Savage Love

The Casserole



At least until there's a Block button.


Fubar, this might be a good time to publicise your block trick.

Much like Dan's Seattle, London's alternative scene is currently reeling from the death of a pillar of our community. Mak Ma Yuan, who ran Slimelight, the longest running goth/industrial club in the world (30+ years), and Electrowerkz, the building the club is housed in, passed away suddenly on Wednesday. Electrowerkz also provides a space for some of London's biggest fetish nights, including Torture Garden, has hosted live shows by countless bands including my own, and events and fundraisers for the LGBT+ community. In the Covid era Slimelight has helped keep our scene alive through twice-weekly online streams and, when permissible, hosted dinner events with DJs and live performances. Mak was just 55 and had recently married and become a father. With his death, the much anticipated return of Slimelight is thrown into question. And with more important matters like this weighing on me, I will leave you all to your sniping for the remainder of this week. Tell the important people in your life you love them, you don't know if they'll be here tomorrow.


Sorry, final comment. Sigh, Rainy, you "saw SMajor's point" about your biphobia, then by @96 it's back to being "only a difference of opinion." Did you really learn anything?
Dadddy, all you get is an eye roll, lucky you I have other things on my mind.


You lot realize how boring you all are, with your circular bitching? Couldn’t you have a WhatsApp group and save the rest of us.
Raindrop, I don’t know what you said, this lot take over the thread so early in the week I stop reading after the first rush. It can’t be any worse than the pathetic pile on you keep receiving.


You’re not a nasty person, raindrop. Your ideas do seem to disturb people, a lot of the time. What’s your story, because as time goes on and you pop up and these vicious and patronising responses come your way, I notice you don’t get angry.


@108: Thanks LavaGirl. I don't get angry because I know I'm a fantastic happy man and there's so much to be thankful for. No sniping and insults will ruin my day.


BiDanFan @105: I've started porting the SlogBlocker browser extension to Google Chrome.

Sorry to hear the sad news about Mak Ma Yuan.


Ms Fan - Very sorry for your loss of a bicon (hoping the word applies; I just hated to pass it up, even if it is a bit twee).

As likely the only member of the assembled company to have portrayed Sr Mary Ignatius, I am tempted to get out the ruler and point it at Mr Ddy. You have guilt written all over your face, young man.


@98. I guess it depends on your frame of reference, but of all the words I'd use to describe the regular commenters here, "nun" isn't one of them.


BDF @ 106
Observing the way raindrop is engaging in conversations here and elsewhere I strongly suspect his “I see your point” comment was never meant as an acknowledgment, let alone an apology, but rather another snarky remark to brush off criticism for yet another clueless, moralistic statement he made. It was only adopted later as an “apology” in order to save face.
Same goes to a claim in this thread that another snarky remark few weeks back about parents possessing sex toys was nothing but “advising.”


How noble of you Lava, jumping to the rescue of yet another “confused young man asking questions to be a better man,” as you defined an especially abusive 40 yo commenter few years back.
Yes, fantastic happy man raindrop did nothing to deserve this as there were no sniping nor insults coming from him. Ever!
Rest assured; we’ve never seen any coming from you either.
You’re both fantastic, morally superior, and truly deserve each other.


What are we all griping about? I've forgotten.

Let it go CDMwannabe. Just let it go already.

Exhale. Take deep breaths.


Nothing to do with nobility, CMD. You lot can’t get rid of me by attacking my ideas, it’s gonna happen by boredom . I’m not interested in your miserable inner lives, all this male anger seething away. See therapists, I don’t get paid enough to help people stuck in never learning anything new land.


The irony is so much energy is expended on defending what ever it was that was being defended, is that so many think it ok to treat raindrop this way. Like he’s some football you kick round the oval. Or like the bully boys at school picking on the nerd.
Interesting that these silly boys, fubar and mr D, can only think to attack me thru sexuality. Sex negative. Nuns On Board. Shows the level this thread is still at.
This letter is warped, much better suited to Fetlife and their stories. Lots of incest themed ones go up there. Must be a big issue, for a lot of people. That, I find, disturbing.


Rest assured raindrop, I’m doing fine. As for the sudden selective memory loss, allow me to remind your fantastic self: it’s about you coming to this and other Stranger threads in what often looks like the intent to insult others while boasting your perceived moral superiority. Once exposed you claim different meanings while attempting to divert and shut the conversation.


Lava- while initially speechless I’d like to assure you that I’m not trying to get rid of you despite witnessing you spewing plenty invectives over the years, telling us your own miseries on various occasions, and projecting an ongoing seething anger regardless of gender. You also seem to spend plenty energy here defending whatever while totally committed to your no doubt objective, superior “truth.”


Ens.Pulver@1129~ “... of all the words I'd use to describe the regular commenters here, "nun" isn't one of them...”

