In the September 18 issue of The Stranger, our science columnist asserted that helium has eight outer electrons. It has two. We regret the error.

The February 14 issue of The Stranger referred to Seattle resident Tae Rhee as a "woman." In fact, Tae Rhee is a man. We regret the error.

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On a related note, Tae Rhee was mentioned in the February 14 issue because he had nominated Jarred Grimes to be Seattle's Sexiest Drummer for our annual Valentine's Day cavalcade of sexiness. Unfortunately, the printed text read "Seattle's Sexist Drummer." We regret the error.

Dominic Holden, news reporter at The Stranger, regrets that in an attempt to spell out the word "brassiere" in a Slog post, he mistakenly spelled it "brazier," which actually means "barbecue." He further regrets that upon trying to amend his error, he spelled it "brassier," which, if anything, means "more brassy." Holden recognizes that, as a homosexual, he should avoid subjects related to women's undergarments.

Charles Mudede, associate editor of The Stranger, regrets that his pretty daughter did not get a chance to be a gore-and-blood-splattered Michelle Obama in The Stranger's Halloween issue because the idea was scrapped at the last minute due to the strenuous objections of just about everyone on the third floor.

Dan Savage, the editorial director of The Stranger, does not regret a single word he wrote in the wake of Proposition 8. He does regret the dismal state of reading comprehension today, as evidenced by the confused reaction to some of what he wrote. Mr. Savage would like to state for the record: "Your inability to read isn't evidence that I'm racist."

Jen Graves, The Stranger's art critic, regrets that sometimes she does not understand certain things about certain things. Specifically she regrets the time on April 3 when she got into a big fight with a Slog commenter about the words "sphere," "disc," "convex," "hollow," "tube," and "section," because it is not that she does not know the meaning of those words, it is just that she was having a very bad morning. And was wrong.

Paul Constant, books editor of The Stranger, regrets telling Mr. T's publicists that he might be interested in reviewing the new Mr. T comic for The Stranger's book section. The e-mails will never stop.

The Stranger news staff regrets that neighborhood meetings do not have open bars.

With a May 1 review of the delicious Columbia City restaurant Island Soul, The Stranger ran a photograph of food from a Belltown restaurant named Casuelita's instead. The Stranger regrets everything except for Island Soul's delicious food.

In his Last Days column of September 4, associate editor David Schmader mistakenly led readers to believe that a horrific high-school hazing incident (allegedly featuring anal rape with a broomstick) occurred in Las Vegas, Nevada, instead of in Las Vegas, New Mexico. We regret the error.

Stranger photographer and multimedia queen Kelly O regrets saying in print that a video interview with Amanda Palmer of the Dresden Dolls would be on The Stranger's Video page. That was a lie. It's still sitting on her computer, unedited, along with more unedited footage of Battles and Dan Deacon from Bumbershoot, two How Was It? segments about HUMP! 4 and Gay Bingo, and one hilarious trip to a Renaissance Faire in Gig Harbor.

Bethany Jean Clement, Stranger restaurant reviewer, regrets each and every time a waitperson has inquired whether she is still "working on that."

On November 11 on Line Out, The Stranger's music blog, music staffer Dave Segal misidentified Zach Hill as the drummer for Marnie Stern in a show review. The actual drummer was Jim Sykes. We regret the error.

Managing editor Bethany Jean Clement regrets saying "The copy editors have been doing a really good job lately" last Wednesday, an instant jinx that caused last Thursday's cover to read "P. 65" under "MERYL STREEP'S FACE/AN APPRECIATION/BY CHRISTOPHER FRIZZELLE" when that piece was on page 67.

The Stranger regrets hipsters' tight, tight pants and hopes enough blood is making it to their feet.

Stranger staffer Lindy West regrets that after her review of the lunch buffet at Lake City's Déjà Vu Showgirls, they shut down the lunch buffet forever, causing angry strip-club lunch enthusiasts on the 206proof.com message board to declare Lindy West to be "toast" and then to post a picture of toast. However, Lindy West does not regret writing the phrase "thousands of beautiful tater tots and three ugly ones."

Stranger associate editor Charles Mudede regrets meeting Rostam Batmanglij, the keyboardist for Vampire Weekend. Mr. Batmanglij dragged Mr. Mudede into a heated argument about why the third tower ("building seven") collapsed on 9/11. Because Mr. Mudede's knowledge was limited to the two buildings that fell on that terrible day, he was ill prepared to defend himself against Mr. Batmanglij's ferocious attacks on his experience, intelligence, and character. Mr. Mudede also regrets returning Mr. Batmanglij's iPhone to him after he left it in a cab they shared. Mr. Mudede wishes he had taken the prone iPhone home, extracted all the numbers, messages, and pictures, and posted them on the web.

