ms Fan - Of course there are plenty of reasons to have a healthy preference for a bisexual (or a monosexual) partner. Mr Savage's downside was the danger of encountering those who would fetishize his orientation. I pay your team the compliment of assuming it wouldn't fetishize itself (if that's even definitionally possible). The example of likely fetishization LW might encounter that sprang to mind first was that of DS women eager for MFM threesomes (we ought to have a designation for when we don't know whether it's an equilateral triangle or a right-angle triangle in which one of the three gets to be the square on the hypotenuse). Whether that is as common as the other way around, or would be under more equal social conditions, I am content to leave to the Expert Witnesses. Presenting as a non-threesome-doer with DSF potential partners would weed out that particular sort of fetishist (and could even be true anyway for all we know). He could always relent on reaching the point of sufficient trust.

I almost began to wonder about W5's enthusiasm. Then I considered that C5's knowledge of DS anatomy could be on a par with my own, but that would mean that W5 would be willing to base potentially important decisions on uninformed grounds. I am now looking in my crystal ball to see if perhaps W5 had a brother who encountered such teasing.

As for L1, I'll suggest two more categories for balance.

Third best: Mr Savage's hunch is right and it's too soon for the L word to carry reasonable expectation of candour/lasting - some colour of flag about LW's being overeager.

Second best: BF1's background is Stiff Upper Lip or something similar in which the L word is uttered only tied to certain events that haven't happened for them yet (or else LW's "never" isn't quite exact) - not necessarily any reflection on the relationship. I differentiate Mr Stoic from Mr Deeds because Mr Deeds is definitely showing it and Mr Stoic may or may not be showing it, and will likely have higher hurdles to jump learning to say it.

@22 BDF
Ah yes thank you, though neither is more severe, "red flag" is narrower than "bad sign". And I think you're right, not just a sign of incompatibility, but of psychological (not just issues but) problems.

In your example, I couldn't use "red flag" with my hypothetical cat because I'll not be having a sexyak relationship with any cat regardless of whether the cat ever pukes or not. OTOH, in retrospect maybe I should have considered it a 'red flag' when I adopted my cat that as a kitten named 'Loadie' it's original owner had introduced it to psilocybin mushrooms. Why a red flag? It had a habit of biting and clawing my ex-wife (though never once me; probably /that/ was a 'red flag' WRT my ex). Loadie loved marijuana exhalation; I wonder if it was OK that I let Loadie sit in the circle with us.

"If you can find someone you trust—and if you are someone who can be trusted—you could go Dutch."
Thank you Dan! Thank you BDF! So glad that Dan went with monogamy over casual mask sex.

"would it change anything for me to have a threesome with B and C?"
Not really. Sex, or completely breaking social distancing, with multiple partners is already the worst way you can date during covid, threesomes and orgies are really on par. Multiple partners are only ok if you space them out, a month between different partners It would be most responsible if you and A were monogamous during covid, and let B and C shack up together.. or be risky with others if they choose.

"being with someone can’t embrace and celebrate your sexuality is bad for your mental health"
I also think this guy should be open about being bi so he has a better chance of finding a bi partner. Cross-orientation partnerships can be fraught in other ways.. I've only dated one guy who was more than bicurious, he was strongly attracted to both genders, and he seemed to think it was a superior orientation. He called me sexist when I showed an intimate preference for men, like when I said I really preferred massages by men, or preferred to see naked men. If you're going to date a straight woman you've got to be able to respect her feelings of personal wrongness about same sex intimacy, while she supports the personal rightness you feel about same sex intimacy. Bisexuality is not a less bigoted orientation, it's just different. If you have strong feelings about monogamy/open relationships/threesomes, that would also be good to disclose on a dating app.

"how to deal with such a loss in the midst of all this chaos?"
I don't have much experience but some is recent.. Learn to forgive yourself for not being able to do as much as you want or feel as good as you want. I like imaginary talking with people I've lost, trying to see their perspective of the events that happen and decisions I must make.. Talking to other people who loved them, sharing stories about them, and finding ways to honor their memory makes me feel better.. Slowly the pain of the change fades and the appreciation of how they affected your life and helped you grow and how they affect the world through your actions increases..

Eb019755 @ 23
It is assumed that a circumcised tip may lose some sensitivity, as it is always exposed and constantly chaffing against one’s underwear.
Obviously a research is very hard to conduct and you only know what you know.

I wonder if you can elaborate as to what led you to conclude that uncircumcised men will have “a greater inclination to have sex in a way that feels good to female sex partners.”

People are going to restaurants. People are going to protests. People will soon be going to MAGA rallies. You wanna fuck all your poly sex partners at once. Go for it. This is America. We've decided Corona is over. More that we are over Corona, I guess. These sorts of things happen in failing societies. You should enjoy yourself as you see fit without concern for our society. That's what everyone else is doing.

Lesbians, please don't genitally mutilate your baby so that he can fit in during theoretical future locker room scenarios between the ages of say 13 and 18. It's a lot to give up for well... approximately zero gain.

Christ, we have to say these things?

To the l-dub with the fiancé who has the ex-girlfriend who ~'can't let it go.' Sounds like your fiancé has a type. Too bad for them.