Hah! Little do you know at least a dozen of us are nuns! There are six of the “Flying” variety, eight of the “Singing” variety and of course, Sister Bidanius, the Swallowing Nun.


@120. Great. Now I'm going to have a young Sally Field flying through my head all night. Dammit!


BiDanFan @105: Not sure if you're still reading this week, but just for you...


@110 fubar
"I've started porting the SlogBlocker browser extension to Google Chrome."

Thank you!

I love Chrome, been using it for years. Last week I was surprised to discover that this I has to switch from Chromium (on Linux) because it's no longer supported on this old 32-bit dinosaur.

(I was also surprised to find that Firefox is even more of a resource hog than Chromium is.)

I'll be back on Chrome as soon as a few parts stop being out of stock for the new PC I'm building.

I wanted to say it wasn't that I didn't miss everyone* that I was away for months. My less-ancient PC died mid-August, and since then I'd scrambled to learn to use Linux so I had a working PC, and then to plan a new PC build.

Oh, and having the summer air be full of smoke for months, and no a/c here in the Bay Area to make filtering feasible, was an even bigger challenge.

*OK, not /everyone/, but everyone who I do enjoy reading.

@122 fubar

Is that already functional? Christ, I may use an unsafe browser anyway for that!


curious @123: It seems to work with Chrome on Mac OS. I've included source code for anyone that wants to play with it.


@124 fubar
It's working perfectly for me on Chromium on Linux. I tried everything.

Might the beta functionality we saw earlier to add avatars (for people who eschew them hoping people will not know to avoid their comments) be available in a v2.0 someday?


curious @125: The avatar thing should be working. Click where the avatar should be, and it should ask for an image URL. I like this one:


@100: Rainy, while you legitimately landed on the Big Hunsky, I am debating whether or not to give you the numeric honors due to the extent of your trolling.


@101 WA-HOOOOOOO! Congratulations to fubar on scoring this week's Big Hunsky @100 prize by default. It was by de fault of Rainy's persistent trolling. :)

@109 Rainy: Congrats on scoring this week's "cow manure" trolling honors. Now run along, Mr. Super-spreader.

@LavaGirl: What on earth did I say that was so inflammatory in this week's SL comment thread that wasn't warranted or "ripped Raindrop to shreds"? Chiding someone for "drinking the Kool-Aid" isn't vulgar or going below the belt. Secretly tainting a casserole with come from a blowjob certainly is, however.


@118: My self esteem shouldn't make you feel insecure or threatened, or even bothered.


@126 fubar
"The avatar thing should be working"

Indeed it is working perfectly! (I see it even allows one to opt for alternate avatars on members who already have them; I'm toying with the idea of making a drop of something other than rain.)

"Click where the avatar should be, and it should ask for an image URL."

Thanks for the tip on how to access that Easter egg. Respect: that functionality is elegant.

Should anyone wish to grant Harriet an avatar in their addon, here's the ones I made at Harriet's request: (I feel like this one best fits the theme of Dan's column)


I'm sorry to hear of your losses, Dan and BiDanFan.
May their memories be a blessing to all who knew them.


curious @130: I just uploaded an upgrade, in case you're interested... with the ability to completely block people so they vanish from the commentariat.


raindrop @ 129
Exposing your ongoing shticks is not about your self-esteem, although it could be on your fantastic-self side.


@132 fubar
"...the ability to completely block people"

Very nice work, and greatly appreciated!

I see how you upgraded the Options to accommodate this, by listing users Blocked or Muted and allowing one to toggle between them and even to return them to the land of the Visible. Seems to work perfectly.


@133: You think you're onto something about my said "shticks", but it's just a convenient word when you can't articulate why you're so unnerved by me.


Be much easier if you boys blocked yourselves. Please. It’s been fun, sure, losing one sexist tool, Hunter, and we got three in return! Furbar, curious, Mr D, fuck off. Thanks


I know you boys think your words are golden, mostly though they are empty. Others might like to jump on here, this Public thread, and why bother when clowns like you three hamper any intelligent discussions. Curious, deal with your anger elsewhere please. Harriet one week Jack the next etc etc. all excuses I think for you to get your sad lonely man shit out. This is not the place.
Sharing vulnerable self, most welcome. So when you lot find that part, please call again.


You started off so well, furbar, chatty and friendly. Then your Dom role in real life got in the way, hey? Try to tell others what to do.. get an avatar.. and a woman dared to throw you off. Then, oh, let’s not go there . Xmas and all.
Who the fuck do you think you are to try and manipulate this thread? Seriously. A big disappointment you turned out to be.
Mr D, con man hiding who knows. Get real, man. This fake bull shit is killing you.


