Matt Ford
Matt is acting in Poisonous Toy Theater's Stormy Weather at On the Boards, 100 W Roy St, running Thursday through Sunday at 7:30 p.m.

Do you spend much time outdoors? "Yeah, I work on a golf course. I'm greenskeeper."

What does that entail? "Taking care of the course, basically. Changing the pins, setting the course up every day--this time of year there's not much to do, especially in the Northwest, because it's so rainy. But the beauty of it is we still get a paycheck, so we just make stuff up."

What do you make up? "Well, you gotta find something to keep yourself busy--real simple stuff, like painting ballwashers, sanding benches. It's not rocket science. But I get free golf. That's the best part about it."

How's your handicap? "It's pretty good, it's getting better--I would say I'm about 11."

What the hell is a handicap? "Well, it basically... there's par for a course, right? However many shots you hit over par, on a consistent basis, that's your handicap."

Do you golf in all kinds of weather? "If you can putt on the greens, I'll golf. We golf in the rain just as long as there's not standing water on the greens."

Is there a special kind of macho to golfing in the rain? "No, not really--I guess there's a little bit. But at the same time, being able to golf on a course with nobody out there, and it's your course--that's a golfer's paradise."

I hear you're moving to L.A. "That's true. I think I'll be working at the Bel Air golf course when I get down there. My boss is going to hook me up. In fact, that's one of the major reasons I'm moving to L.A. instead of New York, is to golf."

Has golf led you to any profound philosophy of life? "Oh yeah. It's a metaphor, that's for sure. You gotta sink the putt."

That's it? "You gotta sink the putt?" "You gotta sink the putt."

What does that mean, exactly? "When opportunity arises, you gotta sink the putt."


Interview by Bret Fetzer, who is using this interview to promote his own work, the bastard.