Please don't tell, but I took that Crock-Pot and those two sweaters I got for Christmas back to JCPenney. Then I took the cash and bought the brand-new Kimberly Kane DVD, Triple Ecstasy (Vivid Alt, 2007). I first saw Kane in Belladonna's My Ass Is Haunted. She's this crazy-pretty lanky blonde with natural tits who does this amazing girl-girl scene featuring a giant pink strap-on and a girl named Julie Night. While Night loudly oohs and aahs her way through the entire scene, Kane remains spookily silent. She has these giant eyes and raw intensity that commands attention without her ever making a peep. She's cool as a cucumber, one of the Real Girls. Haunted is hardcore ass worship, but Triple Ecstasy is more of a mashup, an "alt porn" in the best sense of the term—whip-smart editing, punk music, and raunchy, believable sex. Oh, and it also features some of the best of the Real Girls—the Vivid Alt girls—such as Kane, Charlotte Stokely, and redheaded terror Audrey Hollander. You should really watch the preview at Even the preview is more fun than that Crock-Pot could ever be. KELLY O