Bobby Dylan sings some mellow Xmas songs. It’s been a tough year, and is still being one for many.
For all those around the world grieving others, strength and warmth to all of you.


curious @134: You're welcome!


raindrop @ 135
Per your request, here are some of the things you’ve demonstrated here as well as on numerous other threads: posting an offensive comment, brushing it aside with a snarky remark, presenting snarky remark as an “apology” once cornered, claiming another snarky remark never happened, admitting past snarky remark did happen yet was nothing but “advice” which it clearly wasn’t, playing calm while claiming moral high ground, playing “I know you are but who am I,” attempting to change the subject, playing forgetful again, attempting to change the subject some more.
For your credit, crying on someone’s shoulder and claiming to be “fantastic” are unique to this thread.

Usually, you dismiss this kind of response by once again avoiding the issue while mumbling something like, “It must have taken you an hour to find that in the archives” as you did @ 67 and plenty other times here and elsewhere, interacting with different commenters. One of your usual shticks even if it takes only couple of minutes, just like any other post.


@122 fubar - wow! That looks really neat. If I wasn't reading this on my phone, I'd check it out right now. Maybe later in the week. Thanks for sharing it.


Lulu @142: You're welcome! It's my little effort to fight the trolling and bullying that seems to have become normal here. It doesn't bring out the best in people, especially me.

The Savage Love Livestream last night was a blast. Dan, Nancy, and Terry (who popped in for a visit) all looked well. I posted a question, "What became of the Reader Advice Roundup and SLLOTD?" but, sadly, Nancy didn't read it out. Oh well.


Fubar, thank you! For the technologically challenged, once I've signed into Github, what are the next steps?
Thank you for your kind words, @nocutename. Hope you are having a good Chanukah.


@141: You're not being clear. Can you say what you're trying to babble about in just one sentence?


@144 BDF
"once I've signed into Github, what are the next steps?" addresses this.


Kudos again to fubar. The Stranger website should advertise it; I'll double my donations if they do!

It's the perfect thing for dealing with the presence of someone who no one wants to read and who won't leave. This way they don't have to leave...everyone can leave them! If only this existed back in the days of /prior/ worthless toxic trolls like Sportlandia...but it's as needed now as ever!


For the Firefox users: I created a ViolentMonkey userscript to hide commenters.
It nowhere near as sophisticated as fubar's Chrome extension, but it gets the job done.
I've been using it for most if this year.



@148 RE
Nice work, thank you very much for sharing!
It seems to work perfectly, and is currently the only one to be available on Firefox.

While overall I prefer the functionality and ease-of-use of fubar's, RE's does have one different feature: you can see by how much white space is left how long the comment by the commenter one has suppressed is. Which brings a certain joy in being free of it, which grows in proportion to the size of the white space. Not that I'm saying I prefer it this way (knowing how long the suppressed comment is), I'm just saying it's a different feature available to those who wish to be free of certain commenters.

Y'all are making me want to learn to program browser addons and scripts. Not that there's much chance I'll ever find time to; I've only just barely regained the time to participate here again. Time is always in short supply.


fubar @143 ok, I've tried the extension on my laptop and it's pretty sweet. I'll have to contemplate the benefits of reading savage love on my laptop going forward. :)


Dan the Man and BiDanFan: Agreed and seconded with nocutename @131.
My heartfelt condolences on your recent losses. Sending cyber hugs (cyber elbow-bumps?), positrons, and VW beeps.


@132 fubar and @148 Registered European: Thank you for your high-tech upgrade contributions!. I am on Google Chrome. This troll-blocking upgrade would be beneficial for me to have, too. :)


Oh raindrop, you’re being funny again. You know very well what I’m talking about, after all you’ve been playing those games for years. No wonder you’re back in denial and stalling mode, some of your favorite “fantastic” “conservative disposition” shticks.


Who's up for this week's Double Whammy (Lucky @69 + Big Hunsky @100 = @169 Double Whammy)? Tick...tick...tick...


@154 griz
What happens when a magic number gets poached and no one knows who did so because we all made them invisible?


When a tree falls in the forest and no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound?


Dan the Man and everyone: Are you all sick and tired of the Lucky Numbers Game (i.e.: @01--or officially FIRDT!, @69, @100, and afterward any comment # ending in 69 or 00)?
Reliable sources (BiDanFan, fubar, and others) have stated that the issue has been settled--that the game stays as is, and anyone griping can leave the SL comment thread. If this is still the case, let us all carry on.

@155 & @156 curious2: In response to your two comments:
1.) Not all the numbers in the Lucky Numbers game have been made invisible. Every week there is a big contest over gets FIRDT! honors, and the Lucky @69 is a close second. There are still commenters among us (myself enthusiastically included) who are still playing. Dan himself has before.
2.) Yes. I would think that even if I was not in the forest to hear a tree fall there would still be the crash of a falling tree, regardless of my presence. Like a severe thunderstorm in Tampa, Florida, during a category 5 hurricane. I live in Washington State, I wouldn't be there in Florida during the hurricane, but it would still be happening. Voters in Georgia elected Joe Biden President of the United States, voting to turn their formerly red state blue. I wasn't in Georgia to do that, but it's happened.

