Savage Love

Don’t Give Up



Libertarians and true conservatives would NEVER vote Republican till the party radically changes or till they wake up and realize Democrats today are by and large centrists to center-right, and even AOC is just center-left for most countries.

SLOG tech people who haven't been laid off: 200+ comments seems to have broken the page forward link on pages 1 and 2 of comments if you go back.


Harriet @201, perhaps you are phrasing your point badly. Of course educated people on the left want social justice FOR EVERYONE. Perhaps what you're trying to say is that poor white voters can't see that, because we're not going on marches that say "health care and jobs for all," but that IS what the left wants to see happen. I'm not sure why you're trying to falsely argue that we don't? Perhaps working class whites think of themselves as temporarily embarrassed millionaires, but I don't. I think of them as economic victims of both capitalism and a very successful smear campaign by the wealthy to pin the blame for their woes on other less-advantaged groups, instead of the advantaged group that put such structures in place to begin with. So to answer your question, yes we should, and yes we do, so, what's your point? That wealthier liberals don't condone racism as a response to economic hardship does not mean we have no sympathy for economic hardship.

Hopefully, in a bit over eight days we won't have to have this discussion anymore. Americans, I have faith in you!


delta35: That's an old bug. Your comment @204 fixed it.


delta @ 203
I think the major shift occurred in the 1980's, when Reagan turned the republican party into a single issue coalition and an anti-abortion stand became mandatory for any republican running for office, judges appointments, and so on.
To many voters abortion this is still the only issue that really matters and seemingly will always define their vote.


Also CMD, Reagan turned his back on helping those with AIDS, didn’t try to understand that virus. Go back to Nixon, corruption and lies. The Bush Boys, invading and murdering.
Now the party members are salivating because the Supreme Court is about to be theirs, and why didn’t the Democrats stall the process?


Looks like you need a hug too, Mr D. Or attention. There you go, I gave you one of the two.
/ However we look at our cultural stories, it is the Earth which is in revolt. It is the Earth saying ‘fuck the lot of youse.’


Help--I can't find @200 in the comment thread! Otherwise, WA-HOOOOOOOOO!!!! Congratulations to the lucky commenter (LavaGirl? Is it you?) on scoring this week's Double Hunsky (@200) honors. Bask in the glory of double prizes, and savor the accolades found only here in Savage Love Land. :)

@209 LavaGirl: You are SO right and spot on! RepubliKKKans are truly soulless and evil. The Party of Trump.


I see that The Stranger is now pushing "The Best of Savage Love Letters of the Day," and it makes me want to ask if there's any plan for restarting that feature. I really miss fresh agony.
I was thinking that perhaps Dan is working on another book or maybe developing a tv show or doing something more senior-editor-y, but it would be nice to have an update, even if it were to say, "sorry, the SLLOTD is permanently scuttled."


@205. Bi. I'm not talking about socialised medicine. I'm talking about the nickel mines. You say 'social justice for all'. What is the content going to be of this social justice? 'Social justice' isn't a package that commands evident universal respect; it's something deliberated, haggled over. The blue-collar poor theoretically open to an alliance with us (us white-collar professionals and intellectuals) suspect it's going to feature a sweet deal for the lawyers and accountants, and leave little on the table for them.

@202. venn. I think the G for the working classes, generalising fairly broadly, is just something unexpected sometimes, like a young-ish daughter's extramarital pregnancy. It's something to rise to without judgment. Generalisations here are maybe too schematic and unsatisfactory.


Sounds fun dadddy but to prevent being charged with asebeia it would have to be in a place where we could freely discuss and explore ideas.
I have no desire to endlessly spin my wheels in the mud, nor have I developed a taste for Hemlock.


I think it's perfectly possible to take a "hate the sin, love the sinner"-esque approach to political differences. People are still products of their environment, and not everyone can adapt their ways of thinking in the wake of new evidence. My MIL is one of them - deeply Christian, elderly, lives alone and watches a lot of Fox News = lots of justifications about what he "really meant." My husband has had many lengthy, upsetting debates with her, but she's set in her opinion. She's family, we won't cut her out of our lives for her beliefs.

But the LW isn't talking about her in-laws who she has to get along with, or even a long term partner she sees a future with. People break up early in a relationship for way worse (and still valid) reasons than the way they vote, and not every boyfriend is worth trying to convince to see the world differently. (If this one was, she wouldn't be writing to Dan about it in the first place).


BabyRae @215: Much of the discussion in this week's commentariat has touched on whether supporting Trump "and all that" is, in fact, simply a matter of politics. I'm in the "no" camp.

My father was a racist, homophobic, misogynistic bigot, not to mention a bully. He also drove at the speed limit in the passing lane. Those things were not politics, although we disagreed about politics too. That said, while one may learn not to engage, there are things in life up with which one must put.

People often write to Dan asking for permission, or at least support, to DTMFA. This was one of those letters.

P.S. The term "hate the sin, love the sinner" has been co-opted by christians to dress up their hatred for gay people, so it's a bit loaded.



I attempted suicide last year, I was unemployed, my relationship was falling apart, my family and friends treated me like a pariah, I was drinking and depressed and absolutely no fun to be around.

Obviously, I didn’t succeed. My partner found me unconscious on the floor with piss and vomit everywhere and I woke up in the hospital.

Let me tell you one thing: don’t do it. Please, please, please don’t do it.

But imagine you did, imagine you almost died. Look at the world in the new way that a near death experience forces. Everything wrong in your life, don’t worry about it anymore! Embrace everything good in your life, look at a fucking leaf on a tree and the pattern in the veins and how beautiful it is. Fill your home in the morning with smell of bacon and coffee and sit, smell and relish it. Watch a new episode of your favorite show and remember that you came so close to not seeing it.

There was a great Dan Savage column from decades ago to a teenage boy that couldn’t find a girlfriend. Dan said don’t focus on finding a gf, focus on making yourself an interesting and attractive person and the gf problem will go away eventually. Even though I’m 36, that’s what I’m doing. Trying new things like yoga, cooking, reading novels and I’m enjoying my isolated life. The future is unknown, but every moment in the present is a gift because I almost lost it.