curious2 @102 re BiDanFan @92: I've been thinking about how to do threading, but it's complicated by the fact that the plugin really has access to the current page only. On top of that, people frequently refer to multiple posts in a single comment, as I've done here. So unless Lord Zakuza comes up with a spell for JavaScript, I don't think it's feasible.

@108 fubar
A.
Personally I'm completely happy without threading.
B.
So out of pure curiosity, is it technically impossible for an addon to gather all the data on all the pages of a comments thread, and display them in one big page with the multiple sub-threads?

Personally I /both/ don't feel any desire for that, but how would one monitor the /new/ responses in multiple threaded sub-threads? And would we be disciplined enough to not post comments with content from multiple sub-threads anymore?

Even if the work involved were worth it, it seems too much to ask of an addon to create a whole new forum format.

p.s. The Slockblocker 1.4.2 is working AOK for me too, great work!

Let's assume that the LW is being truthful about being blackout drunk. Blackout drunk isn't the same as being passed out. I have a buddy who was a notorious blackout drunk in his 20s. There are entire weekends in which he barely remembers anything. However, it was difficult for someone to know just how drunk he was if you didn't know him well. During these periods he was charming, outgoing, funny and almost always the aggressor if he was interested in someone. On several occasions he would pursue someone at a bar or party, hookup with the person and then not remember a thing the next day. This behavior also resulted in him waking a couple of times to find his wallet missing and once his car was gone the next morning. Does he consider any of these situations rape, no.

@96. philosophy school dropout. I remember that column on fisting in SF Weekly (?). I found it terrifying--I found Dan across the board terrifying them--then later got into fisting and found comfort in the column, thinking, 'well, it can't be so difficult...'.

I think I tuned out Savage during the phase in which he was biphobic (was that the 'Hey Faggot!' phase or after?). But I would have laughed it out of court anyway. As someone who was 'manly' in some ways (bulk) and femme in others (mannerisms, demeanor, dress), lots of the guys I slept after nightclubs or in bathhouses were closeted or bisexual. If they were interested in men but found it hard to admit, or were drawn to gender ambiguity or complexity, I was an ideal 'gateway' experience, even when I wasn't otherwise exactly their cup of tea or an experience they'd choose to repeat.... I had some idea that some of these guys were bi (were het-married, e.g.), not of who was in individual cases. Why I would have found his biphobia absurd is that my being on a scene and being promiscuous, from time to time, made no odds as to whether I could be a political queer. In the community, some political queers were celibate, some in monogamous LTRs, some in open LTRs, some in multiple relationships, some promiscuous (I swang between the first and last). Privately some of us may have thought e.g. how queer is it to be effectively married?, how queer is it to be pounded by every passing married man?, but none of us said it when we were e.g. organising a rally.

@90. Bi. An alcoholic isn't a bad person but a 'sociopath' is. It's not inconceivable that JSG's partner has issues with drink.

The impression I got (and I can't say this with any kind of certainty) because the story as we have it is told through his eyes is that he may be a 'stabiliser-wheel-bike'-type of het relationship with her. She seems to throw herself into things precipitately e.g. to marry a woman in her early 20s, probably knowing she was bi and not having been with a man; to have sex on a drunken bender with a rando for two days straight.... It's more likely than not that her relationship with a much older guy is something like that ... and he seems to find it hard, in some ways, to admit. The more mature thing to do (more mature than she is) is to ask her what she wants: does she want not to be tied down? To be open (or poly)? To be single, so she can explore her sexuality more freely? But then a genuinely open-minded and inquiring, 'what do you want?' may be the scariest question of all for her.

Harriet @111, yes, that was the distinction I was drawing: Either she is a flawed person (give her a second chance) or she is a sociopath/bad person (run like hell). No way to tell from where we are sitting. Or perhaps she's neither -- like Nocute described well, she's someone who is getting her first taste of freedom, she gave into a temptation to do something bad, she felt a guilty conscience and came clean (even if she didn't take 100% responsibility -- the fact that he'd never have known and she still fessed up is to her credit). Let the person among us who is without sin, etc. Again, this just happened -- when -she- reflects on what drove her to cheat, what does she learn about herself? Is this a mistake that has shaken her so badly she gets her shit together and commits fully to JSG, or has it shown her she needs to be free right now?

Minor point but I would also dispute that the affair was necessarily with "a rando." She was on a work related trip. She told JSG she didn't know the man's name -- but that's because JSG had urged her to report him to the police for rape! It's possible the man was known to her. If JSG wants her to come clean completely about this, he should back off his rape theory and approach it with an open mind. Listen, as you say, even if he may not like what he hears.

Yes Ricardo, IRL we could have fun. I can be a bitch, sure. I’m not much on gossip though, that’s why I say it straight to people. Maybe one day. You can meet the family, come swim in the ocean. If you like. Take you to Australia Zoo, that was crocodile Steve’s place, it’s just down the rd from me. Show you the crocodiles..
I hate the collusion that goes on here. The “ gang” mentality. That sets me off big time. A trigger, I’d say.
It’s the virus too, making everyone a little tetchy. Fearful. Etc.
Anyway. How are you going, feeling better in life?
Bloody rain and heat here at the moment. Not that our seasons are as distinct as you guys have it. However, according to some, summer only has one more month to run, then we have mini summer and then a mild winter. For now.
Glad Biden is talking up climate change.
I found this book on Hitler’s Youth. He was indulged by his mother, brutalised by his father and enraged Germany lost WW1.
Used the same words as trump “Make Germany Great Again.”

The man she spent her lost weekend with, LW2, was probably a young stud. Could do her all night long. She’s playing you bud, as only a young woman can play a much older man. Get your dignity together and walk.