Dan Savage, editorial director of The Stranger, deeply regrets his failure to meet former senator Rick Santorum (R-PA) at the Republican National Convention in Minneapolis. Mr. Savage very much wanted to get his picture taken with Senator Santorum. Mr. Savage also regrets not purchasing this totally cool chair from a Masonic lodge that he saw in an antique shop around the corner from the site of the Republican National Convention.

Regarding "Hell Houses," in the October 30 issue, The Stranger does not regret publishing the addresses of houses on the Eastside displaying McCain and Palin yard signs—not even after the death threats and interminable hours spent talking to willfully obtuse right-wing radio hosts. The Stranger only regrets that people are fucking crazy.

Stranger news reporter Dominic Holden regrets that the Republican candidate for lieutenant governor, Marcia McCraw, who is a strange bird, failed to oust the Democratic incumbent Brad Owen, who is a douche-nozzle.

Eric Grandy, the music editor of The Stranger, regrets his overuse of the words "twee" and "Balearic."

Christopher Frizzelle, the editor of The Stranger, regrets music editor Eric Grandy's overuse of the word "titular," and furthermore regrets that when Mr. Frizzelle dialed Mr. Grandy's extension to ask if he could add "titular" to the previous item, Mr. Grandy replied, "But I love that word."

David Schmader, associate editor of The Stranger, regrets people lost jobs and friends over their perfectly legal support for California's Proposition 8. Nevertheless, actions (such as voting to deprive a minority group of equal rights) have consequences (such as people avoiding your restaurant/theater/state because of your support for depriving a minority group of equal rights). Moreover, Mr. Schmader regrets the inability of countless self-victimizing religious conservatives to understand that being deprived of the ability to oppress another is not the same as being oppressed.

On June 4, Brendan Kiley posted this ad on The Stranger's classifieds page: "Wanted: Intern for The Stranger's Theater Section—the old one has lost consciousness. Must be reliable (seriously, no flakes), available on Monday and/or Tuesday afternoons, and believe mindless data entry is a means to getting head." That should have read: "a means to getting ahead." We regret the error, which confirmed everyone's suspicions about us.

In the readings calendar for the week of March 24, Stranger books editor Paul Constant confused hacky author of novels inspired by old paintings Susan Vreeland (Girl in Hyacinth Blue) with hacky author of novels inspired by old paintings Tracy Chevalier (Girl with a Pearl Earring). We kind of regret the error.

Stranger news writer Jonah Spangenthal-Lee's June 5 story "Co-op Clash" contained a subhead that implied the Apex Co-op is Seattle's oldest co-op, which it is not. We regret the error.

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Drunk of the Week columnist Kelly O regrets having that all-night boozer with garage rockers King Khan and Shrines, because the next day she slept through a scheduled phone interview with Jay Reatard and Khan got himself banned from ever playing live again on KEXP.

Stranger music editor Eric Grandy regrets not giving enough coverage to the Microphones and Of Montreal in 2008.

Bethany Jean Clement, The Stranger's managing editor, regrets that she does not live within walking distance of Ocho in Ballard and the 9 Lb. Hammer in Georgetown, and that Skillet does not park directly in front of her mouth every day.

Dan Savage, editorial director of The Stranger, regrets that he didn't put his foot down on election night. The article "Day of Reckoning" should have come before "Night of Drinkening," and not the other way around. He attributes his failure of nerve to the fact that everyone was yelling at him that night.

The Stranger Election Control Board somewhat regrets calling secretary of state candidate Jason Osgood a "paranoid, sweaty, nervous wreck"—which, given that he was running for public office for the first time, may have been a bit harsh.

In an interview with the star of David Mamet's Redbelt, Chiwetel Ejiofor, published May 8, associate editor Charles Mudede left out an important piece of information: He did not like the film at all. We regret the error.

Jen Graves, The Stranger's art critic, regrets that in her November 20 art review "The Real America," she mistook the Kittitas Valley for the Yakima Valley, which really ate into her credibility on the subject of what is real in America.