I, Auntie Grizelda, am willing to suspend the Lucky Numbers Game if Dan Savage himself has had enough of it and says to stop. As Savage Love is Dan's column, I think he should have the final say here. If the Lucky Numbers game is still cool, on and going, let's keep those fun little lucky numbers happening.


@155 curious2; ...."because we all made them invisible". Is there a mouse in your pocket? It is obvious that NOT all of us have made these numbers in play invisible.
Are you among the supposed "lurking majority" that alfreschetta commented about last week?
If a lurking troll commenting from 100 miles away was to keel head over onto his laptop fro a sugar rush, would you feel it, too?


Griz @157: I think curious2 was wondering what happens to the lucky numbers game when everyone has used the dastardly browser extension to block the poster @69, for example, so the post just doesn't show up. Like a fallen tree in a forest.


RE @148: It turns out the Chrome browser plugin works on all Chromium-based browsers, including Firefox, Opera, Edge... I'm working on installation instructions.

Also just added turning @ mentions into hyperlinks to jump to that comment. It's not just about blocking trolls and bullies!


@157@158 griz
Oh no, omg, you completely misunderstood me. (That's all I know for sure, that whatever--and I can't figure that out--you thought I meant was light-years from what I did mean.)

Which surprises me for several reasons. First, because I have so many many many times defended the numbers game I'm stunned you thought otherwise.

Second, because I was trying to have a moment of light-hearted fun with you following your nice comment @152 about the "troll-blocking upgrade [which you mentioned would be beneficial for [you] to have" and which I had mentioned @134 could make COMMENTS (and their numbers, too, BTW) completely INVISIBLE.

So I thought you might have fun were I to ask you, in your honoured capacity of Head of the game, how you would rule were some troll invisible to us all win a number. (A silly notion of course that no one would see since someone would, and also because someone could just un-vanish them in their settings; but the whole point was for you to have fun with a silly non-problem. The very impossibility of the problem made me think it would be innocent fun for you.)

But I apologize, I've witnessed that the downers who attack our beloved game have worn on your nerves, so I should have winked or something to let you know the tone of my comments were meant to bring you joy, not stress. I just didn't think you'd need me to, I assumed you'd get the joke, but even if I hadn't I'd have never imagined you'd forget I've defended the Game a billion times.

As for the tree falling in the forest, the idea was no one being able to see who or indeed if anyone has scored the number. The tree, incidentally, interests me a great deal; quantum physics for a century has cast doubt on whether anything exists when we're not looking. More recent experiments suggest that no one does need to look; though some of us think that the universe itself might be sufficient conscious observer, so I am finally--as you--convinced that the tree still exists to make a sound.

In closing, I'm glad you brought it up because I'd hate for you to not know I was doing the opposite of what it seems you thought I was. I know you've experienced a lot of trauma in your life, and I know that shit doesn't go away. But I hope you can try to feel safer; let this stand as an example for you that sometimes people are on your side you can be safe feeling that.


@159 fubar
Exactly. Kudos on saying in one sentence what it took me a page to say.

@160 fubar
"just added turning @ mentions into hyperlinks to jump to that comment."


That just gave me an idea I then realized is impossible. It drives me bonkers when people don't add a username when citing the comment they're replying to. If those were the only @ numbers in comments, one could--in addition to hyperlinking them--programmatically /add/ the username! (But I guess that shouldn't happen since it would happen even mid-paragraph, and even when one does type something to let folks know whose comment is being cited, and there's no telling what abbreviations might be used.)


@153: I find your obsession on my commentary quite fascinating. Let me ponder on it for awhile and I'll get back to you.


@159 fubar: Thank you SO much for the clarification regarding curious2's comments. I hadn't thought what might happen if one were to get blocked from a lucky number. :)
@161 curious2: My deepest, humblest, and most sincere apologies! Forgive me for I thought.
Okay--well, the good news is that we're now closer to the next lucky number, which is the Double Whammy @169. Good luck to you, fubar, BiDanFan, LavaGirl, and everyone playing! :)


@161 curious2: Again, my earnest apologies for such a terrible misunderstanding! Thank you, too,, & BiDanFan, fubar, LavaGirl, nocutename, CMD, and so many others---including Dan the Man, himself-- for defending and participating in the Lucky Numbers game, found only here in Savage Love Land. And thank you all for playing. :)