Ms Lava - I'm glad it will start in February instead of January. Mainly though I've been a little depressed that, as luck would have it, the superstars are almost all in Adelaide and can practice five hours a day while most of the field, because there were positive cases on the flights, got stuck unable to leave Melbourne hotel rooms for two weeks. I shall wish for you that you do get to see Hr Federer competing in your country at least once more, iffy as that may be.

As for your neighbours, I'm hoping the British boat, seeded into the challenger finals, will at least win that series. I wouldn't even mind its winning the Cup, which would be a grand thing for poor Sir Thomas Lipton. But it would be a fine thing to see another defence similar to that at Fremantle.

As for the rivalries among the assembled company, the better ones remind one of Evert-Navratilova or Federer-Nadal, though some bear greater resemblance to Sharapova-Williams(S).

M?? Harriet - I know I read the much-maligned column in which Mr Savage suggested that bi men who found dating gays offputting should date each other in a print newspaper, well after the F-slur period. He's swung too far in the other direction now, but I don't really blame any gay who spouts what appeals to women and Wainthropps. He has a lot to maintain.

The amusing thing was that I though of Miss Maria Ward and her acknowledged good luck, with a fortune of only seven thousand pounds, in captivating a baronet, who would be considered entirely reasonable for requiring at least ten. I wonder what Miss Austen would have made of the Hierarchy of Beauty.

omg you guys, even if you don't want to block or mute anyone, the @link feature in slogblocker is a delight. @fubar - sweet!
re: threading - fwiw, generally if you want to alter the view of content automatically AND reliably, the content needs to have very clear signals under the hood. Reformatting the view to make it look like threads when threading isn't really baked in is... probably gonna go wrong.

as for the letters, I think everyone's said what needed saying, but I'll throw my 2 cents in:
FUCKING: ya gotta break up with him. The less contact you have with him, and the more time you spend doing things that are nice to you, the less crummy you'll feel. Standard breakup rules apply. I'm sorry.

JSG: oy, there's so much to unpack here. I think you should take a good hard look at what you want from a relationship, what you want from this particular lady, and why you're pressuring her AND paying for her. If you think this relationship has run its course, break up, do the deed, and move on. If not, you need to do some real work to get the both of you on even footing. Because things seem kinda hinky in every direction. Also, there's so much good advice from the above commentariat. It might be hard to hear some of it. Sit with it and try to figure out how you got where you are, so maybe you can dig yourself out of wherever that is.

COME: @22 JonBalz I think gave you great advice. Your body is how it is. If you're having fun and your partners are having fun, it doesn't really matter how exactly that fun is packaged. If trying to convince your pals about that isn't fun, then ya know, keep that in mind when deciding how to spend your time.

Wow, who would've thought readers of Dan Savage would be so sensitive?? All I said was "maybe post an actual comment?". I didn't say it bothered me so much or that I was bored or didn't like "the system". I just come here to post and read actual comments, that's all. Great to be first, but isn't the point that your "comment" is first? The word "first" alone isn't a comment on the column in any way. But oh well. Game on!

@Lavagirl - You're great! I'm sure no one has blocked you! And I agree with you. What a ridiculous response - and so much more work to install and use an extension than just scroll another inch down the screen! Not surprised though. It's a very Seattle thing to do.

BTW I'm writing this from a beach in Puerto Rico right now. Couldn't be feeling less any less tight-arsed if I tried. I guess that makes me loose-arsed? Oh my.

curious2 @109: There is (I think) enough information on a page for a plugin to read the other pages.

I hadn't thought about rendering one big page with threads. That's an interesting idea.

I think the major changes SL has experienced in recent years are mostly due to the fact that some of the novelty of this column may have worn out a bit, as many of the current topics have appeared before in some form or another, and also the fact that Dan and quite a few commenters are getting older. The subjects covered nowadays also tend to include relationships as opposed to sexual acts and preferences a la carte in the past. For good or bad, SL is no longer catering almost exclusively to the young and the restless out there folks of the 90’s as it used to be, and got a little bit more main stream. Sexual diversity and identities have also become more common, and that's progress.

Some things haven’t changed much if any at all. What some may think of as a too harsh “cut the bull” attitude was here all along, starting with Dan’s answers back in the “hey faggot” days.
Once the online forum was introduced it could have been viewed as cliquey to outsiders, but I think it is more on the side of familiarity and comradery.
I felt welcome when I joined, and it is my impression that newcomers and LW’s who chime in are initially very well received. That said, if they are deemed to be full of it then they are likely to be made aware of it for reasons mentioned above.

Regular-regulars clashing with regular-trolls isn’t a new phenomenon either, nor regulars-regulars infights. That said, I personally don’t see a reason to block anyone. I have my own preferences like anyone else and may not read all the comments. Keeping scrolling down is not too hard to do. Same with the numbers stuff. Sometimes I think it is a bit overdone, yet mange to go on with my life.

@120: CMD: I think you meant to say, "Keeping scrolling down is not too hard to do. Same with the numbers stuff. Sometimes I think it is a bit overdone, yet mange to go on with my life without having some sort of public hissy fit," didn't you?

@69 Dadddy: WA-HOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Congratulations on scoring this week's luscious Lucky @69 honors! Savor your delectable good fortune and bask in the glory. :)

@100 fubar: WA-HOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! Major congrats on scoring this week's Big Hunsky honors! Savor your well-deserved newfound riches and savor the envied glory. :)

@101 fubar: Congratulations, fubar, on legitimately scoring this week's Big Hunsky. The highly sought after prize, found only here in Savage Love Land, is yours. You won it fair and square. :)

Who's hungry for this week's Double Whammy (Lucky @69 + @100 Big Hunsky = Double Whammy @169)? Tick...tick...tick...

I see you Jack. Chandler. Beach in Puerto Rico! Nice.
It’s a saying right, means you fuss way too much about a game some here play. Yes. Sensitive souls lurk here.
Enjoy the ocean.. god I love it. Though here sharks can be an issue, even with our nets up. And it seems as the waters warm up, bloody salt water crocodiles might move further south to my local coast. Beasts. Prehistoric beasts.

