IT SEEMS LIKE just yesterday that we announced a contest where faithful readers such as yourself could actually win a DVD player and the box set of Alien movies, or a ton of free rentals at Scarecrow, or boxer shorts signed by somebody who claims to be celebrated actor Stacey Keach. If you remember, all you had to do was create a tribute to the Alien series on VHS, make it five minutes or less and really good, and you'd be kicking back with Ripley, those evil corporations, a cuddly cat, and that damn bitch monster -- but letterboxed, with a really clean picture and lots of fun extras. Okay, so maybe it wasn't yesterday, but we've been really busy and we weren't ready for the amount of submissions we got, and those damn solar flares kept crashing our electronic equipment and, well, the technology is gonna be around for a long time, so quit complaining.

Before we get to the winners, let me tell you about some of my favorite runners-up. David P. Alexander sketched some excellent images from the film, fashioned them into paper cut-outs, then videotaped them along with sound from the movie. Though the filmmaking is often clumsy, the concept is inspired. Also employing crude animation was Blake Whitaker, who did a great job moving his action figures through the sets and then killing them off in a bloody mess; however, bad pacing messes up any sense of "drama."

There are two entries that I like because they have absolutely nothing to do with the Alien movies, except maybe metaphorically. Travis Shields' "Alien Personified" is your standard low-budget, suburban gangster tale that turns out to be a bad dream. Even better is Nancy Rinehart's "No Big Tea Pots on Mars," a refreshingly angst-free tale of a doll named Jessica who visits Seattle and Tacoma. What it has to do with the Alien films, I have yet to figure out.

But enough yappin'! We want winners! Third place, and the Stacey Keach boxer shorts, goes to "Aliens II: The Remix" by Angelo Comeaux. In it he samples clips from Aliens, layering pictures upon pictures, summarizing the film. Second place, and 20 rentals from Scarecrow, goes to Brian Wallace's "alien," which brilliantly transposes Alien into Teletubbyland, and might've gotten first place were its execution not so clumsy.

Then again, first place is in a class by itself. Tim Brown's "Alien Dance Remix" opens with the 20th Century Fox logo, moves into the first film's credits, then begins accelerating through the images, basically compressing all four movies into a five-minute piece. Congrats to the winners, and thanks for playing, everybody!