@161 curious2: You couldn't possibly have known, so don't feel bad. My latest VA PTSD session with my therapist didn't go well at all this last week. It's a long story; she says one thing one day then completely freaks out the next session, giving me new things to worry about. I have been applying for additional Social Security disability benefits because everyone in my VA support network said I was eligible--even my VA PTSD therapist said so. Now she's insisting that everything is changing horrendously (all bets are off mainly because I can't seem to get anyone to legally represent my SSDI claim in an administrative hearing?) because of the recent election results (that I only see for the mercifully better for so many of us). In addition, she's trying to get me to switch my healthcare provider which would screw up my absolutely perfect locally accessed healthcare network entirely. That was two sessions ago. Luckily she didn't bring it up again this last week, hasn't had her receptionist notify me about any billing changes--yet---and I'm not going to remind her. She kept cutting me off mid-sentence, saying she had her next (via phone) patient. Why she schedules sessions on the hour, I'll never know. She's up to twenty minutes into the hour before we even start, and freaks out if I dare call her at 11:00 am,...12:00 pm, 1:00 pm, etc., whenever we're scheduled to start. Not having a session with her this week is one good thing already about this upcoming week.
If I inadvertently took some stress out on you, I'm sorry. I do have service connected trauma and anxieties to deal with, and some days are easier and better for me than others. God, I miss my beloved emotional support Beetle, especially during this time of year and these current times, even though I know he is blessed with being safely inside and protected from harsh winter elements.
Bless you, Dan, and so many others for being so understanding!
Cyber hugs (elbow bumps?), positrons, and VW beeps!
Griz :)


fb @160 "RE @148: It turns out the Chrome browser plugin works on all Chromium-based browsers, including Firefox, Opera, Edge..."

Ah, but Firefox is not Chromium-based. By now the only major browser left that isn't.
(Your plugin may still work on Firefox of course, I haven't tried.)


curious2 @162: Hmm. It would be possible to add the commenter's name, but only in the case of links to the current page. But as you said, people mention others in various ways...

RE @166: I'm surprised that Firefox isn't chromium-based, because the plugin works. But as you said... it isn't. I've updated the instructions and packaging.


@165 griz
I wonder how the change in POTUS could possibly result in a VA therapist becoming /less/ free to represent you in a SSDI hearing. Maybe it's simply that (as you said "all bets are off") people perceive the potential for change, and (somehow which I can't imagine) think that a therapist might become less free to represent you under a (both literally a figuratively) democratic administration than a Trumpish one. Though to me that sounds completely counterintuitive; but unsurprising since much of the country sees reality in an upside-down way.

Or maybe it's that your therapist herself decided to not support your case but didn't admit this to you. In which case perhaps the key to winning your case would be a change in therapists. (I've seen this strategy--with changing /doctors/ used to support disability cases--be as effective as a magic wand in winning an SSDI case heading down the wrong path. I've also known doctors to not admit to not supporting SSDI cases.)

I know (as you probably do too) that in general, they deny a lot of SSDI cases at the initial stages, but the approval percentages (of cases like yours with merit, of course) go /way/ up once a case reaches hearing. Good luck!


@167 fubar
Aw, I can't ask your addon to solve every problem in the world!

(Many people might learn to /not/ list the username themselves with the @ if the program did it, but not everyone would learn that and the new practice would be to the detriment of users of without the addon [though OTOH, that might add to it's appeal].)


I also have a major complaint. Dr Biden gets called a kiddo because she earned a doctorate. By someone who was given an honorary doctorate and has no idea of the work involved in actually earning one. This is how HE uses HIS public voice in the position he was GIVEN by his boss without any vote or consensus. Of course he has absolutely no respect for actually EARNING any responsibility and honor, that's why he is misusing what he's been given.

Yet Ted Kennedy gets praised in the same publication when he is given a knighthood as senator, (an honorary by a foreign country) which is actually unconstitutional.

Because only men actually "deserve" their honors, no matter if earned or appointed.

/end complaint


Edit: Because only men actually "deserve" their honors, no matter if earned or appointed, because equality is more of a pop theory than an actual practice in America, especially at the highest levels.

/end complaint


But this made me feel better:

A very articulate explanation of the complete logical break down of that misogynist wsj article, and exposing the entitled whininess at its heart:
Original: "The prestige of honorary doctorates has declined even further.... Between the honorary degrees given to billionaires, the falsely intelligent, entertainers and the politically correct, just about all honor has been drained from honorary doctorates."
Translation: "Since I only have an honorary doctorate (not one I actually earned) I’m very upset that it no longer leaves anyone with the mistaken impression that I’m worth listening to."


raindrop @ 163
This is indeed a good time for reflection. Here are few pointers for you:
It often looks like the main reason you come here is to make fun, scold, and ridicule others.

You hardly ever tell us about yourself let alone what life experience/s may have led you to advocate for a certain way or assuming a possible scenario. And considering how clueless some of your posts read one may wonder if even the little you provided is indeed true.

Once confronted about your positions you pretend to suffer sudden loss of memory while making supposedly “funny,” dismissive, snarky remarks in order to diffuse and shut the conversation.

So yes, you may use pseudo-civilized language, (which by the way, seems pretentious at times as you attempt to over project your fantasticness), yet essentially come across as no more than a passive aggressive version of the gone-but-not-forgotten legendary Hunter for reasons mentioned above. The latter seemed to have secretly enjoying it when others told him to fuck off, hence repeatedly created situations that made commenters tell him to do just that.