Yes nocute @ 121 I agree with what you wrote on that matter and should have acknowledged it. The choice of words was subconscious unintended plagiarism, possibly another sign of the getting old process I alluded to earlier.))

Except Jack.. and thanks.. the originator of this blocking bull is a Canadian. Blame it on Canada. Oh no, they killed Kenny!

Fubar @108, my tech skills are so nonexistent that I don't know how easy or difficult any of my ideal-world wish list would be to implement. All I can say is thank you for taking your time, unpaid and, by some, unappreciated, to make this a more enjoyable place for all.

Also, thank you Grizelda for your contribution towards keeping this a fun place with your lucky numbers awards. Very well timed this week, amid the childish griping. I agree Fubar deserves the hunsky! :)

@119 fubar
Though I'm not sure I'd even want to enable threading functionality, I am having fun thinking about it.

"about rendering one big page with threads"

I can only guess given that I have no addon experience, but I guess it could generate new tabs so it wouldn't /have/to/be/ one big page. But honestly it seems to me that one big page would be best. That way, functionality to switch between sub-threads would be possible (I'm guessing an addon couldn't switch between tabs); I imagine it could not just highlight new posts, but facilitate one's visiting them.

But the big problem (which I alluded to with my mention of AI) is that as far as I know it couldn't feasibly know simply from content which sub-thread to stick comments in.

So I imagine you're thinking of threading based upon @commentnumbers and LWs. This obviously would depend upon user training and self-discipline, which would be complicated by that all won't be using the addon.

Personally I like to leave @commentnumbers off when I'd rather a commenter not be antagonized. And are users to learn to address only one @commentnumber (or letter writer) per comment? (Or per paragraph: what of the paragraphs with multiple @commentnumbers sprinkled throughout a paragraph?) What of the @commentnumbers referencing comments which themselves referenced multiple comments?

In other words, as does Luluisme@117 ("probably gonna go wrong"), I'm not sure it would end up being all that is hoped for (by those that do hope for it).

This morning I've been wondering what kind of numbers game prize would come with being the one-thousandth comment in a thread. Not that that's ever happened, but just in case, what would it be? A Thousandsky? Would it give one superpowers?

Hey Mr Venn, just saw your post. Yes. Problem some had the Virus and couldn’t practice. How it goes with this bug.
Rafa is here.Yeah!
Djokovic asked for a mansions with tennis courts to isolate in. No go says Victorian Premier.
Anyways. Tennis not far off, thank god. Summer of bloody cricket is doing my head in. Cricket. Almost as boring as watching golf.

Speaking of Australia, here is what I stumbled upon while having breakfast:
https://www.theguardian.com/world/2021/jan/29/box-seat-scientists-solve-the-mystery-of-why-wombats-have-cube-shaped-poo

Wow, good breaky reading, CMD.
Ricardo. Spiders, the big ones are the safest. It’s some of the little ones which are a problem. Mostly down south. Funnel webs and red backs.
I love my harmless house spiders, they catch the mossies and flies. No spiders in Europe?
Yes. Grizelda moves on past the naysayers and protects our numbers’ game. It’s like a fingers version of jump rope, hop scotch or the like. Takes up far less energy.

Thing is, Ricardo. If you came here, and spoke French, a lot, spiders would leave you alone. Truth.

It’s not a more enjoyable place for all, Fan. Only a couple of you are interested in fubar interfering with someone else’s site. Maybe you lot who love to dish it out but can’t take it could head to a private fb page, leave those of us who can stand the heat to keep Dan’s page as he sets it up. I no longer read comments from the divisive squad, and looks like I might be skipping past yours pretty soon. Jesus woman, I thought you had style.

True, new person who has stole another’s name.. bar a letter change. What’s your story, couldn’t you think up your own?

It's the same person Lava. Intelligent, articulate, extremely angry and bitter.

@141 CMD
"It's the same person Lava. Intelligent, articulate, extremely angry and bitter."

Maybe you're right. (And if so I'm sure the webmaster would appreciate it if someone Report-buttoned him so his already existing expulsion can continue without evasion.)

Does seem as bitter about the same categories of things.

However I'm not so sure, could just be someone who identified with bad old Sporty. Because this guy seems a good deal more articulate and a good deal less stupid and less irrational and less hostile (er, so far, perhaps time will tell).

@91 lvg: Thank you, that's rather nice to hear. And you're right, looks like 2015 was when I started posting so it's been 5 years.
COME: It sounds like a reassessment of definitions would be beneficial to all parties. Do they want you to be "satisfied" and "pleased" in the general sense of the words, or do they want you to have an orgasm? Those two things can exist separately, and saying one while really meaning the other causes problems. For me personally, I want to please and satisfy my partners, AND I want them to have an orgasm at least some of the time during our sexual encounters. (Masturbation while I'm there falls under "during our sexual encounter".) If someone said they were perfectly satisfied even though they never came, I would accept that while acknowledging to myself that I was not perfectly satisfied, and perhaps we were not compatible after a certain point.

Re: JSG Work related physical separation, ghosting, shacking up and drunk for two whole days, Ghosting is an intentional act. She makes twice what you make and you are supporting her. You are 50 and she's 28. Dude, you are being used. Sounds like you are her sugar daddy.

@118 jackchandelier and @124 LavaGirl: Enjoy your beach weather in Puerto Rico and Australia. :)
Look out for sharks, malicious spiders, (and crocodiles) though!