Phi @27, thank you for the flip side of the misunderstandings that can occur between a bisexual and a monosexual, even if an open relationship is not desired by either.

CMD @28, I wondered about that too. My guess, and it is just a guess, is that men with foreskins have more sensitivity so they are less likely to jackhammer away at a woman in order to get off, which most of us don't enjoy. I hope EB @23 does elaborate on what they meant by that.

Griz @11: Thank you! Upon reflection, I've scored a number of awards lately, so I'd like to bequeath this one to vennominon.

I'm often befuddled by those such as LW1 who write to Dan to ask questions that they should talk to their parters about. "Hey stud muffin! How come you never say 'I love you'?" Hopefully, her partner is not "praying for the end of time".

I'm hoping that EB @23 is a woman who has conducted statistically valid personal research into the sensitivity and generosity of foreskin having and not-having men, and not a man who became insensitive and lazy after being circumsized.

@23 Nonsense. But thanks and all. For reals.

"UC Berkeley Study Says COVID-19 Prevention Measures Prevented 500M Infections"(1) in just six countries (China, South Korea, Italy, Iran, France and the United States).
"I don't think any human endeavor has ever saved so many lives in such a short period of time"

"Coronavirus: Lockdowns in Europe saved millions of lives"
https://www.bbc.com/news/health-52968523
"in 11 European countries...lockdown saved around 3.1 million lives...[who] would have died by 4 May"

(1) https://www.sfgate.com/news/bayarea/article/Uc-Berkeley-Study-Says-Covid-19-Prevention-15324979.php

I am skeptical that the sensitivity of a man's glans is significantly altered by circumcision, and that the process by which this happens is constant rubbing against underwear. By way of comparison, your hands are continually exposed and take abuse for decades, but are still quite sensitive to touch, and no one is walking around wearing big mitts because they are worried their hands will be less sensitive.

Personally, jack-hammering actually makes me lose a pleasurable sense of connection with a woman's vagina, and I do this only by request, although it is requested with some frequency.

Lovely response Philo @27, talking to the man who lost his partner. Tragic times for so many people, much grief swirling thru the chaos.
Dan’s advice to seek out support groups at this time, given so many must be hurting deeply, is a good idea, LW. Past leaning on your group, and keeping your self safe. Sorry for your loss. Virtual hugs to you.

Thank you Dan for keeping on being the bloody trooper that you are. Still out there, looking for ways to help others. You’re the man.

NZ is COVID-19 free, MrD. Australia not far behind. Both countries with minimal deaths. Many Asian countries knew what to do straight up, because they had been thru pandemics before.
The lock down laws in the US like in GB, came too late. What? You think this virus is nothing. Tell that to the families of all those lost. Tell that to the LW here, who lost his partner of many years.
This is not over, this needs to be taken seriously or more and more deaths.

@36 Sublime - there are a lot of nerve endings in a foreskin - a circumcised dick is less like a hand that has been exposed to the elements for decades, and more like one with the fingertips cut off.

Unless my partner felt strongly to the contrary, probably wouldn't circumcise my son either if I had a son. However:
Calling circumcision "genital mutilation" implies some degree of equivalency with clitorectomy. Like comparing speeding with murder. Hey dude, they are both "crimes" after all. Get a brain.
Removing the foreskin on a newborn is a simple and profoundly low risk outpatient procedure. MUCH more complicated and risky on an 18 year old.
And hmmm, when was the last time I wished my dick was MORE sensitive. Uh, that would be NEVER. I wouldn't be able to get it out of my pants without blowing a load if it was any MORE sensitive.
All the shit in the World, people who go all DEFCON 1 over circumcision (either way) need to get a fucking clue.
Now, I did have an awesome college girlfriend who when asked about cut vs. uncut said without hesitation: "That's easy. Cut. Looks better, smells better, tastes better." Man, I would have chopped a nut off for her.
Mom and Dad/Mom and Mom/Dad and Dad/Aardvark and Pangolin: Either way, the kid will be fine. There will be about a zillion other ways for you to significantly fuck up his life. This decision won't be one of them.

Sa @ 36
PS @ 41
Gloved hands may not be the right analogy as hands don’t come with built-in gloves.
Same goes to “more like one with the fingertips cut off” as I’m not sure how much of a nerve system there is in the foreskin. Havers are welcome to chime in.
My impression from both life and porn is that penises of either persuasion enjoy the same acts in more or less the same intensity. While personal tastes may vary, there is no certain act or preference that can distinguish one version from the other.

My experience with the grief of losing a partner is that it's not so much like being sad, as it is like being crazy for a while. Even though I had a few months to get used to the idea, it was still a shock, and that's how I behaved, like someone who has had a shock. I forgot things, I did some irrational things, I'd be going through my day not even thinking about him and suddenly find myself sobbing. It was almost more like a physical thing i was going through than an emotional one, and I've heard from other widows that this is pretty common. For me there was less, oh, sitting and feeling sad and missing him, (though I had that too) and more feeling like I'd been hit on the head with a brick. After about a year that part was gone.

