I too am glad you are back, Cocky!
I'm just too picky for swinger events -- particularly with men, who are the primary ones interested in me. There are some hot bi women there but I'd rather not have some guy I'm not attracted to as part of the package deal.

I am also glad you're back, Cocky.
I was once invited to a party where I was assured that everyone would be sufficiently attractive (body and face), young enough (I believe the cut-off age was 50; my then-boyfriend was 53, but looked younger and likely lied; I was 47 or 48), and, if memory serves, theoretically rich--or rich enough (I was far from rich enough, but my boyfriend apparently had enough money). The whole thing gave me the elitist heebie-jeebies, and I declined.

@100 cbu (and CockyBallsUp): WA-HOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Congratulatioins on scoring this week's Big HUnsky numerical honors! Bask in the glory and savor your envied newfound riches! :)

@103 cbu: Agreed with curious2: Glad to have you back, too! :)

NWGuy @92 - thank you for sharing your experiences. I am the more sexually inexperienced person in my relationship, and when I was younger it used to be a huge issue for me. Like DESIRE, I felt bad and beat myself up for my all-too-human wandering "what if?" thoughts. And a lot of that was fueled by by own unchecked insecurity and sense of being "less than" (as I imagine is a big factor for our LW as well). I wish Dan had focused more on DESIRE's "what if?" hang-up. He's young, and likely hasn't had too many of these experiences, but they are just a part of life that you have to put in their proper place. "What if I'd gone to X University instead of Y University?" "What if I'd moved to A City instead of B City?" "What if I dated So-and-so instead of What's-their-face?" And these thoughts will make you a crazy person and keep you up at night if you're not careful. One great piece of wisdom I received was "the grass isn't greener on the other side; it's just different grass." My advice to DESIRE would be which "what if?" would bother him more: never experiencing some hypothetical strange, or losing this relationship with this real-life person?

Also, re: DESIRE - I wonder too if he's being hard on himself for not "doing monogamy 'perfectly'"? Like this notion that gets pushed sometimes of "when you're really In Love you won't have eyes/thoughts/desires for anyone else"? If that's the case, then DESIRE needs reassurance that he's a normal-ass human being who isn't terrible for being attracted to others. Dan himself has said plenty of times that monogamy isn't about not being attracted to others, but about choosing to not act on those attractions.

Fantastic @109, he's definitely guilt-tripping himself a lot. Feeling like finding other women attractive or flirting are transgressions he needs to confess, and saying he feels "childish for not being able to control my instincts." DESIRE, you ARE able to control your instincts! Despite being young and horny and attracted to nearly everything that moves, you haven't cheated on your girlfriend. You have had opportunities and you've turned them down. You should be proud of yourself for that. He sounds like he doesn't want to lose the great relationship he lucked into straight off the bat. Might there be things he can do, that aren't cheating, that he doesn't need to feel guilty about? He could fantasise about other women while having "really great" sex with his girlfriend. He shouldn't tell her this, as it would only hurt her. He should enjoy fantasising and masturbating, guilt-free. It doesn't sound as if his girlfriend would be into including fantasy talk, so that is a non-starter. What exactly does she consider monogamy -- would she give a hall pass for chaturbating, for instance? Could that scratch his itch for strange?

A new column is up.

Thank you all for the nice words :) <3

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