You are welcome to join in the conversations here, just like everyone else. Please do so in an honest, respectful manner.


Phi @170, I shared your outrage at that petty little boy and his insults to Dr Biden's achievements. But only momentarily because his envy was so transparent. In 2020, some men are threatened by women who are better educated than they. They don't deserve to be dignified by a Wall Street Journal article, nor by outrage. They simply deserve to be laughed at.


Although I shall probably never say anything nice about the personality of someone who made the most revolting (others won't call it anti-gay, but I think one could) plug of the entire D campaign (and for the second-worst D in the entire field, too, married to him or not), Dr Biden deserves full respect for her professional accomplishments.


Women doctors? This documentary explores the confusion:


Congrats on the @169, curious2. No doubt Griz will be along shortly to bestow the honours.


@168 curious2: Thank you for your kind response. Interestingly I received new Social Security Administration correspondence in today's mail, with a new form to submit authorizing a video-teleconference hearing (VTH)., with notification that I will be contacted when the date / time / and location of my SSDI hearing is scheduled. It will probably not happen for at least another six to nine months.
God. And Griz STILL without any legal representation to support my claim. i keep thinking about actor Tim Robbins' wrongfully prisoned banker, Andy Dufresne in the 1994 film, The Shawshenk Redemption (based on Stephen King's best-selling novel, Rita Hayworth and the Shawshenk Redemption). Andy Dufresne represented himself in court--only to get two consecutive life terms, knowing he was an innocent man.
At least I was spared another VA PTSD session this week. My local VA rep and I are on the same page, and I have another phone session with him on Wednesday.

@169 curious2: WA-HOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Major congratulations on scoring your well deserved Double Whammy (Lucky @69 + Big Hunsky @100 = Double Whammy @169) honors! Savor your much envied double-prize status and bask joyfully in your newfound glory. :)

@177 fubar: Right you are!


Who's hungry for the Double Hunsky (@200)? Tick...tick...tick...



"This is indeed a good time for reflection. Here are few pointers for you:
It often looks like the main reason you come here is to make fun, scold, and ridicule others."

I don't see how you get that impression. Can you provide some examples?

"You hardly ever tell us about yourself let alone what life experience/s may have led you to advocate for a certain way or assuming a possible scenario. And considering how clueless some of your posts read one may wonder if even the little you provided is indeed true."

Considering how seldom I comment, you could say this about anyone else here. You're just being rude.

"Once confronted about your positions you pretend to suffer sudden loss of memory while making supposedly “funny,” dismissive, snarky remarks in order to diffuse and shut the conversation."

Your chain is just fun to pull. I only do it to you.

"So yes, you may use pseudo-civilized language, (which by the way, seems pretentious at times as you attempt to over project your fantasticness), yet essentially come across as no more than a passive aggressive version of the gone-but-not-forgotten legendary Hunter for reasons mentioned above. The latter seemed to have secretly enjoying it when others told him to fuck off, hence repeatedly created situations that made commenters tell him to do just that."

Hunter Biden?

"You are welcome to join in the conversations here, just like everyone else. Please do so in an honest, respectful manner."

I already joined, just like everyone else. I suggest you heed you last sentence.


@173: Make this my closing response to you. It gives you the satisfaction of having the last word, since it's so important to you:

I pass


@178 griz
In a sense the otherwise unfortunate delay could be helpful; one way or another I hope when the time does come you will have lined up the testimony you need!

While an initial SSDI application needn't be submitted with legal representation (and many SSDI lawyers won't even take cases until the hearing stage), do I understand correctly that you haven't yet engaged an SSDI attorney?

I always recommend that people get a lawyer at your stage. Particularly given my understanding of your case. Is there any way you can get an SSDI lawyer? I strongly recommend it.


raindrop @ 180
Fairly weak closing statement, despite seemingly taking you an hour or more to write it. You keep asking for examples which have already been provided few times per your request (and then asked for a one sentence summary, yet another stalling tactic of yours.).
Hunter Biden is a novelty, yet also fails to change the conversation.

@ 181
The last word is actually one of your ongoing shticks, wearing down conversations and closing them in yet another snarky remark. Knowing how much it means to you I was persistent this time, and it looks like it did throw you off a bit.


Mx Wanna - It can on occasion take a long time to find a brilliant pass. One of my bridge players found such a pass Saturday that was far from obvious when his partner had made a takeout double of a Two Spades opening bid, and they ended up defeating the contract six tricks for a score of 1400 points.