Something different about losing your life partner to losing other loved ones is that they are not just a loved one, but also the person you own property with, and share responsibilities with, and have a bank account with, and all of that 'managing your life' stuff. there were decisions to be made about insurance and mortgages and so on, and the person I always talked that over with, and made the decisions with, was not there. So you're lurching through life, half paralyzed by grief, and the person you would normally lean on when you're not functioning correctly is gone. Plus you have things to do that you've never done before like plan a funeral - which I imagine in these days is even more of a nightmare than usual.

So don't feel like you're doing grief wrong if it doesn't always manifest as sadness and loss - sometimes it will feel different than that. and that's OK. If you can find something meaningful to do that helps, by all means do it, but if just making it through the day without breaking down in front of people is all you are up to right now, that's not a failure.

@42 Seattlebozo
"Hey dude...Get a brain."

That pretty much sums up my reaction to reading your comment, you bozo.

Because your defense of circumcision amounts to that it's "low risk...on a newborn". What kind of a defense is that? A lot of shit would be low risk on a newborn, but a lack of risk in now way argues for it.

(For example, we could start smearing dogshit on the legs of newborns, then clean it off and chop off some other bit of their anatomy, and have it be "low risk". By the principle of your argument for circumcision, we should start doing that too.)

Seeing your terminology I developed a theory: are you a medical professional who has participated in circumcision procedures, and thus primarily interested here in feeling guilt-free about having done so?

"And hmmm, when was the last time I wished my dick was MORE sensitive. Uh, that would be NEVER."

Wait, on second thought I hope you are not a doctor. Someone who can't reason better that that shouldn't be responsible for other people's health. Because I infer from your comment that, like me, you were circumcised. As such (like me) you have no way of knowing what having a foreskin would be like. So it's completely irrational for you to conclude you wouldn't like extra sensation. And the fact that you never wished it alone convinces me that you're a fool. Or quoting you bozo, "get a fucking clue".

Oh, and in conclusion, the only reason I'm not disagreeing with your statement:

"implies some degree of equivalency with clitorectomy."

is that "some degree" could mean any non-zero amount, so that quote was simply void of meaning.

My advice: next time when crafting a Comment that insults people, be on guard for showing yourself to be an idiot.

@42 Seattlebozo
"I wouldn't be able to get it out of my pants without blowing a load if it was any MORE sensitive."

If another motivation for your foolish Comment is that you have a problem with premature ejaculation, you can get over that. No need to be glad most of the sensation was chopped off your penis.

45/46. So I take it we're cool bro?

@45/46. And Sherlock, you've unmasked me. I'm actually the love child of a urologist and George Soros. Damn your brilliant powers of deduction. Zionist castrationists are everywhere!!!

I'd like to add to those saying please don't circumsize your son! I have a friend who was circumsized as an adult for a religious conversion. He regrets it and says he "can't feel anything now" compared to how he used to be. If he equates being circumsized with not feeling anything I can only imagine /fantasize how much better it would be if I wasn't circumsized... !

Dadddy @38: I read your comment as "Neverland health officials..." and instantaneously sobered up.

SeattleBozo @42: "Removing the foreskin on a newborn is a simple and profoundly low risk outpatient procedure."

Um. No.

Why risk “amputation of the glans,” “necrosis of the penis,” and “death” (yeah, death) for a cosmic effect?

I don't agree with Dan on the no sex thing. This isn't the 70s & 80s when we had no idea how HIV was transmitted. We now have a good idea on where covid-19 is contained and where it's not.
If you live in the NY area it should be safe to go hook up. In fact now that there are plenty of hospital beds available this can be an optimal time to risk infection. This is taking into account any pre-existing health conditions.
I have been working in the front lines for a large healthcare system. I'm in hospitals all the time, including the ICUs, morgues, etc... I didn't get infected nor did most of my colleagues. Since we're not clinical we didn't get priority for PPE so in some ways we were less protected than the clinical staff. My point is the virus isn't easily transmitted.
I tell my adult kids to go out. I go out and see sex workers. I take mass transit. Still not even a sore throat.

Fubar@51~ I believe that would be a “cosmetic” effect. A “cosmic” effect is what my GF gets when my dick makes her see stars.

bozo @ 48
That’s some heavy duty poetry. Lions, and tigers and Zionist castrationists. Oh my!!!

Adding to agony @44 - Grief Brain is definitely a thing. It took about a year after my mom's passing for me to even realise that I'd been operating in a fog. I had just been transferred to a new dept at work and just. Was. Not. Getting. It. I've been with the company for 25 years, and in general accting for most of it, so I know that I'm capable of understanding, but it was like I had a mental block. I ended up taking a step down and am much more productive these days. All of this is just to say that it hits in unexpected ways and you might not be entirely aware of it. You just kind of have to roll with the punches.

@41/Pan Sapien: I don't know you to be a penis-haver, but this isn't the first time that you have opined critically on circumcision, and it is quite bizarre that you are telling someone with a penis how their penis feels or what it is like to walk around with one after hearing the opposite.

@28 I’ve known two men who got circumcised later in life and both said they lost significant feeling in thier penis. I’m guessing that’s why the foreskin is there to begin with?

@56 Sublime, I have a penis, complete with foreskin, and have had the opportunity to interact with many other penises and their owners in my time. But that isn't particularly relevant to my comment - I don't need to have one to tell you that the clitoris contains a similar density of nerve endings to the foreskin, and for pretty much the same reason. It's really just a question of basic anatomy. And yeah, I am not of the opinion that lopping of any body parts without a sound medical reason is a good idea, and I'll stand by that opinion, bizarre as it may seem to you.

