I know what you're thinking. "Gee whiz! Adrian said a few weeks back that the best celebrity story would win priceless Stranger prizes--but I'll bet the big silly forgot all about it!" Right? Well you couldn't be more wrong if you were all the reviewers who said A.I. was a good movie! (That towering pile of crap has ruined the rest of my life, I swear. Haley Joel Osment should sue Spielberg--after this, he won't be able to get a job in Czechoslovakian porn.) You can all rest assured that The Adrian is keeping a very close eye on each and every submission, and that some lucky schmoe (or schmoette) will soon be showered with unspecified glory! So, be patient and keep digging!This week I got a letter from Casey, a fresh young college student at the U-Dub. Casey, who has committed a sizable portion of his young life to being the biggest Dave Matthews fan EVER, was fishing for information. "I thought you may be able to clue me in as to the best places to run into Dave," he says. "You are probably pissed off at me for asking (you must get thousands of teeny-boppers bugging you with the same question), but if you have any advice I would owe you big-time." Owe me "big-time," huh? Well! Far be it from me to turn down such an enticing offer (especially one that is open to so many deliciously broad interpretations!) from a college boy! Yes, Casey, I know where you can find Mr. Matthews. It may take a little patience and perseverance, but if you follow my advice, it's bound to pay off. So take out your #2 pencil and write this down!

To spot the elusive Dave M., do this: wait six months (it'll fly by, I swear), then start stalking the maternity ward. Why? Because, Dave and Ashley Matthews are (drum roll, please!) PREGNANT! And not with just one greedy little fetus either, but TWINS! My informant assures me that the couple is thrilled to bits at the idea of having two Davey Juniors scampering about, and that Dave is a lot skinnier in person. Let me be the first to wish the Matthews family the best of luck! And Casey, I'll be calling in that favor....

Finally, in the creepiest celebrity encounter to date, "Mtaylor" had the misfortune of crossing paths with (scary music please!) the Frugal Gourmet! Seems the alleged boy-groper has taken time out from writing himself fan letters under assumed names to his own website (it is SO obvious!) to go wheeling (yes, in a wheelchair) around the Paramount Theatre "Mtaylor" had a disturbing moment, but luckily escaped the encounter ungroped.

celebisawu@thestranger.com