Conrad Keely
Conrad is the singer, guitarist, and sometime drummer for Austin's And You Will Know Us by the Trail of Dead, an ambitiously noisy punk band whose members have a knack for finding smart melodies under thick-skulled sonic rubble. They recently left Merge Records to ink a deal with Interscope, and will release their third full-length early next year. I recommend donning a crash helmet for their show at the Crocodile on Tuesday, October 30, as it is routine for audience members to get clocked by flying instruments.

Do you have any pets? "I've got a pet eurakha."

What the hell is that? "A eurakha is a relative of the emu and is indigenous to Australia. I have it on my parents' ranch; I've taken care of it ever since I was a kid. But it's really old now; it eats anything--rats, possums, laundry detergent. It's the most disgusting, vile, crotchety old animal."

Oh, that's sad! "We'll probably take it out and shoot it. The original idea was that we were going to eat it one Thanksgiving, but we didn't because I cried too much."

So if Lou Reed, Johnny Cash, and Chuck D were in the front row at your next show... "Chuck D?!! I'd grab Chuck D's hand and pull him up onstage!!"

Wait--so you're in this scenario where you guys are all smashing your equipment like you usually do, shit's flying everywhere, and a crash cymbal is going straight at the heads of these three--Cash, Reed, and D. You have a chance to save one of them from getting his face smashed in. Who would you save? "I can only save one person?"

Yep. "Wait, let me think...." [Bandmates in background yell to save Johnny Cash.] "I guess I would probably just kind of watch to see who it would hit--but I'd probably hope that it wouldn't hit Chuck D, and I'd kind of hope that it would hit Lou Reed. Yeah, I'd hope that it hit Lou Reed". [Bandmates laugh.]

Why? "I definitely wouldn't want it to hit Chuck D, and I think that Johnny Cash has suffered enough pain in his life--I don't think he needs a cymbal in his face. But I think it could only boost Lou Reed's image to be a martyr."

Interview by Hannah Levin

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