Michael Jackson walks abroad. The Thing of Pop has recently been spotted in London. While some deeply misguided fucktards trailed behind the so-called star in joyful celebration of his excessively aberrant freakishness, most people in England just turned off the lights and pretended not to be home, like when the Nazis bombed.

In less creepy: "All I can offer you is some Ketamine or a FUCK," Boy George supposedly once said to someone who propositioned him for the so-called weed, and his bon mot seems extra superpeculiar now that the police have allegedly seized 10 gazillion tons of cocaine or whatever from Boy's über-androgynous and apparently excessively cocaine-rich New York dwelling. The only obvious conclusion is that Boy George is really, really stingy with his coke, and that he lies about having K. Which explains a lot.I think.

Marilyn Manson is planning to launch his own fragrance. If he launches it at you, shield your eyes with your sleeves and try not to get any in your mouth.

In somehow still faggier things: perverse rumors about a particular and strapping young rapper have blossomed since the moment he first rapped his first strapping rap. The most delicious of these rumors has recently bubbled forth, being that a specific member of his road crew is assigned to yank lucky and adorable young men from his audiences each night and drag them backstage to engage in possibly mutual oral satisfaction with said strapping rapper. (So to speak.) If the chosen chicken proves skittish or fails to produce, road-crew members are required to put out for the star themselves. For more information on careers as a road-crew member, dial 1-800-I-Like-Whiteboys. Or send resume and pictures of your penis to adrian@thestranger.com. Hurry!

In really realer queens: The Princess of Norway paid a rare and relatively royal visit to our frigid little berg to do a live reading at the Central Library of some children's book she apparently authored. Then she left.

In other news: Norway seems to have royalty.

In unrelated news: Eminem spends $750,000 dollars a year on moisturizers and spray-on tans. Indeed.

Lastly: Tommy Lee was tragically hospitalized after a pyrotechnics stunt went horribly wrong. Tommy's penis was fortunately uninjured, and is planning to take this opportunity to break out on its own and pursue a solo career.

Send!: adrian@thestranger.com