@130 Ricardo: Muchos gracias, mi amigo. We've all got to have some fun. Especially since it has been in short supply these past four years. Onward and upward with President Joe Biden and Vice President Kamala Harris. :)

@131 curious2: I was thinking maybe if we ever reached an unheard of 1,000 (WOW) posts on any given week of Savage Love comment threads, that we call it the Colossal G (for a grand)----? I dunno. It would not be a play on my screen name, but identify with the big number.
The lucky 1,000th commenter would indeed have to be inducted into the Savage Love Comment Thread Hall of Fame, among other highly prestigious superpowers.

Dan the Man, what say you? Should the 1,000th SL commenter receive a mask and a gold cape in addition to what would be incredible numeric honors?

@128 BiDanFan: Many thanks. I agree---fubar, however humbly insisting on passing on the Big Hunsky @100 honors, deserves this week's prize. Good luck to you and those vying for this week's Double Whammy @169! :)

@144: Welcome back, Anklosaurus! :)

Oh, you’re back Sportlandia! Welcome. Glad you jumped back into the wild seas of SL. Thing to remember MrS, is those who set you off, are your best Teachers. See ya round the traps.

I’ve got three adult sons close to and in their thirties. Their father, a very angry man, left his legacy when he travelled further south, close to the Antarctic. Suit his cold heart. Ten yrs he’s been gone, bye babe, and in those yrs I’ve had to deal with his bits in our sons. They however, also have me in them. We are working thru the anger. And unlike their father, they apologise and try to do better.
Sportlandia’s anger doesn’t scare me. I hope this time, Fan will stop scapegoating him for her part in the story.
/ Ricardo, I do gossip, I try not to gossip maliciously. Usually I do it when an issue with others has overtaken me and I need help sorting it.
During uni, I did an assignment/ essay on the importance of gossip to communities, in terms of helping sort issues, warning if someone’s going a little strange, stuff like that.

Dammit! I replied to Guts, then moved onto the next comment, wherein Lava finally convinced me to block her, congratulations, you win. Now I have to retype my comment to Guts. Serves me right.

Guts @134, that's what low self-esteem is, feeling as if one's worth is less than it is. FUCKING probably also believes -- evidence to the contrary -- that she will not be able to find another relationship, a relationship that offers the positive things she got from her soon-to-be ex. She does not feel important, so she places his needs above hers. Low self-esteem.

One person pointed out she's moving for grad school, which probably means she's 22, been with the guy since she was 19, first true love. There is this trope, which matches the NRE one feels for a new partner, that when people find true love it's forever. She has probably fallen for this fantasy, and coupled with the sunk costs fallacy, feels obligated to stay for better or for worse. And there's the issue that anyone with a conscience finds it very difficult to cause more pain to someone who already has mental health issues. I see in her a carer mentality, which you may be right is more common in women who are socialised to be nurturers.

Women can easily find -other- sex partners, but not -quality- sex partners, which is one point men keep missing. "Women can get all the sex they want!" No, women can get all the sex -men- want. Easy, casual sex with men who don't care one whit about us as human beings. This is rarely the kind of sex women want, so the fact that we can get it easily is worth about as much to us as a gift card to a butcher's would be to a vegan. What women want is affection, and in some cases, to feel needed. She's getting that from this guy, and that's why she's finding it hard to move on, despite the bad sex which women, which people in general, are often told is unimportant. You're reading Savage Love -- we're all reading Savage Love -- because sex is important to us. We are a self-selected sex positive bunch. We are not representative of the general public.

Hope some of this is making sense?

Curious @142, perhaps Sporky did some self study while he was away in prison for assault?

Oh and Sporky, if you can read this I blocked you straightaway, no point wasting your ire on me.

Ms Lava - Shades of Miss Marple. Recall her telling the vicar that idle tittle-tattle may be very wrong, but it is so often true.

Me @150, the carer mentality may be more common among women but JSG has it as well, which shows it is not exclusively a female phenomenon.

JSG wants to save a cheating partner from a rape that didn't happen. He wants to pay for her even though she earns twice what he does. FUCKING wants to stay in a relationship with a man who does nothing for her in bed, because he has mental health issues. I don't see a difference.

Yes, Mr Venn. Miss Marple was wise.
So how’s everybody who can read this going today? Tennis about to start, some preamble matches before the big ones, in a week.
Rafa won something the other night, Mr Venn. He’s well loved here. Think Djokovic is on the nose. Serena, who also won her first match, big plus for her. She didnt complain about isolation, and she was locked up in a hotel suite with a three yr old, for two weeks.

Fuck fan, what a wimp you are. Pathetic only cope with an echo chamber, Queen. Jesus, rate you lot going only a few of you will be talking to each other.
Guess it’s the London lock down, Fan, making you very very weird and sensitive. Poor baby.
Nothing can stress me today, tennis has started.

We might make it to @169, Grizelda. Thinking of posting a few comments myself, bring the numbers up. Still have to read Qu3, which by responses here, sounds a doozy.

COME, great sign off. I must have got confused because your letter is lovely and Dan’s answer is perfect. Pressure of any sort gets me defensive too, especially sexually. Sex is for enjoyment, and however you find that with your new partners, is fine. Good luck.

Another good Aussie musician you might enjoy, Grizelda.
She goes by the name GFlip. Great singer and amazing drummer.

@155 Are you Sportlandia?

What MrS? I missed the preamble to you going last time. This is not fair! Who put in a complaint? What wankers post here.
I’m emailing Dan, this is bullshit.
One man who identifies as black, and all the white girls and boys panic. Fucking hypocrites, bet whoever put in a complaint has got your BLM tshirts, too.
If you’re there Dan, wtf is going on? Why was this man banned, and why has he been banned again? Did you check yourself, or take the word of the princesses who complained?

I’m sorry MrS, I dig you and always have. You did have some sus stories, and I responded and you didn’t freak. You’re solid, so keep working on strengthening g yourself, and letting it go. People behave unfairly, it’s America, Australia etc.
In Australia, our First Nations people call us white fellas, and themselves, black fellas. Genderless ‘fellas.’
Of course it’s different here, because though the whites treated the blacks like slaves, taking children away, horror horror stories.. it is their land. Still the racists sneer.

