Dammit! I told you she was going to be here! O, God forgive me! I tried to tell you!
So, anyway, I called up my good friend Frenchie Davis, who is, of course, the ex-American Idol finalist from a few seasons back who was dismissed rather rudely by puritanical producers when her lingeried largesse was discovered decorating the flickering e-pages of an online fetish site, and I asked her what she thought of the chunky little puddin' pot (Scott something-something) who's on the show now and who didn't get tossed even after his domestic-violence arrest and subsequent conviction on a lesser charge were just discovered, and she said, "Who the hell is this? Why do you keep calling me?"
And I never, ever watch American fucking Idol.
"Dear Adrian--Tommy Lee was having a Tupperware party at Wasabi Bistro. Group toast, 'Let's hope all our ups and downs are on a bed.' --HMF"
Dear HMF--A Tupperware party? Good heavens. I never realized fresh hot-dog buns were so important to Tommy Lee. Good for him. --Adrian
And while we're still not speaking of American Idol, it might also not be worth noting that Ryan Seacrest just sued a whole gaggle of fags for producing American Pornstar, the predictable and inevitable hardcore gay porn knockoff of the show, which includes a faux, if decidedly less faggy, version of Ms. Seacrest. Ryan Seacrest suing fags is, of course, redundant somehow.
"Adrian--While idling away my Sunday afternoon at high tea at the Sorrento Hotel, I spied none other than the scourge to the Seattle prepubescent set, Mary Kay Letourneau. She and her now-shaving boy toy/husband, Vili Fualaau, snuggled in the Fireside Room. --Typhooie"
Dear Typhooie--My, that's a funny name! Typhooie! It's like you're French, and you mock ze typhoon. TYPHOOIE!
Oh. And speaking of redundant somehow: Courtney Love has been cast to play Linda Lovelace in an upcoming biopic of said late porn star, who, in turn, once played "Deep Throat" in a certain filthy movie of the same name. "This is the role I was born to play: I've been rehearsing for it my whole life," Courtney didn't say, but should have.