Yes, I said drugged-out snatch-ass. Do you hear me? Snatch-ass!
"Dear Adrian, My band, DragStrip Riot, was in Vancouver BC and a friend of mine spotted Jon Heder (Napoleon from Napoleon Dynamite) dressed in hipster threads. He did not want to be noticed and asked that my friend keep it quiet. --Knuck"
Dear Knuck: Did you notice how HUNG that little weirdo is? Check out the scenes in Napoleon Dynamite when he's wearing those retarded, tie-dyed drawstring pants and clearly no underwear. Egads! He's got more swing than baseball season! --Adrian
Before departing all things drugged out and assy: If you remember Billy Idol, which you don't, and if you indulge in illicit drugging of any sort, which you do, you will be thrilled to hear that Billy has definitively confirmed that chemical addiction is fabulous for one's figure. "Drugs'll kill you as well, but you'll have a thin corpse… I can't jiggle a ton of fat around; it's embarrassing," the skinny old corpse recently said in some magazine interview. Why any magazine anywhere would want to interview Billy Idol anymore is almost beyond human comprehension, and should only be dwelled upon when really, really high.
Next: "Dear Adrian, I stopped in that hat store near Third Avenue, and sitting very quietly in a chair was a blonde spiky-haired dude wearing dark shades and a scarf. It was Rod Stewart watching me try on hats! I smiled and gave a friendly wave. He nodded, and in a husky voice and unmistakable accent said, 'Hello!' --Bones"
Dear Bones: You're right--Rod Stewart does look like a fat Billy Idol. He should hit a few lines or something. --Adrian
Lastly: I've never, under any circumstances, fixated upon Napoleon Dynamite's gigantic penis. Any contradictory information regarding the subject is a lie started by Whitney Houston to destroy me. Snatch-ass!
Send! adrian@adrianryan.com