Think again. While I'm running around your campaign office, I'm busy as hell--spying for my real candidate. You think I volunteer to stay late because I'm into this loser? What a laugh on you gullible liberals. Being there after hours just makes it easier to get what I'm really after--dirt on "our guy"--so I can use it against him in the general.
But don't worry. No one's going to work harder than me to make sure "our guy" makes it through the primary. That way my Republican candidate, my real candidate, can kick your liberal ass in November.
--Anonymous
Before I joined the Kerry camp, I was a dyed-in-the-wool, hardcore Deaniac. Still am, in fact. Sure, I'm willing to do anything it takes to get Bush out of office, but does that mean I support that tepid, pseudo-liberal faker you call a presidential candidate? Not a chance. In fact, after Dean went down in Iowa, a crew of us Deaniacs went on a drunken, late-night field trip through Kerry territory in Wallingford. We pissed on every Kerry sign we could and finally just started knocking them down. Now, when I see that stupid picture of Kerry you guys put up in the office, I laugh and think about peeing all over it. I may wear T-shirts and buttons swearing my eternal devotion to Bush Lite, but that sure as hell doesn't mean I'm starry-eyed like you.
--Anonymous
While you, dedicated wife, were managing the phone-bankers at the other end of the hallway to raise dough for your hubby, the lecherous asshole--also known as Mr. Family Values--was trying to score a little on-the-side action with yours truly, a highly placed campaign aide, not to mention every gal in the office under 35. A bunch of us "girls" got so tired of him asking us to sit on his fat lap and trying to steal smooches when you're not around, we decided to let you in on the secret. Next time you show up unexpectedly, might I suggest a little surprise visit to your loving hubby's office? You might be surprised who you find sharing his company.