@52, you don’t sound like any of the health workers who have spoken up. Such a cavalier approach to others’ deaths, and what appears limited understanding of who this virus targets. Pull the other one.
Circumcision is a violation of another’s bodily integrity. I’m with you dropout, @30, why do we still have to say these things. Yes it’s not like clits being cut off, then nobody said it was.

Seattle @42, presumably that woman had seen your penis when you asked her that question. How do you know that when her uncircumcised boyfriends asked her the same question, she didn't reply, "That's easy. Uncut. Looks better, feels better, easier handjobs"? Hmm? I don't know how old you are, but Americans of my generation (X) got so used to circumcised cocks that uncircumcised ones often seemed weird. It's totally the opposite in countries where circumcision is not the norm. Your girlfriend's attitude may have been more reflective of a social prejudice which is fortunately dying out than of her actual preference. Removing a foreskin, for no medical reason and without the consent of the foreskin haver, is indeed mutilating the child's genitals. If the foreskin haver decides later in life that he'd prefer not to have one, that should be up to him. Your premature ejaculation issues are not an argument in favour of keeping this unnecessary practice.

Agony @44, thank you for sharing, and I'm sorry for your loss. There is, indeed, no quick route out of grief.

Dashing @52, congratulations on being one of the 30% of people who carry Covid19 asymptomatically. The jury is out on whether you are capable of passing it to others. More seriously, guidelines should be about minimising risk, not eliminating it entirely, which is not practicable. If you don't live with your partner but you are both able to isolate yourselves in your homes, wear PPE at work, avoid public transit etc, and don't spend time around high-risk people, you are not significantly increasing your risk of passing Covid from that partner to others. Illness prevention must be weighed against other factors like, let's face it, sanity. Spending time with partners, which I can vouch for after a recent two-week period of strict isolation (which was admittedly awful) followed by a joyful weekend reunion, is not just about sex. It's about cuddling, kissing, conversations that include body language, sharing meals together, all those great reasons relationships exist despite the availability of sex workers. I'd gladly forgo haircuts and beach trips forever to spend time with someone I love. If you haven't caught Covid you are one of the lucky ones, because this virus IS easily transmitted. That's the reason restrictions were brought in in the first place, not because governments all around the world just felt like taking all our fun away.

Also, if one washes one's dick, there is no difference in taste between circumcised and uncircumcised penises. And y'all are all washing your dicks, right?

@61 in my experience intact penis can get smellier if not washed than circumcised but washed same. @42 I prefer the look of intact - plus retract the foreskin and it's pretty much like a cut dick, so you have both "looks".

100% against routine infant male circumcision. It's an outrage in the modern era. Foreskin is the way the penis evolved to function.

In 3-ways where I've jacked off an intact and a circumcised guy at the same time, one in each hand, it's a world of difference. Intact: the foreskin glides over the glans. Skin on the entire shaft seems to "roll" forward and back a bit so the glans slides in and out (some guys more than others). Cut dick: it's like it's missing some function. Which it is, duh! Cause a functional piece of the penis WAS CUT OFF and usually WITHOUT CONSENT.

Look up anatomy. The foreskin is specialized tissue distinct from glans or shaft, a person should get to decide themselves when they are old enough to consent to elective surgery.

Dashing @52: "the virus isn't easily transmitted."

Um. Okay. I guess the pandemic is a hoax then. Because, y'know... over 7 million cases and over 400,000 deaths reported worldwide so far, and increasing.

Dear BDF, " is not just about sex. It's about cuddling, kissing, conversations that include body language, sharing meals together"
Yes yes yes thank you! Body language is changing.. I've started to pay much more attention to what my eyes are doing.. I can only tell when other people are smiling when their eyes wrinkle, in public. So I try to make my smile reach my eyes when I want the other person to notice through my facemask. I think the covid kids, 3-8 yo especially, will grow up differently from having to endure this odd socialization. They don't understand, they want to feel safe and explore, and they are fundamentally learning that people are backing away from them and keeping distant to be nice, and it's better to say hi to grandma remotely. I think we already had problems with screen time in America.

Re circumcision.. As a woman, I prefer penises with foreskin, although it was unusual in my generation in America, so it looked pretty weird at first.. Foreskin can be more unhygienic if you don't pull it back to wash underneath. But I also think girls should pull back their hood to wash our clits, I've seen some funky jam jammed in there around my clit.. but I have a big hood. I think what guys really need to watch out for is badly fitted foreskin, a lot of times it's tight, and even when it is retractable but tight, it can hurt.. getting a little snip to loosen up the foreskin if it's tight, rather than chop it all off, seems important to consider. And from what I understand, my first boyfriend who had foreskin learned to masturbate by pulling and wriggling his foreskin around, so it seems like can change the way you masturbate.. or have sex. It seems like cut guys are more worried about accidentally hurting their exposed glans, but it's a vague 40% confidence level impression. I've had the best sex with both cut and uncut guys, because it mostly seems to depend on how well they understand my feedback, or how willing they are to let me take the lead to show them what I like.