News editor Erica C. Barnett regrets that her story about party-betraying Democratic consultant Cathy Allen, "Sleeping with the Enemy," published on October 23—in which Barnett broke the news that Allen was working for "two of the least progressive Republicans in state politics"—ran just one week after Allen introduced Barnett as "the best female journalist in Seattle" at a public forum on women in politics.

Christopher Frizzelle, the editor of The Stranger, regrets that the Strangercrombie go-paragliding-with-the-editor-of-The-Stranger auction item, worth $300 for the paragliding alone, only went for $227.50, thus putting Mr. Frizzelle's personal worth at roughly -$72.50.

Books editor Paul Constant received the notice that Nina Hachigian, author of The Next American Century: How the U.S. Can Thrive as Other Powers Rise, would not be appearing at Town Hall, but he somehow didn't do anything with the information about the cancellation, and then the reading appeared—starred—in the readings calendar anyway. We regret the error.

The Stranger's copyediting department regrets that "eBay" was used as a verb in the December 11 issue.

Jen Graves, the visual art editor of The Stranger, regrets that she did not know how to pronounce "Che" of Che Guevara, and that she tried on several pronunciations, aloud, while giving a talk at Seattle Art Museum.

In his March 27 feature "The [Very] Thin Blue Line," news writer Jonah Spangenthal-Lee stated that 46 officers had been hired away from the Seattle Police Department in 2007. This is in fact not true, as Mr. Spangenthal-Lee failed to account for retirements in his final tally, much to the frustration of SPD Chief Gil Kerlikowske, who called The Stranger's offices to scold him. We regret the error.

Eric Grandy regrets his inability to grow a respectable amount of facial hair, which is pretty much the only reason he doesn't like Fleet Foxes.

Dominic Holden, a staff writer in The Stranger's news department, regrets that the Washington Department of Labor and Industries gave him the inaccurate information—which was then printed—that a construction company in Eastern Washington was convicted of employment fraud when, in fact, the company had not been convicted of anything.

Charles Mudede, associate editor of The Stranger, regrets his preview of a Del the Funky Homosapien show in the August 28 issue. The entire piece did not contain one fresh idea.

Bethany Jean Clement, the managing editor of The Stranger, deeply regrets that the leftovers of the orzo pasta with peppers and crickets made for her in September of this year by the Bug Chef (a chef who cooks bugs, not a chef who is a bug) still dwell within the refrigerator in the editorial offices of The Stranger after being roundly rejected by the editorial staff.

Kelly O regrets not properly explaining the August 14 Drunk of the Week about "Richard Swimming Eagle." It was not her intent to offend or stereotype Native Americans.

Dave Segal regrets squandering 16 months of his life covering the "music scene" in Orange County.

Stranger news writer Jonah Spangenthal-Lee regrets not doing more to make the Slog fantasy football league interesting, but it got really boring and obnoxious for a bunch of different reasons.

Dan Savage, editorial director of The Stranger, was on Anderson Cooper 360º in November. Mr. Savage was in the studio with Mr. Cooper, seated at a desk, and the program was broadcast live. Mr. Savage regrets not seizing the opportunity to lean over the table—or crawl over it (it was a big table)—and plant a kiss on Mr. Cooper. Mr. Savage believes this act would have forever put an end to speculation about his sexuality—Mr. Savage's sexuality, not Mr. Cooper's sexuality. Mr. Savage is, despite rumors to the contrary, 100 percent homosexual.

Megan Seling, the editor of Line Out, regrets that the Pleasureboaters broke up. Bastards.

Stranger film editor Lindy West kind of regrets writing that a baby sloth "looks like if Trig Palin and Jim Henson's Creature Shop came out the wrong end of that teleportation machine in The Fly." But mostly, Ms. West just regrets that the baby sloth looked so much like Trig Palin. Blame the baby sloth, not Lindy West.

Stranger associate editor Charles Mudede regrets that so many beautiful women have seen his ugly body.

The Stranger regrets the loss of Marti Jonjak, the greatest intern in Stranger history. (Sorry, Robin Pecknold! Also, Marti's not dead, she's just doing things besides working for us for free.)

David Schmader, associate editor of The Stranger, regrets seeing The Dark Knight in IMAX this year, particularly because he was required to sit in the front row and left the theater with a light case of post-traumatic stress disorder.

Staff writer Dominic Holden regrets posting a video on Slog of an obese woman picking the last meat off of the carcass of a turkey under the headline: "Hope you all had a great Thanksgiving."