@182 curious2: That is the root of my current SSDI problem. Nobody who is a lawyer, attorney-at-law, legal advisor, etc., will agree to take my case. I have gone through the Yellow Pages in my local phone book for lawyers who supposedly specialize in legal representation of veterans applying for SSDI. The minute they hear my story, out go the lights. Nobody's home, and they don't care. This is but a sample of the lowlife scum who I have already had the grievous misfortune of speaking to, to my disappointment upon finding that they won't handle my case, much less offer any further legal advice:
1. "I doubt that your case is valid if you haven't paid into Social Security for seven years." (she seemed to immediately find more holes in my SSDI claim than a Salvation Army suit, over long distance and immediately leaping to that conclusion while not even learning the full story) and
2. "I suggest you start your own business. As long as your quarterly income is $1,400.00 you should be fine." (WTF did she THINK I have been doing?! I have been establishing, expanding, and utilizing my website, active since July 9, 2013, and since then have started my own business seven years ago in an earnest effort to generate self-employment. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to earn sustainable employment any more than working outside my home for any local employer. Such is the case as I live in a college town, where there are always fast food restaurants hiring, and very little better. So I haven't paid any FICA or payroll taxes for seven years because of such low earnings. My last date of eligibility for Social Security benefits was on or before September 30, 2013. My VA letter awarding me full 100% VA Disability and the administration's decision and findings is post-dated July 24, 2019. This still cut no ice with a lawyer from a Spokane firm who said that her specialty was i representing veterans applying for SSDI, and she initially offered to help me pro-bono).
3. "Oh, well, we have certain categories of cases that we're taking right now. Yours doesn't meet our criteria." Click. (This firm boasted a full page ad on how they'll get their veterans the SSDI benefits"they deserve").
4. "Oh. Well you can always represent yourself." (This one was the local prick that my VA PTSD therapist so highly recommended. Worse yet, the two of them are "old friends". When he phoned me for a conference call way back on October 2, 2020, I don't know what happened. Either the reception on my cordless land line at home as going out or his phone was. He asked me specific questions. I tried to answer as succinctly as I could.. He abruptly cut me off, saying I "answered too slowly". Then he started shouting at me before finally stating that he wouldn't take my case.)
5. The only female attorney in my home town who might have been more supportive wouldn't take my case because she was overwhelmed already with the loss of a family member, and I didn't want to push her.

So that's where I am now. And I feel very uncomfortable about having to represent myself at a video tele-hearing--possibly in Seattle if not further from my home. The last decent legal assistance I have ever had in my life was my divorce lawyer, 19 years ago. If she is still practicing law, she might not be able to handle my case, as her cases are usually divorce settlements or domestic violence cases of sexual and marital abuse.
The only people who HAVE been helpful to me so far are the ones who cannot legally represent me--the nice folks at my local SSA office, the Washington State Attorney General's office, and those in my local and reginal VA support network, as this is a completely different federal agency.


@186 griz
Even the best SSDI lawyers make some bad decisions in choosing clients. It sucks that you don't live in a bigger city with more choices; perhaps it's time to expand your tele-search to Seattle.

SSDI law is a speciality, you need someone in it. A lawyer not in it would have a too much to learn.

It sounds like the problem is that your case is not easy. The easy cases are the ones that one can stack up objective measures and of. And it's essential you have some kind of 'evidence', even better quite a bit even if that just means over time.

Unlike SSDI, SSI doesn't have such requirements for quarters of work (unfortunately it also pays significantly less).

I'm knowledgeable about the subject and have read books about it; I would be happy to talk with you and to share general advice if you like. (My ability to type about it is limited though since I have something like carpal tunnel.)


BDF, thanks for the kind words. And I hope that you have some chance to celebrate the life of your Mak Ma Yuan and his impact on your community. This is a thread winner:
"Tell the important people in your life you love them, you don't know if they'll be here tomorrow."

Lol Fubar

Rainy, I don't think it's rude to make an honest observation. I've had the same feedback about personal experience being much more valuable than my raw opinions of the lw's difficulties.. the less empathic the advice or comment, the more it grates on others when they/we don't understand why you lack empathy. I think this is maybe always part of human social instincts. If you seem to be attacking someone, then everyone else around wants to know why.. If you don't seem to be able to explain, it looks sort of rabid..

Also rudeness is not objective, it's dependent on culture, opinion, perspective.. If you feel offended, it works better to be honest about your feelings and try to explain them at least to yourself.. Declaring that your offender is "rude" or calling them names or otherwise dismissing them is less mature and frankly entirely unhelpful to anyone, in my opinion. Sorry I'm not illustrating this point with personal stories, today, I do realize the irony there.. Suffice it to say that I've had better results by assuming I am misinterpreting apparent rudeness, and trying to explain why I feel offended, unless I can identify outright hostility..

I do like that you post here, because I'd like to see if this community impacts you at all.. that is why I'm bothering to write.. So I hope you don't dismiss my words as rude or nonsense as well. It is, of course, entirely your choice.

The new savage love article is great.