We have a question here where a man talks of trauma. We all know some form of it, us white folks. Try centuries of being treated worse than dogs. The men stung up, the women raped. Slaves. The USA had a fucking War over it, and as with my country, on it goes. And they gain strength, the racist fascists.
One black man identified himself here, with all those centuries of horror playing thru to now, in his bones.. and he gets a bit narky, and some of you fuckers can’t handle it.
Mr Ds sexist tripe never got a boo, gentle slap on the wrist from Fan. Bloody Canadian big boy fubar, has introduced a way of cutting up this thread. Having a parallel thread! Hoping you’ll all jump on board so I can be fully gone. And any other irritating people. Seriously? Hardly a peep out of anyone but me. Sportlandia tries again, and straight up, he’s banned.
So wtf gives?

Sporky @162, the fantasies you come up with. No, in America the good guys don't often win, nice to know there's an occasional exception. Why are you hanging around with us losers anyway? Surely there's an entire dark web full of people who share your views and will stroke your ego. Nice to know that the bigots of the world see a progressive "win" as inevitable, though -- that's heartening, it rarely seems that way from where we are sitting. Guess that's why y'all are so angry.

You blocked him, Fan. So why are you now responding?
Get a grip, woman. I get it that you are in a bad place in London. Then talk about that. Share that.

Fan, you’re racism is showing, and it ain’t pretty.
Better a bit of anger, girl, than the patronising know it all position you often assume. Just your point of view Fan, many many many cont in the world, don’t sit in the middle of London. We have other experiences, and other points of view. And various forms of dysfunctional ways of expressing those points of view sometimes.
anger comes out of you too, you just threw some at Sportlandia.

Wow, a downpour just started. If we can’t be relaxed about ideas and opinions here, how the hell are all those nutters gonna be turned.
Too many fronts to be focused on, and they will rise again if the voters can’t be turned. And the EC changed.
This isn’t Obama- Time Mark 2.
Fan, whatever’s going on for you, chill. It will pass. Stay safe, and be patient.

Whoops.

BiDanFan @127: You're welcome. My inner nerd has enjoyed writing it. Agreed and seconded @128: thanks to Griz for adding a little play to the mix.

curious2 @129: Agreed. The use of multiple @ tags in a single reply would make threading an unusable mess. Unless... the plugin would automatically add a different tag, say #69, when replying in-hread. Non-plugin replies would not be threaded. But net-net, I think threading would be overkill for a plugin.

CMD @133: Um. Thanks for the link. Australia is full of mysteries.

Sporty @ 162
I don’t remember BDF ever saying anything to that nature, though I do recall her suggesting you few times to seek help.
Clueless self-proclaimed in-house parental authority isn’t likely to cut it.

CMD @174: A Google search of "n* site:thestranger.com/savage-love" shows that word has been used precisely three times in these pages; two of the three times by the above complainant, and never by BDF. Just for the record.

Thank you, Fubar @175. That is not a word I use. I remember Sporty once charging me with racism when I said "his demographic," meaning men, commit more violent crimes, against victims of all genders. And refusing to believe that what I meant was men when the context was a gender-based debate, one that he probably initiated. It may be this discussion that Sporty is misremembering. Then again, who knows, he likes making things up about me, so I have no idea where this idea about racial slurs comes from.

Ms Lava - The way I've seen it reported, there were two flights to Melbourne on which a non-player tested positive after landing, which resulted in a strict hotel-room quarantine for the players unlucky enough to be on those flights. The superstars almost all flew to Adelaide without any cases on board, and so have had more relaxed rules, allowing them to practise, etc.

I've seen the video highlights of a Nadal-Thiem exhibition match; the stands looked quite full and maskless. This year may be much more like normal.

Whatever Fan said before, her post @166 is enough of a racist statement.
Leave it Sportlandia. Same ol white boy/ girl shit coming out of their mouths. Same ol stacks on the mill.
What a joke. Like primary school bully gangs. Yes, Fan is a disappointment. A fifty year old princess, needing her ‘boys’ to back her up. Bit tragic.

Yes Mr Venn, some did get a chance to leave isolation to practice. Others didn’t. The Virus set the stage.
Rafa, god I love that man. Yes, the country was days or weeks of no community transmission, till yesterday, when a hotel security guard, at an isolation hotel, was found with one of the new strains, in Western Australia. One case, and now Perth and other areas south of Perth are into a five day lock down, while contact tracing is done. Our state Premiers make those decisions, and some, the progressive ones, go early and go hard. That way , so far, we have been able to stay ahead of the Virus, and people allowed to go to sporting events. Mask wearing, not sure what will happen in Melbourne re that.
Where I live, haven’t had to wear masks since our initial lockdown last yr. few weeks ago, Brisbane, which is south of me, again after one case which morphed into a few more, went into a three day lockdown and then mask wearing when that ended.
In Melbourne, they wear masks in public, I see. Then Melbourne had a big second lock down from July onwards.
Let’s hope all goes ok from here.

I trusted your opinions Fan, except fir when we disagreed. Now, not so much. After this response to Sportlandia, not so much. You’re a nasty woman and my respect for you has gone. Glad you’ve blocked me. However, I still see you, and I’ll be watching and commenting, whether you see me or not. You idiots forget there’s a readership out there, seeing what passes for progressives these days.

I’ve thought to put in a complaint about your racist comment above, Fan. Then I thought better to leave it there, so all can see what you’re really made of. Not just the fairy floss coating girl you try to present as. Boy do I put my trust in the wrong people.

And you CMD, a Jew, letting such an obvious dog whistle racist comment, go. Fuck you.