It's sad that people seem to think they are luckily unexposed rather than asymptomatic super spreaders. Without widespread testing, there's no way to tell.

"Women like it better" is surely (without any regard to the degree of truth) an argument for self-determination.

I need a word as a synonym for twee but in a sexual context. The "he'll be ridiculed" line of reasoning is making me think of how it was debunked in the other direction on the LA Law case when Stuart defended a past-it rabbi who'd botched what turned out to be his last circumcision, luckily only leaving the child disfigured with no serious medical damage. The father cited concern for unfavourable opinions from his son's eventual partner(s), to which Stuart came up with a defence for which I want a term. Stuart put it to Daddy that, given the branch of Judaism he was practising, and intended to raise his son to practise and into which to marry, that clearly Sonny would be a virgin on his wedding night, and so would his wife, who would therefore have insufficient acquaintance with the object in question to know Sonny's to be disfigured. Irritating on so many levels, but I can't find a word that feels right.

@58/Pan Sapien: You're entitled to your opinions, but what is bizarre - and it is bizarre - is trying to tell other men what they feel with their cocks.

First the Dutch, then Dan Savage, and finally Boris Johnson has said it's ok to visit our non-cohabiting partners. A reversal from last week when this was specifically prohibited.
https://www.theguardian.com/world/2020/jun/10/support-bubble-plan-lets-single-parents-in-england-combine-households

I can't say "the results are in" but this is the most comprehensive non-scientific piece I could find re circumcision:
One place that may provide an answer to the debate is Israel, where a mass emigration wave from the secular former Soviet Union in the past 30 years or so also followed by circumcisions performed on boys, young men, and also adults.
A local paper looked into the different aspects of this phenomenon in an article published late last year.

A friend tells me that the paper is known as a thoroughly researched left-leaning secular publication, often referred to as the Israeli equivalent of The New York Times.
Keep in mind that this is not a scientific study and it’s likely that those who don’t like the outcome will be more motivated to talk about their experiences.

As I read it it seems like a majority of interviewees, though not a very conclusive majority, report a loss of sensation. While some see it as a positive outcome, an ability to last longer, others lament about the loss of pleasure as they used to know it.
There is also a mention of a Danish study speculating about the natural lube that an uncut may provide, hence making it more pleasurable to female partners.

Again, this is not a scientific study and the article also touches on religion and social expectations and stigmas, which may not be relevant to many of us.

https://www.haaretz.com/israel-news/.premium.MAGAZINE-they-felt-pressured-to-get-circumcised-after-moving-to-israel-they-now-regret-it-1.8227063

I guess the Savage Love Letter of the Day is no longer a thing.
Or is it coming back?

Who cares what the results are? Circumcision is genital mutilation. Don't fucking do that to your children. It is barbaric and wrong.

Now, if it's a religious thing, then you are permitted to act barbaric and wrong towards your child for the sake of your god. But it's still barbaric and wrong, so maybe think a bit about that before you submit your child's genitals to your Sky Daddy's monstrous whims.

@agony@44: Would you mind if I shared your post with my recently-widowed mother? I think she would appreciate it.

As a circumsised guy, I can tell you there is PLENTY of sensation in the head of my cock, and I'm glad it's not more than it as (now that I'm older) I can pretty much last as long as I want, and come (intensely) whenever I want. Such was not the case in my younger days when the delicious, slippery sensation of a pussy swallowing my cock would have me spurting all over the place in seconds (Glad I finally figured out how to that under control). I never felt like I was missing out on having a foreskin and no woman has ever made mention of it in any way. As for locker room teasing, it doesn't matter if you ate cut or have a foreskin that drags on the floor. Teenage boys will always find SOMETHING to tease you about and actually, your dick isn't usually one of the main sources of ridicule (unless it's really unusual). Usually, it's more bragging, along the lines of, Boy 1: "Took a piss off the bridge today, man, that water was cold!" Boy 2: "Yeah, It was DEEP too!" Personally, I'm glad I was "mutilated", but If I would have had a son, I probably wouldn't have done it to him. Seems like a small, but unneccesary risk for an uncertain gain.

nocute@69~ Glad to see you having 69, and I hope the LOTD suspension is a temporary thing due to the weird world we live in. Once a week is not enough Dan for me!

@ 71 Yes, of course. And my condolences.

@68 CMD
Thank you very much for gathering and presenting some useful and relevant information to us.

@69 N
Well last week I thought Dan was just taking a break from SLLOTD, but I forgot/missed the Zoom thing that he did last Thursday.

This week maybe he's taking a break. Who doesn't need one!

@70 Philos
"Who cares what the results are?"

They're relevant; if there was no loss of sensation then the case for it might be relevant.

"Now, if it's a religious thing, then you are permitted to act barbaric and wrong towards your child for the sake of your god. But it's still barbaric and wrong, so maybe think a bit about that before you submit your child's genitals to your Sky Daddy's monstrous whims."

Actually, happily it has increasingly become NOT (legally) permitted.
https://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2016/08/12/most-states-allow-religious-exemptions-from-child-abuse-and-neglect-laws/

You're right it has always been wrong. While foolish people are free to have ludicrous beliefs and to personally be harmed by them, religious dogma such as held by Christian Scientists should not continue to allow parents to be criminally negligent by letting their children die by refusing to allow them to receive medical care.