Stranger news writer Jonah Spangenthal-Lee regrets that pit-bull owners are so in love with their stupid fucking monster dogs.

The Stranger published a Stranger Suggests item for Tuesday, September 30, recommending that readers go out that night to see the film Mister Foe, which had closed four days earlier. We regret the error, which was no one's fault except Lindy West's.

The play Oprah Winfrey Presents the Color Purple: The Musical About Love regrets its title.

In the June 26 issue of The Stranger, we misspelled the name of jazz singer Sara Gazarek. We regret the error.

The Fremont Bridge does not regret its column in The Stranger of November 13, "Why Not Jump Off of Me?"

On a related note, we already have space on the office wall cleared for our annual letter from the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. (Last year's: "We regret that after reading the nationally recognized media recommendations, The Stranger decided that death by suicide is still a joke....")

The Stranger news team regrets that no one competent, sane, or electable is likely to run against Mayor Greg Nickels in 2009.

Stranger news reporter Jonah Spangenthal-Lee regrets once attempting to pitch a story to Stranger news editor Erica C. Barnett by announcing to her that "There's this tree in Magnolia." He has never lived it down.

While she was interviewing Georgetown Music Festival founder Chris Beno for a story to appear in the June 12 issue of The Stranger, music staffer Megan Seling failed to notice the tape recorder wasn't on. We regret the error.

That guy who climbed into the panda cage for a hug at that zoo in China regrets doing so.

Eric Grandy regrets that McLeod Residence was forced to close its Belltown location, even though he's probably responsible for it somehow.

The birthday cake decorated last week by a Wal-Mart in New Jersey with the name "Adolf Hitler Campbell"—the name of an actual 3-year-old having an actual birthday—regrets the existence of frosting.

Stranger photographer Kelly O regrets that Les Savvy Fav is such a great fucking live band, because it made the streets during Block Party a claustrophobic nightmare.

Dan Savage, editorial director of The Stranger, regrets not having a good explanation for what it is exactly that an editorial director does.

David Schmader, associate editor of The Stranger, regrets telling those rape jokes in front of that noted alterna- feminist author.

Bethany Jean Clement, The Stranger's managing editor, regrets that each week she thinks of at least a half-dozen completely hilarious, unbearably poignant, or startlingly incisive spine lines (the phrase that runs down the left side of The Stranger's cover each week), never writes them down, and then when the time comes cannot recall any of them.

Stranger visual art critic Jen Graves regrets taking seriously the ravings of the uninformed and the partisan in her consideration of whether the artists Lead Pencil Studio ripped off the artist Roy McMakin, because anybody who bothered to look into it knew damn well they did not.

Staff writer Eli Sanders regrets doubting Christine Gregoire. She won, while Eli Sanders, despite all his "expertise," has never won anything.

Jen Graves, The Stranger's visual art editor, regrets sending her unpaid intern to go look at an imaginary sloth bear in the freezing rain.

Guided by Voices regret that they will be unable to play Seattle until the WSLCB makes it legal for them to once again drink a trash can full of beer and liquor onstage.

In the November 20 issue of The Stranger, Jonah Spangenthal-Lee inadvertently misspelled Mosaic Community Church pastor Jady Griffin's name. Mr. Spangenthal-Lee, who knows a thing or two about misspelled names, regrets the error.

After asking a server whether the kitchen was still open at Smith on Capitol Hill and receiving the curt non-answer "What time is it?" Bethany Jean Clement deeply regrets failing to say, "What do I look like, Big Ben?"

Stranger staff writer Dave Segal regrets the certain profusion of earnest, well-meaning hiphop artists sampling Barack Obama's speeches for the next four years.

Film editor Lindy West regrets posting a photo of her possibly conjunctivitis- ridden eyeball on Slog, The Stranger's blog, thereby encouraging a still-continuing onslaught of comments such as, "Did you get some cum in your eye?" and "So, Lindy, do you still have cum in your eye or what?" and "Lindy, I would please like to rub my penis against your eye."

Dan Savage, the internationally syndicated sex-advice columnist, regrets that he has but one life to give for his country.

Stranger music editor Eric Grandy regrets that, after all the work put into coverage of this year's Sasquatch! Festival, he failed to get there in time to see Beirut, the band he was most excited to see, because he hadn't checked the schedule. He also regrets the Taco Del Mar burrito he ate on the drive.

