My wife got drunk at a vacation house we rented with a bunch of friends and cheated on me with my best friend in the hot tub. They didn't have sex but they did other things. I wasnât there but there were eight other people in the hot tub and the jets were on so no one else saw what was going on âunder the water.â My wife told me about it afterward and I was hurt but also kind of excited. She proposed we âeven the scoreâ by asking my friend and his wife to have a foursome. They agreed but the experience was miserable. My wife and my friend were very into each other and my friendâs wife was willing but I was having a hard time enjoying myself with a woman I had no interest in while my wife did things for my best friend...
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Help Overcoming Terrible Worries About This Entire Relationship
Hm. Iâm not convinced events went down as described, HOTWATER, or that your wife went down as describedâhell, Iâm not convinced your wife exists. There are just too many âunwilling cuckold fantasyâ tropes in your letter, HOTWATER, from your wife cheating on you in the most humiliating way possible (with your best friend and in front of other friends), to your wife doing things for another man that she wonât do for you (and doing those things in front of you), to the sexual blackmail your wife is now subjecting you to (sheâll allow you to come in her mouth on the condition that your best friend gets to keep coming in her mouth). And the presence of an inert-bordering-houseplant best friend (did he have nothing to say to you?) with the equally inert wife (did she have no reaction to being rejected by you?) donât make your question seem any more credible.
But on the off, off, off chance there is a wife, there was a vacation house, and something happened in a hot tubâŚ. If you canât make a credible threat of divorce, HOTWATER, then youâre fucked. Your wife wants to dictate terms and set conditionsâconditions like youâll only get X from her (X = coming in her mouth) if she gets to do X with someone elseâand if her behavior at that vacation house are any indication, HOTWATER, sheâs gonna X around with other guys whether you like it not. You can tell her sheâs not allowed to do anything like that ever againâyou can insist on strict monogamyâbut having seen what sheâs capable of, under and over the water, will you ever feel comfortable letting your wife out of your sight again? Will you ever be able to leave her alone with your best friend Groot again?
If the thought of your wife cheating turned you on, HOTWATER, you might be able to make this work. And perhaps it does turn you on. You said you were excited when your wife first confessed what sheâd done in that hot tub with your best friend, but things went south during the foursome you had to âeven the score.â Maybe you donât want the score to be even? If the thought of a âdeeply unfairâ one-sided open relationship turns you onâif the thought of getting to come in your wifeâs mouth, say, one time for every ten times your best friend gets to come in her mouthâthen you should think about sharing that information with your wife. It could be the start of something bigâit could be the start of an invigorating sexual adventureâor it could be the beginning the end.
But seeing as the end seems inevitable anyway⌠why not go down swinging?
I spent two years with a man I thought I would marry. Then he lost his job in Italy, where we lived, and COVID-19 made it impossible for him to find another job, so he returned to his home country. I would have done the same if I were in his place. I spent the last five years getting my degree and Iâm a woman who is working in my field, and I wouldnât give that up to follow a man to another country. But his decision to go nevertheless broke my heart. Two months later he changed his mind and wants a future with me in Italy. We decided to meet in August to discuss our future and in the last three weeks we have exchanged so many messages of love. Then, classically, I met someone else. I explained my situation to himâthat Iâm going on holiday with my ex and that we are talking about getting back togetherâand he appreciated my honesty and said that enjoying the moment is more important to him than thinking about the future. A week later we slept together. The problem is that Iâm still in love with my ex and I want him to return to Italy and be my boyfriend again. But I canât erase my feelings for this new man. This is a difficult situation and itâs hard talk about it, even with my friends. Do you have any suggestions?
Messy Emotions, Sensitive Situation
You and your ex-boyfriend are still exes, which means youâre free to do whatever/whoever you like. Same for your ex, MESS, and for all you know he has dated and/or fucked another girl or girls and those experiences helped him realize you were the one he wanted. If heâs the one you wantâand if you, like most people, are only allowed to have oneâthen youâll have to end things with Mr. Enjoying The Moment when your ex returns or isnât your ex anymore, MESS, whichever come first. Thatâs assuming Mr. Moment is still in your life at that point. Mr. Moment could wind up exiting your life just as quickly as he entered it, e.g., he could ghost on you tomorrow, or you could discover something about him next week that dries you up. But even if you ultimately have to end things with Mr. Moment because youâre getting back together with your exâif you have to end things with Mr. Moment for that reason and no otherâyou donât have to erase your feelings. You can be sad about that ending and happy about pickings things back up with your ex at the same time.
And just a little heads up: âHave you been seeing anyone else?â is a question exes often ask each other when theyâre thinking about getting back together. You can and should answer that question truthfully, of course, but you donât have to go into detail. âI briefly dated someoneâ is an honest answer and enough of an answer. Omitting the part about how you crushed hard on the other guy isnât dishonest, MESS, itâs considerate. I mean, if it turns out your ex dated someone else that he really, really liked while he was in his home country, would you want him to tell you that?
I'm a straight, cis man in his late twenties and recently met a hot kinky woman my age on a kink/hookup app. We've had two meals together and six awesome fucks, all at my place. We're on the same page about this being casual. She's never mentioned anything about being married but I'm pretty sure sheâs either married or recently separated. Instagram and Facebook make it clear that until at least two months ago there was a husband in her life. I don't care if she's single or married or separated, but I wonder if I should mention to her that I'm aware her life is a little more complicated than she's let on. If there's a chance she's stressing about the (possible) deception, I could save her the stress. Do I tell her what I know?
Knowing Me, Knowing You
That hot kinky woman could be cheating on her husband or recently divorced or recently widowed. Whateverâs going on, KMKY, sheâs had lots of opportunities to open up to you about her lifeâsix amazingly awesome fucks, two hopefully delicious mealsâand sheâs chosen not to. Sharing details about your life might inspire her to open up about hers, KMKY, but telling her youâve been lurking on her social mediaâparticularly if she didnât share her handles with youâcould piss her off. That said, I donât blame you for checking out her Instagram or Facebook accounts. Itâs natural to be curious about the people youâre fucking and itâs weird when people post things to public social media accounts and then get upset when someone theyâre fuckingâtechnically a member of the publicâsees those posts. But the willingness of a new sex partner to demonstrate that they respect our privacy, maybe even a little more than we respect our own, can go a long way toward establishing trust. And not bringing up what you may have seen on the social media accounts of someone youâve only recently met or started fucking demonstrates tact.
And finally, KMKY, kink might have something to do with why this woman hasnât opened up to you about other parts of her life. Some kinky people prefer play partners who donât know the mundane details of their everyday livesâfor some, being known only as a Dom or a sub or an AB or an LG or a no recip oral cum dump latex gimp makes it easier to step into their fantasy role. If thatâs the case with this woman, KMKY, knowing you know what you know about herâand learning how you came to know itâmight wind up disqualifying as a friend and ruining you as a play partner.
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