@72 Donny
Unless you were circumcised as an adult, I don't think you and I can know what it would have been like with foreskins. Perhaps you would have found overcoming PE no more difficult.

NoCute, my condolences.
Re grief, the rule of thumb I've learned lately is to expect it to take a year to take care of the logistics and legalities from the loss of a life partner (not from personal experience thank god but from my widower parent and widowed grands). By the time that's done, life seems a little more normal. The good part of this happening during covid is that it's easy to avoid other people and lick your wounds if you want, well meaning people who don't want you to feel alone may not "get" that you need to be alone, but they are legally obligated to leave you alone right now... and it feels more "normal" to be grieving in a time that so many people over the world, and especially in this country, are grieving.. I think it feels easier to be open about grief right now. But it's more difficult to spend some meaningful time with others right now, which I also think is important.

"I guess the pandemic is a hoax then"
At least one person has told me this emphatically, some people are into conspiracy theories.

Re Floyd, I think Samuel L Jackson did a disservice to take the role of Samuel in Django, because I was told that black people do not look up to black war heroes or police heroes or president because they assume them to have similarly 'gone white', using a bigoted system to get power, rather than using their power to change the system. But it seems to me that the more interracial the police force becomes, the less systematic racial police brutality should occur.. I wish for more black police officers as well as more red tape and accountability for police. I really respect black officers, I know some have really changed the system like Ron Stallworth, I don't think they are selling out but leveling the playing field.

"You should enjoy yourself as you see fit without concern for our society. That's what everyone else is doing."
I tried to report this as abuse but the Stranger doesn't agree. So I will say that I agree a lot of people just care about themselves, and protest and shun societal niceties and even basic human decency. They try to group together and support a selfish disregard for others. I don't believe this subset of people is the majority, although they can seem like a big problem because they are so annoying. I think they are attracted here because Dan often finds cheating and lying to your spouse preferable to trying to fix or ending a sexually unhappy marriage.. the last time I remembered him advising this, he didn't even tell the guy to stop sleeping with his wife before cheating. Otherwise I find Dan to be generally ethical and compassionate. Although I bet if he had a monogamous partner who wouldn't move in with him, he would still have kept visiting during covid.

Re circumcision, in my 20s I remember wishing for a hoodectomy, I thought it might make sex better to have the most sensitive part more exposed.. but it might also hurt to not have the old protection.. And these stories of missing the old sensations has made me happy that I didn't try it.

Oh nocute, I am so sorry. My condolences to your dear mother and yourself.

Interesting cmd@ 68. My exhusband is Jewish, he never practiced past visiting his mum and step father some Friday nights. I was thankful he never once tried to talk me into circumcising our sons. I’ve fucked up plenty as a parent, on that choice I know it was right.

@33 fubar: It is as you wish :) WA-HOOOOO!!!! Congratulatioins, vennominon, the FIRST honors this week go you, as bequeathed by fubar. Savor the SL glory of being FIRDT> :)
@33 fubar: I haven't heard much from you, lately. I hope I didn't piss you or anyone else off.
Sending big cyber hugs, positrons, and VW beeps :)
@69 nocutename: WA-HOOOO!!!!!! Congratulations on this week's Lucky @69 Award! Savor the delicious and highly coveted decadence found only here in Savage Love. :)
@71 nocutename: I am very sorry to hear about your recent loss. You and your mother have my heartfelt condolences. Sending cyber hugs, positrons, and VW beeps.

@39 LavaGirl: Spot on and seconded. Keep rocking the house, Dan the Man! :)
@40 LavaGirl: I'm glad to hear that New Zealand and Australia, like Iceland, are among countries who have really flattened the curve on the COVID-19 pandemic. It is truly a pity that the U.S. and Great Britain are far behind in adequately addressing the health and safety of their citizens.

I can't imagine being circumcised, especially if I were an adult male.
But I'll gladly give up my uterus, ovaries, and Fallopian tubes. Mine really do suck.

@78, drama filled Friday nights. I should have known, when I saw how explosive my ex was with his mother. Clues I ignored.
My sons, they treat me with respect or we don’t communicate and I think not ever involving myself so intimately with their genitals past wiping bums for x yrs, has given us an appropriate distance.
For those already cut, mourn your loss and that’s all one can do. I mourn my perfect pussy before some dumb arsed Catholic dr cut into it during my first birthing. Not only that, as he knew I was a single mother, this was ‘72, that I should give my baby up for adoption.

@66 Sublime - I think you may be reading more into my comments than are there - I am not telling you what you feel, I am simply pointing out the fact that chopping off a piece of a body with a lot of nerve endings will reduce the sensations in that part of the body. What do you think happens when you chop off nerve endings? I'm starting to think your defensiveness on this issue is a bit bizarre.