Stranger associate editor Charles Mudede regrets that his proposal to write a long feature on the functions, marvels, and workings of the human brain was soundly rejected by The Stranger's editor, Christopher Frizzelle. Mr. Mudede, however, has not lost hope. He thinks about the brain all of the time. He wants the world to know what he knows about the brain. He has the brain on his mind and his mind on the brain.

Eli Sanders, The Stranger's senior staff writer, regrets that in May, on an airplane headed toward a Hillary Clinton rally in Medford, Oregon, he sat next to a man who told Mr. Sanders he would not give up his suspicions about Barack Obama's Muslim leanings until he heard Obama say, "Jesus Christ is Lord." Mr. Sanders further regrets that the man announced he would be speaking to God about Eli Sanders that night while in bed.

Music staff writer Dave Segal regrets not covering any drum 'n' bass events since he returned to The Stranger in August. He further regrets that he hasn't heard any exciting drum 'n' bass tracks since 1999.

Eric Grandy, the music editor of The Stranger, regrets not keeping the TacocaT "feud" up long enough for a song to come out of it.

People who just want to go out to Emerald City Soul Club and dance and have a good time and not get into any fights regret the existence of skinheads.

Stranger photographer Kelly O regrets letting Stranger editorial director Dan Savage tell everyone on Slog how she didn't come home one night when they were at the 2008 porn convention in Las Vegas, because within minutes of the post her mom called to tell her she was worried, followed promptly by a phone call from her brother telling her to quit being "a slut."

John McCain regrets that all that torture ultimately only resulted in a senatorial seat in Arizona and a frigid, wealthy wife.

Stranger film editor Lindy West regrets drunkenly telling erstwhile Stranger managing editor Brad Steinbacher that he should call his backpack his "Steinbachpach."

Eli Sanders, The Stranger's senior staff writer, regrets the people who called him arrogant, condescending, and snivelingly contemptuous for the way in which he criticized University of Washington's Daily editor Sarah Jeglum. These uneducated people, full of misdirected fury that must trace directly back to the smallness of their pitiful lives, are, in fact, beneath contempt, and Eli Sanders would never waste his time sniveling at them, contemptuously or otherwise.

Dan Savage, author of the internationally syndicated sex-advice column Savage Love and host of the Savage Lovecast, regrets using the phrase "that's retarded" in his column and on his podcast when what he meant was "that's stupid." Using "retard" in that manner is, like, so totally gay.

In the readings calendar, for months and months of 2008, books editor Paul Constant inadvertently listed the Seattle Poetry Slam as happening in the wrong place at the wrong time. The Stranger regrets poetry slams.

The writers and editors of The Stranger regret that the only pens available in the office are shitty ballpoint ones. It is a further affront to have to ask the office manager for each and every one of those shitty pens.

Stranger news staffer Dominic Holden regrets erroneously writing that a protest of the Westboro Baptist Church in early December was to take place in Vancouver, Washington. It was, rather, in Longview, Washington. Mr. Holden was drunk on the blood of Christ at the time.

Stranger food critic Bethany Jean Clement regrets the persistence of pork belly as a menu item. It is not that good.

David Schmader, associate editor of The Stranger, regrets talking shit about TV on the Radio just because he didn't like Return to Cookie Mountain as much as everyone else, especially since Dear Science is so deeply good that it made him reevaluate all previous TVOTR output and conclude he was a shit-talking fool.

Stranger books editor Paul Constant regrets that Jonathan Evison's December 11 reading at Third Place Books didn't make it into the readings calendar, because he loved Evison's novel All About Lulu, and also because the reading featured something called an "Appalachian wedding buffet."

Jen Graves, The Stranger's visual art editor, regrets that she is not a fucking physicist, so please stop yelling at her about the definition of the quite confusing word "quantum." Also please stop making references to how she watches Quantum Leap because she does not.

Stranger news writer Jonah Spangenthal-Lee's November 27 story "Repeat Offender" implied that a King County sheriff's sergeant had been demoted and transferred to Marysville. In fact, Mr. Spangenthal-Lee believes he meant Maple Valley, which is, unlike Marysville, actually in King County. We regret Mr. Spangenthal-Lee's error as well as his continued ignorance of and hostility toward the suburbs.

Stranger political staff writer Eli Sanders regrets not noticing that the Ron Paul Revolution was HAPPENING NOW. He further regrets not taking Ron Paul's financial advice (invest in gold bricks), because that was the rightest thing Ron Paul ever said.