I think our fires during summer of ‘19 shook the country, big time, Mr Venn. Our Federal Govt. , conservatives, had ignored pleas for more equipment as the experts could see what was coming. Many of our fire fighters are volunteers, anyway, protecting their part of the Bush. Then when the Virus hit, we were ok to do what was needed. Closed borders, fines, helped.. and people did listen. A few carry on, the capitalists hate losing money and of course its effected many, lost jobs and not being able to see family across borders, etc. The cost in lives, has been under a thousand dead, across the country. In my state of Qld, nine dead.
This Virus is not to be messed with, as so many know. Yet still people think it’s some put on. Frightening.

@168 @179 LavaGirl.... um... I'm staring at @166 and I'm honestly not seeing the comment that you are accusing BiDanFan of racism over. You seem pretty upset about it, so I hesitate to ask this but... is the "Dark Web" a rude term in Australia? Because ... fwiw, and if that's what you were talking about, in the states it's a boring catch all phrase for places people go to buy and sell confidential information and otherwise get up to questionably legal activities. Sort of like the word "underground". When I say it's a boring phrase, I mean my bank has a FAQ on it. I'm not even making that up. If you meant something else, I can't guess what it is. I don't think BiDanFan intended any racial slur, is all I'm saying. Related: I think maybe @183 was not called for, and perhaps CMD is as bewildered as I am. Alternatively: Anyone want to fill me in on what I'm missing?

@169 LavaGirl: WA-HOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! Major congrats on scoring this week's Double Whammy---Lucky @69 + Big Hunsky @100 = @169!! Double prizes for LavaGirl include a luscious Lucky @69 AND your sexy Beach Boy with the Big Hunsky @100!! Bask in the glory and savor your much envied newfound riches!! :)

Who's hungry for the Double Hunsky @200 ? Tick...tick...tick.....
Say goodbye to January ---on to February........

Guts @186, and the man in a sexless marriage is delusional if he thinks, with women outnumbering men in the general population, a disadvantage that is increased by greater numbers of gay men than lesbians, that he won't be able to find another relationship if he leaves. Why is the man who stays making a reasonable decision, but FUCKING is "delusional"? Both are illogical; neither is reading reality any more or less accurately than the other.

Men who have the attitude of "women don't know how easy they have it" are creating a self-fulfilling prophesy, as any woman who encounters this attitude (other than the damaged ones who, like FUCKING, don't think they deserve to be treated well) quickly decides being single is better than dating someone who has a chip on his shoulder against her entire gender, so she will always be the enemy. Men also frequently dismiss women for traits the man would not dismiss in himself, this is not restricted to a single gender either. Having standards is perfectly fine -- didn't you yourself say that both men and women should often spend time being single rather than in unsatisfying relationships? Sure, some women dismiss men arbitrarily because they don't earn enough money or aren't tall enough. And some men dismiss women arbitrarily because they don't have big enough tits. Neither gender has the monopoly on being arbitrary, or hypocritical. Honestly, if anyone said to me, "I think women have it better than they realise," it would not matter how good looking or otherwise pleasant he'd been, the date would soon be over. Ain't nobody needs to get involved with someone who resents you just for existing. Check please. And so, the man gets rejected, and that becomes in his mind further proof of the capriciousness and pickiness of women. They remain the bad guys, and the incel blogs agree with him, and he can never see past that chip on his shoulder into the mirror that's trying to show him that it's his bad attitude toward women that's driving them off. Yes, women have advantages in some ways, but if you ignore the larger numbers of disadvantages we have in not just the dating world but the world at large, you will never be able to form a connection with any of us. If that's what you want -- and it should be, because that's what we are looking for -- start focusing on the ways in which we are at a disadvantage, and being allies to us, and then we'll realise you're on our side and that you're someone we want -by- our side. Approach us as if we're your adversary, approach us with preconceived conclusions rather than a willingness to listen, and watch us run.

Lulu @186, thanks for your support. LavaGirl is just furious over the entire concept of blocking, I know not why, and taking it out on me. And now that I can't read her posts, she seems to have escalated them. Lava, please chill. You're clearly doing yourself no favours here, you seem only to be heading towards an official banning. I can't read your posts and others are reporting them as abuse. It's summer in Aus, why not head down to the beach with a good book, and stop letting a concept as innocuous as blocking people online get to you?

Try the last sentence, @186. Also never seen Princess Fan tell anyone else to go find his kind on the dark web, as if he’s some sort of criminal. Intelligent men who say boo to Fan, she can’t handle it.
And this is an ongoing issue, when he and Fan constantly picked at each other and Sportlandia was booted off. Guess it got too real for our princess. And here he was, trying again, and again he was banned. The precious one couldn’t block him, as she promised, and see where it went. Oh no. Straight up goes sobbing to Daddy Dan, or whoever bans people. Pathetic. And on she goes, as if her million words can cover her hypocrisy.
Thanks Grizelda.

Luluisme @186 re: BDF's @166. I think it might be the "Guess that's why y'all are so angry". I know I did a double take at that on first skim. On second reading, I could see that the "y'all" referred to the "bigots" in the previous sentence, but I can understand why someone may interpret that phrase as a racist dogwhistle.

Margarita @191, thank you for that. Yes, indeed, the antecedent of "y'all" is "bigots." Y'all is not a racist term, not in my world anyway, it just means "you, familiar, plural," the English equivalent of vosotros in Spanish. I have recently been reminded that America is a far hotter bed of racism than the country I live in -- or at least ours is more subtle -- so a harmless term like "y'all" could indeed be construed as racist, by people who want to see racism. Although it seems it was a white Australian who took offence. I'll be more careful to lay down eggshells before typing. Thanks, Margarita, for the advice.

BiDanFan @192: The plural of "y'all" is "all of y'all". It carries no racist connotation whatsoever, unless things have changed mightily since I was last in the southern USA, maybe 5 years ago.