I really have to question whether someone is suited to parenting if it's not obvious that slicing off part of your child's genitals in a procedure to which ze cannot consent is a much worse harm than the hypothetical chance of mockery. (Which kids will do to each other no matter what. Circumcision or no could theoretically be something an asshole kid latches onto, but it's not the circumcision or lack of it that prompts the mockery, it's the fact that the mocking kid is an asshole, and if it's not someone's penis, it's someone's weight or nose or parents' homosexuality or what the fuck ever. Stop trying to shield your kid from all unpleasentness, because that's impossible, and you'll harm your child trying, even if you're not cutting bits off of zir. Also, don't cut bits off of your child unless there is a serious medical necessity.) Just in case it's also needed: beating children to make them comply with your dictates is also wrong. Children are people, not property.

If people want to have elective surgery when they are able to choose for themselves, power to them, but it's utterly wrong to cut on infants even when it's culturally normative (there is, of course, no guarantee the child will wind up with the same religion or cultural perspective as the parent, so, no, religion doesn't give you a pass).

For bisexuality, assuming a context where others aren't likely to target you for ostracism or violence if you're out, I'd treat that as I would anything else about myself, and mention it when prompted as a relevant part of a conversation. It's likely to come up in conversation without needing to plan some sort of revelation - when discussing past relationships (if you're bisexual in deed in addition to desire) or what you find sexy (if you're bisexual in desire but not [yet or ever] in deed). Just don't actively hide and you'll wind up being casually out .

Lava @ 82
I’m not sure anyone on this thread is “mourning” our circumcision. We exchange experiences, ideas, and perceptions. Be it Donny, Sublime or myself, we all seem to be happy with what we have and know. I always appreciated my penis, have fond memories, and am likely to keep it intact even if going through hormonal change.

Attitudes and perceptions may be shifting. At least two of the three mentioned above said they wouldn’t inflict such procedure on a newborn. My fairly recent change of mind on that matter was communicated to the offsprings. The one who’s planning having children said she would like to have it done the traditional way if and when. I will support, though likely to twitch or close my eyes at that very moment.

Only my suggestion, cmd. I’d sure be sad to find a piece of my body which increased sexual pleasure was cut off without my consent. Personally I think this procedure has effects culturally, though I have no data. I suggest the seam of rage so many men access, has something to do with this infantile experience.

@81: I wasn't being snarky. I really do have evil internal female body parts. Griz goes in for a hysterectomy this October, right around Dan the Man's next birthday (we'll BOTH have something to celebrate, Dan the Man!). After 43 years of hell since my adolescence, Griz is finally going to help Carrie White (Sissy Spacek, as of 1976) waste the prom. Say goodbye to Christine Hargenson, Norma Watson, Helen Shyres, and evil girls' locker room company and co-conspirators.

Grief. For nocute and our LW, the intense grief is now. As sangu mentioned, the mind goes foggy. Easy for accidents to happen, and agony shared a partner’s perspective.
It hurts, and staying with others is important and letting the hurt have its own timeline. A period of deep transition, losing a much loved one, and rituals of grief can help here. Time and days blend into each other, pain the only constant.
Strength to both of you. Nocute and LW9.

@89 LavaGirl, and to nocutename and LW9: Agreed and seconded. I did not mean to sound insensitive in my comments @81 and @88.Sending heartfelt cyber hugs, positrons, and VW beeps.

Thanks to all of you who sent their support. I'm doing okay, but I am concerned about my mother. My parents were married 60 years, and it's got to be weird and hard and confusing and and sad. I wish she was less isolated, but at her age, she and all her friends are in the higher-risk category, and they're all taking it seriously, so she's really just rattling around the house.

nocute
Sorry for your loss. An elderly parent dying can be challenging on different fronts, let alone when the surviving one after such a long marriage is now on their own and in a fairly advanced age.
My mother died a while ago and my father managed to move on, though he was “only” 70 at the time. He is now in his mid 90’s and I’m very grateful that he’s enjoying a great care at the small place he’s been living in since the mid 1950’s.

I think at some point you self-identified here as a Jewess and I’d be very interested in your take re circumcision. As Lava indicated this conversation should not be confined to havers only and I look forward to reading your thoughts on the matter.

@91 nocutename: I can certainly empathize. When my mother passed away, we all felt a deep hole--my father, especially after their 56 years together since the Korean War. The four of us siblings all did our best to fulfill Mom's and Dad's wishes to live out their lives at home. Visiting nurses were indeed, a real blessing when we couldn't be there. Sending you and your mother much love.
XO, Griz

FWIW, I've heard men express regret and even anger that they were circumcised, but I've never heard a man express regret that he wasn't. And if he does wish to be circumcised, he can elect to have it done. Another argument for leaving the boy intact.

Nocute, I will add my condolences. Hugs to you and your mother.

Phi @76, I wouldn't take that comment as abuse because it wasn't aimed at anyone. Perhaps report it as trolling, since that's what it is -- deliberately provocative and utter bullshit?
"I bet if [Dan] had a monogamous partner who wouldn't move in with him, he would still have kept visiting during covid." I agree.
I'm glad you didn't have surgery on your genitalia. All your bits are there for a reason and I think an exposed clitoris would lead to more pain than pleasure.

Pan @83, it's not surprising to see circumcised men, who had no choice in the matter, getting defensive at all these comments which claim that uncut is "better." They can't go back in time and change their parents' minds, so they adopt a "cut is better" attitude as a defense mechanism. I've lived in countries where circumcision is the norm and isn't the norm and from a partner's point of view, it really does not make that much difference. Neither cut nor uncut men should have a complex; does your penis bring you and your partners pleasure? Be happy with what you have, particularly if you weren't given the option.

