"Ours is, in truth, a good system, a superior way of life, a beacon and emblem for others," writes Bennett, "[but] actually saying so can get you in trouble."
There's nothing we here at The Stranger like so much as trouble, so... to celebrate our nation's 226th birthday--and to prove to Bennett that some lefties aren't afraid to say that, yes, America is better!--we made a list of the many things that make American culture superior to that of Saudi Arabia.--Dan Savage
* FREEDOM TO GET BLOTTO
Jesus Christ was a ridiculous lush (don't believe me? Read the New Testament), so it's no wonder that alcohol is so central to American life. This country is, as we all know, overrun with Christians. Alcohol can certainly be destructive, but why shouldn't we be free to self-destruct? Who is freer: the man who lives his life beholden to others, or the man who destroys his life beholden to no one? The fact that we have a choice is one of the things that makes America great. BRADLEY STEINBACHER
* REPRESENTATIONAL ART
As a country, we are free to recreate the human figure in art, and we are also free to do so badly. Don't underestimate the freedom to have poor taste. There's plenty of excellent representational art in the West, but it's the bad art that tells us just how free we are--so free, in fact, that we are free to not know just how badly we do it. EMILY HALL
* REPRODUCTIVE RIGHTS
The best thing about screwing someone in this country is that there's almost no reason to get stuck with a money-guzzling kid afterward. If you want to put some kinda goalie between one night of hot sex and 18 years of hard parenting labor, there's a virtual candy store of birth control options out there. And if these options somehow elude you and you end up with a pregnancy scare, you can use the emergency contraception pill within 72 hours after the deed is done. You can also still choose to have an abortion, even though all the crazy right-wingers would love you to think differently. JENNIFER MAERZ
* ADULTERY
One of the great things about America is that the sin of adultery is not punishable by death. The law has nothing to do with adultery; instead it is a personal matter, something the adulterer must sort out with the individual they cheated on. The worst thing that can happen to an adulterer in our society is divorce. Adulterers in theocratic societies are not so fortunate. CHARLES MUDEDE
* FREEDOM OF/FROM RELIGION
While we here in America are certainly saddled with our share of Bible-thumping wack-jobs, every American heathen has a simple line of defense to thwart efforts to turn dogma into law, a line written over 200 years ago: "Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof...." And though powerful born-again lunatics such as John Ashcroft and George W. Bush currently occupy ridiculously powerful slots in our nation's government, this line holds them at bay. BRADLEY STEINBACHER
* THE CLITORIS
God bless the U. S. of A. Not only are women in this country born with clitorises, but by virtue of living in this great expanse we call America, we get to keep them, adorn them, play with them, and be proud of them. Entertainment brings us to the most important aspect of having an American clit: masturbation. It was practically approved by the Declaration of Independence (the pursuit of happiness). What could be more patriotic than showing your love of the U.S.A.--and the freedom it offers your clit--by giving the ol' clitoris a little love this Fourth of July? AMY JENNIGES
* PORK
As a U.S. citizen, I am able to indulge in pork and pork products with no social/religious stigma. If Americans couldn't eat pigs, our lives would lack BBQ pork, and Virginia ham, and roasted pork loin, and country sausage... and BACON. Think about that. And then think about how fortunate you are right here in the United States of America. MIN LIAO
* PORN
The warped brand of Islamic fundamentalism that turned lower Manhattan into a sea of ashes taps the same virulent disdain for secular Western culture as Attorney General John Ashcroft's brand of Republican fundamentalism. But I wonder what would happen if al Qaeda's hatred for America's secularism were to suddenly sync up with Ashcroft's? What if, for example, Osama's next hit was a suicide bombing at the January 9, 2003 Adult Video Network awards at the Sands Expo Center in Las Vegas? Would George W. Bush and his Republican Party attack al Qaeda for attacking the porn industry--something Ashcroft has also been doing? JOSH FEIT
* OSAMA BIN LADEN TOILET PAPER
Our country's obsession with memorabilia, along with our theme-park-flavored desire to commemorate every significant event/place on a Hanes XL pre-shrunk cotton T-shirt is, hands down, one of the most disgusting aspects of American culture. But consider this: In a way, our collective lack of taste is what makes America great. We're one big crass, dysfunctional family in mourning--coping with unspeakable tragedy with displaced focus and inappropriate humor. We have so much freedom, so much opportunity for commerce, such permissive pop culture, that we get to do whatever the hell we want--even if it's profiting off the most horrible thing ever. MIN LIAO
