Han Solo, Mike Myers, Imminent Doom

I'm distracted. I admit it. It's the political climate: ominously Bushy with an advancing religio-fascist cold front. And although I'm often rumored to be a mite high strung, every time a floorboard creeks, my heart jumps like an Anne Frank jitterbug, and that damn "And Then They Came for Me" poem keeps chanting in my head. This certainly isn't natural. Usually.

But suffer no illusions: Conservative religious freaks are out for my excessively queer blood. Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson, who apparently haven't just fucking died yet, have come right out and said that Bush's ostensible "reelection" is the terrible moment they've plotted and schemed and prayed meanly for all these years--that through Bush and his policies they shall wield sufficient misguided Christpower to grab the country by the unchaste nuts and force it in the direction of their tight-assed, colorless, theocratic, non-wet dreams, and trust me just this once: this isn't a salubrious situation.

Hold me. And let's talk about Mike Myers.

"Adrian--I saw Mike Myers in the Pine Street Starbucks across from Nordstrom. I said, 'Hello,' and asked him how his night was he said, 'Good, thanks,' and that was that."--Nathan

Nathan--Please see him somewhere else next time, as Starbucks is a fucking virus and Nordstrom a scary corporate monster. --Thanks, Adrian

What I don't get is why America has such trouble recognizing a villain. The villain is the most obvious character in all of mankind's myths and stories. Forget history: From birth to grave we sit before Mother TV and Daddy Film Screen like hypnotized bunnies, absorbing the ways and means of villainies through every movie, sitcom, and soap opera plot, and we should all be able to smell corruption, dark schemes, and manipulative war-lies from 50 paces. And yet still, Bush sits in office. It's a mystery.

"Adrian--I was downtown when I noticed a gentleman in a nice black outfit with gray hair. I plotzed. It was my idol from my childhood... Harrison Ford. I got a wink and a nod. I found out later that he was in town to meet with Starbucks bigwigs."--SeanT9

Dear SeanT9--Again with the Starbucks? Is this a joke? A setup? Are those foamy bitches playing me for free promotional mentions again? Don't fuck with me. I'm edgy. --Adrian

Lastly: Our girl Old Widow Cobain just pled not guilty to a shitload of spanking new malfeasance, but isn't fooling anybody. Bush, however, is fooling most of America. A mystery, I tell you.