Everyone regrets that the Washington State Liquor Control Board, which busted Beacon Hill's Culinary Communion in April for the lawless drinking of chardonnay by young urban professionals during cooking classes, can't find better things to do with its time.

David Schmader, associate editor of The Stranger, regrets once again his failure to successfully interview Stephin Merritt. That man is just impossible.

Stranger news reporter Dominic Holden regrets a headline for an article about renters living for free in a foreclosed house that implied all renters are benefiting from the home-foreclosure crisis. Most renters living in foreclosed houses are screwed.

Music staff writer Dave Segal regrets that he can't read the type on most CDs without the help of a magnifying glass.

Managing editor Bethany Jean Clement regrets that her description of the matronly hostess at the Bohemian in West Seattle ("Her glasses are gold-tone with deluxe ornamentation at the temples; her bangs are prodigiously puffy....") may have been interpreted as negative. This woman's style is unstoppably awesome.

Stranger books editor Paul Constant, who oversees the readings calendar, really regrets that he didn't include the March 27 appearance by Drew Friedman at the Fantagraphics Bookstore, as Friedman's book Old Jewish Comedians is one of the creepy-funniest books he's ever read, and he is always looking at Friedman's portrait of Milton Berle in terror and awe.

Staff writer Eli Sanders regrets that before this year he had never gazed upon the handsome visage of Beau Biden, nor had he heard the equally handsome phrase, banana fanna fo Biden.

Dan Savage, author of the internationally syndicated sex-advice column Savage Love, frequently travels to college campuses to give talks about human sexuality. Mr. Savage was scheduled to give one of these talks two days after his mother died. Mr. Savage went through with the talk and spoke of his mother in the present tense when asked about his family during the Q&A. Mr. Savage did this, he claimed at the time, because it was so soon after her death and he was afraid that he would burst into tears if he spoke of his mother in the past tense. But Mr. Savage, nearly nine months after his mother's death, frequently speaks of his mother in the present tense. Mr. Savage regrets that, technically speaking, it is and always will be grammatically incorrect to speak of his mother in the present tense.

The Daily Weekly regrets Slog.

Stranger staffer Paul Constant regrets that, in the months since he mentioned his 37 chest hairs in an essay about masculinity published in the May 8 issue of The Stranger, the number of hairs on his chest has diminished by nearly a third.

Drunk of the Week columnist Kelly O regrets being probably the only person on Capitol Hill who never got a blowjob in the bathroom of Seattle's now-closed-best-gay-bar-ever Pony.

Staff writer Eli Sanders regrets that Barack Obama never texts him anymore now that the election is over.

The "peace movement" in Seattle regrets that its members were so idiotic as to equate a sculpture of a fighter jet with a fighter jet. The sculpture, proposed by Mike Ross for the future Capitol Hill light-rail station, does not regret its eventual triumph over these idiots.

David Schmader, associate editor of The Stranger, regrets that the word count for his March 6 review of the "cozy comedy" Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day was too short to allow discussion of the screening's freakish preshow "swag giveaway" competition, conducted by a lady radio-show host and featuring a dozen female audience members who were required to go to the restroom and come back with their bras on the outside of their clothes.

Lindy West, The Stranger's film editor, regrets not spending more time and energy hyping the absolutely great Frank & Cindy when it played at Seattle's True Independent Film Festival.

Stranger art critic Jen Graves regrets that she did not admit that part of the reason she did not like the bouncy-house art at Western Bridge is that she cannot jump up and down due to a bladder situation.

Bethany Jean Clement, the managing editor of The Stranger, regrets never getting around to photographing and sharing on Slog the Limited Convention Edition of Kraft Macaroni & Cheese she received after the Republican National Convention. The cartoon elephant depicted on it has the evil-eye glint of a mass murderer.

Stranger staff critic Paul Constant regrets having to watch the following movies as part of his job this year: The Day the Earth Stood Still, Punisher: War Zone, Twilight, Villa Jasmin, RocknRolla, Zach and Miri Make a Porno, Choke, Hellride, and Hancock. The only play he regrets seeing this year is Bullshot Crummond. There is probably a moral in there about the entertainment value of theater versus film, but Constant is too busy masturbating to the DVD of The Rundown to finish this thought.

Seattle sports fans regret the 2007–2008 season.

Stranger photographer Kelly O regrets that the internet wouldn't work at Sasquatch! leaving her with not much else to do but drink a whole bottle of Blueberry Smirnoff, which led to her loudly playing Deep Purple songs over and over on a kazoo in the cramped Stranger RV until she passed out, whereupon she began snoring loudly and accidentally spooning a coworker.

