MONDAY, JULY 11 This week of righteous murderers, psychotic senators, and fatally shattered dreams got off to a relatively benign start today with an eyewitness report from Hot Tipper Eric, who was hanging out on a friend's balcony overlooking Broadway and Harrison Street when his eyes caught a "crusty young homeless man" sitting on the pavement and masturbating his dog. "All the while he was repeating, 'You're a mangy dog' and 'Good boy,'" writes Eric, adding that today's public dog-wank made him long for even the most hideous instance of public grooming. Eric's wariness is shared by Last Days, who filed today's interspecies yuck report with the comforting presumption that at least we probably wouldn't have to deal with any more reports of contemporary bestiality this week. But as Friday will make clear, God loves to obliterate expectations.

TUESDAY, JULY 12 Today brought two tales of deep conviction inside dangerous psychos. Psycho #1: Mohammed Bouyeri, the 27-year-old Dutch-Moroccan on trial for the murder of Dutch filmmaker Theo Van Gogh, whose Islam-critiquing short film Submission is believed by prosecutors to have inspired the Islam-embracing Bouyeri to shoot Van Gogh 15 times, stab him repeatedly, and slit his throat on a public street in broad daylight. Following today's closing arguments, the Agence France-Presse reports, Bouyeri was given the chance to make a final statement, an opportunity the Islamic militant seized with gusto. "I take complete responsibility for my actions," Bouyeri told the court. "I acted purely in the name of my religion... I can assure you that one day, should I be set free, I would do exactly the same." Additional shit was heaped on the victim's mother: "I have to admit I do not feel for you," said Bouyeri to Theo Van Gogh's mother, Anneke. "I cannot feel for you... because I believe you are an infidel." Prosecutors are seeking life imprisonment for the scruple-free Muslim, who'll receive his verdict on July 26.

Psycho #2: Rick Santorum, the Pennsylvania senator and conservative Catholic spokesmodel who today stood by his statements connecting Boston's "liberalism" with the Catholic pedophile scandal, crediting the city's "sexual freedom" with nurturing an environment where child sex abuse would occur. Never mind the self-serving logic by which the senator exonerates priests and incriminates some vague cloud of "liberalism," or the eerily direct line Santorum draws between "sexual freedom" and the criminal sexual abuse of children (exactly what urges does Catholicism help you keep in check, Rick?); as the Boston Globe makes clear, today's Santorum statements weren't designed to elucidate but to reiterate: "The basic liberal attitude in [Boston] has an impact on people's behavior," insisted Santorum during an interview today at the Capitol. "If you have a world view... that affirms alternative views of sexuality, that can lead to a lot of people taking it the wrong way." In perfectly fitting further news, recent polls find the functionally retarded Santorum—who'll vie for a third senate term next year—trailing his presumptive Democratic contender by double digits.

WEDNESDAY, JULY 13 Speaking of tweaked Catholics: Today the London Times reported the hot new beef between Pope Benedict XVI and Harry Potter. On the eve of the release of the internationally awaited Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince, the pope came out swinging against J. K. Rowling's imaginary universe, writing and permitting the release of two papal letters condemning the Harry Potter books as "subtle seductions" capable of corrupting young Christians. Meanwhile in Vancouver, WA one young boy managed to parley Rowling's "subtle seductions" into a prizewinning reason to live. The Associated Press offers details on the triumphant saga of James Traver, the 11-year-old foster kid selected as one of 10 winners in a national "Why I Love Reading Harry Potter" essay contest. "When I'm reading Harry Potter, I forget about all my worries," James wrote. "Like about why I'm in foster care and how I'm going to save up to buy the next Harry Potter book." Heartbreaking, yes, but for now James Traver's all set, with his essay winning him $750, a copy of the new Harry Potter book, and trips (along with his foster dad) to New York and London.

THURSDAY, JULY 14 Speaking of London: Today brought the one-week anniversary of the city's deadly suicide bombings, commemorated with two minutes of international silence and a wonderfully strong and succinct Trafalgar Square address by London Mayor Ken Livingstone.

FRIDAY, JULY 15 There's no easy way to say it: Today brings the story of the Seattle man who was fucked to death by an Enumclaw horse. This intricately twisted saga first burst out of the bestial underground into mainstream existence back on July 2, when a 45-year-old Seattle man was dropped off at the Enumclaw Community Hospital, where he was soon pronounced dead from injuries sustained while having sex with a horse. This collection of facts formed the core of today's Seattle Times report, which put the sickening scandal on the cultural map, and positioned Times writer Jennifer Sullivan as Horsegate's own Bob Woodward. Tomorrow Sullivan will continue her quest for the Pulitzer of Ick with a mind-bending follow-up report. Among the revelations: The Seattle man's specific cause of death was acute peritonitis (inflammation of the membrane that lines the abdomen) due to perforation of the colon; police believe the 40-acre farm northwest of Enumclaw was visited by "a significant number of people" who met over the internet and longed to fuck livestock; and, perhaps worst of all, a whole bunch of the interspecial fucking was caught on film, with authorities seizing hundreds of hours of videotape from the farm, including footage of men having sex with horses, and yes, including footage of the Seattle man getting fatally banged. Extra weird twist: Washington is one of 17 states that don't outlaw bestiality, leaving police with diminished prosecution options and inspiring the U.S. Humane Society to use the case during the next state legislative session as a prod for outlawing sex with animals in Washington. As for the true victims in this story—the fatally horse-fucked man's family—the man's relatives told the Times they never suspected he was involved in bestiality, and admitted they were surprised when he purchased a Thoroughbred stallion earlier this year.

SATURDAY, JULY 16 Speaking of revolting injections: Today the Associated Press shared the saga of Stephanie McMullen, the 29-year-old mother and former pediatric nurse in Delaware arrested and charged with assault and reckless endangerment after allegedly injecting feces into the bloodstream of her 22-month-old son.

•• Speaking of hideous child abuse: The AP also offered the story of Mark Downs Jr., the 27-year-old T-ball coach in Pennsylvania who was arrested after allegedly paying one of his players $25 to hit an 8-year-old mentally disabled teammate in the head with a baseball, knocking the injured kid out of the competition and allowing the team to skirt the league rule requiring each player, no matter how good, bad, or mentally disabled, to participate in at least three innings a game. For his horrifically poor sportsmanship, Coach Downs faces charges of criminal solicitation to commit aggravated assault and corruption of minors.

SUNDAY, JULY 17 The week ends with a brief update on the ongoing horror in Iraq, which yesterday reached some sort of suicide-bomb saturation, with four exploding insurgents killing at least 63 people and injuring hundreds of others.

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