@187 curious2: I DO have a happy occasion coming this Friday--what I lovingly call "Brad Pitt Night" December 18th marks Pitt's 57th birthday. I have a wonderful upstairs neighbor friend who has invited me over for a movie night. She has agreed to look over the recent most SSA letter and form(s) I need to sign and mail back to the Seattle SSA regional office.
GOD I hope I haven't fucking shot myself in the foot! It's not about greed. This is simply about my inquiring about acquiring additional monthly benefits from SSA that a lot of people (even a few civilians as well as fellow veterans) in my social circle locally and regionally keep telling me I qualify for, because of my permanent 100% VA Disability rating.


@189 griz
"my permanent 100% VA Disability rating"

(As regards your SSA case) that sounds promising!


@190 curious2: I know, right? Everybody in my VA support network says not to give up over one, two, three, many as four rejections from SSA. Everyone says that because of my permanent 100% VA Disability rating, I should automatically get monthly SSDI, as well. If this is the case, then why do all doors to legal representation of my case get slammed in my face?
Now, even my VA PTSD therapist is freaking out, claiming that everything is changing, legal help isn't free, I have to hire a lawyer, I can't let everything just sit, blah, blah, blah....
Last year, upon the premiere of my second symphony, my VA PTSD therapist fawned and cooed over me like a proud Mom. Now, it's as if I'm an embarrassment to her and stand to lose everything.


@191 griz
"Last year...fawned and cooed.Now...I'm an embarrassment to her"

Relationships sometimes sour. You need testimony (not to mention a therapist you have a positive relationship with), so it sounds like I was right when I suggested @168 "a change in therapists". I assume you have the option to, so DTMFA.

It could be worse; I've seen a doctor who claimed to have written supportive SSDI evidence, secretly written the absolute opposite. Fortunately the applicant discovered this at the last minute and switched doctors to save their SSDI case.


@192 curious2: At this point, I'm not sure I can change VA PTSD therapists. My current one has a Ph D, published books out, a license to sell real estate (she has tried to push me, because of my VA benefits, to buy a condo and move out of my much more affordable studio apartment of 16 + years), and tons of connections--locally and regionally.

Here is some good news: I have my next phone session with my local VA voc-rehab advocate in another hour today. He is very supportive and shares my concerns about my VA PTSD therapist. He thinks she's really starting to lose it. I am already dreading my next VA PTSD phone session with my therapist next Monday afternoon.


@193 griz
"I'm not sure I can change VA PTSD therapists"

Oh Dear.

From the sounds of it, you'd get no fight from her if you sought a change, I think that might be something you two have in common now.

You might spin it like this: after enough time a patient can benefit from a new approach.


@194 curious2: Here are three dumb questions (at least, to me, it feels dumb):
1.) Can't she retaliate after five years of psychotherapy sessions, a report and billing the VA by turning around and branding me with falsifying information, despite my documented evidence?
2.) Can changing VA therapists hurt the credibility of my current SSA claim, even if what I have is to the best of my knowledge and belief, the truth, and nothing but the truth so help me, God? and
3.) Wouldn't the SSA at the hearing question my change of VA PTSD therapists suddenly, after 5 years?

Update: I have since our last comment share some helpful feedback from a VA representative from a certified VA non profit organization that greatly helped me get my VA permanent 100% Disability rating. She said that by my submitting my VA 100 % permanent Disability award letter at the hearing, I should have sufficient evidence to support my SSDI claim. The SSA can still shoot it down, however. It may take three, four, or more tries, as the SSA has a higher bar of rating disability and inability to work than the VA. Both she and my VA Voc-Rehab advocate who I had an afternoon phone session with recommended that I get a copy of my paid into Social Security benefits up to September 30, 2013. I was told to go ahead and represent myself at the hearing. If the SSA drops my claim, I have been advised to reapply--and that is when I am encouraged to hire a lawyer. Everything this afternoon went fine,---except now I have a new snag by trying to access my SSA information online: I can't complete the stupid online SSA Retirement funds form online!
My problem: On the screen where it says View Retirement Benefits (without signing in or creating a My SSA account), there is a list of four ways I can access what my monthly SSA retirement benefits will look like, from the following:
1) Major credit card information, with VISA MasterCard, Discover, etc. (Debit or ATM cards, the SSA claims, cannot be verified for some reason as they have expiration dates)
2.) Tax return form up to five years (This won't work because they specifically want information from Block 4, Section A from a 1040 SE. I have been filing 1040 EZ or 1040a forms).
3. W-2 form information (I haven't filled out a W-4 or submitted a W-2 since 2013, as I have tried to become self-employed with my website, since July 9, 2013).
4. Social Security benefits (nothing since September 30, 2013, and the information they want I can't supply).
Stupid online forms!

My only option is to call l my local SSA office here in town to see if they can mail me a report of my paid into Social Security retirement benefits, by the time I reach age 67.


@195 griz
I'm sorry that (as I've mentioned) I can't type enough to reply.


@188: Thanks for you insights Fubar.


raindrop @197: Philophile deserves all credit for any insights found @188.