CMD @86, knowing what you know now, you would still support this decision and not try to talk your daughter out of it? Coming from you, a dissuasion may carry a lot of weight. Perhaps show her this column, if that wouldn't amount to outing yourself. I appreciate that you respect her choice, but it shouldn't be her choice, it should be your future grandson's! If she can't be persuaded, I will hope all her children are female.

Griz @88, congratulations on finally getting the surgery you need! I'm very happy for you and hope it goes smoothly.

On the two issues I'd have some desire to weigh in on: I don't think people choosing circumcision for their sons should be told they're wrong, or that the procedure is necessarily traumatising or risky. I wouldn't either advise parents to circumcise their boys or advise against it. I'd want to see further figures on the effectiveness of circumcision preventing urinary tract infections, and the incidence of severe complications of the surgery (e.g. loss of glans) before being persuaded that the op was, on balance, a 'no', a 'don't'.

As regards seeing casual partners, non-live-in lovers or fuckbuddies for sex in the time of COVID, I would still want everyone to wait for immunity or antibody tests. People have very different degrees of susceptibility or vulnerability to COVID. Maybe the average person over 75's risk of dying from it, if infected, is 100,000 higher than a 25 yo's with no underlying health issues. People with diabetes, hypertension, heart disease and, no doubt, a raft of other conditions are at much higher risk--as may well be people with certain genetic profiles. Stripping out factors of age, neighborhood, wealth or social class and income, black and south Asian people would seem to be at greater risk--though this differential might be explained by existing health problems. In these circumstances, there can be no boilerplate advice. Someone living by themselves seeing just one person, who has also isolated and works remotely, is very likely to incur insignificant risk. But I don't think you can say that will hold in the a generality of cases. So my preference would be for people not to run any risk until almost everyone has had a positive/negative and/or an antibody test. This wouldn't just be advice about having sex, but about (for instance) letting grandchildren visit grandparents.

@16. Pan. The words 'I love you' connote different things to different people (people who may be in a romantic relationship). For one, they might mean, 'oh, sorry for that--I didn't mean to hurt your feelings, I didn't mean that jest nastily', while for the other, they might mean, 'I agree to all the plans you've mooted for the future--agree to the move, to the family, to the change of career'. (There are people, in fact, who say 'love you!' when they mean 'bye bye'). The woman not hearing 'I love you' might do well to ask her partner why he doesn't say this. 'Is it that you don't love me?'. If she fears asking, or fears the answer to this, this will be telling by itself.

Mx Wanna - You said the magic F word in #68, which raises the interesting question of how much to dock a study or survey for being homo-erasing. I don't think it's necessarily all that much, though in practice this seems to be where we find a lot of unforced errors.

Ms Fan@94 - You omit the obvious; the daughter in question has apparently announced a unilateral decision. This reminds me of several cases of divided views, and raises the question of whether one parent should have more say than the other and whether Yes or No should otherwise prevail in a case of division.

Ms Cute - My grandparents were married between sixty and seventy years. Good for your mother if she's still able to stay by herself in the house; my grandfather passed his 99th birthday living alone, and was still able to walk about a quarter mile each way with only a cane twice a day for breakfast and lunch. His tipping went back to what must have been generous in the 1930's, but he was still a favourite. If your mother isn't on a walker yet, even better, but I'll stop before I think of all the people I'm likely never to see again.

@30. philosophy school dropout. The circumcision of male infants, as traditionally practised in Jewish communities, is nothing like female genital mutilation, as practised across North Africa and in parts of East and West Africa, in predominantly Arab but also some Christian countries like Sierra Leone. FGM often involves clitoridectomy and the excision of the external labia. It almost always makes sex and childbirth painful--and is probably intended, in most cases, to have a deterrent effect on girls having sex outside of family-sanctioned structures.

The removal of the foreskin is not like that. It does not interfere with the pleasurable sensations of penetrative sex, masturbation or an erection. There may be a loss of some feeling; but anecdotal reports, including 'locker-room' kinds of conversations among teenage boys, do not convince me there's any causal effect of a 'loss of foreskin leads to diminution of pleasure'-kind. Boys and men with a remaining foreskin have reported inconvenience and the bother of more stringent hygiene.

It's misleading to use the word 'mutilation' in both contexts, inv. It scants the damage of FGM. People without a penis could be more likely than those with to make the equation and to understand male circumcision as more damaging, including psychologically scarring, than it (usually) is.

The risks of not socially distancing seem to be about the same as they were about fourteen weeks ago in Europe. It seems wrongheaded to me to observe a different level of precaution only because people generally are tired of the coronavirus.

I really appreciate your feedback, BDF.

It's possible to social distance when you are living with someone, depending on the floorplan. But not if you're having sex with them too.

People who live with lovers currently like to pretend that they're being more responsible than noncohabitating monogamous lovers when they break social distancing and have sex with their one other partner, too. But they are really not. They just seem to want to tell other people to completely restrain themselves from sex while enjoying their own. Scolding others into celibacy would carry a lot more weight from those choosing to be celibate themselves.

Female circumcision=hoodectomy
Female castration=clitorectomy