Well, Felix da Housecat has truly arrived: The beloved Chicago house DJ has released a mix disc through the august auspices of Playboy magazine. Playboy: The Mansion Soundtrack is supposedly what Hugh Hefner bumps when he wants to bump uglies with one of his pliant concubines. I know, damn me for putting that heinous image in your minds. Sincerest apologies.

But the reality is really sadder than the above scenario: This disc is the soundtrack to a computer game in which wankers… er, players, can simulate Hef's licentious lifestyle and also dabble in the journalistic duties that go into publishing the most famous one-handed magazine ever. Felix, how could you?

Actually, his Playboy mix is a fairly slamming affair, with 12 Viagra'd house tracks coming hot and heavy over 79 pelvis-thrusting minutes. Starting with a couple of heaving numbers from 2001 by old reliables Armand Van Helden and DJ Sneak, the attentive mixer repeatedly hits aural G-spots like a seasoned pro. Felix isn't pulling out his next-level platters here, but he is providing solid, crowd-pleasing entertainment for the house faithful. Newcomers to his sets who just want to become virtual Hefs before their terminals may get turned on by more than the Playboy bunnies lounging in their lingerie, too--if they can hear the music over their panting.

Playboy props aside, Felix has ascended to a high position on the music-industry food chain. In 2003, Felix was nominated for a Grammy for his remix of Rinôçérôse's "Lost Love." He's also re-rubbed songs by such popular acts as Pet Shop Boys, Madonna, Iggy Pop, Kelly Osbourne, Britney Spears, and the sainted Nina Simone. Sean Combs (né Puff Daddy, now P. Diddy) tapped Felix to produce an album that has yet to see daylight or even the file-trading sites. (My expectations are realistically low for this top-secret project. Combs should stick to acting.)

But you really don't care about all that Entertainment Weekly stuff, do you? You just want to hear Felix bust out some old weird, tribal choons from his Aphrohead days, right? Or maybe you're jonesing for cuts off his 2002 breakthrough disc, Kittenz and thee Glitz, an erratically erotic dalliance with raunchy Swiss chanteuse Miss Kitten that produced the club smash "Silver Screen Shower Scene." Perhaps you want a generous slice of Felix's 2004 opus Devin Dazzle & the Neon Fever, which reflects more song-oriented facets than he typically displays. Just don't be surprised if Felix drops a grip of rock-ish mashups on your shaking asses, as he did during his Chop Suey set last summer.

But I'm hoping Felix dips into his box of riskier wax, as aired on his 2003 mix comp, Bugged Out, a condition all DJs should aspire to create. Right, Hugh? DAVE SEGAL

With DJ Eva and Austin Payne. Fri April 8 at Element, 332 Fifth Ave N, 441-7479, 9 pm-2 am, 21+, $10 before 11 pm, $15 after.

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