HOW TO GET THE BIGGEST SHOT:
1. Slide a five or 10 spot (depending on what type of establishment you are frequenting: a club = $5, a restaurant or upscale bar = $10) toward the bartender and wait for him/her to ask for your order.
2. Make eye contact and hand the bartender your dough. Say, "This is for you. Can I have two strong [choice of drinks here] please?"
3. Get your drinks, say thank you, and if possible, make eye contact again. Your gratitude will not be forgotten.
4. Don't sexually harass anyone (see "The Six Stages of Sexual Harassment," p. 39).
5. Drink, and repeat. You don't have to spend as much next time, but always tip.
6. Let someone else drive you home.
These simple steps maximize the likelihood that your first round, and every round thereafter, will be heavy on the sauce. It also equates the bartender's first memory of you with $$$$$$$.
And remember! If you're serious about drinking booze, be just as serious about tasting it. For example, don't go expecting a longer pour if you order a vodka cran or a vodka tonic--everyone knows cranberry juice and tonic water were invented to disguise the taste of liquor. Also, ordering less diluted drinks tells the bartender that the size of the shot is what matters to you. Order the booze you choose on the rocks, and any bartender who free pours should reward you with an extra 1/2 shot for your spirit-loving exuberance.