Dave Segal regrets Monday nights.

Stranger visual art critic Jen Graves regrets that Seattle P-I art critic Regina Hackett does not understand the role of A in Q&A.

Drunk of the Week columnist Kelly O regrets giving two juggalos, in full clown makeup, too much Rize Energy Malt Beverage at former Stranger staffer Ari Spool's apartment, because they went nutballs-crazy when she asked them if she could use the photos in Drunk of the Week and tore the claw-foot bathtub plumbing off the wall, subsequently flooding Spool's apartment with a lethal orange-water-and-Rize combo.

Stranger news writer Jonah Spangenthal-Lee regrets trying to grow a beard and, furthermore, that no one tried to stop him.

Stranger news reporter Dominic Holden regrets blaming the May shooting at Folklife on the nearby performance of Estonian Folk Dancers. In hindsight, it was probably that troupe of Flemish throat singers who coaxed the crowd to mayhem.

Managing editor Bethany Jean Clement regrets saying to a certain production staffer, within earshot of at least a half-dozen people, "You've got a hot body—you don't need a brain!" Such remarks only contribute to the already bountiful unsafeness of the work environment at The Stranger.

Staff writer Eli Sanders regrets that the organizers of the Bill Richardson Pool Party at the Democratic National Convention did not follow through on their implied promise of delivering unto Eli Sanders's eyes the sight of Bill Richardson in a swimsuit.

Seattle Art Museum should regret turning down the amazing traveling show WACK! Art and the Feminist Revolution—which went to Vancouver Art Gallery instead—but Seattle Art Museum is too boring to regret this.

Seattle regrets that Seattle Times' editorial page is a clown car of bad ideas.

Nick Licata regrets his increasing irrelevance on the city council.

Stranger staffer Lindy West regrets that for no apparent reason her cubicle always smells like a rotten foot.

Stranger visual art critic Jen Graves regrets that Frye Art Museum fired one of the few truly big minds at the museum, Yoko Ott. The fact that the museum needed the money is cold comfort.

Stranger news writer Jonah Spangenthal-Lee regrets that former news editor Josh Feit is no longer around to continue vocally regretting breaking up with Andrea Kao to go out with Sharon Lean in the 11th grade.

The September 18 Back to School issue of The Stranger included the advice-offering header "What to Do if You Have Something Rashy and/or Puss Filled Down There." Obviously, it should have read, "pus filled." We can't imagine anything being "puss filled."

In the January 3 issue of The Stranger, Charles Mudede wrote this sentence: "The unveiling happened on November 12, 1912, exactly 40 years after the earliest known photograph of Belltown was taken by Carleton Watkins in 1882." Obviously this math makes no sense. We regret the error.

In the January 10 issue of The Stranger, in the piece "Left Behind" by Eli Sanders, the words "win the Iowa caucuses. On the drive home, the Yale volunteer told me, they were crying" got lost in the flip between pages. We regret that this error made an entire section of the essay incoherent.

In the January 24 issue of The Stranger, the "In Custody" story by Jonah Spangenthal-Lee contained the sentence "Documents, the man (whom The Stranger is not identifying, because he has not been charged) has an extensive rap sheet stretching from Florida to Seattle." We regret all the drugs our copy editors must be doing.

In the June 12 issue of The Stranger, Megan Seling wrote that the Lashes performance at the Georgetown Music Fest was their "first Seattle performance of '08." This wasn't true at all. We regret Megan Seling.

In the August 28 issue of The Stranger, in the Bumbershoot guide, the bottom of a Q&A with Nick Thune was cut off. This was devastating, because it was the most entertaining part of the piece. It should have read: "Q: Aside from the shelved pilot and the baboon attack, your career seems to be zipping along most promisingly. Has Scientology come calling? A: Scientology hasn't gotten me. To be honest, sometimes it feels like they don't even care anymore."

In the June 26 issue of The Stranger, in a review of WALL•E, former Stranger film editor Annie Wagner described WALL•E's insect friend as "a beetle." In fact, WALL•E's friend is a cockroach—crucial to the joke about what beings (cockroaches) and foodstuffs (Twinkies) might survive an apocalypse. Ms. Wagner was under the misapprehension that the cockroach (of the order Blattaria) was a variety of beetle (order Coleoptera), and not having room to explain the survival joke, she decided that "beetle" sounded cuter than "cockroach." We regret the error. Beetles and cockroaches don't even share a superorder.