Like others I've spoken with privately, I'm becoming reluctant to comment at all. Even with the insults blocked, I still get glimpses of what's going on. It's nothing but bullying, and it's maybe time to un-block and use the Report Abuse feature. On the other hand, if those who are blocked for abuse simply create a new account and continue the hazing, what's the point?

Fubar @194, same. The point of blocking someone isn't to provoke them, it's so that I don't have to read what they've written. I suspect some blocked people may be spouting even worse abuse if they know their intended target can't see it and report it. They may falsely be assuming that no one is going to report abuse aimed at another commenter. Ironically, I am far more likely to click "report abuse" if it's aimed at a third party. The official "report abuse" channel sometimes removes comments but took far, far too long to ban the worst of the trolls. Who, indeed, can think up new screennames -- in some cases designed to reveal their identity, in some cases to hide it, though that's rarely successful for long -- and come back. I think it's good to have the power to block in our own hands. Perhaps I shouldn't have revealed to certain commenters that I've blocked them, but personally I'd rather not waste time writing comments to people who can't read them anyway.

Speaking of unblocking people, is it technically possible to do that? Not that anyone I've currently got blocked has done anything but justify that decision.

BiDanFan @194: You can unblock people via the settings, which has a list of people blocked or muted, and a drop-down next to each name.

https://github.com/ahoyfubar/SlogBlocker#settings

I assure everyone, I intended no thinly veiled racial slurs in a post about how I don't use racial slurs. I'm neither that clever nor that stupid! I haven't lived in America in nearly two decades, so if things I say might be interpreted differently through an American lens, err on the side of assuming I'm not in the know regarding American idioms and/or just ask me what I meant, I'll gladly clarify and apologise if I caused offence where none was intended.

I’m not sure why so much energy is being spent on someone who is either so utterly clueless or making things up in order to defame others, all along using “fuck you” and any other demeaning words whenever it suits her, threating to contact Dan yet making fun of others when she deems others may be complaining about her.

Lava- if your bigotry and racism accusations have any merit, and I think they don’t, I could claim the same for your sentence @ 179, “A fifty year old princess, needing her ‘boys’ to back her up” as you making fun of my feminine tendencies.

Sporty- BDF was constantly calling bs on your misogynist posts, which why you’re so angry at her. Your race or not is something you constantly bring up in order to diffuse criticism and tell us how miserable you are. It’s sad because you are indeed intelligent and could do so much better if you could go on with your life.

More later if need be, good day to all.

I must admit that I’m relieved at the prospect of being blocked by BiDanFan. Owning a small business and having employees during a pandemic doesn’t leave me a whole lot of time to comment. I’m less inclined to engage when the prospect of a lengthy (and frequently fruitless) back and forth looms over the Send button. It is exhausting to engage with someone who must always have the last word, so many times I’ll just post my thought and check out. This is just my perspective of course – I know there are many people here who enjoy or even revere her posts.

The issue I ineptly tried to address (in this admittedly unrelated column) is the nagging impression of homophobia I felt when I read BiDanFan’s comments a while back when she responded to the issues in a lesbian relationship by suggesting that both women were probably sexually abused as children.

People like me (lesbian) spend our whole lives unsuccessfully battling some pretty ugly stereotypes. We are told that we are lesbians because we’re too ugly to get men, or we have elevated levels of testosterone (so we kind of ARE men!), or most frustratingly and insidiously – that we’ve been molested by men. The narrative surrounding that last myth leads to two equally odious conclusions. First, that because of that abuse by a man, we are all man haters - choosing our sexuality for purely political reasons. Or second, and more emotionally devastating – that we are too damaged to form healthy sexual relationships with men, and so we convince ourselves that we are gay. In effect, we are all secretly closeted heterosexuals.

As I’m sure Venn can attest, gay men deal with the equally repulsive narrative that the only reason they form emotional and sexual relationships with other men is because their mothers were controlling and/or their fathers absent. These are not charges or issues that bisexuals have to deal with, so I can understand why someone who is proudly bisexual would not see the harm in perpetuating them. That doesn’t make them any less harmful.

Perhaps I wouldn’t have been “triggered” if I saw the “molested as a child” conjecture raised every time we are presented with a person (regardless of gender) suffering from intimacy issues.

Finally, I’m of the belief that internalized homophobia (and misogyny) tend to be the most virulent and potent manifestations. I struggle with them myself on a daily basis.

Other commenters, please don't pass along Lava's insults. I've blocked her because I don't want to have to read them. Many thanks! (Lava, I don't need anyone to back me up, nor am I afraid of a seventy-year-old bully whose rhetoric never made it out of the schoolyard. I am simply over your vitriol and would rather engage with people who show mutual respect.)
Indeed, Sporty's race is neither here nor there to me. On the screen I am looking at, no one's skin colour is visible, only their words. That is what I judge people on.
Good day to you too, CMD.

The great thing about Slogblocker is that you can just go to a different browser and see all the posts you've blocked.

JibeHo, I'm glad you have now revealed why you were so offended at my suggestion that an LW -- who, let's remember, was functionally bisexual and who never called herself a woman, much less a lesbian -- had been sexually abused as a child. Since this LW did not identify as a lesbian, and I did not read her as a lesbian, there's no way my comment could have possibly been lesbophobic in nature. This was a young woman who had first become hypersexual with men -- she used the phrase "lots of sex" -- and then met a woman who convinced her that even masturbating was evil. People who are sexualised at a young age often grow up thinking that "lots of sex" is normal or expected, and are simultaneously wracked with guilt and shame. Or just skip the lots of sex part and go straight to the sex-negativity, like the girlfriend -- whom I did not see as representative of lesbians generally. Had you responded then as you have now, that you found that offensive because it is a negative stereotype about lesbians, I might have been able to more clearly articulate my reasoning. (Though I can't imagine I didn't do so at the time.) I'm glad you've admitted to struggling with internalised homophobia, which caused you to read my words as anti-lesbian when that was projection on your part.

