Wretched and terrible evidence has emerged. This evidence seems to suggest that despite the wagging finger of justice, dramatic custody disputes, and in-patient status, Courtney Love has managed to indulge in at least one or two of her druggy and ever-so trademark shenanigans. This is according to the great big drug test she just failed, failed, FAILED. This new information clearly indicates, much to everyone's mutual horror, that the Drugs MIGHT NOT (dear GOD!) keep one skinny. Everyone is encouraged to embrace the rich non-fullness of bulimia immediately, and to proceed with massive vomiting forthwith. Good luck.
"Dear Adrian, MTV was seen filming its new reality dating show at Mama's Mexican Kitchen in Belltown. Two brothers double date—one gay and one straight. Whatever. The crew was hot though. You may call me, Scoopster."
I'm sorry; I couldn't possibly call ANYONE "Scoopster." (Egads.) You are instead "The Scooperstar." Now, THAT'S Adrian, baby!
Julia Roberts just did a music video for Dave Matthews. This is the first time she's worked since she burst forth with child. For those who have forgotten, Julia Roberts is the old-school prototype of Angelina Jolie, and she has, until this most recent development, been wandering lost in the mists of time. Me? I like the upgrade.
In more upgrades: I'm not sure who exactly Tom Sizemore is, but he was just diagnosed with "priapism," and I'm planning to hunt him down and lick his neck like a psychedelic toad until I catch it.
The Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell and their renowned Lovechild who isn't Kate Hudson (who sees ghosts!) have all moved to Vancouver, BC, and are apparently Canadian part-time now, which greatly devalues their dollar.
In other part-time living: Hilary Swank and her penis (Chad Lowe) just bought a gigantic mansion with a pool and a view and a view of a pool on the rough and daring cliffs just south of Bellingham. The Oscar-winning fish and her beard have already been spotted by local Bellinghammers, shopping for those little cheese and cracker things that you spread on with little red plastic sticks and not really having sex—and the mostly anonymous person who leaked this information promised me great personal tragedy should I reveal her identity. Gladys Thompson, Gladys Thompson.
"Dear Adrian, Robin Williams was looking for "vacation" property in Bellingham. Big deal." —EX
Dear EX: This is all because I just bought a summer house in Bellingham, isn't it? Fucking poseurs.