Various bastard lawyers have informed me that Michael Moore has been endorsing Oprah for president since some silly little book of his that I've never read premiered last October. I began my own personally inspired Oprah presidential endorsements last December. Indeed, this does not convince me that he didn't rip my ass off somehow. Clever, clever bastard, Moore. He made Charlton Heston cry. He scares Kmart. He can do anything.
Subversive and possibly time-traveling über-lefties: We all think alike. Thank Christ or whoever we don't look alike.
Which reminds me somehow: Oprah is getting the United Nations Global Leadership Award for building schools in South Africa out of AIDS babies and new backpacks or something. No shit. And what were allegedly Michael Moore and I just saying again? Exactly.
Oh. And don't read this: "Dear Adrian, read your column--love it. I was in REI downtown and who walks by but Robin Williams. He was in biking gear. I said, "I'm sorry, I just have to say hello." He signed "Ride On" and his name on my new bike. Just a genuinely nice guy. He made my day! Thanks."--Robin (not Williams)
Dear Robin (not Williams), stupendous! You're welcome! Love your column too! Vote Kerry or whomever!
The name Brandon Martinez tinkles the nariest bells in the minds of most everyone. That's why it's advisable to visit www.bravotv.com/Blow_Out/Bios/Brandon.shtml before experiencing our next report involving this alleged Brandon Martinez, an alleged booze-addled freak-out at Chapel on Pine Street, two alleged gay boys, copious apathetic police, spurious accusations of alleged indiscreet sorts of intravenous drugging, naked Asian alleged waitresses, a cab, the urgent need to pee, much hollering, and a hateful fusillade of projectile noogies. Allegedly.
Oh, and you knew that Robin Williams was in Seattle to perform his sparkling solo show at the Showbox and not simply to autograph shiny new bicycles, yes? And that he donated the proceeds to the West Seattle Food Bank? And that he said something like, "Iraq wants to write their own constitution--take ours, we're not using it!"? And that his very favorite word in the entire universe is "pussy"? I thought so.
Sad and lastly: It's been reported that Elizabeth Taylor has been stricken by Alzheimer's and some other sort of clinical senility. "She'll go rambling on, then stop in mid-sentence because she's forgotten what she was saying," a grief-stricken witness reports. I know exactly how she feels. The witness, too.
Vote Liz.
Fresh! New! Perplexing! www.AdrianRyan.com! Soon! This is not an endorsement.