And if you were in fact upset because you yourself were molested as a child, I offer my sincere sympathies.

But if you thought I simply voiced that theory because the LW was a lesbian, which she may or may not have been, I'm glad to have had the opportunity to set you, erm, straight.

For whatever it's worth, I see you as having held a grudge against me since I once said that in my experience, lesbians (of course not all, but many) are reluctant to date a bisexual woman, because they fear being "left for a man." You took personal offence to that and since then have rarely passed up an opportunity to attack me. I'm willing to bury the hatchet and presume no ill will on your part if you'll do the same. Otherwise I'll leave you blocked in Chrome -- or you can block me, like I said I would rather be blocked than attacked -- up to you. I have respect for you and I'm glad you explained yourself.

Oh and Lying Lava, I did block Sporty. Other people reported him, other people are sick of his hatred as well. You're not far behind I fear. Funny how both you and Sporty have to make things up about me. Back to Chrome so I won't have to read your insulting words anymore.

Lava - If you remember when Sporty first got banned a while back, you would recall that he bragged about taking a drunk woman home and having sex with her. I called him out on it and said it sounded like assault and then all hell broke loose in the comments. I don't know if Sporty committed a crime - he spent a lot of time trying to walk back his original story and flesh it out with details that would make him look better, but at one point he physically threatened me.

That's why he was banned. Nothing racist about it.

I apologize to the assemble company for the wildly off topic post. If I had more time in my days I would have posted that a couple months ago when it was actually relevant to the conversation.

I seldom bother reading into the second page, and now I see why. Looks like there are some serious mental health issues going untreated.

@199: But JibeHo, did BiDanFan say that BECAUSE the women were lesbians they probably suffered abuse or were molested? Did she imply that their sexual orientation was linked to childhood molestation? I can't remember, but it doesn't sound like the commentor I read, whom people sure are piling on.

If I recall correctly, a lot of people see molestation or sexual abuse in a lot of letter writers' backgrounds or in the backgrounds of those they are complaining about. Some people blame childhood trauma for all sorts of things, and if some of the time that is true, it can't be true for all of the people all of the time. I rarely read a letter and think, "oh, that person was probably molested as a child," but that's not part of my direct experience either as a child, or a therapist or judge or social worker or whoever it is who deals with people who were abused.

That doesn't mean that those who see molestation in the unspoken background are always wrong; it means that the idea that someone's current behavior stems from having been molested as a child doesn't generally occur to me. I am aware of the hateful and hurtful assumption that women turn to lesbianism because they were abused by a man (which could definitely include childhood abuse) or haven't yet met the "right man," but in my memory, BDF has never done that. And I just can't believe that she would state or even imply that childhood molestation leads to lesbianism. It doesn't sound like her at all.

P.S. I've never seen her write anything overtly racist, either. Or dog-whistley. And if saying "y'all" is appropriation or racist in origin, that's news to me. I have several Black friends who are unafraid of calling out racism or appropriation when they see it, even with their friends, and no one has ever approached me and told me that my using "y'all" and "all y'all" (both of which I enthusiastically adopted about a decade ago, despite being white and never having lived in the American South) was either racist or an act of appropriation.

Some people seem to need to feel oppressed.

@Fubar 193. I am being petty, but perhaps I am energized by the prospect of weighing in on something I actually know about. Technically, the plural of "y'all" is simply "all y'all."

No "of."

@Fubar, 193: I am being nitpicky, but I am energized by the prospect of weighing in on something I actually know about. Technically, the plural of "y'all" is "all y'all."

There is no "of."

@199: JibeHo, did BiDanFan ever say that someone was a lesbian BECAUSE she had been sexually abused as a child?
I cannot see her as suggesting that childhood abuse is responsible for sexual orientation.

Speaking as someone who doesn't tend to reach for the "molested as a child" as the reason for fears of intimacy or any other behavior (but realizing that in some cases, that may indeed be the reason for current behavior), I don't find it "triggering" or think that it gets reserved exclusively for lesbians.

I tried to write a longer comment about this, but it didn't seem to get posted. Apologies if it does and I ask this question twice.

Griz??

Oooooooo-kay. I see that I did NOT rightfully land on comment @200. However, Griz is stumped. What happened to comments @200 through @211? Congrats anyway to the lucky winner of this week's Double Hunsky honors @200. :)

Did comments @200 through @211 get blocked or deleted?

Ms Grizelda - I can't see those numbers either. I just saw that Dustin Diamond from Saved By the Bell has died.
xxx
Ms Lava - My main hope is that we get both Wimbledon and the British Open this year. But your Open being pushed back will make February go much faster for me. It's usually a long month when the AO ends so early.

All sorts of weirdness. I can't get to this page from page 2, only from page 1.
I also posted two comments which are some those between 200-212 that aren't showing up. The second one was because the first one never appeared, but I guess they're both in Stranger Purgatory.

Guess that's why mine posted twice in a row.

Ens.Pulver @209, @210, I'm not unhappy to admit that my brain may have filled in the "of". "All y'all" it is.

@Ens. Pulver and fubar regarding "all y'all" vs. "all of y'all": I once had a friend who couldn't seem to deal with the fact that the store once known as Beverages and More was now BevMo, and who kept calling it "Bev and Mo."

And now I can see the formerly missing comments and my two-for-the-price-of-one one have arrived.

Dadddy @206: "When you've got an insecure, territorial, controlling alpha who sees her primary role as policing discussions and kicking out those she considers troublemakers, you're going to end up with something that feels more like a homogenous clique than a community."

Add "self-styled, would-be" in front of "alpha", and you've nailed the current situation... assuming you're referring to the resident anti-trans, anti-feminst, kink-negative, hostile, judgmental scold, that some of us call Dolma.