Shane MacGowan drinks Michelob Light, the Strokes substitute bad lounge singing for their glaring lack of chops, and Glenn Danzig is a vegan. Okay, okay, maybe you knew about the first one, and the second one is no shocker, but the vegan thing was a surprise, right? It definitely made us wonder what other wild cards the man who wrote "Skulls," "Archangel," and "Twist of Cain" is hiding in his... er... leather vest. So in the spirit of Pope and Dryden, we asked Glenn Danzig to answer Vanity Fair's most recent "Proust Questionnaire," after injecting it with a little r 'n' r (which, for the record, isn't stealing--it's satire). What we found out? Everyone he's had sex with is "special"; Glenn plans to move because his neighborhood's gone to hell; and he will "kill" somebody at his current label--if they don't send him a copy of this interview. Oh yeah, and Rick Rubin's a "scumbag." But according to Glenn, everybody knows that....

What is your most uncharacteristic extravagance?

[Giggles.] I like candy! Jujubes, Russell Stover, Godiva, everything!

What's the biggest lie you ever told a record label?

I never lied to a record label.

What's the biggest lie they ever told you?

Ah, "You're going to make lots of money." [Laughs.] If you get an advance on an album, pretty much that's the last time you're gonna see money; I don't care how many records you sell. That was the big crux of my lawsuit with Rick.

Rick Rubin?

Rick "The Scumbag" Rubin. There will never be an exposé on him in a big magazine like Rolling Stone, because they suck his dick. If you don't believe me about Rick Rubin, go ask the Beastie Boys. Go ask Lords of Acid. Go ask the Black Crowes. He's a thief! I understand he has to make money, but if a band sells records you need to be paying them some royalties--especially the songwriter.

This is kind of embarrassing to ask, but what or whom was the greatest sex of your life? You could say yourself.

I don't even know how to answer that. I couldn't pinpoint just one person. It's not that I don't want to name names--I don't care about that. It's just that everyone is unique, and to say one was better than another, it's not fair. Their uniqueness makes them all special.

What substance makes you happiest? You could answer "the air" or "Jujubes"...

Cold sake.

If you could change one thing about the music scene, what would it be?

I would tell you, "Get rid of all the posers," but they just make the real bands look better. Maybe less assholes. What can I say?

If you could change one thing about your home, what would it be?

Oh, geez, that's easy. I'd relocate to a different area. I live in a neighborhood that was nice when I first moved there, and now it's changed.

Most treasured comic book?

That's tough! One of my favorite comic books has this kid holding a radioisotope he found in a field, and his face is melting and all his skin is dripping off and his bones are showing.

What qualities do you most like, and dislike, in a roadie?

That's an oxymoron, because roadies have no qualities! [Laughs.] That's how they can do the most disgusting things in the world to the people they get on the bus with. Maybe that's their quality--their lack of qualities.

Favorite character in literature?

Satan. He's in everything.

Least rock 'n' roll moment?

It was my least rock 'n' roll moment, but I think for the people involved, it was their most: Signing a baby's diaper.

What would you like to have written on your tombstone?

"Fuck the world."