Dina Martina
Forget the Osbournes--if there's any celebrity who deserves a reality show, it's local luminary Dina Martina. Hell, I'd pay $20 an episode for voyeuristic privileges into the life of this century's most deviant diva. But until MTV gets wise, I'll be content with little slices of insight such as those below. The Village People are going to have a hard time following her opening act at the Showbox on Thurs June 27.

What did you do a few weeks ago when it was 96 degrees outside? "Well, down here in Las Vegas, it was 101, so my daughter Phoebe and I went out into the desert to catch a few rays. I forgot the sunscreen, but we had brought plenty of Shedd's Spread Country Crock Plus Calcium & Vitamins, so I just used that. Phoebe doesn't like the smell of Shedd's Spread, so she used pop. It didn't work as well."

Speaking of Phoebe, how is that lovely goiter of hers developing? "It fell off quite a while ago, but it has dried up into such a nice paper weight! Phoebe has pinworm now, so we still see a doctor sometimes."

The Village People's most successful year was 1977. What were you doing in 1977? "Well I do shows, you know, so there was that. I used to hang out at Radio Shack a little."

Why Radio Shack, for God's sake?! I hate that place.... "You're being funny, right? 'The Shack' was the place to be in '77. You know, the battery club and stuff. I'm just glad I got all of that out of my system before I settled down and adopted Phoebe."

Which of the Village People do you identify with the most? "The Milkman."

Somehow, I'm not remembering the milkman. What did you find so compelling about him? "Well, I love the idea of there being a man you don't know who leaves cheese outside your door while you sleep. Plus there's all that dairy lore, which is neat."

One of the Village People's big hits was "Macho Man." What makes a man truly macho in your wise eyes? "If he can do some card tricks, then that's nice. He needs to be confident and masculine, yet still able to appreciate a nice dinner at Briazz. You know what? Two words: Nash Bridges."

Interview by Hannah Levin