sources? Nigga, please. I cite such things hardly ever. Don't pretend you care.
Scarlett Johansson, for instance, whom I've never heard of, was recently seen "cavorting" in some sexyish manner with Jared Leto, whom I've definitely heard of, making me really wish I was her, who-ever the hell she is; while, somewhere else almost entirely, Britney Spears barely escaped with her chain-smoking legs in two pieces after an alleged almost-attack by a voracious pop tart-eating shark--making me really wonder why God or whoever didn't gift sharks with better aim, or was it all Britney's hacking that scared the poor thing off? Really. And I didn't hear any of this anywhere, so please let's drop the subject.
"Wait, I'm confused. So Leslie Miller (who scares the hell out of me every time I am dumb enough to watch Fox News) has no ears? Or is this some inside joke? How did you find this out?"--Zorah
Sorry, Zorah. Can't talk. Devastated.
Courtney Love, who is freaknasty, allegedly stripped down to a blue thong, spread herself out like a sluttish liver, and languished all over the backstage of some show called The View, allegedly in a dizzy ploy to get some kind of rise out of Usher, who is sexy. And sings R&B occasionally. And was apparently backstage at this The View also, although not languishing per se. Usher, utterly unmoved, asked simply, "Where are your clothes, baby?"
Adorable.
At the exact same time, Matt Damon or someone very much like him was seen following the dark, rich aroma of delicious coffee toward Bauhaus Books & Coffee on Pine Street. "Sarah," the person who recognized Matt (or thinks she did), stopped dead in her tracks, gaped, took note of herself, and thought something like, "Fuck, I'm a dork. I just flirted with a movie star who thought I knew who he was," possibly indicating that she will flirt with anyone, whether she knows he's a movie star or not. "Yet, I'm still not a huge fan of Matt Damon," she concludes, ignoring the immutable fact that a billion bobbing blowjobbers wish they were the fuck you. Her. Whatever.
We conclude with this report from "my eyes in Vancouver, BC," where I hear they make movies sometimes: "Long story short: This movie that I'm currently working on is called The Deal and it stars Christian Slater, Selma Blair, Robert Loggia, and Angie Harmon (she's really nice)! We did a scene in which Christian has to answer questions from a panel of senators. Jay Inslee played the chief of the Senate Oversight Committee...." and that's where he lost me.
