Not all famous people are beautiful. Heck, some are downright freaky-looking. This shouldn't be too surprising I guess, since celebrities are gleaned from the general population, and the general population is pretty darn hard to look at. For instance, do you think Adam Arkin is sexy? You know-middle-aged dude, plays Dr. Shutt on Chicago Hope. Jamie Lee Curtis' boyfriend in Halloween H20? Well, I DO NOT think he's sexy, no siree Bob! But he sure seems to steam some people's corn.

I was on Queen Anne today and I saw ADAM ARKIN wander out of Caffe Ladro. He looked sort of confused as he walked to the corner, looked around, and went back into the cafe. He emerged moments later with a cigarette, and stood at the corner smoking. He wore beige, and he wore it well. I decided not to approach him. I was afraid that instead of saying, "Hi Mr. Arkin; I am a fan of your work," I would end up saying, "Hello Mr. Arkin! Would you mind if I took off my panties?"

Well, okay. I guess if he were standing in front of me in a towel, steamy fresh out of the shower, and he wanted me to dry his back, I wouldn't say "no," but that's NOT because he's sexy! I'm just freaky that way. But I would definitely make him brush his teeth first. Smokers: YUCK!

I was at the Baltic Room and noticed an older gentleman in a red backpack, who came over and stood right in front me on the stairs. I said to my friend, "That guy looks just like David Byrne--but he wouldn't be dressed like that!" He turned around, looked me straight in the eye, and walked out! It was David Byrne, wearing a red backpack. He took off alone, down Pine, like a goofy Euro tourist.

David Byrne isn't sexy either. Goofy Euro tourists, however....

I just saw SHIRLEY JONES! She was on Pike walking in front of the Adidas store, with a tall, gawky, redheaded teen. She was decked out in a lilac jogging suit and fanny pack, plus big old Mom-style sunglasses.

Now, that's the ticket! When you wanna talk pure, raw seck-shu-al POWER, you talk Shirley Jones! Who hasn't dreamed of getting all freaky on Shirley's fine little melon ass? Or being caught slam in the middle of a Shirley Jones/Barry Williams sandwich? Mmmhmmm! HEY! Wait a minute! I am thinking of a Florence Henderson/Barry Williams sandwich! Shirley Jones isn't hot! Sheesh! What the heck am I talking about? But, you know... I'd probably do her anyway, if she were steamy fresh out of the shower. I'm just freaky that way.