In the July 17 issue of The Stranger, Bethany Jean Clement called Bill Taylor of Taylor Shellfish Farms "marvelously jovial." It is Bill Whitbeck of Taylor Shellfish Farms who is marvelously jovial; Mr. Taylor is reportedly rather subdued. We regret the error, and that so many people are named Bill.

In the August 7 issue of The Stranger, the Stranger Election Control Board endorsed Jean Rietschel for a superior court judge position, noting her experience as municipal court commissioner for 12 years. She had no such experience. Rietschel was in fact a municipal court judge. We regret the error.

In the December 4 issue of The Stranger, the Strangercrombie auction offered "Your 101 Dalmatians–Style Valentine's Day." The description read: "Picture it: Valentine's Day, you and your date at West Seattle's Skylark Cafe & Club, delectating in spaghetti and meatballs for two (with salad and a bottle of wine, of course). Will the slurping up of an extra-long noodle lead to a blissful cinematic kiss? One thing is certain: There will be dessert. Then, stay for the bands or, you know, get a room!" Obviously the scene referred to is from Lady and the Tramp, which is a completely different movie. We regret the error.

Stranger copy chief Gillian Anderson regrets that Heath Ledger died, because he was talented and hot.

Anthony Hecht regrets not having some half-decent beer in the house the day that, owing to a power outage at the office, The Stranger was published from his living room.

Stranger editor Christopher Frizzelle regrets editing the first draft of Grant Gogswell's June 5 essay about the making of Mr. Cogswell's film Cthulhu with a pen, and then forcing Mr. Cogswell, who was homeless at the time and living with friends in California, to drive all over the town he was in looking for a Kinko's with a fax machine so that Mr. Frizzelle didn't have to write out his notes again in an e-mail, which seemed like a big pain at the time, though probably less of a pain than finding a car to find a Kinko's when you're homeless.

Stranger arts editor Brendan Kiley's biggest regret of 2008 is letting the best story of the Republican National Convention slip past him. The long version: While covering the convention, Kiley stayed with a friend of a friend, a military retiree and cop-in-training who lives in a tough neighborhood. The morning after he landed, Kiley walked to a coffee shop on the end of the block. Inside the coffee shop: Formica tabletops; linoleum floors; a Sopranos pinball game; a pile of obsolete PCs in the back; a pretty young waitress (28?) and her young son (9?), who was messily eating breakfast from a restaurant takeout box; and a pale, chubby guy in his late 40s with a baseball cap, red-rimmed eyes, and a case of the sniffles. He wasn't ordering anything. He was just there, talking to the waitress in a flirty way, like they didn't know each other well but shared some bond, a neighborhood solidarity or something. "Hey, eh," The Guy said and sniffed, "you want extra employment for a couple of days?"
"What kind of employment?"
"A runner job."
Kiley walked up to the counter but The Guy didn't seem to notice.
"A runner job?" she laughed. "I don't run unless somebody's chasing me."
"Not that kind of running," The Guy said, with flirty exasperation. "Say there's a hotel and you take something...." The Guy seemed to notice Mr. Kiley's presence. "Hey, eh, I'll come back later."
It sounded vaguely illicit (and also like a parody—do people still talk that way?) but Kiley didn't think much about it until he saw The Guy again: at a party for the Republican Southern Delegation at a noisy Minneapolis nightclub, where Sammy Hagar was playing a rock concert for a few hundred drunk Republicans. What was The Guy doing there? Mr. Kiley approached him, tried to say hello. The Guy barely looked at him. Suddenly, some other guy—bigger, better dressed, hostile—shoved his body between Mr. Kiley and The Guy.
"He doesn't need anything, he's all right," new guy said.
"I just wanted to—" Kiley said.
"He's fine, get outta here," new guy said.
Mr. Kiley retreated into the crowd, tried to keep his eyes on The Guy—while enjoying elaborate fantasies about taxi chases and hotel rooms, about catching The Guy slipping some cocaine to a senator—but lost him in the crowd. Mr. Kiley spent the rest of the convention looking for The Guy, scanning every party, every bar, every crowd. He returned to the coffee shop daily, looking for The Guy. The pretty young waitress had no idea who this Guy might be. Mr. Kiley regrets his failures as a reporter. Stranger news reporter Jonah "Homemade Fuck Palace" Spangenthal-Lee, for example, would have nailed that shit. recommended

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